What is this feeling?
How to explain what love is?
Love is briefly defined as the inherent human feeling of deep sympathy , affection and longing for an object.
This feeling is purely intimate and selective in relation to the “object” of love.
Its presence in life is often perceived by a person as a kind of “indicator of happiness.”
From a scientific point of view
Scientists who have studied the concept of love from the point of view of biology and chemistry have come to the conclusion that its basis is nothing more than the usual biochemical processes of the human body .
In particular, in the brain of a person in a state of love, phenylethylamine is actively produced - a substance that gives a feeling of omnipotence and “grown wings”, and oxytocin - a hormone that affects the male and female genital organs (as well as milk production in women during lactation) .
Anthropological scientists have come to the conclusion that during the period of passionate love, the active production of dopamine begins, a chemical substance that allows you to experience a feeling of the highest pleasure and satisfaction.
In addition, dopamine has a beneficial effect on certain areas of the brain , minimizing feelings of fear, worry, anxiety and suppressing negative emotions.
Evolutionary scientists view love as a tool for survival. They believe that it is this feeling that contributes to maintaining long-term relationships, uniting and supporting each other in order to withstand dangers and threats from the outside.
According to Freud
The famous psychologist Sigmund Freud was confident that the basis of absolutely any human attachment is a single source - sexual desire (libido).
He argued that the true core of so-called love is a feeling, the main goal of which is only sexual intimacy, completely excluding the spiritual principle.
In all of Freud's works, one can trace a skeptical and ironic attitude towards love and confirmation of the thoughts that any form of feeling (friendly or love), as well as any attachment (to parents, to homeland, to profession, etc.) has one and the same source – sexual.
How to attract love into your life? Recommendations from psychologists will help you!
Attachment
The feeling of affection is the next stage of love and trust, which replaces falling in love. Two different hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin, control it. They are the ones responsible for tenderness, care and loyalty. Oxytocin is the hormone of love and motherhood that strengthens the mutual connection between lovers. The stronger their physical relationship, the stronger their union and the greater the love. Oxytocin levels increase with touching, kissing, and lovemaking. How to attract a man into your life - read and understand the psychology of such attachment (Be sure to read)
I recommend you watch: How to inspire a man to succeed and live prosperously with him?
Vasopressin, close to oxytocin, is also responsible for emotional attachments. He controls monogamy. The partner’s fidelity depends on its amount in the cerebral cortex. If the quantity is suppressed, then the man loses interest in his partner.
There is a big difference between these hormone brothers: a lack of oxytocin does not affect health in any way, since a deficiency of vasopressin causes various serious diseases, such as Parhon's syndrome, hyperpexic syndrome, non-sugar diabetes and others. It is the only regulator of urine output from the kidneys, and it is responsible for water retention in the body. Therefore, an excess of it can cause irreparable harm.
Meaning in life
The presence of love in life allows a person to feel the whole spectrum of the most tender, warm, exciting feelings and emotions .
Often, love becomes a powerful motivation for both external and internal changes: a person in love feels an incredible surge of strength, the ability to “move mountains” and “embrace the whole world.”
Irritability, aggressiveness and apathy fade into the background Life becomes harmonious, rich, filled with warmth, kindness and joy.
Psychology
Psychology views love as a combination of three components:
- passion, which manifests itself in sexual attraction;
- intimacy in the form of emotional closeness, help, trust;
- obligations - mutual fidelity.
Also in psychology, the concepts of fruitful and unfruitful love are distinguished:
- Fruitful (mature) love is a feeling based on mutual respect. It involves the manifestation of care, sincere interest, mutual knowledge, inspiration, pleasure and self-development.
- Unfruitful (immature, selfish) love is a destructive feeling in which the relationship is overwhelmed with negative emotions associated with the strict control of one person by another and an obsessive desire to possess him completely.
How to love a person who loves you? Find out about this from our article.
Psychological criteria
Psychologists have come to the conclusion that true love always meets certain criteria:
- The emergence of positive emotions and feelings when meeting an object or thinking about it.
