How to tell your wife that I love someone else?
Most of those who don’t know how to tell their wife about their mistress make mistakes that spill over into a female emotional explosion, which is additionally ensured not only by resentment, but also by the acquisition of phobias, fears of opening up again to a future partner, deprivation of hope for the future and other subconscious pressures. Believe it or not, you can hurt and “kill” a person’s spirit much more seriously with a word than with a deed or action. Note:
- Darling, I am leaving for my mistress because she is better than you, cooks better, understands me better, more often agrees with me and is several times better than you in bed! (This sentence talks about the long-term deception of the wife, comparing her with her mistress in everyday, spiritual and external aspects, which makes it easier for a woman to believe in the shortcomings and insignificance of her own existence than to seek attempts to assert herself, because a man leaves no chance.);
- I'm sorry, Olya, but I'm leaving, I fell in love with someone else, please don't be angry with me, don't be hysterical, I completely understand you, but I can't do anything with my feelings. (In this case, there are no negative messages towards the wife; she understands that the other is closer to the man’s heart. The consequences may be resentment, sadness, apathy and a short-term depressive state).
Since it to inform your wife about the divorce in the second case, during the dialogue that follows the confession, you should not respond to insults, humiliation and accusations of ingratitude - these words are out of resentment and hopelessness. Agree, the wife can’t fix anything, so let her speak out.
In certain cases, a spouse is able to hold back her loved one and not give consent to divorce; we have prepared material to help solve this problem. Read: The wife does not give a divorce. What to do?
Is it worth congratulating
Marat Basharov signed over the apartment to his ex-wife. There are many unwritten rules regarding communication with a former loved one. Each couple is a separate love story with its own unique sad ending. It is he who influences what kind of relationships will be built between former spouses. If people separated by mutual consent, then such an act indicates their adequate attitude to the problem. They just decided that it would be better for them. However, this does not mean that they cannot continue to communicate in a friendly manner.
We both know that loving me is not easy. I'm uncontrollable, I sleep little, I laugh it off all the time, and you know that I'm not known for good behavior. I took a lot of risks in our marriage because I was always a dreamer. I dragged you into my adventures, which turned into a complete nightmare for you. I have always been driven by my passions. My life is a room with dynamite in which I strike matches. But you always managed to smooth it all out with unique charm and charm. And as a result, we came to success, but I really regret that it always had a very hard impact on those I love.
Will the children be happier?
Conventionally, we divided the letter into two parts. Here's what Tina says in the first excerpt:
“You don’t need to be afraid of my appeal to you. I’m not going to read morals, strike a pose and teach how to treat a man whom I know better, having lived with him for many years. And also, my plans do not include establishing strict rules, much less putting forward conditions the fulfillment of which is necessary for his communication with children.
Not at all, first of all I just want to greet you. I believe that the changes that have occurred in the lives of all of us should make us think about how our relationships will continue to be built, even if they are not entirely ordinary.
From Tuesday in Moscow the air temperature is expected to be the same as in polar Naryan-Mar
I pickle cucumbers for my little ones without vinegar: it turns out very tasty - recipe
Gingerbread cookies with cartoon characters and patterns from a master from Hungary
And I see the reason for their establishment in children. After all, for them the father remains the father. But at the same time, I am also concerned about his new relationship with you. And here's the plan. Our sons will see him from a different side, unfamiliar to them. They will witness his happiness in his new relationship. They will see how he shines, how loudly and joyfully he laughs, they will hear how much charm appears in his voice. And since they love their dad and admire him, his happiness will make them even happier.”
How to tell your wife about divorce if you have a child? Advice from a psychologist.
Login to the site Nowadays, such a division has not received special attention, so the importance of using according to generally accepted standards is questioned. But that doesn't mean mixing isn't important. After all, when communicating with people who have great knowledge in the field of philology or linguistics, everyone can show their level of education in such a simple way. In any case, no one loses anything, since this knowledge will either be noted or simply not paid attention to.
Your favorite phrase is about how I screwed up 90% of relationships. At first I blamed myself. The blame was that it was all my fault. This is actually not true. I understand that it's easier this way. It's easier to find someone to blame outside of yourself. You always want to take the credit for success for yourself and give failure to others. But we're both to blame. I don’t know in what proportions. The problem is that we have lost ourselves. Those who live now are not us. And it's not a matter of age or experience.
You're the only one
4 Write with details. Your task is to remember and remind in a letter some detail that will evoke emotions in her: a general funny story, her phrase that you remember, your secret that remains only yours.
Something that will evoke pleasant memories in your wife, and a picture will appear in your wife’s head: how happy you were together, how she smiled, how she loves you. Let's be honest: we have the right to not be delighted with each other. But what I will definitely never do is confront you or even fight you through the children. And if we already have something accumulated in our souls, and something worth saying to each other appears, I suggest we do it without the presence of children. If you have to argue and quarrel, then it’s better to do it like adults, and even better: let’s not quarrel at all. There is no reason for this.
