What is self confidence...
Confidence is closely related to self-esteem. Both are impermanent. Life experience has a huge influence on these qualities. No less important are current circumstances: place, time, environment and the situation itself. However, the main factor involved in the formation of self-esteem is a person’s ideas about his own personality. It is our thoughts that become the trap that leads us to uncertainty.
Self-confidence also comes from the ability to assert one's boundaries without infringing on the boundaries of others. This behavior is called assertive. It involves expressing your thoughts and feelings to people honestly and directly, respecting their position. A person who behaves excessively modestly and reservedly, agreeing with others to his detriment, becomes passive. He deprives himself of the right to manage his life, and his self-esteem inevitably falls.
All problems come from childhood
Why are some people confident in themselves while others become indecisive? A person who is brought up in a normal family will grow into a worthy citizen without inferiority complexes. Unfortunately, many parents cannot raise their children normally, so even with the best wishes they manage to impose a bunch of complexes on their children. For example, in a family where parents love to teach, instruct and control everything, the child will grow up modest and downtrodden. Why? Overprotection will not allow the child to develop normally. The child will begin to love peace and quiet. Subsequently, he will be comfortable being in his own company, and not among other people.
Also, an indecisive person can grow out of a child for whom everything is always forbidden. Such persons get used to constantly asking adults what they can and cannot do. This habit becomes second nature and is very difficult to break later.
...and self-doubt
Children raised by strict and critical parents adopt similar behavior from them. In adulthood, they continue to scold and punish themselves on their own, attaching great importance to their shortcomings and point blank not noticing their advantages.
Such people are accustomed to comparing themselves with others. The belief that others are better greatly undermines self-confidence. Each person lives his life, inevitably encountering his own difficulties along the way. What looks ideal from the outside may not actually be so. Stop comparing and focus on yourself instead. Think about what you were like a year ago. What have you achieved during this time? Have you become a better person?
The main problem of insecure people is the lack of love for their image. They do not believe in themselves and consider themselves failures. This uncertainty, in turn, gives rise to a feeling of awkwardness in society, a desire to be invisible, excessive vulnerability and vulnerability.
The human mind and body constitute a single system in which everything is interconnected. Both negative and positive thoughts have a direct impact on our lives. If you start thinking about yourself in a positive way, change will not take long. Following your thoughts, your posture and gait will change, your manners and behavior will become different.
Why do you need to change?
It is difficult to fight your complexes, but it is necessary to do it. An indecisive person is called modest and shy. Many people encourage these qualities. But in reality, uncertainty causes more problems than benefits. Why does a person need to change? To become strong and independent, to be able to do what you want yourself, and not someone else. It's never too late to start making changes for the better. The sooner you start working on yourself, the better, because you will have more time to realize your desires.
Image of Confidence
Our life is a reflection of our perception. One way to become more confident is to act as if it has already happened. What do confident people look like and how do they behave? How do they structure their speech? With what intonation are certain words pronounced? What gestures are used? The answers to these questions will help you form your own line of behavior. Watch famous personalities: actors, musicians and politicians. Learn confidence from them.
When you're ready, do a little exercise. Imagine that you were given the role of a very confident person. Get into character. To begin with, it is enough to devote at least a few minutes a day to this. The longer you can stay in character, the better. Gradually this time needs to be increased.
Speech
The voice is a reflection of a person's inner state. People often judge us by the way we speak. How to make your speech more confident?
Lower your voice. When a person is nervous, the tone of his voice begins to rise. This is what first reveals an insecure person.
Take your time. Rapid speech also signals excitement. Confident people speak calmly, slowly, and clearly because they know that others are willing to listen.
Talk about yourself. Use the pronoun “I” more often in your speech. However, do not forget to ask questions to your interlocutors. Everyone loves to be listened to.
Stop complaining. Who enjoys communicating with people who are always dissatisfied with something? Talk less about your problems, broadcast positivity to the world around you.
Take the initiative. Start and end conversations whenever you want. Direct the conversation in the right direction. Be bold, don't be afraid to make connections.
Language of the body
A confident person can be recognized from afar by his gait, posture and manners. Often nonverbal signs say more about us than words. How to behave to appear more confident to others?
Keep your posture. The back should be straight. Pull your shoulders back, push your chest forward. Maintaining this position for a long time will not be easy at first, but over time it will become a habit.
Keep your head up. Don't look down, look straight ahead. This is a kind of sign to others that you are open to the world. Closed, indecisive people always look at their feet.
Smile. This conveys to others your friendliness and willingness to communicate.
Look into the eyes. By not making eye contact, you are signaling to the other person that you are afraid of their judgment. Someone may even consider this an insult, thinking that you are not paying any attention to him.
Let your body relax. Tightness and stiffness will not add confidence to anyone.
Inner critic
Insecure people constantly criticize themselves. They believe that they have no right to make mistakes. They perceive failures and failures very painfully. And even if everything goes well, they will find a reason to remind themselves: “You can’t,” “You won’t succeed,” “You’re a failure.” The inner critic never stops. There is no limit to doubt and self-recrimination.
The best way out of the situation is to make friends with your inner critic. First, listen to him. What exactly is he saying? Whose voice is this? Who told you such things?
