Reasons for removing a husband from raising children
There are many reasons for the father's non-participation in raising children.
The main ones:
- Dad works a lot and is so tired that he simply no longer has the strength to care for the children.
- Dad's upbringing was appropriate : his mother also raised him alone, while his father “brought money to the family.” Such an echo from the past is a very common reason, although it is fair to note that many men, on the contrary, try to make up for the lack of fatherly love in childhood in adulthood. Like, “everything will be different for my child.”
- Dad believes that he already “does too much for the family . And in general, washing diapers and rocking a child at night is a woman’s job. And the man must lead, guide and nod approvingly at his wife’s reports about the children’s successes.
- Dad is simply not allowed to take care of the child. This reason, unfortunately, is also very popular. Mom is so worried that “this clumsy parasite will again do everything wrong,” that she simply does not give her husband the opportunity to become a good father. The disgruntled father eventually gives up trying to break through his wife’s “armor” and... withdraws himself. Over time, the habit of observing from the side turns into a normal state, and when the wife suddenly angrily exclaims “you’re not helping me at all!”, the man simply cannot understand why he is being reprimanded.
- Dad waits for the child to grow up. Well, how can you communicate with this creature who can’t kick a ball yet, or watch football together, or even express his desires? When he grows up, then... wow! And fishing, and hiking, and driving a car. In the meantime... In the meantime, it’s not even clear how to hold it in your hands so as not to break it.
- Dad is still a child himself. Moreover, no matter how old he is. Some remain capricious children until old age. Well, he is not yet mature enough to raise a child. Perhaps in 5-10 years this dad will look at his child with completely different eyes.
What to do if the husband does not play with the child?
For a long time, the stronger sex has been trying to shift all the worries of raising children onto our women's shoulders. Raising, caring for, and developing a child are all our responsibilities.
How we wish our husbands would help us with at least something! The simplest thing is for the husband to play with the child, that is, to occupy him with something. But here, too, disputes often arise.
My husband, coming home from work, tries to quickly sit down at the computer or TV. household chores all day (cooking, cleaning, washing, caring for the baby) does not have the opportunity to simply devote a small amount of time to herself.
If before your husband did not show any desire to play with the child, then the site sympaty.net will tell you how to make the man want it himself.
Intensifying father's participation in raising a child - 8 cunning moves
Dad should be involved in raising the baby during pregnancy. Then, after the birth of the baby, the mother will not have to complain to her friends about her fatigue, and growl at her husband about his lack of participation in the child’s life.
How to involve dad in this important process?
- It is strictly not recommended to remove dad from his responsibilities immediately after the maternity hospital . Yes, the baby is still too small, and the dad is clumsy. Yes, mom’s maternal instinct tells everything, but dad doesn’t have it. Yes, he doesn’t know how to wash diapers, and what jar from the shelf is needed to sprinkle talcum powder on the baby’s bottom. But! Dad has a paternal instinct, dad will learn everything if given the opportunity, and dad, although clumsy, is an old enough man not to harm his child.
- Do not demand your husband’s participation in raising the baby in an orderly tone. Involve your husband in this process gently, unobtrusively and with the wisdom and cunning inherent in a woman. “Darling, we have a problem here that only men can solve” or “Darling, help us with this game, we definitely need a 3rd player.” Possibilities - a carriage and a small cart. The main thing is to want it.
- Be smarter. Don't try to put yourself above your spouse in the family. This is dad - the head of the family. This means that dad decides which school to go to, what to eat for dinner, and which jacket his son will look most manly in. Give your spouse the opportunity to make his own decisions. You will not be left behind, and dad will be closer and closer to the child. Axiom: the more a man invests in his child (in every sense), the more he values him. Moreover, no one is stopping you from giving your husband the options for schools, dinners and jackets that you like. Compromise is a great strength.
- Trust your spouse. Let him accidentally tear the Velcro on diapers, stain the kitchen with vegetable puree, sing the child the “wrong” songs, put him to bed an hour later and draw inappropriate pictures with him. The main thing is that he participates in the child’s life, and the child enjoys it.
- Praise your spouse often. It is clear that this is his responsibility (like yours), but your kiss on the unshaven cheek and “thank you, darling” are his wings for new successes in communicating with the child. Tell your husband more often: “You are the best father in the world.”
- Ask your husband for help more often. Don’t put everything on yourself, otherwise you will have to carry it all on yourself later. Initially, involve your husband in the process. He bathes the child - you prepare dinner. He plays with the baby, you clean the apartment. Don’t forget about yourself: a woman still needs time to get herself in order. Constantly come up with urgent matters (not too long, do not abuse your spouse’s kindness) in order to leave your husband and child alone as often as possible - “oh, the milk is running out”, “Darling, the bread is out, I’ll run out quickly, at the same time I’ll buy your favorite gingerbread cookies”, “ oh, I urgently need to go to the bathroom,” “I’ll just put on my makeup and come straight to you.”
- Dad stubbornly avoids the upbringing process? Just no hysterics! First, calmly explain how important paternal upbringing is for the development of the child’s character and personality. And then gently and unobtrusively “slip” the child to dad for 5 minutes, 10, or half a day. The longer the father spends with the child, the faster he will understand how difficult it is for you, and the stronger his attachment to the child.
- Start a good family tradition - going to bed with dad. To daddy's fairy tales and with daddy's kiss. Over time, not only the child, but also the father will not be able to do without this ritual.
Oct 12, 2015tigress…s
The ex-husband does not fulfill his responsibilities in raising the child.
