Tips for self-development - How to learn to defend your opinion: 10 recommendations

Whose opinion is the most correct?
To change your mind means to prove that someone else’s opinion is wrong.
Standing up for your claims
Don't prove it, just do it
How to express your opinion without offending your interlocutor?
How to finally insist or express your opinion?

Every man should have his own opinion on any issue. This shows his education, ability to think for himself and make decisions. However, let us remember that when entering into dialogues with other people, a man is faced with a different opinion. Your opinion does not always coincide with the opinions of other people. This often causes them to behave in a rather aggressive way. Masculino.ru will tell you how to defend your point of view.

Usually it all starts harmlessly: a man begins to discuss some topic with another person who expresses his personal opinion, different from his. Here the interlocutors begin to insist that their points of view are correct. How is it possible that two opposing or non-adjacent points of view can be correct? This doesn’t fit into the heads of the interlocutors, so they begin to insist even more harshly that their opinion is the most correct. And if words don’t help, then it can come down to physical force.

If you understand the senselessness and absurdity of such an outcome, then it’s time to look for ways to communicate with people and respond to their opinions, which are not similar to yours.

Whose opinion is the most correct?

Modern man no longer makes his own conclusions about what kind of world he lives in, what is good and what is bad, but he is given information from the outside in which he must unconditionally believe. If you pay attention, it all starts from childhood. Both your parents and you, in relation to your own children, take the position: “I’m telling you how to live.” It is not the child himself who determines for himself what is good and what is bad, but his parents who accustom him to the thoughts that they themselves possess.

From childhood, a person becomes an object for receiving information. It is not he who decides what the world is like, what other people are like, what he himself is like, but those around him, the media, society as a whole, instill in him ideas about what he should think on this or that issue. A person no longer thinks, but simply remembers what he should think. So it turns out that there are people who think alike (which means they remembered and accepted the same information). But when people meet whose opinions differ, then a furious dispute begins: “whose opinion is the most correct.” But really, whose opinion is the most correct? In practice, the correct opinion will be the one that was defended more fiercely, immorally, rudely, unprincipledly, etc.

People cannot even defend an opinion, since it is not the result of their conclusions. It was embedded in them. Where did this opinion come from, who came up with it, on what grounds? These are questions that remain unanswered. Therefore, the strongest argument that people give, without other arguments to justify their opinion: “This is how it is accepted... This is correct... This is how everyone lives...”. In general, nothing!

People no longer draw their own conclusions, think for themselves, or decide for themselves. They are simply given information that they must learn, no matter how stupid and incomprehensible it may be. It will be illogical at first. But then a person will distort his mind so much that he will come up with a logical explanation for any illogical phenomenon.

Rules of Argumentation

The rules of argumentation are quite simple, but each of them has a different set of features. There are four rules in total:

Rule one

Use compelling, precise, clear, and simple terms. Keep in mind that persuasiveness is easily lost if the arguments presented are vague and abstract

Also take into account that in most cases people catch and understand much less than they want to show

Rule two

It is advisable to select the method of argumentation and its pace in accordance with the characteristics of your temperament (you can read about the types of temperament here). This rule assumes:

Evidence and facts presented individually are more effective than those presented together
A few (three to five) of the most striking arguments are more effective than many average facts
Argumentation should not take the form of a “heroic” monologue or declaration
With the help of well-placed pauses you can achieve better results than with a stream of words
Active rather than passive construction of statements has a greater impact on the interlocutor, especially when it is necessary to provide evidence (for example, the phrase “we will do it” is much better than the phrase “it can be done”, the word “conclude” is much better than the phrase “draw a conclusion” etc.)

Rule three

The argument should always appear correct. This means:

If a person is right, admit it openly, even if the consequences may be unfavorable for you.
If the interlocutor accepted any arguments, try to use them in the future
Avoid empty phrases that indicate a decrease in concentration and lead to inappropriate pauses to gain time or search for the thread of a conversation (such phrases can be: “it was not said”, “you can do it this way or that”, “along with this”, “otherwise speaking”, “more or less”, “as I already said”, etc.)

