How to tell a man that he is wrong: 7 useful tips from psychologists
None of us are perfect.
Men think they are always right, but they also make mistakes. Some people admit this more easily, others cannot come to terms with it, but you need to be able to point out when your man is wrong correctly. This way you will not only maintain the relationship, but also improve it by showing your respect. This is a very important stage in the development of any woman. After all, any lady in any relationship will have to learn how to correctly point out what is wrong to her man. How often a man can be wrong and for what reason is a different question. First you need to learn to accept this and accept the possibility of irreversibility of the situation. In a word, you need experience, without which you can’t go anywhere.
Tip one: stay calm, don’t provoke
At all stages of negotiations, you need not to raise your voice or try to put pressure on the man. The vast majority of people in the world believe that women are the source of emotions and incontinence, impulsiveness, but in fact, men are. When you show your negativity, they immediately automatically begin to go against you. Defending their honor, they defend the right to be the strongest in their house.
Your calmness will not provoke him if he himself is a normal person, understanding and sensitive. If he maintains this calm, then there will be no conflict. Always start and continue the conversation at a standard pace. You will see how effective this is already in the first days of your communication. Micro-problems always occur, so almost immediately you will have a chance to test this in practice. Men can't control themselves and shouldn't. It is a wrong stereotype when people think that a man should always remain calm. Yes, this is partly true, but not only a man, but also a woman should be able to not give way to emotions.
Tip two: use supporting phrases
We are talking about those phrases that evoke respect from the interlocutor. Say that you understand your loved one's position. This is useful to do not only at the very beginning of a problematic dialogue, but also in its midst. Psychologists who study people’s communication skills advise doing this. When you say that you understand a man’s anger or his indignation, his position, he calms down. This will be useful to do at work and in business. These are all subtleties of psychology that are very useful to know.
Another supporting phrase: “I know why you’re angry.” Use it when the situation is already starting to heat up. It is very important for a person, and in this case your husband or man, to know that you understand why he is indignant. You can come up with such phrases yourself - there are a great many varieties of them. The basis of everything is your diplomacy and understanding.
Tip three: move closer to your loved one
Physical contact during an argument or during a difficult situation will help you stop being nervous and moving away from your man. Psychologists say that this is an extremely important point that should never be missed. If you swear while at some distance, then you seem to be moving away. If you come closer, the conflict will immediately stop developing, at least.
It's also worth noting your posture. You should not cross your arms - pull them towards the man or keep them open. These are also subtleties of psychology that all girls and women, without exception, should adopt. If you do everything correctly, then no man will talk to you in a raised voice.
Tip four: think first, speak later
Usually most people do the opposite because their interests are hurt. Together with the very first advice about calmness, thoughtful decisions and words will only bring you happiness. For a split second, you should think about what your words could provoke, what they could mean for your man.
Tip five: avoid reproaches
Offer solutions to problems rather than discussing their causes. Absolutely all people react to reproaches incredibly aggressively. At first, maybe everything will be okay. But someday your man will explode from reproaches addressed to him.
He immediately becomes hostile towards you, and it makes no difference whether you use our other advice or not. If you reproach him in an open position with a kind face, it will infuriate him many times more. If you are already embarking on the path of positivity and pacifism, then you should do this on all fronts.
Tip six: no clichés, stereotypes
Stereotypical phrases like “you don’t respect me”, “that’s all you need”, “all of you guys are the same” are explosive. Not only may a man doubt your mental abilities, but he may also feel that you are trying to manipulate him.
Particularly intelligent representatives of the stronger sex will immediately understand that you have nothing to say, that you just want to push him to the wall and force him to do what you need. Others simply won't understand your message. Strictly speaking, these phrases only work against you in the long run.
Tip seven: don’t defend your point of view, but try to understand the man
It will not be possible to impose or prove something to another person if he is not in the mood for dialogue. When people yell at each other or argue, they both stick to their guns. If you try to understand the person, the likelihood of having an adequate conversation will be much higher. Try not to cross the line beyond which your dialogue becomes like an argument. It is very important.
Phrases you shouldn't say to a man
In addition to topics that drive men crazy, there are phrases that some ladies constantly use in their speech. If you don't want to remain an old maid, you can follow their example. But if you want to share your life with a man, even if not the most ideal one, never, under any circumstances, utter the following phrases:
- “And I told you!” - these words will only lower a man’s self-esteem to a critical level, and a woman should not “nag,” but support her hero.
