All day on the farm: I ran to the market in the morning, cleaned the apartment, washed and ironed things, prepared lunch and dinner. She was exhausted, knocked down, just to please him, just to be the best in his eyes. But then my husband comes home after a day of work. He crosses the threshold of his home and... What are the first words he utters?
“Darling, what a great fellow you are! The house looks even better than before." Or: “Oh, I think it smells like something delicious. Dear, you must have tried very hard?”
No.
Instead, she hears the following phrase: “Why didn’t you remove the bag from the corridor?”
It’s like you haven’t done anything all day, lying on the couch! But no. I managed to do so many things around the house, and then - such a trifle! Annoyance. Bitterness. Resentment. Why didn’t you put your bag away after going to the market? I just forgot about her! There were more important things to do.
But the problem is that the question about the bag was not asked out of curiosity. This question can be reformulated as follows: “Why don’t you keep order? What have you been doing all this time? It’s so painful to hear a reproach from your own husband, from a loved one who promised to love and be there in sorrow and in joy.
You understand with your mind that the reproach is fundamentally groundless, but a sediment remains in your heart.
Why does a woman, trying her best for her husband, only receive a reproach in return for some minor omission? Let’s figure out why my husband keeps nagging and how to deal with this problem using the knowledge of the “System-Vector Psychology” training by Yuri Burlan.
Hint to him about the importance of self-development
“I fell in love with a moron and I can’t live without him. What to do?" – in the modern world, many girls ask a similar question. This is not surprising. Almost everyone knows that there are much more representatives of the fair sex on the planet than men. Therefore, young ladies begin to “shovel” normal guys as early as adolescence. However, there are also girls who take a long time to choose a boyfriend, after which they are forced to live with far from normal guys. Well, or the girl simply falls in love with a guy who “doesn’t have everything at home” and can’t do anything about it. What advice can you give to such a beauty?
Try to hint to your lover that in the modern world it is very important to constantly develop yourself. If a guy spends all his time sitting at the computer or drinking beer with friends, then he has no moral right to be called a man. However, you should not say such things directly to your man. Even though the representative of the stronger sex is the head of the family, you can manipulate him the way you want. Just say that you want to start reading more books and would love for your boyfriend to join you. Or buy him some interesting souvenir that will awaken in him a desire for self-development.
The devil is in the details
System-vector psychology explains that all our words and actions are determined by our internal innate desires and mental properties necessary for the realization of these desires, which together make up 8 vectors of the human psyche. All people are different. Each person has his own vector set. More often, from three to five vectors can be observed in a city resident.
Systemic-vector psychology explains that criticism and pickiness towards loved ones are not characteristic of everyone, but only of people with an anal vector. In fact, these are the best husbands and the best professionals in their field. They are characterized by accuracy, diligence, and scrupulousness. They try to do any task they would not undertake to do it as efficiently as possible. Natural perseverance allows them to devote all the time necessary to each individual detail in order to achieve the desired perfection in their work.
They have an analytical mind: they carefully study and compare facts, double-checking each fact for its truth. Such attention to detail, to every little detail, allows them to notice any, even the smallest, mistake in their business and correct it. Remember about the fly in the ointment? Only people with the anal vector are able to strain the entire barrel and rid the honey of tar, correcting mistakes and achieving ideal quality. Others do not have enough perseverance and patience for this.
But it is precisely this attention to detail - an innate property of a person with an anal vector - that, under certain circumstances, becomes the cause of pickiness.
When something went wrong...
Living or working with such a person is a pleasure when he realizes himself for the benefit of society. These are very thoughtful people who are able to get to the bottom of the truth, find the cause of any malfunction and perform complex analytical work. When they use their talent for its intended purpose at work, they become real experts in their field. However, it happens that they lack professional fulfillment, and then their unused analytical mind and attention to detail become the reason for criticism. After all, there is a desire to use their properties, but they implement them not as they should, but as they can.
If they are unable to implement their critical thinking at work, put everything into perspective and get a positive result, then, instead of separating right from wrong, accurate from inaccurate, useful from useless, and constructively explain their point of view, making improvements to subject, such people begin to criticize others, hanging another denigrating label and even using toilet language. Moreover, they can criticize everything: the actions of their loved ones, the laws in the country, politics - anything. It's much easier than creating something yourself. To criticize others, you do not need to be a great specialist and deeply understand the issue. Very often they criticize what they understand absolutely nothing about, thus relieving internal tension from unfulfilled desires.
Having arrived home, they continue to be the same critics and analysts, but the object of their attention is focused on that “fly in the ointment,” on those little things that are completely unimportant. But when a person is not realized, they suddenly catch his eye and acquire enormous significance. The potatoes are cut too large or small, the tube of toothpaste is not closed and does not lie properly, the bag was not put back in its place, some small debris was not removed. The list goes on and on.
