Adolescent self-esteem is a component of self-awareness, which includes an assessment of human physical characteristics, moral qualities, abilities, and actions. Self-esteem of a teenager represents the central formation of the individual, and also shows the social adaptation of the individual, acting as a regulator of his activities and behavior. However, it should be noted that self-esteem is formed in the process of activity, as well as interpersonal interaction. The formation of an individual’s self-esteem largely depends on society. Self-esteem of a teenager’s personality is marked by situationality, instability and is subject to external influences.
How to increase self-esteem for a teenager
Research on adolescent self-esteem has shown that children with low self-esteem are susceptible to adolescent depression. Moreover, some studies have found that low self-esteem precedes depressive reactions and also acts as their cause, while other studies note that depressive affect is detected first, after which it turns into low self-esteem.
Psychologists note that from the age of 8, children show an active ability to evaluate personal success. The most significant were: appearance, school performance, physical abilities, social acceptance, behavior. Among adolescents, school performance and behavior are important for evaluation by parents, but the other three are important for peers.
It is possible to increase self-esteem for a teenager when the child feels social support from the following significant sources: parents, classmates, teachers, friends. When asked where teenagers feel most secure, children answer that both in the family and among friends. Research has shown that family support and acceptance of adolescent aspirations have the greatest impact on overall levels of self-esteem, while school success and teacher-related factors are important for self-esteem of abilities.
Psychologists note that the attentive, warm attitude of parents is a necessary condition in the formation and further reinforcement of positive self-esteem in adolescents. The negative, harsh attitude of parents leads to the opposite effect, and teenagers, as a rule, focus on their failures, they have a fear of taking risks, they avoid participating in competitions, they become characterized by aggression, rudeness, and a high level of anxiety.
How to increase self-esteem for a teenager? Change your attitude towards your child: start communicating with him using a symmetrical style that is based on partnership principles. Such communication forms the child’s own criteria for self-esteem, because the child’s self-esteem is supported both by the respectful attitude of the parents and by the assessment of the effectiveness of his activities.
How to increase self-esteem is an exciting question for many people. People often underestimate their potential and themselves more often than they overestimate. The same is observed in children. Due to low self-esteem, children are capable of missing out on many opportunities.
The formation of self-esteem in adolescents begins with family education. Self-esteem is the main regulator of individual behavior. Criticality, interpersonal relationships, exactingness, and attitude towards one’s failures and successes depend on it. Teenagers, by doubting, waste personal time and also lose opportunities for personal development and growth. It would seem that awareness and understanding of this truth should only spur one to realize the inherent potential. But everything usually happens the other way around, since such behavior is more profitable for the child in the short term. By convincing himself that solving difficult problems is impossible, the child protects himself from the occurrence of negative emotions associated with possible failures. Lack of self-confidence oppresses the child both spiritually and physically. The teenager gets tired quickly and feels exhausted. As a result, the following happens: doubts about personal strength are provoked by the fact that simple tasks previously performed become overwhelming.
It is possible to increase a teenager’s self-esteem, but this will require some effort from both the parents and the child himself:
— teach your child to stop comparing himself with someone, there will always be someone better than him, whom it will be difficult to surpass;
- Explain to the teenager that cursing himself and eating will only make him feel worse;
— teach your child to respond with thanks to all praise and compliments;
- encourage your child for small successes and praise for big achievements;
— teach your child to repeat positive affirmations, which will lead to increased self-esteem and increase confidence;
— when communicating with a teenager, always be positive, optimistic, support him in any endeavors;
— to increase self-esteem, you need to study books on this topic together with your child, watch videos, attend training seminars, listen to audio recordings; any information learned will not pass by the brain, and the dominant information will influence the child and, as a result, the behavior will gain confidence; all positive attitudes will be adjusted only in a positive way, but negative ones, on the contrary. Therefore, direct your teenager’s attention to watching TV shows, as well as reading books with a positive focus;
- be sure to find a common language with your child, a heart-to-heart conversation with your child will help instill confidence in the child before a difficult undertaking, as well as solving a problem;
- always listen to your child and be able to read his state and feelings by his facial expression, sometimes children hide their problems, trying to solve everything on their own, it is very important not to miss such moments so that he does not make mistakes, so it is very important to always be a friend to your child;
- support your child in his hobbies, because it is from doing better that self-esteem grows, since it brings joy and pleasure;
- sometimes a desired gadget or fashionable clothes can help your child establish himself among his peers and thereby increase self-esteem, do not push away your child’s requests for a purchase that is meaningful to him;
— teach your child to live in such a way that you don’t have to look back at anyone, let the child make his own decisions at a crucial moment, and you will always support him, even if there are mistakes.
