Your beliefs become your thoughts,
your thoughts become your words,your words become your actions,
your actions become your habits,
your habits become your values,
your values become your destiny.
Mahatma Gandhi
© Compiled by. Mashkova D.V., 2013
© Akkizov K.Yu., illustrations, 2013
© Design. Eksmo Publishing House LLC, 2014
To the reader
Throughout life, each person consciously or unconsciously creates his own value system
and forms his own “moral law.”
Life principles are formed from personal experience, books read, influence of teachers, communication with people around us. From time to time, a thinking person needs to compare his everyday philosophy with the views of those who have achieved serious heights in life. The book “The Main Rules of Life” combines the basic values and everyday principles of outstanding contemporaries - those whose successes we follow with interest. Vladimir Pozner, Lyudmila Ulitskaya, Dina Rubina, Alexander Shirvindt, Valentin Gaft, Galina Volchek, Mark Zakharov, Oleg Tabakov, Nikolai Drozdov and others, whose names are known to everyone in our country, agreed to meet and talk about the main thing. We talked about freedom, happiness, vocation, will, imagination, power, fate, success, family, education... But it also happened that the conversation gradually changed its vector, developing into memories or thoughts about painful things. The interviewer had no task to interrupt or stop: behind every sincere word a personality is revealed.
Wise, unexpected, sometimes contradictory and cynical thoughts voiced during the interview were later formed into quotes - in such a pure, crystallized form they will appear before the reader. You can recognize yourself in someone’s phrases, and you will want to argue with someone’s statements. The main thing is to understand and approve your own set of life rules.
Diana Mashkova,
author-compiler
Acknowledgments
With all my heart I thank the respected heroes of the book for agreeing to become the authors of “The Main Rules of Life.” Personal communication became a valuable life experience for me and helped me find answers to many questions. Many thanks to fellow journalists Marina Zeltser, Natalia Adamova, Maria Ganiants for their help in conducting a number of interviews. Deep gratitude to the EKSMO publishing house, Sergei Cherkasov and Lydia Osheverova for the idea of the book and its implementation.
Deep personal gratitude for the love and support of my family, which has grown during the creation of the book.
Diana Mashkova
Roman Avdeev “Happiness is living here and now”
Father of 23 children, including 19 adopted. Owner of the Moscow Credit Bank
On the issue of adoption, I consulted with my parents, but did not ask their permission.
This is an independent decision. I have never convinced my relatives or friends of anything, I have never discussed with anyone, although I understand all positions.
I believe that a lot can be done through education.
There are, of course, genes; they determine a person’s physical characteristics and temperament. But when they tell me that a child has a criminal inside of him, for me this is complete nonsense! The antisocial element is the result of upbringing.
The foundations, in my opinion, are formed and laid in a person before the age of three.
It is much more difficult to help later. This is the only reason why children under the age of one year come to us.
We are adopting. Other forms - guardianship, patronage - are incomprehensible to me.
I welcome all forms of placing a child in a family, because I do not accept life in an orphanage. But for me personally there is no question: I took full responsibility, these are my children.
We try to ensure that children have maximum socialization.
They communicate openly with the world and face the problems that exist at school and in the children's community.
I don’t put pressure on children in terms of cultural values: what to read, what to watch.
In the modern world there are new speeds and realities. I remember very well how for the first time at the age of 12 I watched the masterpiece “Battleship Potemkin” and did not find anything for myself there, because the films of my childhood were already more dynamic.
If there are traditions that are accepted freely, this is good, but if traditions are imposed, this is evil.
Although we may be talking about the same things. Family is an organic mechanism, the main thing is that everyone feels that we are together.
Of course, we teach children independence.
But I would like my children to be able to do even more themselves. With age, the range of their responsibilities increases, we try not to spoil anyone. In my opinion, any talk about what you need to be able to do should be backed up with action.
IF EVERYTHING IS GOOD, SMOOTH AND LIFE DOESN’T CHALLENGE – IT’S A SWAMP
Happiness is living here and now.
It is a deep misfortune to think that tomorrow will be good or that it once was good. Happiness is within us; a person must create such a worldview. Yes, it’s good when desires and reality coincide. But in any case, everything is formed in our heads.