Rule four

Adapt your arguments to the personality of your interlocutor:

Build an argument taking into account your opponent’s motives and goals
Remember that so-called “excessive” persuasiveness can cause rejection from your opponent
Try not to use wording and expressions that make it difficult to understand and argue
Strive to present your evidence, considerations and ideas as clearly as possible, giving examples and comparisons, but remember that they should not diverge from the experience of the interlocutor, i.e. must be close and understandable to him
Avoid extremes and exaggerations so as not to arouse your opponent’s mistrust and cast doubt on your entire argument.

By following these rules, you will increase the attention and activity of your interlocutor, minimize the abstractness of your statements, link arguments much more effectively and ensure maximum understanding of your position. Communication between two people, when it comes to disputes and discussions, almost always occurs according to the “attacker-defender” pattern.

Obviously, you can end up in either the first or second position. Argument structures are also formed based on this principle.

Communication between two people, when it comes to disputes and discussions, almost always occurs according to the “attacker-defender” pattern. Obviously, you can end up in either the first or second position. Argument structures are also formed according to this principle.

To change your mind means to prove that someone else’s opinion is wrong.

Do you think that people begin to convince each other only when they realize this? In fact, people are constantly trying to convince each other, especially when an argument begins. Trying to prove that your opinion is the most correct occurs every time you communicate with people. If the dialogue goes smoothly, then most likely your interlocutor has the same opinion as you. And if partners begin to quarrel and argue, it means that their opinions do not coincide.

Every person tries to convince those with whom he communicates and builds relationships. And the essence of persuasion is that you want to prove that someone else's opinion is wrong, because you have strong arguments in favor of your point of view. But why does a person want to convince someone? Because he will receive some benefit when he achieves his goal. A girl will start dating a guy if she convinces him that a relationship is good. A subordinate will climb the career ladder if he convinces his boss that he can handle the new job. A child will be bought a bicycle if he convinces his parents that in this case he will be in their sight.

The purpose of any attempt to convince someone is to gain benefits. It is more beneficial for you to prove that you are right than for your interlocutor, so that he agrees to take those actions that will bring you benefits.

All people constantly convince each other. If your opinions coincide, then there is no need to convince. And if your opinion differs from the opinion of your interlocutor, with whom you still want to agree on something, then you have a desire to convince him. A person does not convince someone who will not be useful to him. But if someone has certain plans and expectations, then he tries to convince, that is, to prove that someone else’s opinion is wrong.

Secrets of self-confident people

As mentioned above, some manage to be self-confident without making a lot of enemies, while others try unsuccessfully to prove that they are right. Let's get acquainted with the secrets of self-confident people.

Exude confidence and show trust

Self-confidence never exists without trust. If you are trusted, then your thoughts will always be heard by your interlocutor.

Give free rein to your feelings, rely on your intuition. You have to feel where you can and where you can’t. Prove your position in the right places, but remember that overconfidence can be seen as a power move and therefore affect your career.

Be serious if you want to be taken seriously. Take care of your appearance and habits to increase your chances of being trusted and how others treat you.

Learn to say no

It sounds strange, but some people don't have the word "no" in their vocabulary. Set your priorities and stop worrying the next time you say no.

It’s one thing to help a colleague with his request, another thing is your immediate responsibilities. No one will pay you a bonus for things done in place of a colleague.

Saying “no” is not impolite, but honest to yourself.

In the article we have already described the rules on how to help yourself with the ability to politely refuse when necessary.

Manage your emotions

To communicate your message effectively, you must learn to control your emotions. Don't let aggression break out and block all your arguments.

Some people think that only “on edge” can they prove that they are right. However, you always need to say the right things to the right people in the right places at the right time. Therefore, be confident in your thoughts here and now, do not allow emotions to accumulate inside you for a long time until they splash out like a typhoon on your interlocutor.