- Constant need to communicate with the object.
- The presence of common (similar) views on life, interests, hobbies, ideals, aspirations, a similar worldview.
- Sincere mutual interest in various areas of each other’s life (professional, spiritual, social), habits, tastes, preferences, problems.
- The ability (and desire) to sympathize and empathize in difficult life moments.
- The emergence of jealousy, which characterizes the intimacy and desire for mutual possession of people who love each other.
- An undeniable willingness to stay together despite any circumstances and sacrifice one's own well-being for the sake of the object.
- A vision of the “ultimate goal” of relationships in marriage and the birth of children.
Literature
- Bologne Jean-Claude.
The history of love victories from antiquity to the present day. - M.: Text, 2010. - ISBN 5-7516-0803-3 - Vysheslavtsev B.P.
Ethics of the transformed Eros.
Problems of Law and Grace (inaccessible link) (inaccessible link since 05/15/2013 [1988 days] - history
). - M.: Republic. - 1994. - 368 p. - Drozdov.
V. Mystical love in Iranian Sufism // Oriental Studies: Philological Studies Vol. 26: Sat. articles. - St. Petersburg. : 2005. - pp. 129-138 - Ivanchenko G.V.
Logos of love. - M.: Smysl, 2007. - ISBN 978-5-89357-236-0 - Ilyin E.P.
Emotions and feelings. - St. Petersburg. : Peter, 2001. - 752 p. ISBN 5-318-00236-6 - Karpov M. M.
What is love? Feature article. — Rostov n/a. 2005. - 76 p. - Orlov A. B.
Demystification of love // Consultative psychology and psychotherapy. - M.: MGPPU, 2004. - No. 2. - P. 26–37. — ISSN 2311-9446. — DOI:10.17759/cpp. - Reber, Arthur S.
Large explanatory psychological dictionary = The Penguin Dictionary of Psychology: Second Edition. — 2nd edition. - M.: Veche, AST, 2001. - T. 1-2. — 1152 p. — 8000 copies. — ISBN 5-17-009151-6, ISBN 5-17-009148-6, ISBN 5-17-008900-7, ISBN 5-7838-0606-4, ISBN 5-7838-0605-6. - Slobodyanik A.P.
Love, definition // Psychotherapy, suggestion, hypnosis. - Kyiv: Health, 1977. - P. 345-346 - Chavdarova D.
Metaphor “love is food” in Russian literature of the 19th century // Alphabet: The structure of a narrative text. Syntagmatics. Paradigmatics. - Smolensk: SGPU, 2004. - P. 222-230 - Fromm, Erich.
The Art of loving. An Inquiry into the Nature of Love. - NY: Harper & Row, 1956.
What is it like?
Love is divided into several types:
- love-passion , which follows sexual instincts, completely devoting oneself to the object of love and dissolving in it without a trace;
It is quite short-lived, because over a certain time it either develops into a different type of love or disappears altogether. - love-friendship , the basis of which is the spiritual component (mutual respect, common interests, values). This feeling occurs between friends or relatives.
- love, which is based on tenderness, kindness, support and mutual understanding. It is a feeling that unites spouses, parents and children, brothers and sisters;
- selfless love , which consists of complete self-sacrifice for the sake of a loved one;
- self-love, expressed in understanding and acceptance of oneself, satisfaction with one’s own personality. It is this type of love that is fundamental for its other types, since only those who are satisfied with themselves and experience inner harmony are capable of experiencing sincere feelings towards others;
- love based on sexual desire and flirting aimed at obtaining pleasure;
- pragmatic love - a feeling controlled by the mind and based on obtaining self-interest and benefit;
- love-mania is a feeling closely related to jealousy to the point of obsession.
What is better: to love or to be loved? Find out the answer right now.
Notes
- Love // Ozhegov’s Explanatory Dictionary (copy)
- ↑ 1 2 Averintsev S. S., Spirkin A. G.
