29 Jan01653
Victoria Golovinskaya, Home Hearth magazine:
Dad says, wincing in disgust: you’re like your mother, get yourself together. Are you a fighter or not! Mom purses her lips and says: face with a fist, what do you even imagine about yourself? Look at the hem and don't bring it. Jealousy and hatred on both sides, and I look at them confused and don’t know who I am. This is how I grow. Then a lot more bad things happen...
I'm getting used to not understanding who I am and what I love. Ignore my body, despise the “whore” and forever be scared to death that I, too, am a whore, that it will be revealed, that, ugh, I’m ashamed to say something, a woman.
A long, long time until psychotherapy.
Now I have already grown up. I read reposts on social networks, I hear women talking and I recognize so many similar things.
“I can’t stand women’s behavior, why are they whining and whining, they’re sick of me. I’m not whining, I got ready and did it” - from the “Iron Lady”.
“Well, such a salary will definitely be small for a man” - from a journalist.
Shielding the rapist with the captions “don’t ruin the boy’s career, don’t ruin his life.”
I hear children in the yard, “Oh, you’re like a real kid, well done.”
At a psychological group, where I specially went for this column, a woman chokes on tears and laughter, tells her most terrible story and interrupts herself, twisting her mouth: “Well, I’m a fool, well, yes, well, I’m a fool, I should have looked at who I got involved with . I should have looked!”
All this is heard and written - from women, from girls, from girls, from grandmothers. From all ages of our gender. I read these comments, these posts, I hear similar speeches. I remember saying that myself. How proud I was of the compliment (yes, then I considered it a compliment) - well, you’re not like other women, you’re normal. How I sincerely believed that this was good.
Where does this feeling of “a woman is subhuman” come from, even if you yourself are a woman?
Women who hate men
Women's hatred of men is not a rare phenomenon these days. But not every representative of the fair sex will dare to admit this feeling even to herself. Consciously, she can make serious attempts to build a relationship, sincerely wondering, “Why didn’t it work out again?” After another failure on the love front, she begins to look for reasons in the “wrong” partners, external circumstances, lack of time, personal bad luck and much more. To solve a problem, she can change her social circle, appearance, interests, etc. But the situation repeats itself from year to year, either there is not a single “decent specimen” on the horizon, or the relationship falls apart before it even begins. The thing is that the real reason for this “bad luck” is much deeper, and it lies in this hidden feeling of hatred, which deals a crushing blow to all forms of relationships - love, friendship, professional.
This phenomenon has a scientific name - misandry, which in everyday life is simply called man-hatred. In some cases, this condition can become a subject of paranoia.
Women's hatred of men has cultural and social justifications. The vast majority of cultures are, or most recently were, patriarchal in nature. For many centuries, women were relegated to a secondary role, their rights were infringed, and their development opportunities were limited. And this long-term suppression left behind a difficult legacy in the form of repressed aggression and hostility, which was passed down from generation to generation. However, genetic memory only partly explains the opposition between the sexes.
In other cases, the origins of this phenomenon may lie in a dysfunctional childhood. Personal stories of women who hate men often reveal the influence of a destructive family atmosphere in their early years. These can be various manifestations of male cruelty, systematic scandals, alcoholism and much more. The first male object in a girl’s life is always her father, and she will involuntarily project her attitude towards him onto all other men. A special risk group includes women who experienced their father leaving the family in early childhood. In their subconscious, the attitude is fixed that a man is the source of all troubles and troubles, tears and disappointments. In adulthood, it can be reflected in the form of an unconscious fear of repeating a dramatic scenario.
Women's hatred of men may be a consequence of taking on someone else's “bitter experience.” In particular, the experience of a mother who suffered for many years from the fact that her husband abandoned her with a child in her arms. As an adult, such a woman can unconsciously take revenge on all members of the opposite sex for her mother’s tears.
The formation of a negative attitude towards men can also be facilitated by personal experience of painful relationships in which a woman suffered to the fullest. When it was possible to break out of emotional dependence, but the internal fear of a new relationship remained. However, this reason is rather secondary, since destructive relationships do not arise without appropriate prerequisites in the history of early personality development.
Women's hatred of men creates a special generation of women, often successful, beautiful, but lonely. Love relationships are precisely the area in which they constantly fail. But this hatred is not a cause, but only a consequence, of a long-standing pain that left an unhealed wound in the soul. That pain has long been forgotten, only its consequences remain in the form of loss of joy in life and lack of personal happiness. This hatred destroys not only relationships, but also the woman herself - it is too heavy a burden that leaves no strength for anything else. This is a serious blow to femininity and sensuality. Such a woman feels deeply unhappy and devastated. A huge amount of her resources are spent on coping with a serious conflict within the psyche. In later stages of the disorder, bitterness comes.
