Advice from a psychologist. How to teach your child to cope with stress

Disconnect

Thanks to technology, we can always stay connected. It seems as if it should be so. But enjoying peace of mind in your free time is extremely difficult if at any moment an email can change your train of thought.

Regular shutdowns help you control your stress levels and rest. Being in the access zone around the clock, you are only exposed to an inexhaustible stream of stress factors. But if you force yourself to go offline or even turn off your phone, you will allow your head and body to relax.

Studies have shown that simply not checking email on the weekend can help reduce stress.

If you can't ignore work contacts on weekday evenings, then what about the weekends? Choose the right time and protect yourself from business. By incorporating these mental recharges into your weekly schedule, you will be surprised at how refreshing and stress-relieving these breaks are.

If you are worried about negative consequences, try to start by switching off only when the likelihood of someone contacting you is minimal. For example, on Sunday morning. As you begin to get used to such measures, gradually increase the time spent away from technology.

How to respond competently to a stressful situation

Dear reader, situations often happen to us in which emotions prevent us from correctly expressing our thoughts, following the planned presentation plan, thinking soberly and acting.

An important speech, an unpleasant conversation with a boss, offensive insults from bad people, a discrepancy between the result and our desires - in these and many other situations, a person often experiences stress, anxiety, internal restlessness and other negative emotions.

How to cope with your emotions and survive a stressful situation

First of all, you need to work on your emotional intelligence. In diplomacy there is a certain psychological attitude: “hope for the best, expect the worst,” which implies constant combat readiness for the most negative scenarios. Developing such a philosophy, it is much more difficult to take a person by surprise.

The main thing is not to confuse this approach with paranoid and constant anxiety. The psychological attitude is as follows: “everything is good in my life, but if something not very good happens, it’s okay! I will definitely cope because I am ready for this. And I don’t need to constantly think about something bad. For what? I'm just ready for anything. This is the main thing!

If the situation takes you by surprise, despite full combat readiness, then all your actions develop according to two scenarios:

In the first case:

You interrupt an unpleasant conversation under any pretext and put off the problem. Or you, without thinking and searching for reasons why it didn’t work out, start looking for alternative solution scenarios. For example, your bus breaks down and you, without waiting for it to be repaired, call a taxi.

In the second case:

You stay within the situation and use all the skills you have to change what is happening in your favor.

In communication and negotiations, when you need to “hold” an important conversation, conversation, speak publicly, etc., the first thing you need to do is “seize space.” A person feels more confident in familiar places. As they say, “houses and walls help.” Before an important communication, try to “play up” the upcoming meeting place. Look where you will be negotiating or speaking. Check the microphones, choose a place that is convenient for you, etc.

Be confident during difficult conversations. Here are some effective diplomatic tips that will also help you cope with your feelings.

• Look into the other person's right eye.
• When gesturing, use your right hand. Add your left hand only to enhance your thoughts.
• Lean on the surface with both feet.
• Speak more slowly and quietly. To remember, you can draw a dot on your hand.
• In the case of offensive and unpleasant information, use the diplomatic technique “in all honesty.”
• Despite the stress, smile. Smile when you listen and when you talk.
• Before a difficult meeting, it is sometimes recommended to take a sedative. Consult your doctor to choose the most effective remedy.

I also bring to your attention several useful articles that will help you feel confident in a variety of difficult situations. You can easily find them at the end of the note.

Good luck in your business and good mood!

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Neutralize unfriendly people

Unpleasant personalities are frustrating, tiring, and stressful. You can manage your interactions with them by controlling your feelings. When you have to deal with such a person, approach the situation wisely. Take care of your emotions and don't let anger or frustration wreak havoc.

At the same time, consider the disagreeable person's point of view and motives to find a path to consensus. Even when everything goes downhill, you can tolerate such a person without letting him drive you crazy.

What a stress-resistant person he is

Unfortunately, not everyone is like this; as we have already said, it all depends on a set of factors. But you can discern this quality in a person, that is, an increased ability to withstand stress.

1. Able to predict the situation. This means that you are prepared both physically and mentally for stressful situations.
2. Can take on multiple tasks and complete them successfully. Thus, he can focus on the crisis and quickly solve it by mobilizing all his forces.
3. Has experience in overcoming stressful moments. Once upon a time he already experienced difficult emotions and one can say that he was “hardened.” Now he knows what this means, what can happen next and controls his emotions.
4. A special type of psyche and nervous system. There are character traits in which a person endures any difficulties, including stressful situations. His internal forces seem to redirect the influence of stress to stimulate certain qualities. For example, someone, very nervous, eats a lot, sings, writes poetry, music.
5. He has the motivation to endure stress. For some, such moments are a way to achieve something, to move forward.