Lyubov // TSB - Love // Oxford English Dictionary. — Oxford University Press, 2008
- Love // Merriam-Webster Dictionary
- Love (inaccessible link) // Newest philosophical dictionary: 3rd ed., corrected. / ed. A. A. Gritsanova. — Mn.: Book House. 2003. - 1280 p. - (World of Encyclopedias). ISBN 985-428-636-3.
- Philosophical anthropology of the evolution of images of sex and love in Russian culture of recent centuries
- Etymological dictionary of Slavic languages. — Publishing house “Science”. - 1988. - T. 15. - P. 185-186.
- ↑ 1 2 Svetlana Koppel-Kovtun.
A few words about love // All-Ukrainian magazine “Mgarsk Bell”. - No. 108. - January 2012 - Kon I. S.
Friendship. — 4th ed. - St. Petersburg: Publishing House "Peter", 2001. - P. 269. - ISBN 9785469001805. - ↑ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Vl.
S .: Love // Encyclopedic Dictionary of Brockhaus and Efron: in 86 volumes (82 volumes and 4 additional). - St. Petersburg, 1890-1907. - ↑ 1 2 3 Shestakov V.
Eros and culture: philosophy of love and European art. Chapter 1. Philosophy of love in Ancient Greece and Rome - Aristotle.
Rhetoric. Book II. Chapter IV. - Omar Khayyam (inaccessible link) // Newest philosophical dictionary: 3rd ed., corrected. / ed. A. A. Gritsanova. — Mn.: Book House. 2003. - 1280 p. - (World of Encyclopedias). ISBN 985-428-636-3. (Retrieved October 13, 2012)
- V. - Letter four: the light of truth // Florensky P. A.
Pillar and affirmation of truth - M.: Pravda, 1990. - 490 p. Reprint from 1914. - Erich Fromm Archived copy dated February 7, 2013 on the Wayback Machine // Karpenko L. A., Kondakov I. M.
History of psychology in persons. - Science has believed that love does not die // My district, 04.01. 2009
- Genie James, C. W. Randolph.
In the Mood Again: Use the Power of Healthy Hormones to Reboot Your Sex Life. - Simon & Schuster, 2009. - ISBN 1-4391-4916-X, 9781439149164 - Fromm, Erich Seligmann.
Paragraph “The desire for interpersonal fusion...”. Love is the answer to the problem of human existence // The Art of Love. Exploring the nature of love = The Art of Loving. An Inquiry into the Nature of Love (1956) / Translation by L. A. Chernysheva. - M.: Pedagogy, 1990. - 160 p. - (Philosophy). — 50,000 copies. — ISBN 5-7155-0516-X. - Fromm, Erich Seligmann.
The art of loving. From the paragraph: “So, what do we mean…” to the paragraph “As opposed to symbiotic...”. - Tolstoy L.N.
About life. Chapter XXII. Paragraph: “Life is activity...”. - Tolstoy L.N.
About life. Chapter XXV. Paragraph: “This love, in which alone there is life...”. - Tolstoy L.N.
Notebook No. 1, entry No. 3 for June 23, 1907 // Complete. collection op. : in 90 volumes, - Anniversary edition. - M.: Fiction, 1928-1958. / Series two. Diary, notebooks and individual entries 1907-1908. - T. 56. - P. 219. - Tolstoy L.N.
About life.
Chapter XXIII. Paragraph: “ To love in general means to desire to do good
.” - Fromm, Erich Seligmann.
To have or to be Archived November 14, 2011 on the Wayback Machine (inaccessible link since 05/15/2013 [1988 days] -
history
) Paragraph: “Can a person...” - Fromm, Erich Seligmann.
To have or to be Archived November 14, 2011 on the Wayback Machine (inaccessible link since 05/15/2013 [1988 days] -
history
) Paragraph: “If a person experiences...” - Paragraph: “In the understanding of E. Fromm, a fruitful orientation ...” and further. — Chapter 8. Humanistic psychoanalysis by E. Fromm. Section: “Individual and social character” // Leibin V. M.
