My wife knew that I wouldn’t forgive her, but she still cheated

The reasons that pushed a woman to take this step are often of an emotional nature. But sometimes it happens that through infidelity a wife tries to save her marriage or believes that she is forced to do so. This may seem absurd: how can cheating on your wife help save your marriage? To understand this, let's try to understand all the circumstances.

Union of man and woman

Today it has become fashionable to say: any partnership is a kind of agreement, where everyone has the right to count on compliance with certain conditions. What can a man and a woman give each other, why do they team up as a couple?

Everyone on the verge of an important decision should consider the answer and decide what he expects from his partner. It has long been known: women and men are from different planets. And we all understand perfectly well who is from Venus and who is from Mars. And if so, then there are fundamental requirements of partners for each other so that the union is strong.

For a woman, the responsibility of the chosen one comes first. She needs to know that he will always take care of her and the children and will never leave her without support.

Loyalty to his other half is important for a man. He needs confidence: no matter what happens - a business trip, the army, scandals, quarrels - his wife will be devoted to him to the end.

When thinking about the answer to the question of whether it is worth forgiving your wife’s infidelity, you need to understand: the very basis of the agreement has been violated. The reinforced concrete rule that held the union together was not fulfilled.

Reasons for infidelity

There are many reasons for betrayal. The guy doesn’t always admit why he committed it. The following reasons can push a loved one into the arms of another woman:

• lack of regular or high-quality sex;
• masculine life partner;
• routine and monotony;
• the guy’s unpreparedness for a serious relationship and desire to hang out longer;
• lack of attention from a partner;
• unkempt girl;
• frequent scandals;
• long separation;
• girl in the image of a mother;
• constant bouts of jealousy.

READ Testing fidelity: effective methods of exposure
For men, quality sex and maximum pleasure during it are important. When a guy lacks this, there is a desire to find someone who is capable of more. A brave and confident girl who loves herself will help fill the gap. In addition to this, she listens to the desires of a man and takes the initiative herself.

Modern girls love to be independent. They build a career, earn a lot of money, reject help, keep everything under control. Men have these qualities. They need a feminine nature, for which they want to achieve success.

Monotony in relationships leads to melancholy and boredom. It is necessary to work on them, introduce variety. A girl can buy beautiful lingerie or invite a guy to have sex in a new place or at an unusual time.

Even if the girl is fun and interesting, she is the best, the guy will want to have a mistress. The reason for this is the desire to walk around and try more women.

A man loves to feel needed. He should come first. When he lacks attention, he starts quarrels. There is a desire to find a partner who will devote more time, affection, care and support to him.

It is difficult to maintain a relationship after a long separation. This happens when a guy leaves to work or goes to university in another city. Finding himself far from his beloved, he sees many temptations in the faces of the surrounding girls.

Some women really love to educate and re-educate men. This leads to scandals and betrayals. They are not attracted to the girl-mother, the desire to possess her disappears.

Jealousy indicates that the partner has low self-esteem and lacks self-confidence. You need to understand that since the guy chose her, it means that something attracted him to her. Groundless jealousy should not exist in a relationship.

Are men and women cheating on different things?

Everyone knows the Chinese parable, which can be quoted in full in the article:

“Once upon a time, a very educated lady at that time came to visit the great Chinese thinker Confucius and asked him a question:

- Tell me, Confucius, why when a woman has many lovers, she is subjected to public censure, and when a man has many women, this increases his social status and adds authority. Before answering, Confucius silently brewed tea and poured it into six cups.

“Tell me,” he asked her after that, “when one teapot pours tea leaves into six cups, is this normal?”

“Yes,” the woman answered.

- Here you see! “Confucius answered with a grin, “and when six teapots are poured into one cup at once, this is not only abnormal, but also disgusting and unnatural.”

The parable illustrates the fact that from ancient times only female infidelity was condemned. Why is this so? The answer to the question of whether it is worth forgiving your wife’s infidelity will depend on understanding this. To do this, let us dwell in more detail on its psychological component.

The nature of female infidelity

What guides a man when he goes to bed with someone else? Exclusively physiology. He is excited by a beautiful figure, an alluring look, and a woman’s emancipation. Can you imagine a married lady who jeopardizes her family life just because of her lover's butt or biceps? The reasons for female infidelity need to look for deeper roots. The emotional sphere is always affected here, real feelings arise.

It’s a paradox, but a mature wife whose experience in family life exceeds 10 years is often susceptible to seduction. This is due to the lack of passion and the loss of the romantic component in the intimate life of a married couple. A woman’s actions are devalued, and words suddenly come first. Compliments and open flirting from a stranger are taken at face value. The dream of being desired and loved often throws married women into the arms of pick-up artists, street hooligans and outright womanizers.