- “It’s all your fault!” - such reproaches will definitely not cause feelings of guilt in your partner. In unpleasant situations, both are usually to blame, which means it is better to resolve them together.
- “You are not a man (a rag, a woman, etc.)” - such words may become the last in your relationship: no self-respecting man would allow his self-esteem to be insulted in such a way.
- “Mom said it right...” - this phrase will create the effect of the presence of a third party in your relationship and will completely destroy it.
- “I could have earned more!” - such words not only hit a man’s pride, they can lead to your man starting to drink out of despair and you will lose him.
- “But my ex...” - constant comparison with someone, and even with an ex, will not create strong relationships: no one likes comparisons, and not in their favor.
- “Do you remember what date today is?” - this question, which has already become anecdotal, will infuriate even the calmest partner. Well, he doesn’t remember: he’s not as sentimental as you, he doesn’t remember when you met, when you first kissed or had sex for the first time. For men, today is more important, so make it as memorable as possible!
How to explain to a guy that he is wrong.
Before you start a conversation, ask yourself what you will achieve by pointing out his mistake. If the situation is trivial, then perhaps you shouldn’t focus on it at all.
Never do this in public. If you want to point out that the guy is wrong here and now, then take him aside and do it in private. To do this, you need to choose the right moment. If you decide to discuss the problem later, when you have the opportunity to talk privately, then for a successful dialogue, try to start it in a neutral tone.
Maintain a neutral tone throughout the conversation. Even if you are emotional and think that you are doing the right thing, remain calm by pointing out to the guy that he is doing the wrong thing.
Before you start talking about his mistake, you need to carefully study the situation that has arisen and be completely confident that you are right.
Build a dialogue in your head in advance about what he can answer in his defense, and prepare a list of answers to his arguments. Then you will have a better chance of being more convincing, and the guy will have no reason not to trust you.
Don't forget to listen to your partner's point of view. Think about why the guy thinks his opinion is correct. This will allow you to be convinced that his opinion is wrong, to realize that he is right, or to gain a more complete understanding of the reasons why he acted this way. This will help you explain to him exactly where he is wrong.
Start by discussing the act itself, and not the character and behavioral characteristics of your interlocutor. Try not to make him doubt your mental abilities and personal qualities. Otherwise, it will cause a negative reaction and there will be no chance of tuning into a constructive dialogue. If you focus on the guy’s specific action, it will be easier for him to admit his mistake. After all, his self-esteem will remain intact.
Don't start generalizing and comparing your partner with other people you know. Point to a specific situation. Explain how it should actually be in your opinion. Your partner will insist on pointing out his mistake without providing any alternative to correct it.
Speak as calmly as possible. Start from afar, gradually leading to the point. Don't start with attacks. This will provoke retaliatory aggression, after which the guy will categorically refuse to accept your point of view.
Don't get angry or nervous. If it was not possible to discuss calmly, then simply leave if the person does not take into account the arguments you presented. And remember that your partner can be convinced that he is right just as much as you are.
Source of the article: https://zen.yandex.ru/media/id/5de3d8cfec575b00b19acdfe/kak-obiasnit-parniu-chto-on-ne-prav-5de66ee0df944400b256ec55
Speech
To begin with, I propose to speculate on the topic of external manifestation. It will be impossible to prove to your husband that he is wrong with a long, incomprehensible speech. Often men lose the thread of the conversation already in the second lengthy sentence.
Therefore, try to speak briefly. The shorter the better. Short phrases are easier to perceive and easier to understand than long ones filled with different words of the same content.
Your speech should be clear and understandable. You can leave all the hints and half-hints, equivocations and games of verbiage for another occasion. In a showdown with your husband, simplicity and conciseness are important. The more direct and accessible your speech is, the more success you will achieve.
Don't use too many questions. “Do you know what your problem is?”, “Do you understand why I’m angry?” and so on. It’s better to use affirmative phrases: I’m angry because you don’t listen to me; I am upset by your frequent absence from home; The problem is that you don't take out the trash.
We'll talk about how to proceed later. Now you need to understand that speech should be short, clear, transparent.