Postclassical psychoanalysis.
Encyclopedia. Volume 2.. - P. 106
. - Kornetov N. A., Yankovskaya A. E., Kitler S. V., Silaeva A. V., Shagalova L. V.
“On the issue of the dynamics of development of ideas about organizational stress and approaches to its assessment.”
// “Fundamental Research”. - No. 10. - 2011. Part 3. - P. 600
. Paragraph: “Factors provoking OS are also the characteristics of the socio-economic conditions of the country” and the next one. - Fromm, Erich Seligmann.
The Art of Loving Paragraph: “So, what will we…” - Paragraph: “When E. Fromm spoke about love as an effective force...” - Chapter 8. Humanistic psychoanalysis of E. Fromm. Section: “Human Nature and His Needs” // Leibin V. M.
Postclassical psychoanalysis.
Encyclopedia. Volume 2. - P. 89. - Erich Fromm (1900-1980) // Great Thinkers. Paragraph: “Theme of love for a person...”
- Fromm, Erich Seligmann.
The art of love. Archived copy from August 19, 2011 on the Wayback Machine Paragraph: “Love, at its core, is not only ....” - Paragraph: “In the understanding of E. Fromm, a fruitful orientation...”. — Chapter 8. Humanistic psychoanalysis by E. Fromm. Section: “Individual and social character” // Leibin V. M.
Postclassical psychoanalysis.
Encyclopedia. Volume 2.. - P. 106. - Markov A. V.
Evolutionary biology of love (lecture at the Polytechnic Museum 02/14/2012) - Ortigue S., Bianchi-Demicheli F., Patel N., Frum C., Lewis JW
Neuroimaging of love: fMRI meta-analysis evidence toward new perspectives in sexual medicine // The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
V. 7 (11). — 2010. — P. 3541—3552
What is love?
To love means to disinterestedly, with pleasure and joy, take care of a loved one, to be attentive to his moods, desires, events and incidents in his life.
Loving “quality” is an activity, it is work that needs to be learned and constantly improved.
the ability to love an innate or acquired quality? There is no consensus on this issue. Some are sure that the ability to love is an exclusively innate feeling, and every person, taking his first breath, already a priori knows how to love.
Others argue that the ability to love is an experience acquired over years of mental, spiritual and heartfelt work.
These opinions are united only in the fact that temperament, upbringing, living conditions and a clear example make it possible to maximally demonstrate and improve this skill in a person.
Concept of feelings between man and woman
Love for a guy/girlfriend is a combination of infatuation and passion leading to sexual satisfaction.
Over time, they usually fade into the background, being replaced by devotion, compassion, and support. Such love is also called romantic and is designed to create and maintain favorable conditions for procreation.
Love relationships are relationships between partners that go through five main stages:
- Attraction . This is what attracts people regardless of external appearance or intellectual abilities. Psychologists believe that the main role in this process is played by the smell of a person.
- Uncertainty . A period when both partners are overcome by doubts, uncertainty and many questions (“Is it worth continuing our acquaintance?”, “Is this the person I need?”, “Why doesn’t he call?”, etc.).
- The desire to be the only object of love. This stage is similar to an advertising campaign in which each of the partners strives to demonstrate their best and most advantageous side, as if proving that the other made the right choice. A sense of possessiveness immediately appears, often giving rise to manifestations of jealousy.
- Soulful intimacy . The time when truly trusting relationships arise between partners: they open up to each other, carefully show existing shortcomings and weaknesses.
- Engagement . At this stage, the partners, having come to terms with each other’s shortcomings and realizing the seriousness of their own choice, decide to enter the next stage - family life. Or they break up, realizing that the relationship is not developing, but has reached a dead end.
