Have there been situations in your life when literally two steps before the long-awaited result something happened and you achieved nothing? Or they thought in advance: “I won’t succeed anyway!” – and haven’t even started to realize your dream? Or did you “quit the game”, losing interest, at the very first achievements? What is behind such self-sabotage? What are we afraid of? It turns out that you can fear not only trouble, but also triumph.
Oddly enough, most people are accustomed to being gray mice and are unconsciously afraid of achieving success. What is this fear associated with? In general, fear of success has two components: fear of change and low self-esteem.
Features of fear of success
Research into the phenomenon of fear of success has shown that this phenomenon is quite common. Its various manifestations are observed in 2 out of 10 people. The fact is that any efforts of a person, his work, household chores, etc., are aimed at his own well-being, comfort and prosperity. This work is painstaking and complex. Having reached what he wants, all that remains is to accept the fruits of his work. Not everyone is ready to do this. Some people give up their happiness. This is how fear of success manifests itself.
What does a person lose from failure? The first is success itself, the time and effort spent.
The second is the lack of motivation for further struggle. Without this, a person stops in his own development, gives up and loses the meaning of life. There is only one conclusion: fear of success becomes the most powerful and insurmountable barrier to improvement.
How does the patient feel? His mental activity at the moment of manifestation of fears becomes confused and tense. A person suffering from fear exaggerates the consequences of his haste, dramatizes them and fills them with negativity.
There are many examples: money, promotion on the career ladder, improvement of social and living conditions - all these are changes that a person cannot normally perceive. A feeling of anxiety overcomes the patient. At the moment of fear, he may think that money will change the attitude of others towards him, a new position will ruin his relationship with the team, etc. There is a certainty that he is not ready for change, despite past desires, long work and desire for his goal. Success implies a change in social status. And this is new responsibility and problems. A person may find himself in conditions that require psychological adaptation.
How to overcome yourself?
Have you ever found yourself in a helpless situation where you lacked the necessary skill or confidence to take action?
Maybe you even felt the fear of failure at this moment? Perhaps you simply lack the necessary experience in a particular matter.
Suppose you are aware of your problem and are determined to solve it. Let's say you want to learn English via Skype or learn how to communicate with people, or you just want to check what you are really worth in this or that business. All you need is to overcome yourself, challenge yourself and gain this experience. a challenge test will help you gain such experience .
Reasons for fear of success
It is very difficult to talk about the reasons for uncertainty and changes in attitude towards success in the last, decisive minutes before achieving it. The reasons for fear vary from person to person. Both other phobias and living conditions, character, complexes influence. Psychological education also matters. Fear of success can arise due to:
- Fear of hearing someone else's opinion. Life in society is impossible without communication. Simple conversations and advice from loved ones and friends leave their imprint on the subconscious. A person projects the thoughts and desires of other people onto himself. He constantly worries about whether his actions will satisfy others. All these thoughts are filled with anxiety and loss of complete control over the situation.
- New worries. Having achieved what he wanted, a person finds himself in new conditions that require psychological adaptation. The conservative nature of thinking ignores achieving the best. It is easier for such people to give up success and maintain an established way of life.
- Fear of unpreparedness for a new social role. People's goals and plans change when they make important decisions in life. When it is necessary to accept a new social role, some people find it easier to avoid it than to begin to solve the tasks at hand. Awareness of reality causes fear in a person, a feeling of imminent failure, etc.
- Low self-esteem. People with such self-esteem live by established rules and perceive any success as something beyond their strength. Positive change for such people is a test for which they will never be ready.
The reasons for fear of success lie deep in the subconscious. According to psychologists, most of them originate in early childhood. When a child grows and develops, his psyche is formed, any little things can affect the ability to control his own thinking. Fear of success most often arises from family problems related to parental mistakes.
In some families, the relationship between parents and child is subject to strict rules. This may be adults’ condescension towards mistakes or constant criticism of the child on their part. The origin of fear arises due to the injustice of decisions, condemnations, etc. In adult life, fear of success can begin in a job where a person has failed. Failing an exam, interviews, undeserved criticism and other problems can break a person’s psyche.
Criticism from adults negatively affects children
Consequences of fears
Emerging fears influence the formation of a person’s character and ability to adapt in various conditions. The patient may have overestimated or underestimated demands on himself. This also affects self-esteem.
Leading a certain lifestyle, social activity and simple human relationships potentially pose a threat to the psyche. Any mistake or failure can become a starting point for the development of mental health problems.
The fear of success rarely manifests itself, but its existence deprives one of material wealth and the desire to develop. The fear complex can take many forms, the most common being the Jonah and Imposter complex.
Jonah complex
This concept was given to the psychological phenomenon by psychologist Maslow. This is the tendency of people to fear their own lives. The Jonah complex appears:
- non-acceptance of one's own individuality;
- fear of standing out from the environment;
- fear of being the best at something;
- fear of realizing one's own plans.
The patient is not able to overcome all difficulties due to the belief in envy, jealousy and ill will of others. It is easier for him not to stand out from the crowd than to attract attention to himself through well-deserved work, determination, etc.
A person with a Jonah complex is convinced of the constant envy of others
Imposter syndrome
This psychological disorder manifests itself in a lack of faith in one’s own strengths and an underestimation of one’s own merits. Someone with impostor syndrome may suffer from:
- self-deception;
- lack of confidence in one's competence;
- fear of inadequacy of personal or social role.
It seems to the patient that his efforts are undeserved, and he himself does not have the strength to solve new problems. A person suffering from impostor syndrome thinks that success came to him by accident.
