Early sexual activity in psychology and sexopathology is considered deviant behavior (not the norm). What does early mean? That is, until the onset of full physiological and puberty: for girls - up to 15-16 years, and for boys - up to 16-17 years.
Doctors assure that early onset of sexual activity does not accelerate the development of adolescents, but, on the contrary, often causes undesirable consequences that extend into adulthood. According to statistics, the problems of 20% of couples suffering from infertility come precisely from the early onset of sexual activity by one of the partners or both.
What problems does early sexual activity lead to:
- Sexually transmitted infections that become chronic due to the fact that adolescents are embarrassed (afraid) and hide symptoms
- Slowing of growth and disruption of the formation of the teenage body due to the fact that sexual activity takes energy away from other areas
- Decline in school performance and general curiosity - for the same reason
- Problems in relationships with the opposite sex due to disappointment in the first partner, up to the inability to start a family
- Unwanted pregnancy. An abortion or the birth of a child is a severe shock for the female body, and especially for an immature teenage girl.
Teenagers are usually pushed to start having sex not by hormones, but by society - the information environment, communication with peers. At the same time, emotionally and psychologically they have not yet matured into a relationship. Girls are looking primarily for romance, courtship, and care. For boys, on the contrary, the process itself is important, and having received what they want, they move on to the next partners. On the other hand, boys often do not even have time to start the process due to overexcitement, and if failure causes ridicule from the girl, he, too, may have serious problems in the future.
According to doctors and psychologists, a person fully matures for sexual activity only at the age of 18-19.
How can a teenager cope with today's problems?
Imagine what it's like to grow up in the modern world: Your best friend got your nose pierced, you see a lot of tattoos in gym class, and your classmates talk about everything from hair styles to discussing homosexuality in Internet chat rooms. Think about changing hormone levels, the desire to protest, and pressure from peers - all of which happens in a child's daily life. It's not surprising that teenagers and those just entering adolescence can make mistakes that will affect the rest of their lives.
The world is changing so quickly that parents may not be aware of all the difficulties that await their children. You may be shocked and embarrassed that your child is completely unfamiliar with the world around him. By recognizing the daily pressures your child faces, you can teach him to make the right decisions. Do not isolate yourself from your child's reality out of fear or hostility.
Be informed about your child's activities.
- Stay in touch - know who your child's friends are and who their parents are. Know where and what your child does in his free time. This does not mean that you should interrogate or monitor your child. Instead, show interest and show that you care about your child.
- Remember, first of all you need to listen, listen and listen again. The best way to know what is bothering your child is to constantly communicate with him and listen carefully to his concerns. Avoid the 2Ps - patronizing and preaching.
- Support his or her interests. Ask questions about what interests the child and try to build on that. For example, if your daughter likes to draw, plan a visit to a museum to show her other forms of art.
- Do not panic. Don't make a big deal out of a mountain if your child wants to do something you don't agree with. For example, if your daughter wants to get a tattoo or wants to pierce her navel, this does not mean that she is taking drugs and sinking to the bottom of society. If a girl has good grades, good friends, is involved in social work and has a very busy schedule, then this means that she is just trying to express her individuality and wants to separate herself from her parents, trying to stand out among her peers, and the belly button ring is just one one of the ways to do this. No matter what, listen carefully and try to understand her point of view. Always say: “This is our problem. We are concerned because..."
- Look for compromise solutions. And although parents should set clear boundaries about what is acceptable for them, older children often rebel against parental restrictions and dictates. A belly button piercing may be one of the ways a child tries to test their existing limitations. As a compromise, you can offer your child an ear piercing or a temporary tattoo.
- Set clear limits on the internet and texting. Email, chat rooms, instant messengers, social websites, text messages - all of these can be used to taunt children or hurt their feelings. Most children have access to the Internet, which brings a whole new world into your home, including pornography, anger-mongering and intense advertising.
Tips for family members to use the Internet safely:
- Let the computer be in a publicly accessible place so that you can see what your child is doing online.
- Check your browsing history on your browser.
- Do not allow your child to use chat rooms. The child may not realize that he is communicating with an adult.
- Use filters to block access to certain websites.
- Talk to your child about the potential dangers of the Internet. Find out who is friends with your child online. Tell your child not to give out personal information online or to meet strangers on his contact list.