To overcome stress, you need to fight it. However, the body has to resist the changes that occur to a person and the world around him. And here the complex of qualities that each of us has “accumulated” over the past life is of enormous importance.

If we have fundamental qualities, courage, wisdom, willpower, then we will be able to more easily survive stress and look at it from a different perspective. All this can be cultivated in your character, the main thing is to have the desire, and this is already half the battle. If you add to everything the ability to keep everything under control, an understanding of how a certain process can end, then everything will be fine. That is, we need to cultivate in ourselves that same stress resistance, consisting of various factors.

Don't hold grudges

They also cause stress. By simply remembering something to be offended about, you put your body into fight-or-flight mode—a survival mechanism that prepares the body to fight or run away from a threat. When danger is in front of you, this reaction saves lives. But if the threat has long passed, then stress maintained by memories only causes damage to the body and can have a destructive effect.

Researchers from Emory University (USA) have proven that prolonged emotional stress increases blood pressure and contributes to the development of heart disease. By holding onto resentment, you accumulate stress. People with high emotional intelligence avoid this state at all costs. By letting go of the grudge, you will not only feel better, but also improve your health.

Constant stress puts your life at risk

Your body's response to stress is designed to help and protect you. But when your body is constantly on alert, your health can suffer seriously.

Our body is a kind of indicator that is designed to protect against environmental influences, predators and “aggressors” from the outside. Nowadays, such dangers are very rare, but this does not mean that your life is calm and stress-free.

Today, on the contrary, we are faced with daily problems, such as: work, a huge workload, caring for the family, worries about material well-being, or even the banal morning stress associated with getting up, rush and bustle. It seems like nonsense to you, but the body perceives it as a threat to health. As a result, you feel as if you are under constant pressure. However, you can fight this! You shouldn't let stress control your life.

What is the reason for the body's natural reaction to stress?

If your body and mind are constantly on edge due to stress, this can lead to serious health problems. The fact is that the so-called physiological reaction of the body is your natural alarm clock, which is always on.

When you encounter a perceived threat—for example, a large dog barking at you while walking in the morning—your hypothalamus (a tiny area at the base of the brain) triggers the alarm clock mechanism in your body. Through a combination of hormonal and nerve signals, this mechanism will trigger the adrenal glands (which are located on top of the kidneys), which in turn will release hormones, including cortisol and adrenaline.

Adrenaline increases heart rate and increases blood pressure. Cortisol, as the primary stress hormone, increases blood glucose (sugar) levels and increases the ability of cell repair substances to enter the brain. It also inhibits functions that may be harmful to physiological processes. Changes the reactions of the immune system, suppresses digestive and reproductive processes, growth processes. This complex of “natural signal” systems interacts with areas of the brain that are responsible for mood, motivation and fear.

When the body's natural response to stress goes haywire...

The body's responses to stress are generally self-regulating. This allows you to reduce hormone levels and return to normal activities if the threat of stress has passed. As adrenaline and cortisol levels decrease, your heart rate and blood pressure return to baseline, and your other systems return to normal.

But, if stress is constantly present in your life, you constantly feel anxiety and tension, then the body’s physiological reactions to stress always remain “on”.

Constant activation of the body's stress reactions and, as a result, increased levels of cortisol and other stress hormones can disrupt the functioning of almost all body systems. This can cause numerous health problems: heart disease, sleep disturbances, digestive difficulties, depression, obesity, memory loss, skin problems such as eczema. This is why it is very important to know ways to cope with stress.

Each person has his own, different reaction to potentially dangerous situations. How you respond to stress depends on several factors:

Stressful situations are a fact of life. And you can't change that. This means you need to learn how to react correctly to stress. You can learn to identify what makes you nervous, learn to control some stressful situations, and understand how to take care of your physical and emotional well-being under stress.

A stress management strategy includes:

• eating a healthy diet, regular exercise and getting enough sleep
• practicing various relaxation techniques
• healthy friendships
• having a sense of humor
• contacting specialists if necessary.

If you learn how to properly manage stress, you will undoubtedly extend your life. She will become calm and balanced.

• Allergology and immunology
• Andrology
• Pregnancy and childbirth
• Venereology
• Hematology
• Gynecology
• Dermatology
• Respiratory system diseases
• Diseases of bones and joints
• Diseases of ENT or Otorhinolaryngology
• Diseases of the urinary system
• Digestive system diseases
• Diseases of the heart and blood vessels
• Connective tissue diseases
• Infectious diseases
• beauty and health
• Neurology
• Oncology
• Ophthalmology
• Pediatrics
• Nutrition
• Psychiatry
• Psychology
• Miscellaneous
• Dentistry
• Traumatology
• Surgery
• Endocrinology

According to statistics, every third woman experiences symptoms of anemia. Weakness, rapid onset of fatigue, depression, shortness of breath and rapid heartbeat are symptoms that we do not attach importance to. However, anemia should not be ignored: over time it affects.

