Emotions control a person more than it seems at first glance. Even the absence of emotions is an emotion, or rather a whole state, which is characterized by its own characteristics in human behavior.
Emotional states are mental states that arise in the process of a subject’s life and determine not only the level of information and energy exchange, but also the direction of behavior.
Why is it so important to recognize your emotional state and that of others? It’s simple: the direction of thoughts, thinking capabilities, behavior, level of aggression, motivation, and sociability depend on it.
If you don't understand your emotional state, you won't be able to influence it if it becomes destructive. You will probably try to drown it out with external solutions such as alcohol, cigarettes, shopping or food - but all this will ultimately not help and will affect both your health and psyche.
If you do not know how to recognize the emotional state of your interlocutor, this can lead to conflicts. This has happened to everyone: you seem to be talking to a person as usual, but you are greeted with aggression. Therefore, we will divide the article into two parts. In the first, you will receive tips on how to recognize your own emotional state, and in the other, how to understand someone else’s.
How to recognize your emotional state?
As we have already said, a person who understands his emotions can reduce the impact of negative ones, as well as put himself in any state. If he is lazy now, he can find ways to get rid of this state and enter the working state. If you are sad, you can unwind a little.
But again, in order to change your mood, you must first of all learn to understand your current state. Let's use the example of anger and anger to see how you can recognize your emotional states.
Recognizing physiological signs of anger and anger
The first step in effective anger management is recognition - the moment when you start to get angry. That is, you need to catch all the intermediate states: irritation, anger and only then anger.
Let's focus on anger, because anger is simply not worth recognizing. Some physical signs of anger include:
- clenched jaws;
- abdominal pain;
- trembling on the face;
- sweat on the palms;
- slight dizziness.
Emotionally you may feel:
- desire to escape the situation;
- irritability or sadness;
- offense;
- depression.
You may also notice that you are rubbing your head, feeling restless, using a sarcastic tone, getting thirsty, or raising your voice. It is very important to develop awareness in order to notice simmering anger in time. Sometimes this alone is enough for its intensity to subside.
How else can you learn to recognize your emotional state? Here are some ways.
Expand your emotional vocabulary
Words are important. If you are experiencing strong emotions, think about what to call it. But don't stop: once you determine this, try to come up with two more words that describe how you feel, what state you are in. You may be surprised by the breadth of your emotions, or by discovering a deeper emotion beneath the surface of an obvious one.
You can start by dividing emotional states into categories. They are quite conditional, but they help you make decisions quickly:
- Anger: irritability, sullenness, impatience, frustration.
- Sadness: regret, pessimism, desire to cry, gloominess.
- Anxiety: anxiety, caution, wariness, stress, feeling stuck.
- Pain: sense of betrayal, shock, isolation, anguish, victim syndrome.
- Happiness: gratitude, trust, excitement, relaxation, relief, confidence.
It is also important to distinguish between emotions and states. The key difference is the duration. You can feel sad, or you can be in a sad state. In the first case, the emotion can last several minutes, and in the second - days and even weeks.
Learn to understand the intensity of emotions
We tend to resort to extreme labels such as “angry” or “stressed” even when our feelings are much less extreme.
Many psychologists have been saying the same thing for decades: change your speech patterns and you will change your condition. That is why it is important not only to name the emotion, but also to find out its intensity.
When identifying your emotions, rate them on a scale of 1 to 10. How strong are they? What happens to your emotional state when you choose different words?
Write them down
American psychologist James Pennebaker conducted research for 40 years trying to identify the connection between writing down and understanding emotions. Research has shown that people who regularly record their experiences and emotional states experience noticeable improvements in their physical and mental well-being.
These experiments also showed that, over time, those who wrote about their feelings developed an understanding of what they meant (or exactly what they didn't mean, just as importantly), using phrases such as "That struck me," "The reason is that...”, “Now I understand that...”, “I realized that...”. The writing process allowed them to gain a new perspective on their emotions and more clearly understand their impact and consequences.
You can write notes every day, but it's especially useful during difficult periods in your life or major changes (marriage, birth of a child, layoff), or if you are feeling emotional turmoil.
- Set the timer for 20 minutes.
- Using a laptop or notepad, write about your emotional experiences last week, this month, or this year.
- Don't worry about making it perfect or readable: go where your mind takes you.
- You don’t even have to save this document - what’s important is that you express your thoughts and emotions.
You can also use these three approaches when trying to better understand another person's emotional state. This is what we will talk about now.
How to recognize another person's emotional state?
Conversations with other people are often emotional. And even if you do not have any negative intentions, the interlocutor may react in a completely inconsistent way. Why is this happening? The point is that you may have misread his emotional state.
For example, the interlocutor is irritated by something and does not want to be approached, much less addressed. In this case, it is very important to learn to read the emotional state of your partner in order to skillfully select words. The art of reading people is taught by such a discipline as profiling. Take a course if you want to develop this skill.
Perhaps you know your own emotional state well, but have little understanding of someone else’s (this happens all the time). This leads to conflicts because you transfer your state to your interlocutor, believing that he is in the same mood. That is why it is so important to learn to understand it correctly.
Recognizing social cues of emotional state
Step one: pay attention to the face. The face is the part of the body that is most often the first to show emotion. If you are trying to determine whether a person is sad, upset, lonely, or otherwise in pain, look closely at their facial expression.