Persuade rather than threaten or intimidate

If you have not yet determined the boundary between self-confidence and aggressiveness, then:

Self-confidence is calm and collected.
Aggression - threats, raising voice, intimidation.

When you take a stand, don't hurt anyone's feelings. You must express your thoughts without causing harm to anyone. You act in the best interests of your company. And if you are working to improve your organization while advocating for your interests, nothing should scare you.

But there are also limits to self-confidence.

Seize the moment

Sometimes it is better to remain silent and hard work can lead to good returns.

But we live in a world where everyone can be rewarded for their achievements, and it would be foolish to miss the moment.

If you think that now is the time to start a new project, complain about colleagues loitering around, or ask for a promotion - go for it! The sincerity of your beliefs can serve as a good incentive for approval.

Set a limit on self-confidence

Self-confidence is a talent. Like any talent, some have more self-confidence, others have less.

If you misuse your confidence, it will very soon turn into aggressiveness, which will adversely affect your relationships with your colleagues. Especially if you use self-confidence to show your authority in a team.

If you use self-confidence too often, it will inevitably alienate you from all your colleagues.

They will feel like their point of view means nothing to you, which means you have nothing in common. Don't forget this.

Avoid the "Kick in the Ass"

If you are an employee, then you should not exclude the possibility of being fired for defending your point of view. Your boss may respect your opinion, or he may fire you at any time.

And if the work is valuable to you, then you should shut your mouth and continue working. This may turn out to be cowardice, but if this job is the only source of income, then it is better to choose the practical side rather than show your courage. And there, maybe a better vacancy will appear for you.

Standing up for your claims

One of the most common human problems is the inability to assert one’s rights and state one’s needs directly and confidently.

Self-confidence is a social experience that can be learned. To do this, you should use basic statements such as: “No, I don’t like that” or “Thanks, but I don’t want that.” It is also important to use empathic statements - phrases indicating that you understand the interlocutor well, but have your own point of view. If someone starts a conversation with basic statements and then continues the conversation in an explicit manner, this is called an escalation of confidence.

Another good way to build self-confidence is to speak in the first person rather than impersonally. “I” sounds proud and makes others listen to your opinion.

Try to develop your own verbal defense, used when it is necessary to communicate with “slippery” and rude people:

Interrupting the conversation. Just repeat a phrase over and over again. "I say "No! I can repeat it again. No! No!".
Fogging. Agree verbally with someone, but at the same time remain unconvinced.
Abstraction. Transferring the conversation from a specific to a more general level.

Criticize the position, not the person himself

Sometimes someone else’s opinion can make your whole being shudder, and a ripple runs through your body from the realization of how worthless your opponent’s position is. He is wrong 11 out of 10, but how to win an argument and show him the full power of your arguments, how to prove that it was your version of events that was blessed by Pope Benedict XVI himself, and his arguments are just dirty heresy, for which it is not a shame to send a fool bask at the fire of the Inquisition? Here's the thing: do you think this guy who's arguing with you cares about his opponent's opinion of himself? Oh no, he only cares about his own position, but not about your barbs against his personality. There is no point in criticizing his nature, way of life, spelling and punctuation during an argument. This will only reflect the weakness of your position and indicate that the arguments are over. And leave his mother alone, after all, the woman has nothing to do with it!

If you want to smear it, then hit the arguments, criticize them and do it constructively. Give proven, weighty arguments to disarm your opponent. For example, you got into an argument with someone about the need to change your car’s shoes to winter tires when cold weather sets in. Previously, you would have started the argument by noting the ugly bangs of your counterpart and emphasizing the spherical shape of the girl who is depicted with him in the photograph, but today you are a different person and will say that when it freezes, summer tires become dull and are not able to fully hold the car on the road, so there is not enough grip, and the tire tread is not suitable for driving on snow. The reasoned position of the arguer is much more effective than stupid criticism of individual traits of a person. Indeed, in this case, it seems that there is not a dialogue with a person, but a struggle with a stupid neural network that simulates a person’s life, but does not have sufficient knowledge to win an argument. Remember: criticize the position, not the person.

