What to do if life is not happy? Very useful exercise

What are you spending your life on?

10 things you will regret in 10 years

At first, you laugh at people who give up everything, abruptly leave work, buy a motorcycle, have young girlfriends, choose extreme sports, go to the sea, become surfers, meditate among monks, just get drunk or have a blast. But then it hits you too, when you get tired of living, routine smothers you in its arms, and hopelessness gives rise to despair. You start to think that changing everything isn't such a bad idea. What to do if you're just tired of living?

Adult life sometimes seems like a punishment, when you are sad more often than you are happy. You try to be humble, fight for small goals, flounder and pretend to live. But in my soul there is a hole the size of the universe.

Nikola Topic, Unsplash

Are you stuck in negative thoughts?

Inner dialogue can have a huge impact on your life. As Henry Ford said: “Whether you think you will succeed or that you will fail, you are right.”

If you constantly tell yourself that you're not smart enough to get promoted or start your own business, you won't be. If you repeat that you are too tired to try to change anything, nothing will happen.

What we tell ourselves becomes our reality.

Monitor your internal dialogue. And you will notice that life begins to adapt to your thoughts.

Stop living a life you don't like!

You probably regularly meet people who are unhappy with their lives. This could be dissatisfaction with relationships, work, neighbors, place of residence - anything. It's amazing how tolerant we can be of things that don't make us happy or improve our lives.

If you ask these dissatisfied people why they stay in relationships they are not happy with; why they work where they are not valued; or why they don't just move to another city (different housing), you will most likely get the same answer: "That's easier said than done."

But this is not an excuse that allows us to continue living a life that is not ours, it is a belief system.

People who believe that they deserve the best life for themselves somehow do not allow this statement to push them into thinking that they themselves are not doing anything about it. Going to the gym is easier said than done. Going for a morning run is easier said than done. Every good thing in this life does require effort, but that doesn't mean you should settle for a lesser quality life because of it.

However, if this statement is a belief system, then the good news is that the belief system can always be changed.

When we believe that we deserve our own peace of mind, no obstacle can stop us from achieving it.

When we believe that we deserve a healthy relationship, nothing can stop us from having one.

When we believe that we deserve to be appreciated, we do not accept jobs where we are overlooked and ignored.

We deserve exactly what we are worth. We deserve to not settle for something mediocre. We are born with our own value as individuals, but we do not automatically increase it as we age. We multiply it with the help of the good we have done or any of our own achievements and progress.

So stop living a life you don't like!

Stop dating a person who does not bring you a feeling of happiness and flight. Leave a job where you feel uncomfortable and unpleasant. Remove toxic friends from your life who are not happy about your successes and can trip you up at any moment. Stop living where you don't feel safe, calm and confident. Stop leading a life in which there is no progress, only stagnation and routine.

Of course, this is easier said than done, but you won't wait for someone to make your actions easier for you. You will never wake up one fine morning and see that everything around you has become much simpler, as if in the blink of a magic wand. And if you allow this belief system to rule your life, you will spend all your years living a dull and boring existence.

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You spend money on unnecessary things

There is a big difference between “need” and “want”, but in today’s consumer society this line is very blurred. Some have completely forgotten how to distinguish it - for example, they buy the latest models of gadgets when they don’t have enough for a mortgage.

But if you think about it, a person doesn’t need so much - first of all, food, a roof over his head and love.

So take a look at your spending and see what you can change. Surely there are purchases that you can refuse, and the freed up money can be used to improve your future.

Adult life in which you are tired of living

All people are happy until they understand adulthood. As a child, it seemed that an incredible, interesting, rich and happy future awaited me. You believed in the most wonderful dreams and big goals. But it turned out that it only seemed so. Adult life turned out to be less brilliant, less successful, less interesting and less happy.

Gradually the smile became less and less wide, and then disappeared completely. You lose faith in the future and yourself. At this point, you begin to think that you are just having a midlife crisis, but this is not much consolation. You begin to believe that life is not very good and that you are a failure or worthless. On the other hand, you're not so bad when you have a job and a life that some people envy.

But then where does such sadness come from? I don’t want anything and I’m just tired of living. You have found yourself in a dead end from which it is completely unclear how to get out. What to do? Let's go to great lengths, but what to do with responsibility? Try something new, but what exactly? Where to go if there are no prospects in sight, the competition is fierce and nothing good is expected? There are always fewer answers than questions.

Your third place in life. Where do you spend your time outside of home and work?

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How to change your life for the better? Psychology of causes and analysis using the “Pyramid of Logical Levels”

So, you wanted to change your life for the better and achieve or achieve something. At what level of the pyramid does this desire live? It is at the level of “beliefs and values.” What level do you live at? At the “environment” level. It would seem that what is strange, dangerous or bad about this?

Nothing, except that these levels live in different “speed modes”. A desire, a dream, a new goal can appear in a split second. This is a virtual level and changes on it can occur at any speed, including very quickly. But at the level of your environment, any changes, except catastrophic ones, occur much more slowly.

Let's look at a simple example.

This example's name is Vasya. He is a normal representative of office plankton, a regular on social networks, beer bars and a fan of computer games. Every day in the morning he looks at himself in the mirror.

And at some point, with irritation, he notes that it looks like a product that is far from being fresh. He decides to take care of himself a little and change. After some googling, Vasya makes a courageous decision to take the path of self-development and take up running.

We, of course, are happy for Vasya. However, before we rejoice, we can look at Vasily’s surroundings and his daily actions.

