What does it mean to understand a man?
Don't get me wrong: understand is not synonymous with the phrases “bow; to be influenced; tolerate what is foreign to you; carry out all orders." No . And most importantly, understanding does not mean losing your individuality. Our beloved men love us because we women can be multifaceted and interesting, smart and beautiful. And in marriage, one must under no circumstances lose one’s individuality (and not only in marriage).
And I in no way want to tell you that you should completely live your husband’s life, dissolving in it, like the famous heroine of Anton Pavlovich Chekhov’s story “Darling” - Olenka. Yes, she learned to understand the men in her life, but, unfortunately, she lost herself.
But a woman must find that line in order to remain an individual and make it clear to her husband that she wants to be not a passive listener in his life. If we chose this or that man, it means we found some qualities in him that we liked and, if we agree to live under the same roof with him, then we must respect and understand him. Why does a woman need a man whom she does not respect?
The guy doesn't understand or appreciate me at all
I am 21 years old. I have been in a relationship for 2 years with one guy who is 3 years older than me. When it all started, everything was fine... But the longer the relationship lasted, the worse it became: he began to reveal his character... He turned out to be just an insanely jealous owner, that is, I couldn’t even say hello to my classmates... You can say that he liked me jealous of every pillar... It started already in the second month, but I thought it was temporary, and I endured it...
Six months passed... I realized that this couldn’t go on any longer, and I broke up with him... He tried for 2-3 days to make everything work out, said “I love you”, but only in words, no actions followed... But I love him very much, I forgave him That’s it, I gave him one more chance... As it turned out later, at the moment of separation (within 2-3 days) he cheated on me with my best friend... I couldn’t get over it for a week... No matter how much I ate or slept, to be honest, there were so many tears... I felt so bad... But I got over it and forgave him for it... But I started communicating with others myself... And there was nothing except communication on social networks, nothing more, he knew everything, didn’t say anything, even though he was jealous strongly (it was 1-2 weeks)…
Then this jealousy began again... I stopped communicating, you could even say, I did everything he said... But we quarreled every day... He wasn’t happy with everything about me... When a year passed, I was so tired of this relationship, but because of love I couldn’t leave... I still hoped... And at every quarrel he said that he would change... But what got me was that during one quarrel he told me that I was not suitable for a serious relationship at all. He splashed out so much negativity and hatred, I didn’t expect... Honestly... Maybe he was right in some things, because my character is not so hot (but only in that I ask him for a lot of attention), but I didn’t even say a word to him spoke across...
And we parted for the second time... I met another person, but I didn’t even allow him to touch me, it all lasted only a week, then I returned back to my beloved, because he asked so much, said that he had already changed, I believed... In the end, 4 -5 months again, these quarrels continued every day... Every day I cried... And it turned out that in May and June I actually fought on two fronts... Such an absurd situation arose... I wanted to wish him sweet dreams, I called, and a girl answered... At first I thought that I was mistaken, I reconsidered who I was calling... When I was convinced, I asked who it was...
It turned out to be a girl 2 years older than me... And that they started dating on May 10th. At the time when we quarreled with him because of his stupidity - he did not allow me to go to my brother and sister abroad on vacation, he was jealous again... Although I wanted it so much... Then we decided that he would not do this again, he swore that everything would work out... I believed again, like a naive fool... I just love you very much (((But after 2 weeks it became clear that he didn’t even think about breaking up with her, he communicated with her in the same spirit: “I love you, honey, you’re mine the only one”... We broke up, but after 2 days we made up... And he seemed to stop communicating...
I don’t even know what to say... Tell me, can I trust him? Can you trust him? Should we forgive his betrayal and all these double relationships??? I just don’t know what to do... After all, I do everything for his sake... By the time he arrives, the table is already set: first course, second course, and dessert... I cook everything, everything he asks and wants... The house is always clean... I’m not so capricious anymore ... I don’t drag myself to the cinema, to restaurants... On the contrary, I just want active recreation - roller skating, swimming pool, park, jogging, fitness, etc... My figure is not exactly 90-60-90, I’m only missing a little in the chest... I keep myself in shape … I work and study…
The only thing I ask for is trust and understanding... I don’t want this jealousy... It even arises when I don’t answer him for 3-4 minutes, he already says “clear”, etc... I can’t even set the status in “Contact” somehow, he sees a catch in everything... Well, okay, I can still tolerate even this, but we don’t have an understanding... He doesn’t listen to me, he can’t listen, he always changes the subject. He doesn’t even really talk to me, doesn’t tell me anything... Why this is, I don’t know at all... I want to talk to him, to make sure that we understand and appreciate each other more, to make everything work out... I’m not going to yell at him, make him hysterical , I just want to listen to him, what’s the matter, find out what’s wrong with him... But he doesn’t talk, he hides everything... Even this can be corrected somehow over time, probably...