Along with physiological parameters, activity indicators are widely used in assessing tension. Interest in them is natural, since in modern conditions the problem of mental tension is studied primarily in connection with the quality of work in difficult conditions.

Effective treatment is impossible without early administration of diphtheritic antitoxin, which neutralizes the toxin circulating in the blood and reduces the manifestations of the disease. Although this measure does not contribute to the removal of the substance that is already associated with the tissues of the body. Diphtheritic.

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Sources: How to learn to respond calmly to problems How to learn to respond calmly to problems Sadly, many of us are exposed to stress most of our lives. Stress can be of a very different nature and causes, but https://zdorovat.ru/psihologiya/kak-nauchitsya-spokojno-reagirovat-na-problemy How to manage stress What is stress and the stages of its development. Personal and universal stressors. How to deal with emotions. Positive thinking techniques and stress-resistant behavior. https://babyla.ru/page/kak-upravljat-stressom Constant stress puts your life in danger YOD.ru medical portal: article Constant stress puts your life in danger and other medical articles on the topic Psychology https://www.yod.ru /articles/id_2356/

Practice meditation

Self-mindfulness is a simple, research-backed form of meditation that can help you control recalcitrant thoughts and actions. People who practice it concentrate better even when they are not meditating. This technique is great for dealing with stress because it suppresses the feeling of being out of control.

Self-awareness prevents you from spontaneously switching between thoughts, which helps you refrain from negative reasoning. This is a good way to cope with work life while remaining calm and productive.

Keep things in perspective

The reason for our worries often lies in a distorted perception of events. Before you waste a lot of time analyzing your boss's instructions from the last meeting, take a minute to see the whole picture. You can resort to this method when the level of anxiety does not correspond to the real reasons for it.

If you find yourself thinking superficially, then try to rethink the situation. The best way to get rid of this line of thinking is to list the things that actually went wrong. Most likely, you will count one or two points and not bury the whole idea.

General information

During times of stress, our body produces the hormone adrenaline, which is necessary in order to respond to danger: it increases the body's ability to concentrate and gives strength. Stress in small amounts is normal and even beneficial. It serves as motivation and challenge, making life more fulfilling and emotional. This function is performed by the hormone cortisol, which is released during stress.

However, there is an invisible threshold, crossing which life and health are put at risk. The brain becomes foggy, and there is an inability to make adequate decisions. And with chronic stress, a person turns into a neurotic and begins to worry about everything in the world. That is, it becomes a habit and simply kills the body even more than tobacco and alcohol.

According to recent data, children are incapable of experiencing stress. They experience shock and may be afraid, but for some reason stress is unusual for them. Usually it appears after 15-20 years, and unnoticeably. First, anxiety appears, then anxiety disorders, apathy, anger at oneself and others. As a result, all this becomes a habit and takes the form of stress, for which no reason is needed.

Use your support system

Trying to do everything yourself is tempting, but ineffective. To stay calm and productive, you need to admit your weaknesses and ask for help when you need it. In other words, if the situation becomes too difficult, you need to engage your support system.

Everyone has people in their life who are ready to cover and support them in difficult times. Find such people in your environment and turn to them for advice or help when needed.

Even just talking about your worries can reduce anxiety and change your perspective on the situation. In most cases, other people see a solution that you do not see, because their perception of the problem is free of unnecessary emotions. Asking for help will reduce your anxiety and strengthen your relationships with those you rely on.

The strategies listed may seem simple. But when stress clouds your mind, they will be difficult to apply. Get over yourself when your head starts spinning and you will reap the benefits of disciplined stress management.

What are the advantages of people who are resistant to stress?

We cannot live our lives without stress. And if you are a sociable, sociable person, work surrounded by people, then it is truly simply impossible to avoid them. Otherwise, you need to close yourself within four walls and not let anyone in. We hasten to disappoint, even in this case you can be exposed to stress, for example, if you have an illness or remember bad things. In short, it is easier to start fighting than to avoid!

1. Individuals with a high threshold of stress tolerance have a lot of advantages in such situations. They, as a rule, have excellent health - they know everything, you worry less, which means you live longer. After all, problems with the body most often arise against the background of nervous experiences, depression, and stress. As a result, problems arise with the gastrointestinal tract, the condition of the heart, blood vessels, kidneys, and liver. In addition, the quality of sexual life deteriorates by an order of magnitude.
2. Those who are stress-resistant live in peace. They perceive life's ups and downs wisely, understanding that everything in life passes, and this too will pass. There is no point in reacting irritably to various little things and trifles. Thanks to this quality, a person calmly, without problems, fulfills his functional obligations. Does not create problems in family or work relationships.
3. The world is getting better. Understanding that stress is a moment that comes and goes, a person never stops admiring the world and enjoying his life. If you react painfully to everything, are afraid of everything, worry, get upset, be stressed, then the world turns gray and black. Cats are scratching my soul. A person becomes depressed, and he perceives each new day as another portion of troubles. They are unable to breathe deeply, they are afraid to take new steps and make new acquaintances.