The reason for criticism is resentment
It is also interesting that even if you really sincerely try to please your husband and cut the potatoes to the required size, close the tube and put it exactly in its place, this will not lead to the fact that the nagging husband with an anal vector will cease to be as such - he will simply find a new reason for complaints and reproaches. His criticism is actually not due to external circumstances, not to the implementation and (or) state of those around him. It's all about him - his inner state. He feels bad, so he criticizes others. And only one’s own realization, personal embodiment of one’s talents, one’s natural inclinations can make a person happy. A happy person is not inclined to criticize others, he radiates joy and calmness and enjoys communicating with people.
When in good condition, people with the anal vector are very attentive and tactful in their interactions with others. They seem to be afraid of “breaking” those with whom they communicate, afraid of inadvertently hurting someone’s feelings or causing pain to a person.
And in severe internal states, they manifest themselves in exactly the opposite way: their claims can often be expressed in tactless or downright rude form. And then their criticism becomes verbal sadism over the people around them.
The natural structure of the psyche of a person with an anal vector includes the desire for equality with others, they are the ones who say: “The way you treat me, the same way I treat you.” They are the ones who are able to thank someone who has done them good, and, conversely, to take revenge if someone has caused them offense and pain.
And with a long absence of realization, they experience a feeling of injustice of others towards themselves - a state of resentment.
When a person with an anal vector is offended (and the state of offense as such is characteristic only of a person with an anal vector), he perceives the whole world through his state of offense - violated equality in relation to himself. And therefore he sees only what was not given to him and is unconsciously convinced that everyone around him owes him. They owe him respect, honor, attention, obedience, they must have the same phenomenal (or simply excellent) memory as his, they must be diligent and careful, like himself. However, not every person is the owner of the anal vector and has the same values as him, so those around him simply cannot meet all his personal expectations. But every time faced with manifestations of inequality, a person with an anal vector becomes more and more immersed in his resentment.
This is how it turns out that an offended and not very fulfilled person with an anal vector comes to work, home, or anywhere, and begins to express his unfounded remarks about those around him. The effect of such comments is usually the opposite: they do not help correct the situation, but introduce tension and stress into communication. For example, when they are aimed at a person with a skin vector. He may become stressed, start fussing and make even more mistakes that could have been avoided in a more favorable environment.
Introduce the guy to your parents
What to do if the guy is a moron, but you are afraid to tell him about it directly? A very good option in this case would be to introduce him to your relatives, who are distinguished by their sharp minds and follow the rules of etiquette. You can even ask them to play along with you so that they are twice as diligent. In such a society, your boyfriend will begin to feel out of place, and will begin to develop himself in all areas so as not to seem weak-minded in front of your family.
Also included in the category of useful acquaintances are friends with whom your young man, for some reason, is not yet acquainted. Just tell them: “My boyfriend is a moron, help!” They will support you in every possible way and help you develop a plan that will make “a man out of a monkey.” You should emphasize that you are used to living in a society of adequate and adult people. Having fun, of course, is also great, but do not forget that life is fleeting and you should cling to every opportunity to make it better.
Copy his terrible behavior
No matter how sickening it may sound, even a level 80 moron will not tolerate from his girlfriend the kind of behavior that he demonstrates himself. Try to do the same as your boyfriend, and if necessary, even embellish some aspects. Don't be afraid to demonstrate a burp at the table or throw a balloon filled with water out of the window. Every guy tries to find a cute and feminine girl, and not a troll who will pick his nose and wipe this secretion on the headboard.
If a guy notices changes in your behavior, then don’t be afraid to give him an ultimatum that you will behave this way as long as he behaves this way. Use the phrase “Now do you understand what it looks like from the outside?” If your lover has at least a little adequacy, then he will stop behaving like an abnormal person and will begin to change for the better.
Inability to negotiate
If you don’t know how to agree on each other’s “wants,” you stop hearing each other. What you agreed on at the beginning of the relationship, when your personalities came together, will not last a lifetime. You change, grow, develop. It's important to sit down and renegotiate what you want from the relationship and from each other from time to time.
About the opportunity to do what someone else wants. About the possibility of finding a way to satisfy each other's desires. If your “wants” do not match, start from whether you want a relationship with each other and then move on to the details.
But if someone is still ready to invest more, then this is his decision, the other partner does not influence this and is not responsible.
In agreements, it is important to take responsibility for yourself and your choices. Don't shift it to someone else and don't blame them for your choice.
Threaten the young man with separation
When answering the question of what to do if the guy is a moron, one cannot fail to mention a fairly effective method that is ideal if your boyfriend loves you selflessly. Just tell him in all seriousness that you need a normal man, not an idiot.
If you put the most valuable thing you have on the line, the development of events will be as follows:
- either the guy will leave you;
- or he will start to change.
Even if the former happens, you shouldn’t worry too much about it. Perhaps fate has long been trying to hint to you that you should not build a serious relationship with this person. Especially if he does not value your union and it is easier for him to part with you than to change. We hope now you know what to do if the guy is a moron. Good luck to you!