But here’s the worst thing... Over the past 2 years, I’ve been so tired of everything... I can’t just rest... I’m tired of coming home and crying, tired of worrying all the time... Lately I haven’t recovered from stress at all... I’m trying to explain this to him, but he says: “Are you unhappy with me? Well, thank you, I feel bad too when you cry, so sleep, don’t torture yourself”... These words don’t make me feel any better... He always walks away from everything... Even when I don’t sleep half the night, he goes to bed earlier, it already seems to me that he I don’t really care what’s going on with me... He always complains about his fatigue and tension, about his cold, I always support, help as much as I can... But he doesn’t notice this, along the way... He blames only me for every quarrel... He expresses my bad sides, some just he makes it up, but in the end he apologizes, says that he loves, doesn’t want to quarrel, doesn’t want to lose, that I deserve better... Sometimes I don’t understand at all what he wants... Help me understand... I just drove myself into a dead end...
Today we wanted to take a walk in the park, but he said that he wanted to go to “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”... We went... The movie was amazing... Then we decided where to go to eat, in the end he remembered about the rolls, I just said where to eat nearby, and we went there... But the establishment turned out to be not very good, or rather, the food was not very tasty... He didn’t like it very much, and he put a lot of pressure on me that he could have eaten normally a long time ago, not go anywhere, it would be better in “ McDonald's", and the amount came out a little more than he expected... And he also said a lot about this... As a result, my day was ruined... When they arrived, I tried to talk to him at home, to find out what was going on with him... I just asked question: “Dear, maybe something is wrong with you? Speak out, share, it will become easier...” He responded to this: “Ugh...”, got ready and went home... The whole day went wrong again... Just tears again... And these quarrels on the phone...
I don’t know what to do... Should I continue this relationship??? PLEASE ADVICE... I beg you.
What should you do to make your husband understand you?
- First, stop seeing problems in ways where they probably don't exist. Don't beat yourself up. If your man did not understand what you wanted to tell him, do not become hysterical and shout: “You don’t understand me!” Try to convey all the information to him again.
- The following situation is possible: you want to see surgical cleanliness at home. For this reason, when you come home from work in the evening, you begin to attack your husband for the reason that he has lined up a mountain of dirty cups and doesn’t even bother to wash them. But look at the situation from a different angle. After all, it was YOU, not him, who wanted purity. And if it’s so hard for you to support her, lower your demands, do what you can do.
- If you are worried that your husband does not understand you and does not support you in matters of proper nutrition, then know that YOU want to eat right, not him. It is not necessary to tell your loved one that you are going on a diet, but he should support you immediately. It's your decision and he has nothing to do with it.
- If your husband doesn't understand you when you want to discuss your girlfriends, he can be understood. He doesn't know them as well as you know them. Besides, it’s better that he has no desire to discuss your girlfriends than he starts to raise this topic first.
- Sometimes you want to indulge in romantic memories of a time before you were married. About your endless walks, about your sleepless nights together. But men do not like to live in the past and indulge in memories, even when they love a woman.
- One of the key points for your husband to begin to understand you is to learn to understand him. Do you always listen carefully to what he tells you? Do you always understand what he meant? Or perhaps your man himself is asking the question: “Why has my wife stopped understanding me?”
- There is no need to look for double meaning in his words. He said what he said. And if you think he meant something else, ask him directly about it. Then there will be no long-term torment with the thought: “What did he mean by this?”
- Be able to express your own thoughts and feelings. If you always do it correctly, over time, your man will do the same. Then it will become much easier for you to understand each other.
- Don't interrupt your husband when he tells you something. Perhaps in the subsequent monologue, he will develop the idea, and you will understand what you did not understand at the beginning.
Why does a husband stop understanding his wife?
There are actually not that many reasons. Of course, a lot depends on the specific situation and the person himself. But there are some common cases when a man stops understanding his woman.
- Man and woman are different creatures. They have completely different views on life. In addition, representatives of opposite sexes have different psychology. Therefore, a man may not actually understand what a woman is trying to tell him.
- The next reason is not as optimistic as the previous one. It is also possible that your man simply does not want to understand you anymore. He doesn't bother thinking, "What did she say and what does it mean?" It’s easier for him not to think about your words.
- It also happens that a woman tells her man about something not directly, but in hints. But men don't always understand hints. They must receive clear, clear information. Otherwise, she will get stuck along the way and will not reach an understanding.
- Another option why your husband doesn’t understand you is that it’s simply beneficial for him to pretend that he doesn’t understand you. When you say, for example, “What a cute baby in the stroller!”, he may understand what you mean, but then you will have to develop a topic that may be unpleasant to him. It's much easier to pretend that he doesn't understand what you're hinting at.
We have figured out the reasons why men do not understand their wives. Now let's think about what to do in such a situation. How can you make your husband understand you again?