Research has been conducted on how stress affects human health. It turned out that more than 60% of people who are exposed to stress at work suffer from allergic reactions, more than 50% cannot get enough sleep, their sleep is disturbed, about 25% suffer from somatic diseases.

You need to understand that an intelligent and sensitive person will always face stress. If he is a “thick-skinned”, phlegmatic type, for whom there is nothing valuable or sacred, then he will not care about stress. But these are mental characteristics, few people have them, and, thank God! We know that our readers are intellectually developed people who need to learn to curb their emotions. And treat stress wisely, with restraint and manage it.

Stress in your life. How to quickly relieve stress and learn to manage it?

173 | Nov 24, 2020 | No comments yet

The heart is pounding, thoughts are racing randomly, panic begins

. A typical reaction to a stressful situation. How to quickly relieve stress? Find positive energy in it!

How to do this and whether stress can actually be “useful” - we’ll talk in the article.

In the usual sense, stress is tension, anxiety and negative emotions.

.
It exhausts, makes a person irritable and withdrawn
. Staying in a stressful situation for a long time is harmful to both physical and mental health. It also greatly spoils relationships with loved ones. However…

There is also useful, good stress

, which will add energy and help you become more productive.

Most often, the difference between “bad” and “good” stress is in your perception and attitude towards it. The good news is that attitudes can be changed. And this is the key to

How to calm your nerves and relieve stress

Chronic stress depletes your strength and can cause a nervous breakdown or depression. How to calm your nerves and relieve stress? Make him your “friend” and ally!

Any exciting situation causes hormonal and physiological changes

in organism.
This effect is called "fight or flight!"
. In life-threatening situations, it allows you to react as quickly as possible. The hormones adrenaline, norepinephrine and cortisol suddenly enter the bloodstream, and the body prepares to fight the “enemy” or run away from it to a safe place. What other changes occur in the body:

• hearing and vision become sharper;
• blood vessels dilate to increase blood flow to the muscles;
• blood pressure rises, the heart beats faster;
• muscles tense;
• brain function accelerates;
• there is a surge of energy.

In a really dangerous situation

these changes mobilize all forces for fight or flight. But in everyday life, “enemies” become events in which neither hitting nor running is required at all :).

Typically these are the following events:

• public performance,
• communication with colleagues,
• dates or new acquaintances, conversations with superiors,
• or even a regular queue at the store.

If you are nervous in such a situation, then your mouth becomes dry, your hands tremble and sweat, and butterflies flutter unpleasantly in your stomach. Why is this happening? The body “recognized” this situation as stressful (life-threatening), released hormones into the blood, but instead of mobilizing strength, the body was constrained by fear

. The reason for this is your perception.

Stephen Covey wrote about the 90/10 rule

.
It lies in the fact that only 10% of events influence our lives “by themselves
.
But the remaining 90%
- this is
how we react to current events
. Surely you can now recall many examples of how different people react differently to the same events.

a certain way to what happens to you every day

. Think about this figure, and at the end of the article you will learn about an opportunity that will allow you to take responsibility for this 90%

Now let's get back to stress again :). Many successful people know how to manage their response to stress

. Stress has become an ally for them, which:

• helps to achieve high results in sports,
• make profitable deals,
• accomplish much more at the “peak” of your capabilities, and so on.

They know the benefits of stress. It develops their confidence, concentration and productivity

. By learning this, you can find out

How to quickly relieve stress or nervous tension

It is not the stressful situation itself that harms the body and psyche, but the attitude towards it. How to quickly relieve stress or nervous tension? Develop the “correct” reaction!

Stress becomes truly unhealthy and “bad” in 2 cases. When does it become chronic?

and
when we lose control over it
. Other stressful situations can be useful:

• improve brain function - strengthening connections between neurons;
• short-term increase immunity - producing several types of immune cells at once;
• motivate to achieve – helping to enter a state of “flow”.

How to turn bad stress into good? These 3 simple steps will help you get started:

1. Realize and accept your fears.

When you find yourself in a stressful situation, ask yourself what exactly you are afraid of. Allow yourself this fear and track its manifestations in the body. Heartbeat, sweating and “chillness” in the palms

are not dangerous in themselves. They indicate that adrenaline enters the blood, charging you with energy and mobilizing strength.

1. Find the positives.

To turn stress into your allies, think about the positives of every exciting situation. Ask yourself questions: “What benefit will this situation give me?”, “What can I learn?” Remember more difficult similar situations that you have already encountered and emerged victorious.