Write a message to yourself on behalf of your inner critic. Try to put all his thoughts and feelings on paper. What does he really want from you? What is the goal? What good does he do? What is he trying to protect you from? Think about it, maybe you can look at your critic from a different perspective. Try to cooperate with him.
Signs
What does an indecisive person look like? Such a person is easy to pick out from the crowd. The person behaves very modestly and tries to get lost behind other people. To better camouflage himself, he prefers to wear clothes in discreet colors (gray or black). The gaze of such a person does not focus on anything specific. When talking with an indecisive person, you may notice that she will not look into your eyes, but somewhere into the distance.
An indecisive person likes to hunch over. His movements are constrained, unnatural, and sometimes too fussy. The person is trying to become invisible, so he will try to close himself off from strangers. This can be clearly seen in the gestures of an indecisive person. He will assume closed postures, constantly crossing his arms and legs. That's what psychologists say.
In addition, you can notice that indecisive people shift from foot to foot for a long time before entering, for example, the office of some official; they sit with their knees together, while women clutch their handbag to their chest.
Modesty is another sign of a shy person. Such a person will never prove or show anything to anyone. The person will try not to stand out from the crowd. Among indecisive people there are often truly talented people, but they are afraid to demonstrate their abilities because they are not sure that others will appreciate their talent.
Exercises to gain confidence
To become truly confident, theory alone is not enough. Confidence is a skill that can only be developed through regular practice. Below are five effective exercises that can help with this. Choose the ones that suit you and start practicing.
My strengths
To complete this exercise, you need to make a list of your strengths. To get started, just write down 20 qualities that you like about yourself. The list should be updated every day. Observe yourself, note what you do well.
Get to know yourself from new sides. Ask your family and friends what attracts them most to you. Complete your list. It's hard to believe, but usually other people think better of us than we think of ourselves.
Outside and inside
To perform this exercise, prepare two sheets of paper. Write the word “inside” on one, and “outside” on the other.
Write down on the first piece of paper all the inconveniences caused by uncertainty. Give at least 10 examples. Be honest with yourself. Assess how many opportunities you are missing out on. See how low self-esteem affects your life. Start sentences like this:
"Once I…"
"Because of my insecurities, I lost..."
“Now I can conclude...”
Draw a circle in the center of the second piece of paper. It is you. Draw smaller circles next to the center circle. These are your relatives, acquaintances and friends. Label the circles with their names. At the same time, next to your figure should be those with whom you communicate closest and most often. The further away the circle is, the less influence this person has on you.
Take two colored markers. Use one color to fill in the circles with the names of those who have a positive influence on you: appreciate, support and approve. Use a different color to mark the circles of those who are used to criticizing and condemning you. Assess your surroundings. Try to communicate more often with those who motivate you.
Meditation
Start meditating. This will help you relax, calm your mind, and listen to your own emotions and sensations. Introduce a new practice into your life gradually, devote at least a few minutes a day to it, then gradually increase this time.
Basic meditation technique recommended for beginners:
Take a comfortable position. You can sit on a chair, lie on the floor or on a bed. Close your eyes. Try to relax your body. Keep your breathing even and calm.
Let all thoughts and problems leave your mind. Connect visualization. Imagine how negative energy and tension dissolve into the surrounding space as you exhale.
Feel how, as you inhale, a pleasant warmth spreads throughout your body.
Continue to meditate, keeping your attention on your breathing. Try not to fall asleep.
If during meditation certain thoughts pop up in your consciousness from time to time, it’s not scary. Stop fighting them, just watch how they smoothly replace each other, coming and going. Over time, you will learn to control this process.
Affirmations
Do not be skeptical about affirmations. The words we say to ourselves have a huge impact on our inner state. We attract what is in our thoughts, so this exercise can be especially beneficial for those who are used to constantly criticizing themselves. Start treating yourself differently and you will see how the world around you changes.
Affirmations can be anything. It's best if you compose them yourself. In this case, you need to push away from your complexes. Here are just some examples of affirmations for gaining self-confidence:
“I allow myself to be myself”
"I love myself any"
“I am confident in myself and I value my abilities”
“I always achieve what I want”
“I have the right to my own path in life. I am the master of my own life."
"I deserve all the best"
Four squares
Divide a sheet of paper into 4 squares. Number each one. In the first square, indicate from 5 to 10 qualities that you love in yourself: responsibility, sociability, ingenuity, and so on. Immediately go to the third square and write down the qualities that do not suit you.
Next, you need to reformulate the points from the third square so that the qualities turn from negative to positive. For example, instead of the word “unrestrained” you can write “emotional”. Record the reformulated qualities in the second square.
Now you need to do the same with the first square. Turn positive qualities into negative ones (creative - strange, confident - narcissistic). Write the result in the fourth square.
Fold the sheet of paper in half so that the first and second squares are on one side, and the third and fourth squares are on the other. Re-read the qualities from squares No. 3 and No. 4. Monitor the thoughts and sensations that arise. What do you feel? Do the same with the back side of the sheet.
Listen to yourself. What conclusions can you draw from this exercise? Secure your results by using your imagination. Draw a positive image of yourself based on the qualities listed in the first and second squares.
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Self-confidence is a skill that requires hard practice. However, to become confident, you don’t need to fight with yourself. Learn to look at yourself in a new way. Treat yourself with care, love and respect. And then you will achieve your goal.