- Unlike some social cues, seven basic facial expressions are universal across cultures - joy, surprise, contempt, anger, disgust, sadness, fear.
- Facial expressions change quickly and can convey more than one emotion at a time. For example, a person's face can show both amusement and fear if something very surprising has happened.
Step two: learn the signs of sadness and sadness, anger and irritation. It is these states that are most important, because the wrong approach, an unacceptable phrase can lead to conflict. If a person is happy and cheerful, inspired and motivated, it is difficult to say the wrong thing and quarrel with him. But in the case of sadness, sadness, anger and irritation, this is very easy to “achieve”.
There are characteristic manifestations of sadness. The inner corners of the eyebrows are raised and may be slightly drawn together. The inner corners of the upper eyelids are pulled upward, and the lower eyelids may appear raised. The corners of the lips turn down or the lips may appear quivering. And yet, the first sign of sadness and sadness is slightly knitted eyebrows.
We talked about anger at the beginning of the article. Study exactly how emotions manifest themselves on the face and in the body - and you will be able to read a person’s state much better.
Showing empathy
Tip: Learn to listen carefully. You've probably heard this advice hundreds of times, but perhaps you haven't used it. Try to calm your thoughts and pay attention to what the other person is saying.
Step one: Find out that you understand what the person is talking about. Human laziness knows no bounds. Sometimes we so want to convince ourselves that we understand a person, just so as not to waste mental effort on clarifying questions.
Ask questions and repeat the answers in your own words. Don't think it slows down the conversation. On the contrary, you can achieve much more if you both understand what the other person means.
Pay special attention when it comes to emotions. You may need to not only listen to your interlocutor, but also carefully observe his facial expressions, gestures and body language.
Step two: listen without judgment. We always have a voice in our head that is difficult to silence. However, it is possible to do this. You cannot give him words during the interlocutor’s monologue, and in addition, forbid him to judge.
When we judge a person, even in our heads, it gives the brain a command: “I know everything about him.” This approach reduces attentiveness, which means you will not be able to recognize microexpressions, as well as pay attention to some important words that the interlocutor says. Therefore, be extremely careful.
We wish you good luck!
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We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- 12 Anger Management Strategies
- Ways to Develop Emotional Mastery
- Properties of mental states
- How to learn to change your condition
- Managing team emotions
- Anger: causes and overcoming
- How to change your emotional state
- I'm angry: what should I do?
- Mindfulness and its benefits
- Feelings, emotions and sensations: the first step to profiling
Key words:1Profiling
Ten quick ways to manage your emotions
What to do if emotions need to be managed right now? A selection of tips from Equator
1. Breathe. The best way to reduce the intensity of emotions is to breathe through them. Remember that slow, accentuated exhalation (not inhalation) works to reduce emotions! Inhale and exhale deeply several times, and the intensity of the emotions will decrease significantly. 2. Move around. Many emotions, especially fear and anger, cause changes in the body that require decisive action (for example, to fight or run). To help the body get rid of unnecessary energy, it is enough to move actively: walk, squat, make faces, or simply clench and unclench your fists with force several times. 3. Imagine something pleasant or cleansing. Imagine that a stream of golden flowing light falls on you, which washes away all the negative energy from you. Or remember a picture of the place where you spent your vacation. You can imagine some kind of shelter that will protect you from all external influences, and if you are communicating with an aggressive interlocutor, imagine water flowing between you (for example, a stream or a waterfall). 4. Wash and rinse your hands. It is believed that water washes away negative energy. If possible, at the end of a difficult day, always take a shower, imagining how it washes away all the negative emotions you received during the day. When you need to quickly reduce emotional intensity, just hold your hands under running water for a while and wash your face; men can sometimes wet their entire head. 5. “Shake off your emotions.” Literally: dust yourself off, or have someone else brush you off, as if your clothes were dirty in some way. This method is especially suitable if you are “infected” by someone else’s emotions 6. Do a small ritual. Write your emotions on a piece of paper, make an airplane out of it and send it out the window. Crumple it up and throw it in the trash. Make a boat and send it sailing along the river. Come up with your own way to “let go” of your emotion in the most literal sense of the word. Rituals affect not so much our consciousness as the unconscious - therefore they allow us to quickly cope with surging feelings. 7. Give someone a hug or ask someone to pat you on the head. Body contact calms and reduces tension. 8. Turn on your brain. Emotions reduce logic, but the opposite is also true: if we can somehow turn the brain back on, the level of emotions will begin to decline. Solve a math problem or puzzle (you can easily find them on the Internet). Take a crossword puzzle. Immerse yourself in checking some report with numbers and graphs. Once you concentrate on the task, the level of emotions will begin to decrease 9. Tell someone about your emotions. Social activity, according to David Caruso, one of the world's experts in the field of emotional intelligence, is the most effective way to ventilate emotions. Tell someone else what made you feel that way. This can be communicated even to someone who evokes such strong emotions in you, if you know how to do it correctly (for example, in the form of an I-message) 10. Write it down or sketch it. There is no opportunity to talk - write down what you think (in negotiations, you can open the back pages of the diary, write down what annoys or worries you so that no one sees, and return to your main notes again). If you can’t write it down, draw it. It doesn’t matter what quality the drawing will be - the quality of the image in this case does not matter.