Psychologist about the types of love in relationships between a man and a woman:
Love quantum connection
In the same way, a love relationship arises between people. When loved ones find each other, quantum entanglement arises between them and in some way they become one, undivided in the subtle quantum world. But in whole, in what part. Of course, not with the body, in the body you will not find this and this is logical. Each person, in addition to the physical body, has a more subtle energy body, as well as a subtle higher consciousness.
And so part of this internal energy, as well as some particles of one person’s consciousness, merge with the energy and consciousness of another person, becoming quantum entangled. That is, a person and I, having such a connection, can be said to be undivided at the subtle level of reality. And even if we are separated by a long distance, such a connection will always exist. Everything becomes clear and now you can give a clear definition of love.
Love is unity on a more subtle quantum level of reality.
Such a short and simple definition is actually very comprehensive in its essence and answers all the questions that not only the minds of mankind have struggled with. The secret has finally been revealed and many manifestations of love in our lives are now clear.
What is falling in love?
Is falling in love an emotion or a feeling?
Falling in love is a strong feeling that has a positive connotation and is directed towards an object.
At the same time, the consciousness of a person in love narrows so much that he can evaluate the object of his feelings exclusively with a “plus” sign, absolutely not seeing flaws in character and appearance, not noticing disagreements and contradictions in relationships.
At the same time, any positive quality becomes especially significant and valuable.
Falling in love is an unstable state, existing in the form of a certain phase: it can subside, end and arise again. When it ends, love can “reincarnate” into another feeling, for example, love.
Difference
The main difference between the feelings of love and falling in love is their emotional depth .
Falling in love is superficial, based on external attractiveness, idealization of the object and the “imagination” of its positive qualities, which in fact do not exist.
While love allows you to accept a person as he is (without embellishment), along with his advantages and disadvantages.
Love or infatuation? Find out from the video:
True love
True love is the final stage of love (after falling in love, satiety, alienation, patience, selflessness and friendship).
As a rule, it arises after years of living together, when partners have learned to respect each other, overcome conflict situations, give in and sacrifice their own interests for the sake of the family.
It is with such stable and harmonious relationships that spiritual intimacy arises between two people.
What does it mean to truly love?
First of all, this means:
- understand and accept each other for the sake of general peace;
- realize that each individual is a full-fledged person, while together they are one whole;
- be able to negotiate, even if there are disagreements;
- resolve issues and come to a “common denominator” without being demanding or dissatisfied with each other.
Choosing the ideal partner
The third stage of love is choosing the most suitable, one might say, ideal partner. He can go beyond the first two stages: after falling in love comes addiction and confirmation that this is the same partner. Or it can go in parallel. The right choice is choosing a partner with good genes, an excellent immune system, strong and more adapted to life. This is a guarantee that the offspring will be healthy, strong, intelligent, capable of survival, talented, and will become successful people.
At the third stage, other substances - pheromones - already act. These are substances that are secreted on human skin, along with sweat, this is a natural aroma inherent in every person. Pheromone aroma In animals, this smell helps determine the healthiest and strongest male. The same thing happens in people. In men, the sex hormone androsterone is produced from the hormone testosterone. Its smell attracts women at the beginning of their cycle. Women's hormones that attract men are copulins.
The unique and inimitable smell of pheromone will not allow you to make a mistake and helps you find the only one you need among thousands of people. There is a scientific version that similar people are attracted based on DNA analysis.
What actions characterize her?
As you know, love is determined by actions , namely:
- showing concern (even then, they didn’t ask for this for a year);
- an expression of sincere interest in all areas of a loved one’s life;
- readiness to help and support at any time;
- respect for the personal space and interests of the partner.
What to do if no one loves you? Read about it here.
How is love born and dies? Symptoms of feeling and psychology:
Etymology
Russian “love” goes back through Old Russian. Love to Praslav. *l'uby (same root as the verb “to love”). This word is the same as *kry
“blood”,
*svekry
“mother-in-law” and many others, belonged to the type of declension with
*-ū-
.