How does feminophobia arise?
In most cases, the cause of gynecophobia begins in childhood, acting in the form of an authoritarian mother.
As a rule, she is the head of the family and takes full responsibility for the life of the family. An authoritarian mother is a tough, strong-willed woman, sometimes rude and cruel. He keeps children strictly, restricting their freedom, and applies physical punishment. Such a mother is even capable of raising her husband; she lectures him, suppresses him, and does not give him the right to vote.
A small child is afraid of such a mother. Perceiving her image as a general one, the boy transfers her image to all women. As a result, already in adulthood, he develops a phobia that disorganizes his life.
The father in such a family is calm and silent. Submits to the will of a woman unquestioningly. Since the father’s place in the family is taken by the mother, he takes her position, raises the children, gives them tenderness and care. Such fathers are kind, sympathetic, and affectionate.
For a boy, a father is an authority and a role model. Seeing such an effeminate model of behavior from his “idol” in front of him, the boy forms an erroneous opinion about masculine nature. The child simply does not understand how a man should behave. Having inherited timidity, gentleness, and shyness as character traits, it is quite difficult for an adult man to establish contact with the female sex.
Feminophobia can develop for other reasons. Fear of the female gender can cause a specific experience of communicating with a frightening lady. For a boy, such a lady becomes a nanny, a teacher, or one of the fair sex relatives. Perhaps the child received a dose of negativity from them: moral or physical bullying, ridicule, and suffered fear of communicating with such ladies. As a result, fear developed not only towards a specific person, but towards all women.
The phobia also begins in adulthood. If a man has been humiliated by his fair half and has been rejected by the object of his affection, then it is possible to form a negative attitude towards all the ladies of the Earth.
Homosexuals can suffer from gynophobia. Moreover, the person is convinced of his homosexuality, not suspecting that the problem lies in the presence of a phobia, and sexual orientation corresponds to generally accepted norms.
Fear of intimacy develops among representatives of the stronger sex as a result of unsuccessful sexual contact. Having failed, the man may have been ridiculed by the woman. More often, negative sexual experiences are especially traumatic during adolescence. The lost battle was accepted as a lost war and now the man, fearing repeated defeat, is afraid of intimacy.
The fear of pregnant women in the stronger half of humanity is due to a misunderstanding of the physiology of the process. Because of this, a man experiences fear and disgust towards women in position. He considers sexual relations in this situation unacceptable, since, in his opinion, it is unnatural.
Girls are also capable of experiencing fear towards pregnant women. It is caused by very real reasons:
- history of stillbirth;
- known cases of death of a woman in labor;
- fear of giving birth to a child with a pathology;
- fear of the birth process.
The formation of a phobia is influenced by a woman’s relationship with her mother. Fear of pregnant women is classified as a separate phobia called gravidophobia.
The girl describes her fear of pregnant women. “It seems that the pregnant woman’s stomach is about to burst and a fountain of blood will pour out of it. There is a feeling that the baby, moving inside the belly, will eat the expectant mother.”
The fear of large ladies can be considered specific - cacomorphophobia, which is a fairly common phobia, including among women. This fear has a special reason: the girl is afraid of gaining weight or is dissatisfied with her body, which finds a way out in such a disorder.
Hostility towards the female sex can arise if, in childhood and pre-puberty, a boy was subjected to depraved acts by a mature woman, witnessed sexual relations, observed sexual intercourse in reality, or while watching pornography.
Often intolerance to the female sex is a consequence of low self-esteem. For girls, this happens against the backdrop of difficult relationships with peers. For example, a girl becomes a black sheep at school or in the yard, being humiliated and persecuted by other girls.
Misogyny (misogyny) - a morbid aversion to women
Misogyny is a form of rejection of women that manifests itself in different ways. What are the symptoms of misogyny and how to treat it? Is this pathological behavior? Could its symptoms be dangerous?
The source of misogyny
The roots of misogyny can be discerned at the very beginning of human history. Most societies in the world are patriarchal. Very few matriarchal ones can be found, and although they exist, they are rarely spoken of. Religions also add their “two cents” by openly saying that women have a lower status relative to men. In modern culture they appear as the weaker sex. It is generally accepted that a woman is a man’s adornment, which objectifies her role. She is seen as "someone worse." This can be seen in various folk wisdoms, such as “don’t be a woman” or “a woman with a cart, it’s easier for a mare.” They present a woman, simply put, as a second-class person.