SMS to ex-wife
During your marriage, your wife at least deserved for you to explain yourself to her in person, and not act like a coward. Therefore, it is worth thinking through your entire conversation, possible questions and answers from the woman, preparing for your meeting, putting yourself in order, showing that you have changed. And then talk calmly. At the same time, keep in mind that there should be no humiliation or requests on your part. You shouldn’t ingratiate yourself at all, just calmly explain the situation, the motive for your action, apologize, say that now you definitely understand a lot and are ready to start all over again.
You must promise the woman that this will not happen again, but not just promise, but keep your promise. If you have no opportunity to see each other, you can write an SMS after a while, but do not ask for forgiveness, start the conversation with an abstract topic.
How does a relationship reset happen?
Step 1:
If there were a lot of quarrels between you, you humiliated yourself, insulted her, or bombarded her with messages, and she did not answer - after a few days, send only 1 short SMS. In it, apologize and say that you were not yourself, but it is already over.
For example: “Sorry, I said too much. It’s just that a lot of things piled up, besides our breakup, and my nerves gave way. Hope you're doing well, good luck."
Write as briefly as possible, without exclamation marks or big phrases. And especially don’t invite her to meet or remain friends. Your goal is to apologize for the rudeness (if there was any), and also to make it clear that you remain an adequate person and let her go. It’s good if you can refer to some other circumstances besides your breakup - don’t let him think that it was only your breakup that pissed you off so much.
Step 2:
Disappear from her horizons, don’t call or write, avoid even random meetings. Most often this is difficult. Emotions will boil inside you, and perhaps more than once you will want to find her or simply remind her of yourself. This happens especially often if you seek solace in alcohol (yes, “calling your exes” after an evening at the bar is typical for both men and women). Don't make these mistakes, get busy with a job or hobby, and if possible, go on a trip. Distance will help you stay out of her sight and resist the temptation to call.
Step 3:
After 3-4 weeks, you can send a short SMS, but only on business, without negativity or persuasion to return. But what should you write to your ex-girlfriend so that she doesn’t ignore you and respond? It’s best if it’s a question, but not the standard “How are you?”, but for some real reason. Moreover, you should think carefully about the reason - ideally, it should evoke pleasant memories in her. Well, or at least neutral.
For example: “Hello! Do you remember last year we went to the seaside, and there was a wild beach and a village nearby - please remind us what it was called? It’s necessary now, but it slipped my mind.”
"Hello! Do you still have the contact details of the technician who repaired our computer?
»
The reason should look believable and not arouse suspicion. Just don’t try to provoke jealousy in a girl by hinting that you’re already with someone else. Keep your tone friendly and neutral, as if you were talking to an old friend.
When she answers, thank her and casually ask how she lives, but just formulate the question correctly. There is no need to ask if she has met someone. And find out if she misses you too. Remember what things you had in common, what important events could happen in her life...
For example: “But you had an exam - how did you pass?”
“How is your mother’s health, has she recovered?”
“Is your faucet still leaking? I was recommended a specialist here, I can share his contacts.”
If we are talking not just about an ex-girlfriend, but about a wife, you should still have common affairs and problems. You can unobtrusively offer a solution to them, but in such a way that she does not think that you want to renew the relationship. In any case, your loved one will appreciate your care and attention. However, be careful: do not promise her any serious investments - for example, to pay or buy something (of course, if we are not talking about your common children).
These simple tips will help restore contact between you and start with a clean slate. Just don’t rush, don’t hint at renewing the relationship until she herself makes it clear that she wants it. And now that we have figured out what to write to your ex-girlfriend in SMS, let me remind you what not to write.
TOP 5 most terrible messages from an ex:
- Prayers and requests - all these “Let’s meet for at least 5 minutes”, “Just don’t hang up”, etc.
- Ultimatums - threats to commit suicide or poison her life will also not lead to anything good.
- Attempts to figure out the relationship - this includes the questions “Tell me, what’s wrong with me?”, “Why is he better than me?” etc.
- Insults - words expressed by you out of emotion can be remembered for a long time, and it will not be easy to erase them.
- Humiliating SMS - for example, “Who else needs you but me,” “You won’t find anyone else,” etc.
I ask you to join us
In the second part of the letter, Tina invites her husband’s new lover to raise their sons together.
“We believe that you will be good enough for us if you are good enough for my ex-husband. Of course, you may have your own shortcomings and oddities, but we don’t want you to change anything about yourself. Please be yourself!
Planting and caring for an oak tree in a garden plot: the swamp problem has been solved
100 years ago, small towns in the USA looked unusual: historical photos
Comet NEOWIS can be seen in the July sky with the naked eye
When you are ready for this, I ask you to join us, becoming part of a united front. You will meet the children often, and sometimes me. We will sit together at concerts, participate in games, attend school events. Even though my husband and I are divorced, this will be a great support for the children. There may be some awkwardness at first, but I think it will pass quickly.
At the same time, I want to assure you that our relationship with my ex-husband concerns exclusively our three growing sons. Now my role in his life is only the mother of his children.
I greet you carefully and respectfully,
Tina".