Don't prove it, just do it

If a person just proves to you the seriousness of his intentions, but does nothing to implement them, will you believe him? Successful people know that nothing speaks louder than their actions. While they are trying to prove something to you in words, you will not believe it, but if a person begins to act accordingly, demonstrating the seriousness of his intentions, then you will have no choice but to believe in it.

That's why you don't need to prove anything to anyone. Just do what you decide to do. Then other people will see it and believe in your intentions unconditionally. You can say anything in words, you can change your opinion at any time, but your actions are unambiguous. If you are already doing something, then you will not change them in any way. That is why people believe only in actions, and not in words, which can even be forgotten.

If you want to leave, leave, if you want to do something specific, do it. There is no need to prove, assure or persuade anything. Just start doing what will correspond to your desires: if you want, do what you want and get results.

Otherwise, if you just want to convince someone of something, but don’t demonstrate anything through your actions, your behavior is manipulation: you want to make someone believe you, but you don’t really want to. what are you talking about. This kind of manipulation is very well felt by people, which is why many of them do not believe the words, no matter how persistently and resentfully you try to prove your truth to them. As long as you talk about your desires, they will not believe you, but as soon as you begin to act towards the realization of your desire, those around you will believe you unconditionally, because you do, and therefore want to achieve the result that you are trying to make other people believe in. If you want, do it! And then you won't need any conversations.

How to make an argument

Argumentation is considered the most difficult component in the TAP technique, so let's look at it in more detail. Let's start with the theory. What is she like? Let's stick to the generally accepted idea.

Argumentation is a speech activity carried out with the aim of changing the position of a person or subject using reasoning

Pay attention to the determining factors. Firstly, this is a certain process, activity

Secondly, by arguing, we change the position of the other

Thirdly, (which is very important!) we do this using reasoning, and not in some other way, that is, not by brute force, for example. This is what the argument comes from

Why is it needed? When, due to some of your own considerations, you need to change the opinion of another person, which is different from yours, then argumentation is used. It is used in relation to a social context. For example, if you are a boss, you will not convince your subordinate of something, but simply present him with a fact.

Sometimes there are situations when a person simply does not have enough information to change his position. And when you open it, his opinion changes by itself, although you do not use argumentation. You simply give information, and the person reasons for himself.

Argumentation is usually used when it is impossible to order and not enough to tell, but it is necessary to somehow influence another person in order to persuade him to change his opinion. Agree, when you can get by with simple information, you won’t try to prove it.

Note also that argumentation can be either theoretical (based on logical reasoning) or empirical (based on practice or experience).

How can you build your proof? The rules of argumentation are quite simple.

To convince someone you need to prepare. If you approach the issue seriously, then first of all you need to write down all your arguments, and then distribute them into four groups.

Classify part of your evidence as a security category (for example, this includes the concept of a guarantee). The second group is respect (how a person will feel if they lean toward your point of view or buy your product/service). The third argument is independence (this is freedom and the future, here the emphasis is on something long-lasting, what positive consequences will be). The fourth group is perfection (how a person can realize himself and his potential by changing his position to yours). At first glance, these are quite abstract and sometimes even far-fetched concepts, but they are actively and quite successfully used in sales - when you need to convince a potential client to buy your product or service.

Once you have laid out all your arguments in a four-dimensional model, check whether they sufficiently answer the following questions:

What human problems does your statement, your thesis solve?
Will accepting your position cost the other person anything, and what value will it provide them?
How comfortable is it to accept your position?
Have you given enough information to convince?

If you have answers to all these questions, arguments are supported and relate to safety, respect, independence and excellence, then convincing another person will not be difficult. And TAP-argumentation, in turn, will help you sort everything out and master persuasion skills.

TAP argumentation is just one of the communication techniques that are studied in detail in the course. If you are interested in developing your communication, persuasion and effective interaction skills with other people, join the course!