1. Minimize the likelihood of possible failures.

How to pass a stress interview without breaking down: what you need to know about “extreme” hiring

Imagine a “pumped up” game of “cat and mouse”, where the cat intends to eat the mouse, and the mouse must remain calm, pretend that he and the mustache are best friends, and outwit the predator. At the end of this game, both the cat and the mouse must win. Strange, isn't it?

A stress interview is a game that you can be drawn into during an interview without your consent. Knowing the rules of the game and following them, you will avoid a nervous breakdown and advance to the next level.

// Through the eyes of a predator

The mission of a recruiter is to pull the ground out from under your feet, drive you crazy, make you nervous. The applicant’s task is to maintain a “poker face” despite all the trials, not to respond to aggression, and not to bite the HR person.

Conducting a stressful interview is also stressful for HR, because not all recruiters can do it. Eichar is obliged to develop an interview plan in advance, provide for all possible options for the applicant’s behavior and, most importantly, interpret them correctly.

It happens that a specialist is in a hurry to impress the applicant with his stress interview skills and asks indecent and intrusive questions. The applicant quickly discerns the recruiter’s intentions, and here it is important not to split. Otherwise, you will offend the specialist, and he will not give you the green light.

Reply: Daria, applicant for the position of office manager at MIEL

“At the beginning, everything was as usual: I came and was given a form to fill out, and then they asked me to wait a little and after a few minutes they invited me into the office. A rather pleasant girl asked standard questions: “Tell me in more detail, why ours... Afterwards, she asked quite persistently about the place of residence, it seemed to me that she even somehow tried to convince me that it is very difficult to travel to Moscow to work from the Moscow region. The dialogue went something like this:

- How can you get up so early and not get tired? - I studied at a Moscow school and am used to getting up early and traveling, this is normal for me... - Maybe we should look for something closer to home? — It is extremely difficult in my city to find a well-paid job with a schedule that suits me and the prospect of growth... (I admit, I’m used to the wary attitude of employers towards my place of residence).

Then something happened that I didn’t expect, HR was critical of my glasses, her voice showed disdain: “Could you take off your glasses?” - If necessary, I can... - Daria, why do you wear them then, if you can take them off, is this a tribute to fashion? - No, this is a necessity, I have complex astigmatism... - Are my vision problems really that serious? - Well, what are you talking about! Of course, I can see without glasses, but doctors advise wearing them all the time so that my vision does not deteriorate! — Why don’t you make lenses in the 21st century?!

To be honest, I was seriously confused and suspected that the conversation was going in the wrong direction, but I answered all the questions calmly and consistently. The girl, after listening to me, congratulated me and said that she liked me and invited my immediate supervisor so that I could clarify all the nuances that interested me.”

// Where do legs come from?

As a method, stress interviews were formed only in the middle of the last century. And, as usual, in the depths of the military departments - to solve the problem of recruiting and checking personnel. Unexpected, harsh or downright rude behavior by the interviewer made it possible not only to quickly verify the candidate’s resistance to stress, but also to test his ability to show flexibility and ability to behave in non-standard situations.

Gradually, the scope of stress interviews expanded to recruit firefighters, police officers and the military, and soon everyone wanted to adopt best practices for recruiting office workers. Innovators were found in Europe and the USA. The occasion itself dictated the need to change something. Thus, at the end of the twentieth century, leading foreign countries actively transferred entire production to the countries of Southeast Asia, where the main jobs were formed. In the cities, there was objectively less work, and the number of people willing to work was steadily growing. Therefore, the idea of ​​​​using the stress interview method to limit job seekers in the civilian sector seemed justified and practically innovative. And several decades later, the stress interview method came into domestic practice.

There is a legend about the visit of the famous Soviet composer Aram Khachaturian to Salvador Dali. Khachaturian waited a long time for the appointed meeting in a spacious hall to his own “Sabre Dance,” touched by the artist’s hospitality. Time passed, but the owner was in no hurry. Suddenly the door swung open, and Salvador Dali quickly rushed past the Soviet delegation. According to different versions: dressed, naked, naked on horseback. After which the majestic majordomo came out and announced that “the audience is over.” So the famous composer fell victim to the stress hoax of the brilliant artist.

//Who falls into the mousetrap

Stress interviews are most often carried out with candidates for positions involving constant communication with a variety of people, and such work promises to be nervous and restless. The “risk group” includes managers and their assistants, sales and customer service managers, advertising and insurance agents, journalists, office managers, and claims specialists. In these positions, the ability to control oneself and reason soundly in critical situations is as valuable as professional skills and work experience.