Men and women's infidelity

Everyone knows: a man is an owner. He is so constructed that he cannot help but be tormented by the question of why his wife’s lover is better than him. The realization that she slept with someone else is a real trauma for the male psyche. The spouse will always mentally return to the situation of betrayal and experience suffering every time.

A few years ago, a series was released where the main character’s wife cheated on him with a friend. What to do in such a situation? The woman soon realized that she was mistaken. She chose family and repented to her husband. But many years passed, and there was not a single day when our hero did not ask about the ill-fated Taras (that was the name of his once best friend).

In moments of intimacy, the man was tormented by suspicions that his wife was much better off in bed with Taras than with him. There was a loss of trust in the relationship, irritation and aggression appeared. What pushes women to risk marriage?

Should I forgive my wife's betrayal?

Now let's look at the arguments not related to love and attachment to family. There are also stories based on property and status issues. In such cases, you really want to file for divorce, but you understand what you might lose in the end.

If you do not live in a shared apartment, but in her own, and in the event of a divorce you will be left without housing, it would still be more advisable to forget and forgive the betrayal. No, this does not mean at all that you cannot prepare a care plan, prepare it, just think it over carefully if you do not want to put up with the adventures of your legal half.

As for cases where the owner of the apartment is the husband, you need to listen to your heart. Often, the “masters of life” find someone who subsequently appreciates his dignity, determination and masculinity. And the traitor “gets a boomerang on the head” when she cannot find such a man again. If you understand that you are able to forgive her for cheating, then we have good material on this subject: How to forgive your wife for cheating?

Typical reasons for cheating

There is a myth that only a young wife cheats. This is wrong. There is no age for adultery, but there are typical reasons to consider. Let's leave out the situations when initially the marriage was not created on the basis of love, and life together turned into torment for both. Cheating in this case only provoked a break, which was already inevitable.

It is not worth considering situations where a fateful meeting of two people destined for each other took place. We are talking about true love that a man and a woman are lucky enough to experience.

What pushes women who got married quite consciously to cheat?

• Lack of passion. It is quite possible that both of them still have feelings, they are quite happy with their life together, but their sex life has ceased to be attractive. So the woman decides to relive her former passion on the side.
• Inability to spend time alone. This applies to those whose husbands are away for a long time, and their wives do not have a job that would absorb all their free time. The woman begins to rush around and look for attention to her own person somewhere on the side.
• Very often, young wives simply did not have enough fun before marriage. Having married quite early, they connected their lives with their first men and did not imagine that they could find themselves in the arms of others. And fate, as luck would have it, connects them with an impressive handsome man who shows persistent interest. How can I resist here?

After betrayal

There is one more situation that we have not considered separately - this is female revenge for an insult, inattention or male betrayal. Even a mature wife is capable of this, but what are the consequences of such a step?

• Every woman experiences a feeling of guilt. She is her own judge, prosecutor, lawyer, and executioner. She is tormented by remorse, while she is trying to find an answer to the question: should she tell her husband or not? We will discuss this problem in the next section of the article.
• Often the consequence is family breakdown. Not every man is able to cope with his emotions and continue living together with the woman who cheated on him.
• The stronger half is not programmed for long-term worries, so the spouse may soon develop a new relationship, and this will complicate the situation if the couple has children.

Test: Should you forgive?

If you still can’t decide whether you should forgive the traitor or not, take the test. The honesty of the answers will affect the accuracy of the result, however, we do not insist on it, the decision is still yours.

1. Length of betrayal:

2. Assess your readiness to maintain the relationship:

3. Did he show himself with dignity before the betrayal?

4. Does he regret cheating?

5. How did you find out about the betrayal?

6. Is there criticism from loved ones regarding the fact of his betrayal?

7. How often did you notice lies on his part?

8. What kind of betrayal?

9. Do you want revenge?

10. Do you love him?

If you have any questions, write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!

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To confess or not

If the spouses have always had a close, trusting relationship, the woman is determined to be recognized. She thinks it will be better this way. Often the wife asks to forgive the betrayal, hoping for a positive outcome. Or he strives to share it with a close friend or relatives in order to alleviate suffering. Is this the right step?

The most important thing here is that hope for forgiveness can be a utopia. Men are not only owners. By nature, they are much less afraid of loneliness than women. Most of them do not accept betrayal and are not ready to forgive it.