Hello, dear readers! The ability to argue an opinion is a very important aspect when negotiating in business. And in general in communication, when we strive to achieve success, or simply gain recognition. Very often, brilliant ideas remain unrecognized only because their owner was unable to correctly convey their relevance and peculiarity to others.

How to express your opinion without offending your interlocutor?

How to express your opinion without offending your interlocutor? Perhaps, this question is always of interest to those people who want to have strong relationships with others or specific people of interest to them, but understand that not expressing their opinion would be wrong and inappropriate. If you don't express your opinion, people start to think that you agree with them. When it comes to situations of bullying and humiliation, the inability to express one’s opinion is perceived by others as weakness. You are either weak or you agree. But it may turn out that you are not weak and do not agree with the other person's opinion. Then, how to say your thought without ruining the relationship if it is important to you?

Instead of the phrases “there’s something wrong with you” and “you’re wrong,” say “in my opinion” and “it seems to me.” Instead of criticizing and judging the other person's personality, learn to emphasize that what you say is just your opinion.

You need to be able to allow another person to have an opinion that seems wrong to you. This is your opinion, this is his opinion - and each of you has the right to remain with your opinion or correct it. But if one of you begins to express his opinion, then his interlocutor has the right to express his. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that these opinions may be different. Each of you may not change your opinion. But each of you must allow other people to have their own opinion, no matter how wrong it may seem. All people have the right to choose what opinion they want to have.

But it’s another matter when you begin to evaluate someone else’s opinion (“this is absurd”, “wrong”, “what kind of stupidity?”) or insult another person (“you’re stupid”, “what do you have to be like to think this?”, “ Only a stupid person can say that." All you get in response is irritation and aggression. And this is a natural reaction of a healthy person, which you also show if you come under someone’s criticism or insults.

How to express your opinion without offending your interlocutor? Don’t expect agreement, quick results, or submission to your opinion. Otherwise, you will only get irritation and aggression towards you. Learn to say that the opinion you express is yours and you do not pretend that the other person will change his opinion to yours. It is up to other people to decide whether to accept your opinion or not. This is the only way to build long and respectful relationships with people without losing your face.

How to defend your opinion, how to become more confident (TED)

Standing up for our opinions is difficult, even if we know it is necessary. Learn how to deal with difficult social situations, how to stand up for what’s right, and how to become more confident. Tips from social psychology expert Adam Galinsky's TEDxNewYork speech will help you with this.

“It’s difficult to express your opinion.” Adam became vividly aware of this phrase when he and his wife became parents.

“I should have stood my ground that day, but I didn’t.” Stunned by the birth of their baby, they returned home from the hospital and did not know whether the baby had enough breast milk. They wanted to call the pediatrician, but were afraid of sounding like crazy, neurotic parents and making a bad impression. So they were worried, but waited. When the young parents came to the doctor the next day, it turned out that the baby was dehydrated, and the pediatrician immediately prescribed him formula. The doctor assured that you can contact her at any time.

“And sometimes we speak out when we should have remained silent.” Adam realized this 10 years ago when he failed his brother. His twin brother is a documentary film director. One of his first jobs received an offer from a distributor. The brother was happy and was going to accept him. Adam, as a negotiator, insisted on making a counterproposal and helped draft it. It came out flawless - and absolutely offensive. The company was so offended that they withdrew their offer, and the brother was left with nothing.

Adam Galinsky explores how people from different countries decide when to stand up for their opinions - in what situations they express them, when they promote their interests, how they express their point of view, when they make a bold proposal.

There were very different situations, and they did not fit into a universal scheme.

Can I correct my boss when he is wrong?
Should I confront my colleague when he interferes in my affairs?
Should you be outraged by your friend's tactless jokes?
Should you tell your loved ones about your deepest fears?

How to become more confident in these situations?