Another problem is the treatment of women as sexual objects and not only in the pornographic industry. Just look at car exhibitions, where you can meet scantily clad girls who should attract the gaze of men. Conversely, looking at the modern model of men, we can say that they are seen as strong, which is why they are automatically allowed more. A man who leads a rich and active sex life is “glorified”, and a woman is branded with the word “depraved”.
Another aspect of misogyny is education. A boy growing up in a family where women were not respected may have trouble changing this pattern in the future. For example, women, when choosing a man, observe how his father treats his wife. They believe that a man will treat her in the same way because this pattern of behavior has been “passed on” to him. It is worth noting the unequal treatment of men and women even in adolescence. This is manifested in the fact that boys are allowed more than girls.
The cause of misogyny can also be an overly caring mother who does not allow her son to grow up, instilling in him an aversion to women. Such a man will believe that a relationship with a woman will lead him to the fact that again someone else will control his life. Misogyny can also be caused by emotional problems and low self-esteem. Problems with the latter can lead to a man wanting to “downgrade” a woman’s status in order to feel better: more masculine and powerful.
Symptoms of misogyny: how to recognize them?
There are many signs of disgust towards women. It's simply impossible to mention them all. The least hostile forms may be shyness, secrecy and avoidance of the fair sex. Men use this method, guided by the principle “it’s better to avoid problems.” Although being ignored is not very pleasant, there are worse symptoms.
When approaching a man, women can encounter disrespect and discrimination. They may often hear cutting remarks or sexist suggestions addressed to them. It also happens that misogynists, considering themselves a “superior race,” claim that they have permission to deceive their partners.
A relationship problem that is a symptom of misogyny is overcontrolling. Constant checking, a ban on going out alone and meeting with friends, separation from the family - everything is aimed at making a woman a dependent partner. Such control can often develop into psychological abuse. A man psychologically wants to destroy a woman so that she is not strong enough to leave.
The extreme manifestation of misogyny is physical and sexual violence. Stalking and rape are the worst forms of misogyny. Extreme misogyny can even lead to murder, but this is fortunately a rare and extreme case.
How it manifests itself
The phobia manifests itself in several ways:
- fear of women in general;
- pregnancy intolerance;
- fear of entering into an intimate relationship with a woman.
A gynecophobe is quite easy to recognize. When confronted with a lady, such a man’s anxiety increases. Nervousness appears. A gynecophobe avoids looking into the eyes of a representative of the fair half of humanity.
The individual is lost, feeling a sense of fear. It is difficult for him to start a conversation with a lady; he finds it difficult to find the right words. Behavior becomes funny, awkward, and ridiculous. If the conversation still manages to start, then the patient, regardless of his will, says nonsense and absurdity. Strong excitement makes a man sweat profusely and his heart pound furiously. He begins to feel dizzy, his skin becomes pale, or, conversely, the person blushes deeply. Possible uncontrolled urination and ejaculation.
With a pronounced phobia, the patient experiences a panic attack. It happens that the gentleman succumbs to such strong excitement that he faints. If a man finds himself in the company of a girl, then he has one desire - to run away.
It is worth distinguishing wariness towards a woman from an established phobia. A wary attitude excludes irrational behavior and avoidance of meetings with a lady. A cautious attitude presupposes some restraint, perhaps selectivity in contacts, endurance.
A phobia gives rise to an irrational fear that is completely groundless. The patient realizes the absurdity of the situation, but every time in the presence of a woman he experiences frightening emotions. Sometimes his behavior reaches the point of absurdity. He refuses to buy goods in a store where the seller is a woman. If he grabbed the door handle that the girl had touched before, he hurries to wash his hands and treat them with an antiseptic.
The opposite reaction is possible in response to interaction with the female sex. A gynophobe, while experiencing fear, nevertheless does not show signs of timidity, anxiety, or despair. On the contrary, male behavior becomes harsh and rude. The patient shows aggression towards women. With his statements, he deliberately belittles the entire female gender, emphasizes male superiority in every possible way, despises the female gender, hates and does not trust.
A psychiatric examination conducted in one of the Russian psychiatric centers showed that approximately half of the maniacs studied had gynophobia. The gynophobic maniac controlled his fear by turning off his consciousness or killing women, and only then had sexual contact with them. In this case, the specific symptoms of gynophobia should be separated from misogyny. A phobia is driven by fear regardless of the emotion expressed, but misogyny is driven by other feelings.