If you happen to work as a personal assistant to an eccentric boss, then stress will become your shadow throughout your entire collaboration with him, and awkward questions will be the norm, starting from the first interview.
Reply:
Marina, applicant for the position of personal secretary of a famous political and public figure, one of the first multimillionaires in Russia:

“The decision to respond to the interview invitation was lightning fast! The high salary and the office with a view of the Kremlin were captivating. She looked like a secretary-assistant should: a high ponytail, bright pink lips, emphasized eyes, high heels... A young man meets me, looks me up and down and says: “You shouldn’t be so bright...” I didn’t attach any importance to his remark. The interview began, the immediate boss came and asked me to stand up and spin around. I felt like I was at a horse show. And then came the questions: “Who are the parents?”, “Orthodox?”, “Why is the cream Catholic?” After which several recommendations were given regarding my appearance... “No pants, perfume, lipsticks, only skirts below the knee, black shoes, and you can go to work!” - concluded the “boss”. Needless to say, the strange interview later seemed like a mere trifle! Our professional relationship ended when, in an angry state, for a reason unknown to me, the culprit of which I certainly was not, they once again threw a laptop at me...”

// Win before the game starts

You need to be prepared for a stress interview before the interview begins. A recruiter may ask you to wait a little in the lobby or at the reception, arguing that the delay is due to urgent unforeseen matters. He himself will leisurely stroll with a cup of coffee, or gossip with a colleague in front of your nose. The test of time can last from a few minutes to an hour or more. Under no circumstances show your impatience to others - the HR person must see that it is difficult to anger you. Also try not to remind him of your personality - this will reveal your impatience. Try, for example, reading a book or watching your favorite TV series (be sure to use headphones!) - let the specialist see that you value your time and know how to use it.

// In the paws of a cat

Once you are finally invited to the interview room, be prepared to see that the environment there is not the most favorable for negotiations. Yes, this is possible in the company of your dreams! A stress interview can take place in a back room, a narrow hallway, or an office kitchen. The meeting room may be dark and smelly, and the HR manager will shine a flashlight on you, and just try to wince! After all, be prepared not to be offered the proverbial chair.

Be cool about this. Do not say that you are uncomfortable, but politely ask to change the conditions - open the window, turn on the main lighting, bring a chair.

Get ready for non-standard questions right from the start and the fact that, in addition to the recruiter or direct manager, you can meet all his colleagues who know the rules of the game and will try to confuse and throw you off the path to a successful interview.

Reply from
Nina, an applicant for the position of economist at Fazer:
“As soon as I entered the office for an interview, the head of the department immediately asked the value of the factorial of zero. I immediately lost my mind, and then everything went wrong. I admit, I didn’t prepare for this. She muttered uncertainly: “One.” After which the manager calmly continued asking questions on the merits. Before I had time to come to my senses, all the heads of departments, even the accountant, came into the office! Being a student yesterday, I did not expect such attention to my person. They arranged a round table for me and everyone managed to ask me a question. After which I was given a case that needed to be solved under their close attention. It was very difficult for me to concentrate, and all the time I thought that it was unprofessional to put so much pressure on the applicant. Only later did I learn about the practice of stress interviews. Consider that I failed the stress test.”

// Think first, then speak!

When communicating with the interviewer, always remain calm and confident, without losing your self-esteem. Never let your emotions get out of hand - any raising of your voice, rudeness in response, or outbursts of anger can mean a failed interview. Recruiters have plenty of ways to shake your balance. Don’t be surprised when you hear provocative questions, for example, “What actions of yours at your previous job led to the collapse? Don’t get hung up on the unfriendliness of your interlocutor, focus on formulating an answer worthy of you and remember - you, as an applicant, are being tested for endurance in working with possible provocative clients in controversial situations. Try to give a reasoned answer that would refute the HR statement. Don’t be afraid to take short breaks to think about words and phrases - it’s better to think for an extra few seconds than to give a quick but completely unacceptable answer.

The HR manager may feign misunderstanding and ask the same question with the persistence of a Popka parrot, as if he did not receive an answer, trying to piss you off. He does this not with the intent to mock. Perhaps, having received this job, you will encounter just such a client who does not understand the “simple truths”.

Remember that many of the questions asked do not have correct answers, so the assessment will not be effectiveness, but the desire to find a solution, as if you were negotiating with a client and had to convince him that he needs you.

// Make friends with a cat

Be prepared for the fact that HR can constantly interrupt you mid-sentence, rush you, stop you, express distrust of your words, in general, be the worst interlocutor in your life: “All this is nonsense, nonsense,” “Well, this is unlikely in our country.” “We’re not interested in that, what else do you have?” In this situation, do not try to argue with the specialist - this will lead to conflict and a fight. Stay calm and check with the HR manager exactly what points he is not happy with and offer an alternative. Be crafty and flexible.

There are many techniques for conducting a stress interview, but in any case it should end on a positive note. In an amicable way, the recruiter is obliged to explain to you the purpose for which the provoking questions were asked. If the interview ended in the same harsh manner as it began, then this can only indicate the incompetence of the HR specialist. As a rule, after such an interview, candidates rarely accept a job offer, and a stress interview is considered simply an insult.