Adam realized that every person has a so-called zone of acceptable behavior. Sometimes we overdo it, as in the situation of Adam and his brother - we overstep ourselves, go beyond the limits of actions acceptable to us. And sometimes we are too indecisive, as in the situation with a question to the pediatrician. And between these extremes there is a zone of acceptable behavior. When we stay within it, we get the results and rewards we need. When we cross these boundaries, we get into various troubles. We are fired, discredited, even excluded from society. We don't get a raise, a raise, or lose a deal.

The first thing to figure out is: what are the limits of my zone? But the point is that they are not fixed. They are quite flexible. They expand and contract depending on the context.

The key factor in defining these boundaries is your superiority.

It defines boundaries. What kind of superiority is this? It has many forms. In negotiations, it is expressed in the availability of alternatives. So, in the example above, Brother Adam had no alternatives - no superiority. But the company had alternatives, they had an advantage.

Sometimes we end up in a new country as immigrants, or move to a new job, or find ourselves in a new role, like Adam and his wife did when they became parents. This happens at work, where one is the boss and the other is a subordinate. This happens in relationships when one person invests more in it than the other. The point is that when we have significant advantages, our zone expands noticeably. We have greater freedom of action. When power is not on our side, this zone narrows. We are limited in our actions.

The problem is that narrowing our zone causes what is called a double bind effect on the weak side. For example, when we are not noticed, if we are silent, and if we speak out, we are judged.

You may have heard this concept from psychology - “double bind” (also translated as “double message”, “double constraint”) - a concept developed by Gregory Bateson. It is often associated with gender relations. In a situation of a gender-type double bind, if women do not speak out, they are not noticed; if they speak out, they are condemned. The point is that, regardless of gender, we all need to speak up, but women have barriers that prevent us from doing so. How to become more confident, what prevents this?

Twenty years of research by Adam Galinsky has shown that what looks like a gender difference is not actually a gender double bind, but rather a weak-side double bind. What appear to be gender differences are actually hidden differences in benefits. We often see differences between men and women or men and women and think, “It's because of biology. In the fundamental differences between the sexes." But in all his research, Adam Galinsky found that the best explanation for this was still the presence of advantages. So it is in the case of the double bond of the weak side. Such a connection means that we have a narrow zone of opportunity and, as a result, a lack of superiority. Our zone is narrow, but the double bond is very wide. Therefore, we are looking for ways to expand our area.

Over the past twenty years, Adam and his colleagues have discovered that two things matter.

Your confidence is that superiority is on your side.
Confidence in the same for others.

When we feel like we have an advantage, we feel confident rather than afraid—we expand our zone. When other people are confident in our superiority, they expand our zone. Therefore, we need tools to expand our area. Here's what Adam Galinsky suggests:

A set of tools to help reduce the risk associated with expressing your opinion. They will help you become more confident.

The first method is obtained as a result of negotiation analysis.

On average, women make less ambitious proposals and achieve less at the negotiating table than men. But Hannah Riley Bowles and Emily Amanatullah found that in the same situation, both men and women achieve the same results and are equally ambitious. Namely, when they stand up for others. When you stand up for others, you master your zone and expand it. You become more assertive. This phenomenon is also called “mother hen syndrome” - like a mother hen taking care of her chicks. When we protect others, we feel we have a voice.

But sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves, what should we do then?

An important tool here is the so-called “perspective change.” Changing perspective means a simple thing: the ability to see a situation from other people's point of view. This is one of the most important techniques for expanding our zone. When I'm able to see things from your perspective, think about what you really want, and show that we're in this together, you're more likely to give me what I want. But here a problem arises: putting yourself in the place of another is difficult. (Adam demonstrates this in an interesting experiment with the audience - watch the video)

We often withdraw into ourselves, focusing only on our own interests, especially in crisis situations. Adam gave an example of such a crisis.

The man decided to threaten to blow up the bank to get 2000. The bank manager looked at the situation from his point of view and noticed something very important. He demanded a specific amount of money. She asked him why, and it turned out that his friend was facing immediate eviction without this amount. And she offered him an alternative: “Oh! In this case, you clearly do not want to rob a bank, but take out a loan! Let’s go to my office and fill out all the paperwork!”