Fear of the female sex has various variations:
- fear at the sight or memory of a lady;
- inability to be near the girl;
- fear of talking to a woman;
- inability to enter into intimate relationships, avoidance of hugs and kisses. At the same time, the possibility of normal communication remains;
- fear of pregnant women;
- fear of female bosses;
- fear of mature ladies, while with girls a man feels free;
- Kalifinophobia is a separate phobia - fear of beautiful women. The guy is deeply convinced that he is not worthy of having a romantic relationship with the beauty. She thinks that she looks like a freak compared to her;
- fear of virgins.
Gynecophobes avoid communication and intimacy with the fair sex. The consequences of such restrictive behavior are social isolation and inability to start a family. In some cases, a person experiences difficulties at work, which is why his opportunities for career advancement are sharply limited, he refuses to study in educational institutions, and is simply afraid to go out. Avoiding sexual contact with women can lead to impotence and homosexuality.
A gynophobic girl has no friends and is friends exclusively with men. She chooses male professions. Fear is so strong that it suppresses the feminine principle in a woman. This is such a powerful psychological attack that it can cause false infertility and provoke psychosis.
Misogynist. Causes of misogyny
“All troubles come from women!” - he says, avoiding the fair sex. When communicating with a lady, he is just waiting to mentally draw one more item on the endless list of female shortcomings. He is unrestrained in his assessments. Favorite definition: bitch. And how many adjectives he knows! But he won’t be able to squeeze a single good word out of himself, and he will kindly call the most worthy of all the worthy ones the word starting with the letter “w”, which is common in male circles. This is the portrait of a misogynist. Where did the hostility come from? Who is to blame and what to do? Let's look into the male subconscious.
Illness or social norm?
How long have we been talking about misogyny? Look around. What do we see in the news? Rapists, drunkards, cruel husbands who beat women, worthless fathers of the family who abandon their wives and children to their fate. These same images move onto television and computer screens. The film's protagonist, who despises women, and his victim is a great plot for a marketable film. And if he is a vile traitor, even better. But women in TV series behave no better. At the head of the parade are daring individuals. Break a man's heart? No problem! The war of the sexes is in fashion. Subconsciously, people copy screen images, exacerbating contradictions in relationships. Men hate women, women hate men, and it is becoming increasingly difficult to break out of the vicious circle.
Where does female misogyny come from?
It’s all so familiar and usual - to sneer at everything feminine in oneself and make fun of it in advance: oh, well, yes, sorry for the “girlishness”. It is shameful to warn as vile. Say “boys, don’t read” if you are going to write about something that excites you, but that is not interesting to the other half of humanity. At the same time, for some reason, it is their interests that are taken as the starting point.
Roll your eyes when your daughter asks for “glitter and pink.” To be indignant - where does it come from! As if it devalues you that your daughter doesn't despise all things feminine enough. As if hairpins could devalue anyone.
All this is like a condition for being okay. Qualities considered specifically feminine are condemned. But coldness, ridicule, irony and “don’t be so nervous,” said to your opponent with mockery, are the very style. The ideal woman is her own dude, only with boobs. “I don’t fuck my brain, I’m a comfortable woman.” And I can only be friends with men, but I don’t understand all these chickens. All this gives a feeling of pride and honor, of belonging to the elite - to a male company. And it is on male approval, as the only evaluation criterion, that this feeling of value is built.
And it’s not even male attention in itself that is valuable. And a man is a distributor of resources. Otherwise, the age-old habit tells us, if you are rejected, you will perish. The competition is fierce, you have to push the others away from the feeding trough and earn the praise of the owner of the first. You need to disguise yourself as the same rapist, maybe they will accept you.
And we learn to sincerely dislike everything feminine. “Stupid”, “smoking”.
The world has changed a long time ago, and a woman will not die without the approval of men - but we are still hostage to the patriarchal value system. Hostage. And we talk about sex workers, saying, “Well, what’s wrong,” but the boy needs to feel the warmth. Disabled people too. And specially trained people can do everything carefully. Female people, of course.
And about “well, she likes it, otherwise she would leave” - about a woman living in domestic violence for years, who cannot get out.
And we hear from female gynecologists - you liked fucking! Spread your legs, be patient, give birth in silence, like everyone else!
And we devalue everything created by women: from books to conversations, from campaigns to theories, this applies to everything. There is a man's conversation - and there is a woman's chatter.