// PS The situation is a changeover

Sometimes the employer himself endures a stress interview. Who is definitely not ready for this is him. Maintaining composure is the main rule in this game.

Reply
Andrey, head of the IT department at Elvis-NeoTek, interviewed an applicant for the position of software testing engineer:
“I started with standard questions (approaches to assessing software quality, test cases, known technologies). She mumbles something incomprehensibly, doesn’t know, in short, nothing. Okay, I think if a person is technically minded, he will master it. I start asking something from terver, combinatorics. She looks at me, bats her eyes, and hums. Well, I think, screw it, madam came to get a job as an engineer. And most importantly, he persuades everything: “Well, ask anything else, I will answer.” This is a strange man.

My impression is not the same as after reading the resume, but I continue to communicate, since there are still chances to hire the person. The third question, the fourth - again a failure. I don’t want to hire such an employee anymore, I want to leave. And then: “Well, ask something else!” Well, it's pointless! If you don’t answer, then “dosvidos”, but even if you answer, it won’t change anything: previous failures won’t disappear! In short, there is no point in asking to ask something else when the interviewer already wants to end the conversation.

But the girl asks me to ask her something else. Well, it’s not “2X2” to ask, right? Okay, I ask: “How many bytes are in a kilobyte?” Pause. Clap-clap your eyes.

"One hundred?" - She either answers or asks me. I start to smile. "Thousand?" - The girl is almost crying. “A thousand... Millions??” - he’s just trying to guess. Well, in general, she didn’t pass the interview.” You can read about ten ways to fail an interview here.

Ways to manage stress

Stress is often accompanied by strong emotional tension, so it is important to find calm as quickly as possible in a difficult situation.

How to deal with emotions?

When under stress, a person experiences feelings such as anger, anxiety, resentment, irritation, aggression, etc. Under their influence, impulsive actions are often committed that aggravate the situation. To avoid such consequences, the following is necessary:

• realize the emotion that has become dominant;
• stop (be silent, stop moving);
• pay attention to your breathing: start taking measured inhalations and exhalations;
• restore calm after worries.

Self-regulation is based on the ability to switch from emotions that immediately arise when confronted with a source of irritation to the thought process, awareness of what is happening around. Developing this skill requires constant practice.

You can effectively influence emotions using breathing. It should become deep and smooth. This is achieved using the following scheme: take a deep breath for 3 counts, hold your breath for 1 count, after which you exhale evenly, completely, counting to 5. The longer the exhalation, the faster you will be able to achieve a state of relaxation. Thoughts should be concentrated only on breathing, and held until the nervous tension subsides.

Visualization techniques help with negative experiences. It is necessary to draw in your imagination a picture that evokes a feeling of calm and tranquility. You can practice the technique as follows:

• choose a quiet place where no one will be distracted or disturbed;
• close your eyes and focus on breathing;
• imagine that a person is in a place that is calm and easy;
• activate not only the organs of vision, but also hearing, smell, and tactile sensations, so that the sensations of being in another place become more vivid.

The place where a person feels free is different for everyone. Some people imagine a mountain lake or sea. Some people like a forest landscape. It is important to concentrate on each sense during visualization: try to imagine the smell, feel the wind or the rays of the sun on your face, hear the sound of waves, the rustling of leaves or birdsong, etc. The body and psyche should be as relaxed as possible. To avoid falling asleep, the exercise should be done standing or sitting.

Positive Thinking Techniques

Stress can be managed using positive thinking techniques. A person needs to learn to determine the level of his expectations from the people around him, to correlate it with reality, since stress arises against the background of contradictions between what is expected and what exists. Problems should be turned into challenges and expectations lowered.

Each person must remember that negative experiences are often intensified by his own imagination. You need to assess the situation by asking yourself the following questions:

1. How bad are things?
2. Is it possible to change the situation?
3. Is it possible to change the attitude towards her?
4. Why is this situation given and what conclusion should be drawn from it?

This approach helps to understand what is happening and will prevent stress from developing and deepening. After that, you should start working on turning the problem into a task. For example, if a person is very annoyed by the leader’s behavior, he should set a goal and learn to ignore it so that it does not affect his state of mind.

The task of positive thinking is not to see everything in the best light, but to find ways in which everything can work out in the best possible way. This approach is possible if a person learns to take responsibility for his actions. You need to learn to admit that there is a problem, understand how it affects your life, and what steps you can take to solve it. Thanks to the technique of positive thinking, you can develop strong qualities, which will lead to increased resistance to stress.

Stress-resistant behavior

It will be easier to control stress if you understand what knowledge or skills are needed for this. These can be both professional skills and personal characteristics. It is necessary to pay attention to the correct use of time, planning, setting priorities correctly, controlling what is happening and rewarding yourself in case of success.