How to increase self-esteem for a teenager? Self-esteem will rise when a positive attitude, love and self-respect grows, while sad thoughts and procrastination will grow insecurity and lower self-esteem. Psychologists have noticed that the mechanism of self-esteem is based on the emotional experiences that accompany a teenager’s activities.
The level of self-esteem of adolescents significantly affects both the quality indicators of intellectual activity and the time it takes to complete it, especially if the situation involves emotional factors: the stress of failure, responsibility for the quality of activity.
Causes of low self-esteem in children and adolescents
home furnishings
- Pay attention to how you and other family members interact with your child.
- Forget the words “you did something bad”, “it still won’t work out”, “well, you’re as usual” and so on.
- Do not try to constantly impose your help and do everything for the child, even if it is really faster and more convenient for you.
Society and children's groups
- It happens that a child does not have good relationships with peers. They will start teasing and offending him. Moreover, parents do not always find out about this at the right time. Often children are simply embarrassed to talk about the problem, thereby exacerbating it.
- A negative attitude from peers may also be due to the child’s character (too capricious, categorical, greedy, touchy, etc.). Children are very cruel, they do not forgive such behavior. And if it is repeated constantly, then the result of the wave is logical. Negative attitude towards the child.
- But it also happens that the child is really not to blame. The leader might simply “not like” him, or might not fit into the team.
What to do when relationships with peers do not work out?
- If the reason for the bad attitude towards the child is his character, then it is worth addressing this issue. Touchiness, categoricalness, greed and similar character traits are not the best for finding friends. This can be dealt with, and most often it is easy to do. If they don’t remember conversations with parents, analysis of examples from films and from the lives of other children, then group trainings will help. Getting feedback from the coach and group members, looking at yourself from the ground up is a very valuable experience.
- When you understand that changes have occurred in the child, you can decide whether to change the children's team or not. Sometimes you can improve relationships, but sometimes the situation is too advanced and it’s easier to start “all over again.”
- If it turns out that “it didn’t work out with the team,” then there is nothing wrong with taking the child out of it or changing kindergarten or school. There is no point in waiting for low self-esteem to finally form, and it will be difficult to work with it.
Teachers
- A good teacher is of great value; he is capable of raising a full-fledged personality, but this takes years, and a bad one can ruin everything in a couple of months.
- Ask a teenager about how teachers communicate with him at school; ask a child how teachers treat him.
- It happens that a teacher can simply “dislike” a child and use his attitude to turn the entire team against him. Or perhaps the teacher underestimates the child and tells him that he cannot cope with the task, scolds him.
Training program
- Not all children have the same abilities. When choosing an advanced training program, compare it with the child’s capabilities. Each person has his own talent, and it is not a fact that your child needs an in-depth language learning program. If he does not have the ability to speak languages, then the child’s self-esteem will become lower and lower. After all, comparing himself with others, he will see that he is less successful. But it’s worth finding an area where your child can realize himself as early as possible.
Adequate self-esteem of a teenager
Many researchers note that an increase in the adequacy of a child’s self-esteem occurs during adolescence. This is explained by the fact that adolescents rate themselves much lower on those criteria that seem most important to them, and this decrease indicates great realism. The number of qualities that an older teenager recognizes in himself exceeds twice the qualities inherent in a younger schoolchild. High school students, assessing themselves, cover all aspects of their own personality, and their self-esteem turns into a more generalized one. In addition, judgments regarding one’s shortcomings are improved.
Teenagers are able to convey their mood, a sense of the joy of being, they reveal themselves in educational activities, in their favorite activities, interests, and hobbies. Teenagers are oriented toward ideal self-esteem, but the gap between their ideal and actual self-esteem is a traumatic factor for most of them. Psychologists have noticed that the following moral traits often prevail in the content of adolescents’ self-esteem: honesty, kindness, justice. A high level of teenage self-criticism allows you to recognize your negative qualities and realize the need to get rid of them.