It’s as if the man has the right to evaluate forever. Look, it's clearly time for us to pick him up. And above all, do it in your own head.
Reasons for men's hatred of women
What drives a man to misogyny? The roots of this behavior lie deep and go to the subconscious level. Hostility is a defense, but what are the stronger sex defending against?
Being a clumsy teenager, he tried to get to know a girl - she didn’t understand, she pushed him away, she laughed. The attempt was repeated at the institute. The young man was refused again. Fear and constant expectation of a trick on the part of the female sex settled in the heart of the young man. For him, misogyny is a defense against new disappointment, blow, or trick.
Hostility arises later. After a whirlwind romance into which a man puts his soul, a destroyed long-term marriage. Then misogyny reveals men's pain and the full force of the disappointment of an abandoned and lonely man.
Upbringing
Boys often copy their father's behavior. The disrespectful attitude of the head of the family towards his wife is deposited in the child’s memory. It's especially bad when the woman is really to blame. The son finds out about his mother's lover, or the child's heart is hurt by the separation of his parents due to her fault. In the future, he takes out old grievances on women.
The boy, deprived of his mother's love and affection, went through a difficult test. It’s hard for him to communicate with women, he doesn’t understand how to behave, he closes himself off and blames the fair sex for his failures: “They’re not like that,” “They don’t understand,” “I was given these calf tendernesses.”
Bad sexual experience
Negative experiences with sexual overtones greatly hurt a man’s pride. The girl laughed at his clumsiness, said that he was a worthless lover, and planted a huge inferiority complex in his head. But does a real man admit that he is gnawing at his own sense of wrongness? He transfers negative experiences to the fairer sex: “Everything is fine with me, they are all frigid.” Sometimes the complex develops into fear. A man is afraid of shame and rejects women altogether. No relationships - no painful experiences. Why is he lonely? It's simple: he is not created for relationships with selfish, materialistic and depraved persons.
Feminine doesn't count
I go to a book club. He's feminist. We discuss books written by women. And more than once we have encountered the dismissive: well, it’s you in the pen. This is not real literature. You must be feeling rather weak, since you are hiding on the reservation.
Whereas we want to read and talk about the experiences that we ourselves share. And not about men. We have already read enough about him, since our school years.
When I studied at the faculty of photojournalists, at the end of the year we took a diploma, photo history. The final work of one of my classmates was about the mark of motherhood - a literal mark, on women's bodies. Stretch marks, scars, altered figures, hardened nipples. We defended our work in front of a room full of students and teachers. All four male teachers said: ugh. You can’t film something like this, why! This, well, reduces the birth rate. This should be banned altogether!
Even when female spectators answered them: this is important. Even when the filmer said: this is important to me, this is important to my heroines. Even when the female curator championed the uniqueness and visual language of the work. Even after all this. They were confident that the right to decide belonged to them.
My final photographic work was about my relationship with my early deceased mother. Many spectators in the hall cried, and then came up to me and hugged me. One of the teachers said: I don’t understand why this should be filmed, it’s personal.
It's personal, it's yours, it's not important, put it away. Half of humanity and the topics that are relevant and important to them are not worthy of representation. And we ourselves, growing up on books and films created by men, believe in this unconditionally. That the right people are men.
And we do. Second grade. “About unimportant things.”
Congenital pathologies
This reason is less common than the previous ones, but in terms of destructiveness it surpasses all of them combined. Sexual pathologies are largely dictated by congenital characteristics. What will give a person sexual satisfaction depends on the course of pregnancy and the hormonal background of the mother. Sadism, masochism, homosexuality - these are all consequences caused by one reason: an incorrect program of sexual behavior, which is laid down in the womb under the influence of hormones.
What are women guilty of?
People don't just become misogynists. Representatives of the fair sex do not even notice how they instill in men a feeling of rejection and hostility towards themselves, which then spreads to all women. What do ladies do wrong?
Raising Men
How do women raise their husbands, boyfriends, and lovers? The methods are not original. Favorite game: silent game. Let him guess what is to blame. And how nice it is to peck at a man’s brain, to nag him for his wrongdoing. The effect is the opposite of what was expected. The man withdraws into himself. Often he does not understand at all what is happening and why he got such “happiness”. It endures for a long time. One relationship is replaced by another. And again, the extreme attraction “saw” deprives a man of peace. The abundance of comedies about women's oddities and conversations with friends who are in the same trouble convince a man that the nature of the fair sex is incorrect. And now he is already in the ranks of misogynists who consider all ladies equally unpleasant. The most amazing thing is that the misogynist copies the basis of his behavior from an unpleasant person, skillfully taking out his anger using the method of verbal drill.