Marriage age and age of sexual consent
In the Russian Federation, according to Part 1 of Art. 13 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation, the age of marriage is 18 years (and the age of sexual consent is 16 years). If there are good reasons, the age of marriage can be reduced to 16 years, and in some regions of the Russian Federation - even to 14 years, for example, in the case of pregnancy of a minor, the birth of a child, a threat to the life of one of the parties, the absence of both parents from the person entering into marriage, etc. .
According to a VTsIOM survey (December 2020), premarital sexual relations are considered widespread (59%) and acceptable, not only for boys (66%), but also for girls (61%). However, not all young people perceive sexual freedom as a guide to action: 16% of girls aged 18 to 24 consider extramarital intimate relationships unacceptable , 37% are ready to have sex only with those young people with whom they plan to start a family. Young men's attitude towards sex is traditionally more superficial, but even among them, every third (32%) is ready to enter into intimate relationships only in the case of a serious relationship, and not with just anyone.
Early pregnancy statistics
The diagram shows pregnancies at the age of 15-19 years, per 1000 girls of this age in countries with reliable pregnancy statistics based on data for 2008-2011. (Russia - 2013).
According to 2013 data, in Russia 46 girls aged 15-19 per 1000 become pregnant every year. In fact, this means that one or two students in each school year, starting from the ninth grade, become pregnant every year.
The following chart shows the ratio of births and abortions during early pregnancy in different countries based on data for the same years.
Gave birth at 16 years old
Nizhny Novgorod resident Tatyana Falina became a mother for the first time at the age of 16. The pregnancy, of course, was unplanned, but neither the future husband Artyom nor the girl’s mother refused her help and love. Moreover, Tatyana decided to finish school, although the director of the educational institution, out of harm’s way, suggested that she leave quietly with a certificate.
“Physiologically, my pregnancy was difficult,” Tatyana recalls today. “But psychologically I felt good, because there were loving people nearby who were ready to support me. This is probably why my daughter was born healthy and calm. I remember feeling very happy, although there were enough everyday problems. Early motherhood did not change my life globally: I went to university and continued to communicate with friends. Two years later I even decided to have a second child. Today I am 38 and I adore my children. By the way, my classmate also became pregnant with me. Her parents insisted on an abortion. And then the girl drank herself to death..."
Tatyana says that she is not a supporter of early motherhood, but if this happened, then both the girl’s relatives and society should try to ensure that the situation has a happy ending.
Gave birth at 16 years old
Liliya Prokhorenkova became pregnant at the age of 16 from a 20-year-old guy after four months of dating. The future father did not try to escape responsibility and even volunteered to inform the girl’s parents about the pregnancy. The young mother studied at an art school, she had to switch to the correspondence department. “Thanks to my mother, I didn’t feel like I was missing out on my youth: I had the opportunity to go on a visit or take a walk with my husband. In addition, fears about lack of sleep due to the child did not come true - my daughter slept until 11 o’clock in the morning almost every day,” says Lilia. Lilia started working remotely soon after the birth of her child, and at 2 years old the baby was sent to a nursery, and she started a second job. “I have never regretted my decision: I really enjoy being a young mother, and now my husband and I are planning a second child,” Lilia shares.
She gave birth at the age of 15 in defiance of her mother
Alexandra Gladkovskaya gave birth at the age of 15, despite her mother’s insistence that she have an abortion. After the birth of a child, whose father the schoolgirl never named, the family’s life turned into a series of endless scandals. Two years later, the young grandmother decided that she knew better how to raise her grandson, kicked her daughter out of the apartment and began to seek deprivation of Alexandra’s parental rights. Later, the relatives reconciled, but whether their life became truly peaceful - history is silent.
Gave birth at 14 years old
A resident of the Nizhny Novgorod region, Natalya Knyazkova became a grandmother at the age of 29, thanks to her 14-year-old daughter Anastasia. Russia's youngest grandmother took guardianship of little Nikita to give her daughter and her 17-year-old boyfriend the opportunity to finish school.
Gave birth at the age of 14 from a teacher
The childhood of a schoolgirl from the Saratov region, Lyuba Bessudnova, ended in 2013. An exemplary student gave birth to a son at the age of 14. It turned out that the father of the child was Lyuba’s 24-year-old mathematics teacher, and he was married. The teacher for a long time denied his involvement in the girl’s pregnancy, so a DNA test was done that confirmed paternity. But even after this, the man did not admit his guilt. The court put an end to this story, finding the teacher guilty and sentencing him to 4 years in a penal colony. The grandmother, Lyuba’s mother, took care of raising the baby. The girl continued her education at school.