Already in the Old Russian language this type disintegrated, lexemes related to it moved into more productive types, and at the same time the form of the nominative case was supplanted by the original form of the accusative case love
(pre-Slav. *l'ubъvь). There is also a hypothesis about the borrowed nature of this word in the Russian language[7].
Definitions
Love frustration is the state of a person in a relationship that brings only negative emotions and feelings (disappointment, anger, pain).
Love addiction is a painful manifestation of love with an obsession with another person, causing pain and suffering.
Euphoria of love is a strong elation and a feeling of complete well-being caused by the manifestation of love;
Neurotic love is love without reciprocity, clouded by anxiety and the inability to openly express one’s feelings.
Selfless love is accepting a person no matter what (shortcomings, circumstances).
Manic love is a feeling on the verge of losing one’s mind, in which a person is ready to do everything so that the object of his love does not go to anyone but him.
Physical love is the desire for physical intimacy (unity) with a loved one, which involves not only sexual contact, but also the opportunity to see, hear and feel it.
Altruistic love is a high feeling that brings satisfaction simply from the fact that the object of love exists, even if it does not reciprocate.
Latent love is hidden love that a person cannot (or does not want) to show.
Pathological love is an uncontrolled and repeated manifestation of attention and care towards a partner, in which he feels a complete loss of his own freedom.
Passionate love (or romantic) is a feeling of complete absorption of partners with each other, accompanied by extremely strong feelings (joy, anxiety, tenderness, sexual desire).
Love is:
Love is the illusion of dependence on a person, in which it only seems that you love.
Love is a myth for those who have never experienced any of the stages of this feeling.
Love is a passion , an ardent desire accompanied by strong emotions.
Love is affection , closeness and devotion based on sympathy for another person.
Love is a habit that over time becomes the basis of a stable and fulfilling feeling.
Love is care, attention and respect , conditioned by a sincere desire to protect a loved one, help him, and do something pleasant for him.
Why do we reach out to those we love?
Having become one with a person, we now cannot imagine life without him. Any separation leads to suffering. Now it’s clear why this happens. Man subconsciously always knew this, spoke about it in poetry and allegories. “It’s as if some part of me was taken away, a piece of my soul.” It is so indeed.
On a subtle level, loved ones are always, in some part, undivided beings.
Having lost a loved one, a person will always try to restore this connection again, because he has lost himself, some part of himself. That's why we reach out to our loved ones and cannot imagine life without them. Of course, during a separation, we do not lose touch, because on a subtle level we are connected with our loved ones. But this delicate coupling has complex layers, and distance breaks some of these couplings. Therefore we suffer and try to reconnect our connections.
But it is the subtler decoupling that brings the most suffering. For example, when a person cheats, betrays or commits meanness, he breaks the delicate connection with his loved one. Also, over time, for example, when people break up, almost complete quantum separation can occur, entanglement is destroyed. A person stops suffering and even forgets about his soulmate. As they say, time heals. “I completely took a piece of my soul from him (her).” Thus, people can both quantumly bond with each other and carry out the reverse process, gradually forgetting their loved ones.
Disease
Some psychologists tend to equate love (namely falling in love) with a painful condition with the following symptoms:
- constant and obsessive thoughts about the object;
- painful, acute need for reciprocal feelings;
- euphoria with reciprocity;
- hyper-focus on the object, which leads to ignoring events and problems in one’s own life;
- experiencing strong sexual attraction to an object.
Mental disorder
American doctors define love (in particular, falling in love) as an acute mental disorder.
The basis for this was an examination of people in love, during which changes in their nervous system were found similar to those that occur in patients with a manic state.
At the same time, “patients” often experience disturbances in their general condition in the form of:
- problems with appetite;
- disturbances in concentration;
- attacks of palpitations, sweating, trembling, chills, indigestion;
- insomnia, interrupted sleep, intrusive dreams;
- allergic reactions (nervous);
- possible thoughts of suicide.
As a rule, the acute stage of the “disease” lasts no more than six months, gradually turning into either a chronic sluggish form, or a latent form of quiet waiting, or spontaneous recovery .