When deciding to confess, you need to be prepared for any outcome, even separation. If you want to save your family, you need to analyze the situation and draw the right conclusions. You should not share it with your loved ones, so as not to provoke a situation where your spouse finds out about what happened from someone else’s mouth.

It is very important to forgive yourself and ask your spouse for forgiveness. But only in thoughts and always sincerely. Believers can go to church and repent before God. Only genuine repentance will guarantee that this will not happen again; this is the wife’s first and last betrayal.

Is it possible to forgive my husband's betrayal?

If you have had to deal with your husband’s betrayal, try to follow the advice of a psychologist to relieve mental pain:

• Don't be in splendid isolation. Meet as often as possible with friends, loved ones, relatives, and work colleagues. Talk to them about abstract topics; under no circumstances should you get hung up on your problem and withdraw into yourself,
• Try to pay special attention to sleep, because it is the best medicine. Overwork, which is associated with lack of sleep, can adversely affect your unstable emotional state,
• You should not try to take revenge on your spouse by suddenly throwing yourself into the arms of another man. A casual relationship will not bring comfort, but will only add negative emotions,
• Try to occupy all your free time: plunge headlong into work, remember a long-forgotten but beloved hobby, or find a new one. The less time you have left for negativity in your head, the sooner the healing process will begin,
• Try to move on with your life, because life is wonderful! Remember that this is not the last step, but just a stage through which you need to step in order to move on. There are a colossal variety of ways to make yourself truly happy, and this does not always require a man.

It is a pity that modern men have too often begun to step over women’s emotions and experiences without feeling guilty. All situations are extremely similar to each other, with the exception of small details.

Watch the video. Cheating: to forgive or not?

Causes

If, despite everything, you continue to love your spouse deeply, and he has no point in living without you, then forgiveness is the right decision. Apparently, at some point you lost contact. Naturally, you should not influence your husband through your children. Think about whether your feelings are alive, whether you are still close, kindred spirits. In this case, forgiveness is the best way out of the current situation.

If you cannot understand how to forgive betrayal by your spouse and move on, psychologists strongly recommend recalling in your memory all the good things that once happened between you. Many couples benefit from resuming the initial stages of a relationship: romance, kissing, dating. Try preparing a great dinner for your spouse with the same continuation. You will see that the situation will improve soon.

You can’t forgive: the majority opinion

Female infidelity is the end of a relationship. Many people think so, because they do not see prospects for the further development of a normal family union. Among the adherents of this point of view, the majority are men. Let's consider their arguments:

• With betrayal, the most important thing is violated - trust. A small amount of doubt will remain in the soul, which over time will carry out its destructive work. Resentments will accumulate, scandals will follow, and, finally, a psychological breakdown will occur.
• If a man forgives a woman’s betrayal, he must understand that he will fall in her own eyes. Because he will demonstrate his weakness as a male. Most representatives of the fair sex will not perceive this step as a manifestation of nobility. Subconsciously, they will begin to lose respect for their partner, which can develop into contempt.
• Women will not be able to draw the right conclusions after receiving forgiveness. The paradox is that psychological defense will work, and a revolution of consciousness will occur in their heads, which is often called magical. They will find excuses for themselves by blaming a third party for what happened. And more often - on the partner himself.
• The most dangerous consequence of forgiveness is receiving a kind of indulgence for further betrayal. With this step, the husband demonstrates that he is attached to his family and his beloved woman. Having realized this dependence of her soulmate, she will not fail to try her luck again.

Why does my wife cheat?

The most common reason for female infidelity is a lack of attention and warmth from her husband. Then she begins to pay attention to those around her. One gave a compliment, another treated her to a cup of coffee, and the third understood what the woman was missing and took advantage of the situation.

Unfortunately, in this case, a woman may perceive her lover’s attention as sincere sympathy and allow herself to fall in love with him. When the truth is revealed, she will be in great pain, the illusory world will collapse.

Another reason is coercion. It happens that the boss allows himself too much, and in order to force the woman to fulfill his wishes, he threatens with dismissal. Or the wife is dissatisfied with her husband’s salary, and the boss pays her extra in exchange for sexual pleasure. This is exactly the type of betrayal when a woman tries to protect her husband from financial problems.

The most dangerous cause of female infidelity for a marriage is the discrepancy between the spouses’ views on their relationship. For example, a wife constantly improves her skills, strives for more, wants to travel and develop. And it’s enough for the husband to spend the weekend on the couch with a bottle of beer without leaving the house. In this case, the woman will look for a future husband in her lover, to whom she can leave. And she doesn’t leave her husband so that she can return home if the new relationship doesn’t work out.