Symptoms of fear of success
The manifestation of symptoms may vary. Depending on personal qualities, upbringing and other factors, a person’s mood, behavior and even well-being may change. A person suffers from:
- panic;
- anxiety;
- confusion of thoughts;
- headaches and dizziness;
- attacks of nausea;
- increase in body temperature.
People may refuse any changes; they may develop a strong feeling of guilt, dissatisfaction, and prejudice towards people. They cannot think clearly and want to get advice from loved ones.
Someone else's opinion rarely influences the further development of events. The sufferer finds many disadvantages in the predicted changes and gives up, preferring to avoid any risks.
How to identify fear of success?
Identifying signs of fear is not an easy task. The object of fear itself does not exist; there is a fear of events and changes. Symptoms appear rarely, at certain moments in life. Psychologists are confident that it is possible to identify the presence of a fear of success; you need to ask questions:
- Is there a purpose in life?
- What am I doing to achieve my goal?
- Am I doing my best to become successful?
- Have there been failures and setbacks before?
- Are there pending matters whose resolution could lead to success?
- Were there any mistakes along the way to achieving your goal?
By giving answers to these questions, we can work out the whole picture of the perception of human determination and willingness to overcome difficulties on the way to one’s goal. The professional diagnosis of a psychotherapist is based on these same questions.
Until critical moments arrive, people may deny their mistakes and claim that they are ready and motivated to succeed, but motivation is where the problem lies. People become so accustomed to the struggle for their happiness, attracting money, taking up a new position, etc., that the struggle itself becomes the meaning of their lives. At a crucial moment, a person may realize that accepting long-awaited changes will deprive him of motivation, which leads to the appearance of signs of fear.
Self-analysis will reveal the problem
Signs of a phobia
How can you tell if you have a fear of success? To do this, you need to ask yourself a series of questions that should be answered honestly. If you gave positive answers to most of them, you should think about what to do with your fear. The questions go like this:
- do you have a specific goal in life;
- what you do to achieve it;
- whether you had to consciously avoid the chance to change everything;
- Have you been putting off changes that could improve your lifestyle until a later date that never came?
Most often, the main reason that a person experiences fear of success is the fear of being left without a goal.
After the plan has been achieved and translated into reality, many people feel that they have nothing left to strive for. They feel empty, lonely and out of touch with life.
As a result, they experience stress and fall into depression, which is accompanied by a feeling of guilt, since they did not live up to the expectations of their family and friends.
List of values that a person should strive for
Features of overcoming fear
Dealing with fears is individual. You can solve problems on your own or seek help from a psychotherapist. The specialist’s task is to determine the reasons for the fear of success and find ways to resolve them. Such fear does not pose any threat to human health, so therapy is limited only to psychological methods.
Treatment is based on instilling in the patient the benefits of success.
Independent work with fear is based on changing your own attitude towards things, yourself and your environment. Psychologists advise:
- Forget about the problems that caused the development of fear.
- Start acting without thinking about shortcomings and mistakes.
- Believe in your strengths and capabilities.
- Create comfortable conditions: make rearrangements, repairs, change the image.
- Get out of your comfort zone every day: drink juice rather than coffee in the morning; choose from your wardrobe not jeans, but classic trousers, etc.
Working with fears requires analyzing your own actions and actions. Having realized his past mistakes, it will be easier for a person to make the right decision in the future. You can get rid of fear only by overcoming difficulties.
Examples of challenges
Example A
You intend to give up the bad habit of watching TV every day. You mark the start day on the calendar and determine for yourself by force of will that you will not watch TV under any circumstances for 30 days.
You can mark these days with crosses on the calendar if that makes it easier for you. It will be much easier for you when you tell yourself: “I’ll do this for 30 days, and then we’ll see.” This approach is much more effective because it is easier to decide to give up a habit for 30 days than to immediately decide to give up a habit for life. After these 30 days, you will be able to assess the situation more objectively. You will no longer be in the grip of this habit and can decide to finally get rid of it.
Example B
You have firmly decided to introduce the principles of rational time management (time management). Take a specific time management technique and simply include it in your life for 30 days.
Examples of such challenges are well described in Steve Pavlina’s article “30 days to success.” In this article, the author gives an analogy with trial versions of licensed software for PCs, the rights to use which are usually limited to 30 days (the so-called “trial versions”). You work with the program for a specified period and, at the end of the period, if you like it, you purchase it forever (for example, Windows). Such programs are usually purchased for money.
In our example, everything is the same, only you don’t need to pay money to anyone. You pay only yourself with the allocated time and effort to conduct such a test.
Even if the result did not meet your expectations, and you do not want to acquire such a habit for the rest of your life, you still gained experience and overcame yourself. This is a huge plus. Well, if you are not satisfied with a specific time management technique, you can easily try another one.
Example C
One day, you realized that health is an important component of success. You have decided to start running in the morning. You like the feeling of progress so much that you want to gradually increase the load every day, increasing the time or distance of your run. Minimum period 30 days.
This is what I call a real challenge test. Here you increase the degree of load a little each time, expanding the boundaries of your capabilities. This is the key to progress. It reminds me of the Spartans' strength training. Every boy in ancient Sparta began to train from childhood, lifting and carrying a small calf every day. As the bull and the boy grew, so did his strength. After all, the boy, having matured, could easily lift an entire bull alone.
There can be many more examples: diets, extreme sports, sports, meditation, studying materials on a topic of interest, music lessons, dating, yoga, a healthy lifestyle, mindfulness, a positive way of thinking. Anything you would like to discover and test yourself in.