Husbands listen to those wives who can quickly and clearly explain what their problem is.
The article “How to become cunning and wise” will be extremely useful for you.
How to behave during a dispute
So, after listening to all kinds of advice, you need to go on the offensive. However, if you are interested in the question of how to explain to him that he is wrong, this does not mean that you are right. Maybe you are the one who needs to listen to his words. If you are sure that you are right, remember that the offensive should take place quietly, without scandals or breaking dishes. Try to calmly explain to your husband that he is wrong. Give arguments to support your words. If the conversation doesn't work out and you feel like you're starting to boil, it's better to end the argument. You can count to 20, take a deep breath - sometimes this helps calm your nerves. If this method does not help you, there is another way out.
Rule No. 6. Leave details aside.
There is no need to tell your guy how often you go for hair removal, get Botox injections, or consult a cosmetologist. Let's leave health and hygiene issues for very private conversations. The less you know the better you sleep.
And please remember the rule: less unnecessary information. Don't torment your man with unnecessary details. Leave stories about your great aunt's long journey to marriage for your friends and don't overwhelm your unhappy boyfriend with stories of your uncle's best friend's college wanderings. Gossip, hours-long stories about the fate of girlfriends and distant relatives are not what your man wants to listen to. He is interested in his woman, and not in the hundreds of thousands of girlfriends around her. Take it as an axiom.
Silence is not a sign of consent
Some women, in order to achieve results, declare a boycott. Many men cannot stand the silence of their beloved and agree with her. Others, on the contrary, are only glad that she is finally silent. Therefore, if you see that your silence does not lead to the desired result, you urgently need to change tactics. Sit down at the negotiating table. Give your husband the opportunity to speak out, listen to his opinion. Then you can express your point of view. Speak only to the point, do not move on to other topics.
Remember, if your husband nevertheless accepted your point of view and admitted that he was wrong, do not trumpet this to everyone you meet. It will be unpleasant for your husband to find out that you humiliate him and tell everyone that he does everything as you say. Next time he will not take your side and will bend his stick to the end.
Also try to pass off your idea as his. After all, it doesn’t matter who came up with a way out of a difficult situation, the main thing is that you were able to resolve the dispute and maintain good relationships in the family.
Every married couple faces controversial issues. The husband has his own point of view, and the wife has the opposite. A smart wife asks the question: how to explain to him that he is wrong? To preserve the family idyll, there is no need to shout and create scandals. Try to resolve everything peacefully. You can enlist the support of authority. For example, my husband's parents or his brother. However, this must be done carefully. After all, your husband may be angry that you wash dirty linen in public.
Any dispute must be resolved calmly. Then your husband will appreciate it, your relationship will become stronger, and there will be fewer controversial situations.
Source of the article: https://fb.ru/article/146066/sovetyi-mudryih-jenschin-kak-emu-obyyasnit-chto-on-ne-prav
Rule No. 2. Don’t be smart, especially if you don’t understand the topic.
There is no need to behave arrogantly and turn up your nose when communicating with men. In general, you should not consider yourself better or more interesting than others, regardless of their gender. It looks especially comical when a girl doesn’t really understand something, but argues about it with foam at the mouth and with the air of Anatoly Wasserman. Obviously a failed tactic.
Young men also don’t really like it when a girl persistently tries to discuss with them some topic in which the man himself is not very strong. Especially when the man made it clear that it is not worth discussing this further, but the girl does not stop and presses. A young man should feel great, and girls, without really realizing it, can sometimes put their boyfriend in an awkward position.
By the way, regarding the awkward situation: you don’t need to ask a man how much he earns. Especially if a woman earns more and wants to emphasize this in every possible way. This additional knowledge will not help anyone, you will not be praised for it once again, it will only bring confusion to your already fragile relationships. Attention, question: why do you need unnecessary problems?
How to tell a man that he is wrong without running into negativity?
This has never happened before and here it is again. He forgot to take out the trash again, “accidentally” broke your favorite cup and was rude to your mother-in-law. You should not turn on the “teacher” mode and read him another lesson on the topic “How to be correct.” Stop for a second and read this article instead. I'm sure it will be useful for you.
Today we will talk about the following things:
- Why are we used to “educating” those around us, including men?