Stress-resistant behavior involves the development of communication skills, in which a person can logically express his position to employees, giving the necessary arguments. During a conflict, it is important to hear the interlocutor and what he is trying to convey.

You should learn to seek compromises and find an approach to others.

Personal resources for coping with stress

Despite the fact that a person’s personality is greatly influenced by parental upbringing, previous negative experiences or negative thinking, it is always possible to change existing attitudes. This may take time, but with regular work on yourself, there is a high probability of developing emotional stability, the ability to make decisions independently and take responsibility for them, think positively, seek help from specialists if necessary, believe in your own strengths and look at the world optimistic.

Typical mistakes of loving parents that contribute to the formation of a low level of stress resistance

• The requirement of unquestioning obedience to the orders of the elder

Phrases: “Take it away!”, “Shut up!”, attitudes: “Always listen to your elders!”, “In any situation you need to be polite!”, “Respect adults!” lead to the fact that the child does not learn to assess the situation independently. While the child is a preschooler or elementary school student, this quality is incredibly convenient for the parent.

But then comes puberty, when the parents’ opinion fades into the background. The suddenly matured “baby” continues to follow other people’s orders just as resignedly. Only now the reference group is the commander.

Whether it is a positive or destructive company, the parent will no longer be able to influence the situation.

• False threats

For example, “If you don’t stop crying, your uncle the policeman will take you away,” “I don’t need such a capricious child.” It is absolutely forbidden to deceive children at any age. As soon as a child realizes that you are deceiving him, he stops reacting to meaningless threats.

• Morals

“There can’t be such an ill-mannered child in our family!”, “You should be ashamed!”, “When I was little, I didn’t allow myself to do this.” Such conversations cause nothing but boredom. It must be remembered that all moral qualities are formed not by moral teachings, but by the atmosphere of the family.

• Offensive nicknames

“Roar-cow”, “Crybaby-wax” not only repel the child, they also convey to him the information that his feelings and emotions are not important, it is shameful and inappropriate to show them. Repressed, unexpressed emotions always find a way out in the form of chronic fear and phobia. You can read more about the dangers of unexpressed emotions in my book “How to allow yourself strong experiences, emotions and feelings without destroying yourself and others”

• Unreasonable praise and criticism

Contrary to the humanistic tendencies adopted in today's educational system, I can say with full responsibility: undeserved praise and unfounded criticism cause serious harm to the development of the emotional-volitional sphere of a growing person. As he gets older, he will depend on the approval of others and will do everything to get this approval. They will evaluate any events or actions through the prism of their environment.

This doesn't mean you can't praise. But a child, and especially a teenager, must independently be able to understand when a good deed really is such.

You can form adequate self-esteem, sound reasoning, and a high level of stress resistance by teaching your child to independently analyze his actions.

Strategy for increasing stress resistance

To increase stress resistance, you need the following:

• during observation, identify under the influence of what factors nervous tension arises;
• develop the ability to consciously assess the situation;
• master self-regulation techniques and proper breathing;
• develop positive thinking skills, switching from emotional stress to problem solving;
• constantly work on communication skills;
• improve your professional and personal qualities.

Stress Prevention

To learn how to cope with problems, you need to take a comprehensive approach to increasing stress resistance. For example, a person’s physical state directly affects their psychological state. By adhering to the principles of a healthy diet, regularly engaging in physical activity, and using relaxation techniques, a person will quickly learn to get out of tense situations. You should stop drinking alcohol and smoking, since these bad habits, while bringing short-term relief, aggravate the state of stress.

You should develop the understanding that life without difficulties is impossible. We must learn to view difficulties as an opportunity to change ourselves for the better, but we should not focus on one problem. It is important to learn to solve problems as they arise.

The effect of stress on a child

It is also necessary to understand that stressful situations have a much greater impact on children than on adults. We, having extensive life experience, can put up with and accept most situations that cause us discomfort. And then we often break down, complaining about a bad mood or state of health. The child is just beginning to learn about the world, and in fact, every new information or situation is stressful for him. And he still doesn’t know how to withstand stress factors. Besides, children are more impressionable. Therefore, the situation that struck him - good or bad - remains in his memory for a long time. And he can experience it again and again. As a result, the child may withdraw into himself, study poorly, cease to be interested in the world around him, and stop communicating with other children.

Children who live in a state of chronic stress often get sick and do not have time to learn new knowledge. Stress reduces the synthesis of growth hormone, so the child grows slower. Stress kills brain cells, increases inflammation, and can cause hair loss and digestive disorders in children. Low stress resistance is the main reason for bad habits in adolescence. But teaching a child to withstand stress is easier than teaching this to an adult who, as a child, did not learn to respond adequately to difficult situations.