If everything is good, smooth and life doesn’t present any challenges, it’s a swamp.
I am a different kind of person. I have never had silence: there are always questions and problems - both in the family and at work. I like the movement: such a temperament.
My power as a father of a family comes down to a very simple formula:
I lead because I am physically stronger and provide for my family financially. I tell the children: either take on my authority, or listen to my opinion. And this is very motivating, especially for boys.
I try to prohibit as little as possible: only what is dangerous is prohibited.
Here is a question of discipline and authority, which an adult should have in the family. But you also need to explain what’s what, otherwise one day the child will try to jump from the ninth floor to learn to fly.
Adults are easier to manage:
At work, we are all united by a common goal and strive to make the business successful. Whoever does not accept this means he is not with us. There is a corporate culture, discipline, mutual respect. It doesn't work any other way.
Am I making mistakes as a leader? Yes, I can be wrong.
But only a fool does not admit his mistakes. If the decision was wrong, everything is visible in the numbers. Our goal is not the authority of the boss or personal ambitions, but efficiency.
Fate is a certain predetermination of conditions plus freedom of choice.
I am sure that there are no life situations in which a person is so crushed by circumstances that he does not have the opportunity to make independent decisions. I understand that after reading this, many will start throwing rotten tomatoes at me. But I repeat: there is always a choice.
I really like the statement that all men are from Mars, and women are from Venus.
Since I am interested in philosophy and immersed in Greek mythology, I think this expression captures the essence.
There are psychological and physiological characteristics determined by nature.
If a woman makes good money, drives a car, and so on, that’s great! But such things do not exempt her from having children. I support any choice of a person, but by substituting responsibilities and concepts, a man does not become a woman and vice versa.
Statements that everything in a family should be done together are infuriating:
wash the floors together, peel potatoes together. I think everyone should have their own responsibilities. This does not mean that I consider it shameful to wash the floors: in each family the division of labor occurs in its own way. But the happiness of a family lies in the unity of opposites.
The illusion of the modern world is that we think we have a very rich imagination.
No, perception plays the main role: it is richer and creates images and ideas in our heads.
The main value is for a person to become a person.
He must learn to independently determine what is good and what is bad. When a person becomes a person, everything that is most important - freedom, happiness, love - is produced from his abilities.
The task of parents in education is not to strangle, but to help.
I believe, for example, that it is impossible to cultivate a sense of beauty. It’s already in a person – it’s just important to let it open up.
DESTINY IS A CERTAIN PREDESTINATION OF CONDITIONS PLUS FREEDOM OF CHOICE
I try to rationalize my fears.
If they appear to me, they immediately disappear. But I'm afraid to show weakness. And it’s not about some kind of God’s punishment for giving in, for making a mistake - I don’t think about that at all. The question is, do you want to be human?
Our society lacks reflection.
We are constantly promoting contradictory things, the same national idea. For example, cries of “down with those who have come in large numbers from Moscow” and at the same time “we are for great Russia”: if “down with”, then “we are for the Principality of Moscow.” We need to teach people to think.
The goal of a successful man
From birth we already have a goal, although we are not aware of it - knowledge of the world and development, and when we become a teenager we acquire a new goal - to become an adult. Thus, we have something to strive for and we achieve something in life.
It's difficult to become a successful person if you don't have any goals. Therefore, initially we must set a goal for ourselves, but it is not necessary to immediately demolish mountains; first, we can set small goals: write a plan, buy a pen, and so on.
Alexander Baluev “The ability to forgive is a huge acquisition of a person”
Theater and film actor, winner of the Kinotavr and Nika awards. He played in the films “Muslim”, “Kandahar”, “Moscow Saga”, “Death of the Empire”, “Zhukov”, “Peter the Great. Testament", "Life and Fate"
If I really wanted something in life, I never got it.
But as soon as he began to treat his desire with indifference - come what may - everything worked out. And I came up with a rule for myself: I try not to want anything madly.
Every person has a destined path.
It was genetic that I became an actor. It only seems to us that we are changing something. In fact, if we changed our path, it means that we were destined for something else. I believe in it.
Theater is a state of mind, not a job.