- How to correctly tell a man that he is wrong, so as not to run into negativity?
- What does the constant role of a critic in a relationship lead to?
Here we go? Buckle up and I'll take you on an exciting journey into the world of male psychology.
Rule No. 4. His family is his castle
Never speak negatively about your man’s friends and loved ones, especially his mother. Even if she has an objectively terrible sense of tact, style and tasteless borscht. You don’t need to tell your man that all his programmer friends are terrible bores. Please keep your opinions to yourself. They lived somehow before without you, and here they will also cope without your participation.
It is extremely sensitive to comment on your partner's appearance, especially if you feel that some adjustments need to be made. Remember how painfully you perceive criticism addressed to you. And a separate item is your companion’s hobby. If your boyfriend likes to solder or do artistic cutting with a jigsaw in his free time, no need to say that his hobby is useless. Believe me, he knows it himself. Don't piss the guy off for nothing.
Prove and re-educate: mission impossible
The first thing that is important to understand: I believe that this is a fundamentally incorrect formulation - to prove. It seems to the girl that “I’ll now prove it to him, I’ll convey a piece of information and something will change for him.” The light bulb in the brain will light up and the man will say: “I understand, I’m wrong.”
According to many women, after the list of sins is announced, a man will feel guilty, thinking: “I was wrong all along. I'm such a scoundrel." And what will he do next? To atone for this guilt, like an obedient boy. Will turn into “good” and convenient.
Where do the legs of these installations come from? Why does the girl think this? It's simple. This is how her parents behaved.
They proved to the girl that she was wrong, so that she would feel guilty, understand that she had done something wrong and become obedient.
- Katya, you turned the vase over again when you were playing hide and seek with Seryozha. You're so sloppy!
- What? Did you fall and tear your tights again? How long can you run? So what now, buy new ones...
In the post-Soviet space, we were brought up in a combination of “criticism - guilt - obedience”.
Rule No. 1. Exes are not a topic for discussion.
Dear girls, just believe that it will be much better for your family well-being if the topic of your exes remains unsolved. And please, let's avoid intimate details.
If you speak disrespectfully about your exes, then the current man may have several reasonable questions at once: “Why did you even date him if he is so bad? Will you talk about me like that too if we break up?” Or even worse: “What if your ex turned out to be right that he left you?”
If you start singing your ex-boyfriend's praises, this may raise the suspicion that you are still thinking about him. Remember how you feel when your boyfriend mentions his ex-girlfriend again. Remember the old saying: either good things about the dead or nothing? So, let’s introduce a new truth: about exes, nothing at all is better.
How to stop eating your brain and start living
You need to take a few steps back and give up the goal of proving something to someone. When the foundation of a house is bad, no matter what you build there, no matter how beautiful you build, everything will collapse. It’s the same here: no matter how hard you try to prove a man wrong, it won’t change the relationship.
You need to go back and figure out how you created such a relationship where you and a man became enemies. Understand why a man stopped seeing you as a woman. Just try to leave him alone and look inside yourself.
Start rewinding the tape of your relationship. When you return to point zero, you will probably see that there was happiness between you, the man was a superhero, and the sun was shining brighter. It is so?
Smart girl. Don't stop, oh even further, until the relationship with your partner. What happened to men in the past? With your first love, with your father? Think about your mother's relationship. You will most likely find a similar scenario in all respects. You will find system error.
This system failure is now in your hands. And if you continue to fight, you will pass on the same model of behavior to your children - to fight with the opposite sex. Or, there is another option - you will get rid of the goal of proving something to someone and focus on the task of becoming that cool woman who builds her life not through war, survival, but through self-confidence, healthy self-esteem.
Rule No. 5. Don't give hints
My favorite point, since I often sin with this myself. I love halftones and have always considered their use to be my strength. I’ll disappoint you: men don’t understand hints and don’t pick up on these undertones. Moreover, young people are unnerved by the lack of logic and expediency in the conversation. Ask specific questions rather than endlessly hinting that it would be nice if the Moon was conjunct Saturn retrograde that night.
Often girls want to be a mystery and are so successful at it that no one ever solves them. What the girl wanted to say, what she meant, is a mystery shrouded in darkness. It is also important to talk about what you want, and not about what you don’t want. Build your speech on creation, not on denial. Peace for everyone.