Neglect of feelings
How often do women reject men? He offered to help, but received a rude refusal, decided to court her and was humiliated. When having an errand boy, ladies do not think about the consequences. They have no idea how an abandoned pocket gentleman feels. What conclusions does a man make when he feels used? He becomes convinced of the selfishness of women, of their deceit, selfishness and inhumanity, and chooses the model of behavior of an offended child.
Why do we laugh at men? Yesterday he was funny and wore socks of different colors, and today he became an entrepreneur with a stylish suit, an expensive car and a dislike for women. He has everything except love, which he considers insincere and selfish. Ridicule forms complexes. Men change, but past grievances haunt them in the future, leading them down the path of misogyny. Ladies, laughing at the clumsy boy, remember that you are digging a hole for yourself!
Waiting for a catch, a test of strength
“All men are goats!” is a powerful motto. And he makes men into scoundrels and misogynists. How else to react to mistrust, a constant test of loyalty, strength, and decency? If you slightly misjudge a woman’s desire, the man becomes a deceiver and a destroyer of destinies. Ladies who are man-haters seem to set a goal for themselves: to turn a member of the opposite sex into an enemy. And it does work.
Who is to blame for misogyny? Representatives of both sexes: some due to ignorance, others due to inability to understand and accept. How to break the vicious circle? Unite. Only together can we cope with the disease of misunderstanding.
Sources:
https://www.b17.ru/article/149400/ https://flytothesky.ru/mizoginizm-zhenonenavistnichestvo-boleznennoe-otvrashhenie-k-zhenshhinam/ https://sunmag.me/sovety/15-01-2014- zhenonenavistnik-prichiny-zhenonenavistnichestva.html
“Violence is always hidden in misogyny”
Maria Shumikhina, a psychologist, tells me in response to this:
“In the history of misogyny there is always a history of violence. Sometimes it’s physical, sometimes it’s forced violence (“you’re a girl/woman, which means you have to”). When does a woman start to hate other women? When she decides that she will never be like “all women.” But what is behind this decision? Of course, there is a lot of pain, and often a lot of shame. But pain and shame have many faces.
Father or another man beats mother. And then the mother says to her daughter: “We are women, we need to learn to endure.” “No,” the girl decides, “I will never endure like all these women.” Sometimes, in order to protect herself from a severe internal conflict, she takes the side of the rapist: “If she beats, it means she is to blame, such stupid women need to be beaten, but I will be smart, I will be with men.”
This syndrome has a special name: “identification with the aggressor,” an almost magical way of protecting the psyche: if I think like an aggressor, like a rapist, nothing bad will happen to me.
Sometimes it is a mother who hits her daughter. Sometimes a daughter sees her mother beating defenseless younger ones, and then everything that reminds her of this woman becomes disgusting to her. The children of the policewoman, who took turns chaining their legs to the radiator (“so as not to interfere”), hate women, police officers and the red manicure that their mother had. But they - both son and daughter - do not like to come into contact with memories, they simply say: “these nasty women.”
Or “everyone in the yard knew that my mother was sleeping with everyone, cheap. I will be smarter” - these are the words of a female escort who despises all women who do not receive compensation for sex. If she knows that a woman is unhappy in a relationship, she can always say that she is “a fool and misplaced herself, does not know her worth.”
“Children begin to despise and devalue what they consider “feminine behavior”
What is “the violence of obligation”? If the whole system tells you: “You are a woman, and you should know your place,” that is, “you need to accept all restrictions without objection,” then you can either accept them or rebel. “I can afford everything that men can. If that makes me not a woman, then I won’t be a woman.” Here the power of protest is equal to the power of pressure from the system, and hatred of the system will manifest itself towards everyone, but primarily towards those who especially pressured. If this is the father, it means that they will hate him first. If the women of the family did this... If they seated the men at the table first; gave them the best pieces; They watched every glance with trepidation: what he wanted, whether he was angry; fulfilled all desires ahead of schedule... Children begin to despise and devalue what they consider “female behavior.”
All people from the described systems have reasons to fear or hate or devalue everything that they may consider to be a “manifestation of the feminine.” To understand that it is not women who are to blame, but the traumas that lie in the history of the family, they need to go a long way, to accept their woundedness, and bitterness, and the injustice of their history and family system.”