Many women after a divorce have a problem - how to get the father to pay child support? Men often forget about their responsibilities to their children. It is good that the legislation provides many ways to remind them of them.
By the way, you can demand alimony payments not only after a divorce, but also during your stay in a legal marriage. And also – outside of legal marriage. The so-called “common-law wife” can collect alimony from her husband if the fruit of their love is a common child. To do this, it is necessary to make an entry about the father in the child’s birth certificate or prove his paternity through the court. You can read more about this in the article “How to collect alimony from a common-law husband?”
And in this article we will look at what to do if the child’s father does not pay child support.
Find out the reasons for non-payment of alimony
Of course, in order to decide which way to go, a woman should understand the reason for non-payment.
It’s one thing if the ex-husband wants, but at the moment cannot pay alimony. Everyone has a “dark streak” in life: illness, dismissal from work, housing problems, etc. In this case, it is advisable to peacefully negotiate with him to find out the reasons for non-payment and try to explain how his financial support is needed for the common child. It will be useful to tell him what exactly the money is needed for, for example:
for health improvement;
better nutrition;
to visit the pool;
to participate in sports dance competitions.
Maybe in a few months the father will be able to improve his life, solve financial problems and voluntarily pay off the arrears of child support.
If the husband does not pay alimony due to revenge, irresponsibility or selfishness, heart-to-heart conversations with a person who is used to caring exclusively about himself is unlikely to help defend his legal rights and achieve payments. Then more drastic measures will have to be taken.
Try to negotiate a voluntary payment of alimony
In cases where the father is aware of his responsibility for the material well-being of the children and agrees to bear it, an agreement can be reached with him. The easiest and most reliable way is to enter into an alimony agreement. The document, drawn up by the parents and certified by a notary, will specify all issues related to child support:
size;
method of accrual and transfer of money;
deadlines;
grounds for termination of payments, etc.
And you don’t have to worry that the alimony agreement will not be fulfilled. Since it is equivalent to a writ of execution, in case of non-payment with this document you can contact the bailiff for forced execution.
Yes, it can be difficult to negotiate an agreement with your father, seek help from a lawyer and visit a notary, reach an agreement and set out mutual obligations in detail in writing. But there is a chance to get the father to voluntarily fulfill child support.
It is much more difficult to collect documents and file a claim in court, attend meetings and sort things out, demand legal payments and be content with a percentage of a meager official salary, and only if the bailiffs work conscientiously. Although, some women have no choice but to go to court.
Go to court
To find out which court to go to, read the article “How and where to apply for alimony after a divorce?” For information about what documents need to be prepared to go to court, read the article “Documents for collecting alimony”
The current legislation provides for two options for judicial proceedings:
simplified (mandatory);
ordinary (claim) - by filing a statement of claim in court.
Order and claim proceedings
Simplified (mandatory) proceedings provide for the court to consider the application and case materials by a single judge, without summoning the parties to the court hearing. This procedure is possible if the place of work and the amount of income of the child’s father is known. Based on the results of consideration of the mother's application, a court order is issued to collect alimony. Compared to lawsuit proceedings, which involve summoning the plaintiff and defendant to a meeting to clarify the circumstances, the case is considered much faster.
Legal proceedings are resorted to in the following cases:
you need to determine the method for calculating alimony (we’ll talk about this below);
and also if there is a need to collect arrears of alimony.
If you have to go to court with a claim, it is worth enlisting the support of a professional lawyer who will help you quickly prepare all the necessary documents and undertake representation in court.
Methods for calculating alimony
When going to court, it is advisable to think in advance about the methods of calculating alimony:
as a share of income;
in a fixed amount;
or in mixed form.
In practice, the most common method of calculating alimony is as a share of the ex-husband’s income:
25% of income - one child;
33% - two children;
50% - for three children or more.
If his earnings are irregular, if he does not work officially, the court may determine monthly payments in a fixed amount of money, or choose a mixed payment system.
In each specific case, the judge decides on the amount of alimony based on the circumstances of the case:
material opportunities;
marital status of the father and mother of the children;
children's needs.
The total amount of alimony payments can reach 70% of the father’s income (the extreme threshold), but most often up to 50% of the income.
What to do if the child's father continues to not pay child support
Many mothers think that after concluding an agreement or making a court decision to pay alimony, the husband will finally start paying money. But sometimes everything remains the same - he does not fulfill his obligations. What to do?
You can contact the bailiff service after:
execution of a notarized agreement;
receiving a court order;
making a court decision to collect alimony and issuing a writ of execution...
Each of these documents is the basis for opening enforcement proceedings.
Read about how the bailiff service works after receiving a writ of execution in the article “Alimony and the bailiff service.”
The easiest way to collect alimony is if the payer is officially employed. In this case, deductions from wages are made by the company’s accounting department, and the mother of the children receives the amount due monthly. You can read more about this in the article “Salary alimony.”
But even if the husband is not officially employed, alimony can be obtained. How? Read the article “Alimony from the unemployed.”
If the father continues to evade paying child support, the bailiff is obliged to establish unofficial sources of income, as well as identify the bank accounts and property of the payer. In a word, take measures to pay the amount due to the child. The article “What is the penalty for non-payment of alimony” sets out in detail what penalties are taken against the debtor.
If untimely or incomplete payment of alimony occurs due to the bailiff’s failure to fulfill his duties, his inaction can be appealed to the senior bailiff or prosecutor by writing a corresponding statement.