Vasenka lives in a metropolis. The nearest stadium with running tracks is 8 kilometers from his home. The nearest park is 15 kilometers away.

Vasya spends an hour and a half on the road to his office one way. It works from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Starting on Friday evening, Vasya and his friends go to bars and clubs.

So much for Vasya's disposition. Do you think Vasya will be able to run for any long time? In my opinion it is unlikely...

Why?

Because where he lives, how he lives, with whom he communicates and what he does does not in any way support this new endeavor. At the level of thoughts, it took Vasya one hour to go from being dissatisfied with himself to making the decision to run. Vasya read a couple of success stories on the Internet and was inspired. It seemed to him that the path to the goal was simple, step-by-step and direct (I already wrote about this illusion in the article “Why losers love success stories”?). In order to implement this decision, it will take much more time and effort, since it is necessary to radically change habits, context and environment.

Inspired by the idea of ​​​​transforming “from a schmuck to a macho,” Vasya does not think about the upcoming difficulties. But they don’t get away with it. And the Oblomingo bird very soon touches him with its lilac wing. Disappointed Vasily returns to his usual way of life.

Requests for help Write your story What should a person do if he is not happy with anything in this life? Not gender, not appearance, not height, not communication, not money, not work, not even the date of your birthday. Let’s start first with my gender, which generally doesn’t suit me very much, and I’m a guy, but everything about me has a feminine character, my gait, my laughter, and even my conversation is so feminine! And now I’m thinking why exactly did this happen to me? I myself do not deny this, but I would still like to have this operation. But I understand that my family and friends may abandon me! And I don’t know what to do in this situation. I'm afraid to tell my parents so that they don't think I'm sick! And I am strongly drawn to women's hobbies including manicure, makeup, pedicure, etc. I don’t have a girlfriend, few friends, I’m doing poorly in college because most people bully me, but I can’t answer because I’m too calm with my short stature, and they’re tall and selfish. And I constantly find myself in this situation. I don’t do anything bad to anyone in my life, I always help people but rarely refuse. That is, they just like to use me because I am too kind a person! Now I lead a sedentary lifestyle, I eat little because I often lose my appetite! Because I want to get out of this world as quickly as possible. Very sad at heart! I constantly think about suicide. Since there is no point in living for me... Support the site:

Andrey, age: 18 / 09/13/2020

Responses:

Hello Andrey! Choose a profession where your kindness will be useful. Kindness is now a value, a rarity. Maybe it’s medicine, can you imagine with what love nurse Andrei brings people out of the other world in the burn department. Think about where to apply such talent. Gender change, the very idea, I think, is from the evil one. Looks like Thomas is a complete unbeliever. It’s as if girls who don’t like to wash dishes and clean the apartment, and there are many of them, would also start thinking about changing their gender. Many men are more knowledgeable about fashion, beauty, haircuts, etc. compared to ladies. My friend’s mother drove a truck and repaired engines all her life, everyone has different callings. Let's not take the path of least resistance and let's not indulge our weaknesses, laziness, and inaction. Find your calling. And don’t even think about telling anyone your thoughts. There are sick people on our land, they will desecrate you and you will crawl out of the swamp. Andrey, go in for sports, follow the example of Suvorov, strengthen your spirit to repel all ghouls. Ask the Lord to protect you from your enemies. Be sure to take up physical exercise, it develops willpower and teaches you to overcome difficulties. Strength, kindness, health, wisdom and joy to you.

Larisa, age: 52 / 09/14/2020

Hello. It is important to accept yourself and develop, learn, find your place in life. I like creative professions - you can complete courses and work as a hairdresser, arrange flower bouquets, photography - you can become a master of your craft. And why suicide? After all, life is given once. And the most important thing is not height or money, not appearance or date of birth, but the fact that you can walk, talk, hear, see, feel, have food, water, a roof over your head, family, friends, you are literate, you are young . I wish you success!

Irina, age: 32 / 09/14/2020

Hello Andrei! As for gender reassignment surgery, medicine has not advanced enough to make you a full-fledged woman, but you will no longer be a full-fledged man, and there will be no turning back, and besides, it’s not cheap. As for helping other people - of course you need to help, but it must come from the heart - you see that a person is feeling bad, imagine yourself in his place, your heart begins to ache for him and you help. And if you feel that you are being taken advantage of, then you are afraid to refuse. In general, it is better for you to consult a psychotherapist. To gain self-confidence, you can engage in some kind of wrestling - at the same time, you will have an appetite. And also turn to God - the Lord will help you find the meaning of life!

Mikhail, age: 51 / 09/14/2020

Hello Andrei. You don't need to do any surgery. Be who God created you to be. What you have imagined for yourself does not coincide with God's plan for your life. If the plan was to make you a girl, then believe me, you would have been born one. But since you were still born a man, this is not a mistake. If you are attracted to women's hobbies, then that's great. You can get a job in some beauty salon and bring women a lot of positive emotions. At the same time, you will find a girl for yourself. After all, what girl would refuse her own stylist? Moreover, you have a positive character trait - kindness. This is now very rare. Well, I strongly don’t recommend quitting your life. Life is God’s gift and by rejecting it, you automatically lose God’s mercy and acquire eternal suffering. As Odessa residents say - Do you need it? Live in peace with God and enjoy life. Even if you endure bullying from your peers, then “make” yourself a successful person. So that it would be a lesson to your enemies. Learn to appreciate life, because you have only one and will not have a spare one. Good luck to you.

Ivan, age: 54 / 09/14/2020

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