The ability to put oneself in the shoes of a person in a crisis situation helped the manager defuse a tense situation. This skill makes us ambitious, assertive and at the same time endearing.

Another way to be assertive but pleasant is to communicate your flexibility.

If you are selling cars and need to close a deal, you will be more likely to achieve your goal if you provide a choice to an interested visitor to the showroom. Adam's research has shown that by giving people a choice, you reduce their level of resistance and they are more likely to accept your offer. This applies not only to sellers, but also to parents.

So, Adam's 4-year-old niece did not like to dress, she did not like anything. Then her mother thought: what if I gave her a choice? That shirt or that one? Okay, ta. These pants or those? Okay, those. And it worked great - the niece began to dress quickly, without problems.

Find allies and ask for advice.

Adam asked people in different countries: “When do you feel comfortable expressing your opinion?” He was most often answered: “When I feel the support of the audience, when I have allies.”

This means that it is important for us to attract allies. How to do it?

You can become a “mother hen” by protecting and supporting others, so we expand our zone in our own eyes and the eyes of others and, in addition, acquire loyal allies.

Another way to find allies, especially in powerful circles, is to ask them for advice. This attracts people because it flatters their pride, and we are filled with humility. This strategy helps solve another double bind—the double bind of self-promotion. It lies in the fact that if we don’t trumpet our achievements, no one will notice them. And if we trumpet them, they don’t like us. But if we ask for advice regarding our important goal, we appear competent and pleasant. This is an extremely powerful tool and works even when such behavior is expected.

“I was repeatedly warned that a person in a disadvantaged position was advised to seek my advice. I want to emphasize three things here. First: I knew that they would come to me for advice. Second, I conducted research on the strategic benefits of seeking advice. Thirdly: but it still worked! I entered into their position, I was more imbued with their needs, I felt more responsibility, because they asked for advice.”

Another situation in which we feel comfortable expressing an opinion is when we are competent.

Competence gives us authority. When superiority is on our side, we already have authority. We just need to approve it. And when there is no superiority, there is no authority. You'll have to try hard to achieve it.

One way to come across as an expert is to show your passion. Invite your friends to tell you about their hobbies. Adam suggested this to his friends in different countries and then asked: “What did you notice about the interlocutor when he described his hobby?” The answer was always similar:

“Their eyes sparkled and grew larger.”
"They were smiling widely."
“They were actively gesticulating, I had to dodge all the time so as not to get hurt.”
“Fast speech, slightly higher voice.”

They also added, “They leaned towards me, as if sharing a secret.”

Adam clarified: “How did you feel?”

They answered: “The eyes lit up. I smiled. I leaned towards them."

When we talk about our passions, we have the courage to express our opinions, in addition, others allow us to do so. Even if you don't have any visible benefits, it still works. Both men and women are reprimanded at work if they cry. But Elizabeth Wolff showed that if strong emotions are caused by passion, then weakness is not blamed in either men or women.

In conclusion, Adam quotes his father, who was also a psychologist. He said: “The softer you are, the better and more complete your performance. Those who accept their role and work on themselves grow, change, develop. Play it properly and your life will be happy.”

He meant that life has assigned roles and boundaries to us. And this expresses the essence of Adam's report: roles and boundaries are constantly expanding and evolving.

If the moment requires it, be a mother hen and a humble seeker of advice. Have compelling evidence and strong allies. Be a master at shifting perspective. And by using these tools—and all of you can use them—you will expand your zone of acceptable behavior. And your life will be filled with happiness.

In my opinion, Adam gave us excellent exercise tools for developing emotional intelligence!

Perhaps now that you know how to become more confident in yourself, you will be ready to go further - Career growth for women: 10 steps to career advancement .

Did you like the article? Share with your friends and colleagues - it will help each of us to move more confidently along our path, they will be grateful to you!

How to stand up for your opinion - Adam Galinsky, TEDxNewYork