If the betrayal is revealed, then the husband will have to either forgive his wife and change for her sake, or let her go.

A less common type of infidelity is infidelity in the presence of your husband. As a rule, this happens when a married couple tries to diversify their sex life and invite a third party into their bed. Even if the idea originally belonged to the husband, the consequences can be sad. It is difficult to be sure in advance that even if everything goes smoothly, there will be no consequences.

On the one hand, this is not treason, but the fact that a man saw his wife being pleasured by another man can traumatize his psyche. He will constantly remember this, compare and try to get assurances from his wife that he is the best for her.

Self-deception?

Supporters of this version believe that only absolutely dependent individuals are capable of maintaining a relationship after a woman’s infidelity. People call them henpecked, because they practically have no opinion of their own. But these cases should be classified as clinical.

There are also rare exceptions when men are looking for an answer to the question of how to forgive their wife’s infidelity and save the family. But this comes from the realm of self-deception. The reasons for such a step lie either in the internal weakness of the partner or in excessive narcissism. The first one begins to feel sorry for the woman, children, relatives, not realizing that happiness is not built on this feeling. The second overestimates his importance in the eyes of his wife.

Expert commentary

What should those who are looking for an answer to the question of how to forgive their wife’s infidelity need to remember? The advice of a psychologist can be very useful in this situation, because the main postulate is: you should always make your own decision, without succumbing to the pressure of public opinion.

It is necessary to distinguish between two things: formed sexual preferences with an orientation toward polygamous relationships and reliance on family values. In the first option, the man has to decide whether such a scenario suits him.

Cheating in the second case indicates a deep crisis in the couple. It becomes a certain logical sequence of specific actions that lead to real drama. A person most often follows the path of least resistance. Instead of solving the problem with his partner, he is looking for a replacement.

If a man understands the motives of a woman’s behavior, if he is ready to share responsibility for what is happening, the marriage can be saved. But through the end of old relationships that have completely outlived their usefulness. The best decision is to end marital communication and continue, if desired, friendly contacts.

The couple will face the difficult task of creating a new relationship at a different quality level, where the mistakes of the past will be taken into account. It is better to do this with the participation of a professional psychologist. This is the answer to the question of whether it is worth forgiving your wife’s infidelity.

How to learn to forgive: advice from a psychologist

Anyone who has not experienced his boyfriend’s betrayal does not understand how you can forgive a man for having an affair on the side. The answer is simple: you need to truly love him and be devoted to him. You need to be strong to get through this difficult period, and also be able to restrain yourself from reproaches when unpleasant moments in life associated with betrayal come up.

Psychologists give the following recommendations:

1. Avoid suffering and reproaches.
2. Allow a man to show his feelings.
3. Talk.
4. Realize your guilt.

Betrayal leads to difficult psychological experiences. But if the girl decides to forgive him, then demonstrative performances with suffering and reproaches should be avoided. Any person has a chance to correct everything, especially if he realized the mistake. This will help the offended girl quickly understand how to forgive the repentant guy for committing betrayal.

If a partner is trying to do something pleasant, courting his lady, she can ruin everything if she reproaches him for infidelity. He won’t be able to make amends for his guilt with sweets, but if he feels love and support, then he will no longer want to deceive his beloved.

Many people neglect the recommendations of psychologists, do not try to talk with their partner, discuss problems and look for a way out of them. They avoid these conversations because they don't want to engage in difficult discussions. You need to talk about what worries you, because holding back emotions is harmful.

Only strong and self-confident people know how to realize their guilt. In most cases, both partners are to blame. If you honestly admit to yourself what was done wrong, since the guy wanted sex on the side, it will be easier to forgive the man’s betrayal.

Doubting whether it is possible to forgive the betrayal of a still beloved guy, you need to figure out what it is: an isolated incident or a long relationship on the side. Sometimes it is very difficult to forgive, and sometimes even impossible. Only the girl should decide whether to forgive the guy or not. Other people's advice will not help here.

Restoring relationships

To make a final decision, experts suggest answering a number of questions:

• Do you think the woman repents of her actions?
• Are you ready to return?
• Do you understand the motives for her actions?
• Can you eliminate the reasons that pushed her to cheat?
• Are you ready to change your attitude towards her?
• Are they able to take responsibility for their decisions and further actions?

Is cheating on a wife a death sentence for a marriage? How to survive and forgive if love is still alive? If the answer to the questions posed is positive, there is every chance of restoring the relationship.

What is required from a man? Return of attention, romance, emotional and sexual intimacy, restoration of trusting communication. But this is possible only after the end of an old, outdated relationship.