Sometimes my soul does not correspond to publicity at the moment when I need to go on stage: I would like to go somewhere in the wilderness. I understand that I am speaking unprofessionally now, but it is true.
If the performance was, from my point of view, unsuccessful, I try to forget it.
Like in tennis. If a tennis player punishes himself for every unsuccessful serve, he will definitely lose. Didn't submit - that's it. So, the next one will be served. There is no point in clinging to the past moment.
Other people's opinions of my work affect me, but that's not the main thing.
Although, of course, it’s nice when you praise. Previously, when I read devastating articles, I was very worried. Very! Then everyone developed immunity, no matter who it was.
This is not to say that theater does not have any impact on people.
But the idea that a play or film can change a lot is the greatest misconception. I treat this very carefully. Both directors and artists are clowns, they just want to look more serious and more significant than they really are.
I don’t think that an artist should work a lot: he should work only as much as he feels the need to do so.
Probably, given my youth, the abundance of different roles is good. But when you start to understand something, quantity loses its meaning. Quality is important. Each shot should have a certain meaning for you.
For me, money is not an indicator of true values.
These are signs that allow you to live independently to one degree or another.
Sometimes I am forced to simply earn money, but I am always aware of what exactly I am doing at that moment.
In this sense, I am quite cynical and outspoken.
IT SEEMES TO ME THAT LOVE ALWAYS HELPS, IT IS ALWAYS A PLUS
Man is a rather closed world
. Anyone. There is personal hygiene. Some problems must be solved by a person himself, without pinning them on others.
You can't have too many close friends.
Communication - yes, as much as you like. But according to my inner feeling, I am not a public person. Sometimes you just have to keep in touch.
Friendship is a feeling that has stood the test of time.
And since everyone’s time is limited... I also don’t get along with people very easily. The people who are next to me are enough for me.
Love is space
and it has an unearthly effect, like a conductor to other spaces, times and worlds. I am absolutely sure of this.
It seems to me that falling in love always helps, it is always a plus.
At least for me. Although, because of love, various distortions, even wars, can occur. But it is not love that is to blame, but its distorted interpretation.
I don’t think that a woman should be enslaved, oppressed and obliged to live under some kind of pressure.
On the contrary, I am interested in absolute equality, so that women always have the opportunity to realize their own plans.
Women's logic is a logic whose existence must be recognized, but understanding it and justifying it is a pointless matter.
I explain to my wife: you have your own logic, I agree to this, but I have mine, and let’s not forget about it.
I am a living person, anything can happen, and I can shout.
Usually, of course, I take it out on my loved ones - there is no original thought in this. The main thing is to apologize in time, find the strength and courage to admit that you are wrong.
The ability to forgive is a huge human acquisition.
By forgiving someone, you teach yourself tolerance and understanding. Another thing is that you can forgive and then not communicate. This is everyone's choice. But you need to forgive everyone, always.
By the age of 40, I had worked through all the crises of middle and non-middle age in full.
By this time, every man, and every woman too, becomes aware of what has been done over the past 20 years. And a lot of things lead to dissatisfaction. You must either accept it or protest.
I don’t have any sadness associated with age: I don’t think I’ve missed anything.
Figuratively speaking, I will not become a president or an astronaut, but I didn’t want that. How long I have left is none of my business. I just live, that's all.
In our youth, compared to adulthood, we have little to give our children,
because, firstly, we are not yet financially able to do this, and secondly, we constantly have to run somewhere, prove something to someone. There is not enough time, energy, soul. All this comes with age and experience.
My attraction to the theater probably comes from my mother, because my father never went there at all.
until I started working on stage. And my mother loved opera very much. During the war, she was in Samara, where the Bolshoi Theater was evacuated, and ran to all the performances, collecting autographs. Apparently, the passion was so strong that it was somehow transmitted to me.
Healthy lifestyle
A healthy lifestyle is also the rule of life for a successful person. This concept includes a lot, but the most important thing is proper sleep and constant activity.
You may ask: why do I need your healthy lifestyle? Firstly, no matter how primitive it may sound, you will live longer, which means you will discover more of the world. Secondly, it significantly increases your performance, clarity of thinking and the ability to do what you love until old age. And thirdly, it is into sane minds that brilliant ideas come.