Gave birth at 12 years old
Veronika Ivanova from Yakutia was very proud of her adult boyfriend in front of her friends - 19-year-old Valery drove a 12-year-old girl in a car and bought gifts. As it turned out later, he was repeatedly convicted of drug trafficking, and was sentenced to 8 years for seducing a minor, Veronica. Meanwhile, sixth-grader Veronica, who had long hidden her situation from her parents and teachers, gave birth to a daughter. The child was taken in by her grandmother to give her daughter the opportunity to complete her education at night school.
Gave birth at age 11
Valentina Isaeva from Kapotnya near Moscow became a mother at the age of 11. She became pregnant by a 17-year-old migrant worker from Tajikistan, Habib Patakhonov. The young man rented a room in the apartment where Valya lived with her grandmother. When it became known that the third-grader was pregnant, a criminal case was opened against the guy, but the situation was resolved peacefully. The couple was allowed to start a family after the girl reached adulthood. In 2010, when Valentina turned 18, the young people got married, and three years later they had another son, Amir.
Valya worked as a cashier, and her husband worked as a storekeeper in a furniture warehouse. But alas, the story did not end there. In 2020, Valentina ran away from home due to constant beatings caused by her husband's jealousy. In September 2020, the couple announced that they were divorcing. Valya herself spoke about this on the “Let Them Talk” broadcast and stated that she already has another one.
Relationships between teenagers 14-15 years old
Relationships between teenagers are the first serious emotional experience for teenagers and a serious headache for their parents. Their children enter adulthood feeling like adults, but essentially remaining children.
The teenage period is complex in itself, without the vicissitudes of love. Adolescents develop self-image and self-esteem. The hormonal system develops. There are thoughts about the future profession, about choosing your path. Boys and girls clearly prefer the company of their peers to the company of their parents, so it is problematic for adults to reach their children and find a common language with teenage children without the help of a psychologist.
And against this stormy and turbulent background, SHE comes - first love.
Of course, many teenagers have fallen in love before: with a girlfriend or boyfriend in kindergarten, with a movie heroine or a literary character, with a famous hockey player or musician, with a counselor at a summer camp or with a high school student who is so proud and unapproachable. But all this pales in comparison to the first youthful relationship, the first love, whatever it may be: mutual or one-sided. This is the first adult experience of interaction with the opposite sex.
It is not possible to behave in a friendly manner with the object of tender feelings as before. Stiffness and awkwardness appear in behavior, since the awakened instinct makes everyone feel like a representative of their gender. The desire to please the chosen one comes to the fore, the art of shooting with the eyes is honed, the exchange of glances is given special significance, and the first touches are remembered for the rest of life. Many teenagers at this age keep diaries where they describe their love relationships and express feelings that are difficult to express.
Falling in love between a guy and a girl can also be platonic, but more often it is simply impossible for both to resist physical manifestation of feelings. In modern relationships between a guy and a girl, sex can happen at 15 or even 12 years old. The current level of informatization of society, of course, gives reason to hope that the basics of safe sex are known even in high school, but youthful impetuosity and inexperience in life can create serious problems in the form of the consequences of spontaneous sex.
Teenagers experience this overwhelming experience of encountering Chaos so acutely (and love, according to many theories, both psychological and mythological, originated precisely from Chaos) that in the absence of reciprocity with the chosen one they are ready to give up their lives.
And without the support of loving parents, it will be very difficult for teenagers to survive the time of formation in the sphere of personal, close relationships with the opposite sex.
What is required from parents during this period? Wisdom, patience, a great sense of tact and respect for the feelings of your growing children. Remember yourself at 14 years old, remember the heat of the soul, hope and disappointment when falling in love, remember the wonderful film “You Never Dreamed of It.” The feelings of teenagers are very fragile, and it is so easy to lead to tragedy through careless actions. Show your children love and understanding.
What is important for teenagers to understand? What is happening to you is a natural stage of growing up and one of the most beautiful periods of life. Later you will remember it with nostalgia and slight sadness. Everyone goes through a youth crisis, that’s how people are made. Be prudent, take care of yourself, try to control yourself and not perceive what is happening as a tragedy. Understand that your parents sincerely love you and are concerned about your safety. Show them some love. They are just people, just like you, they just grew up a long time ago.
If you find it difficult to cope with the crisis of 14-15 years, consult a psychologist. I am ready to help you wherever you are. I conduct consultations in the center of Moscow and via Skype. Communication is completely confidential and will remain between us. You can sign up for a consultation by phone or through the feedback form on the website.