During adolescence, an adult occupies a very special place in a child’s life. This is due to the specifics of adolescents’ perception of the appearance of other people. And already because of perception, as well as understanding of another person, a teenager understands himself. Psychologists say that for adolescents, the image of a perceived person consists mainly of elements of appearance, physical features, and then hairstyle and expressive behavior. With age, the adequacy and volume of assessed signs increases in children; the range of concepts and categories used is expanding; categorical judgments decrease, and greater versatility and flexibility arise.
During adolescence, girls' overall self-esteem is significantly lower than that of boys. This trend is directly related to self-esteem of appearance.
How to raise a child's self-esteem?
Self-confidence training is great for this.
During the training, the guys do interesting activities, communicate, and develop. As a result, the child will not only see his own strengths and believe in himself. He will also understand that he is not alone with his problem. Oddly enough, the stories of different people often have a lot in common. Participants in training groups often begin to become friends, communicate, spend time together and support each other in life.
Thus, training is not only an effective and interesting way to increase self-confidence in children, but also an opportunity to find new friends.
But remember - no training, child psychologist or first-class specialist can help you if you are not ready to help your child yourself in raising self-esteem and becoming self-confident!
Alarm Signals
The consequences of low self-esteem in adolescence can be frightening:
- bullying at school or in the yard;
- poor performance at school;
- inability to say “no” - including to offers to “smoke” and the like;
- lack of interests outside of studies - due to lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities;
- sociopathy (not to be confused with mental retardation);
- deviant behavior - a teenager’s contempt for social norms and decency;
- reluctance to communicate with peers, lack of friends;
- unstable psyche in general;
- criticism of your appearance and photos;
- an abundance of all kinds of complexes.
The importance of proper self-esteem
Of course, developing adequate self-esteem in adolescents is an extremely difficult task. It requires serious effort from both the teenagers themselves and their parents.
But why is a teenager’s adequate self-esteem so important?
It is sufficient self-esteem that helps each of us successfully cope with difficulties. For example, adequate self-esteem eliminates the need to follow the lead of toxic people. In addition, it instills self-confidence and allows you to achieve your goals. This self-esteem helps you get up and move forward after failures.
For teenagers, everything is much more complicated than for adults. Often these are not yet mature individuals, with a lot of prejudices and incorrect attitudes. All this is seasoned with the maximalism and extreme acuity of perception characteristic of age!
And this complex cocktail is fertile ground for the cultivation of complexes, anxiety, total self-doubt, and low self-esteem. By the way, high self-esteem also provokes many problems, but we’ll talk about it another time.
The famous psychologist Lev Semenovich Vygotsky came to the conclusion at the beginning of the last century that self-esteem is the most important component of the personality of any child.
The relevance of this factor is difficult to overestimate. Nowadays, a variety of children face this problem - from low-income and wealthy families, complete and incomplete. The sons and daughters of the intelligentsia suffer from this no less often than the children of workers, saleswomen and builders.
What can a teenager do?
Despite the strong influence of parents, a teenager can also influence the correction of his self-esteem.
Advice to the teenager himself - how to increase his own self-esteem:
- if there is a feeling of confidence and internal changes, but those around you do not perceive your new personality, it makes sense to change your environment - class, school, group of friends;
- try to communicate more with those people who do not criticize you, but appreciate, love and sometimes praise you for important virtues;
- get yourself an inner assistant, someone who loves, understands and supports you in any situation, then write down on a piece of paper the encouraging phrases and compliments that he says to you;
- celebrate all your successes and successes, even the smallest ones, always praise yourself for them, and even reward yourself a little, for example, with something tasty;
- turn your minuses (those for which you criticize yourself) into pluses - excessive talkativeness is useful when communicating, helps make friends, promotes sociability, and a mess in the room is a creative disorder, a sign of a creative personality!
Parent support
Family is primary
It has long been proven that family is primary for children. Therefore, everything else (school, friends, company in the yard, teachers) is secondary.
Thus, it is obvious that a teenager’s self-esteem depends primarily on his dad and mom.
Basic recommendations
Recommendations for parents on developing adequate self-esteem in adolescents:
- learn to trust your child, especially with regard to his personal life - a teenager has the right to choose friends, get burned and make his own mistakes;
- forget about the commanding tone, “interrogations”, questions like “why are you silent?”, “did you do your homework?”, “what do you think”, “who are you like?” and the like;
- talk to your child not about school and problems, but about life in general, about his views, tastes, opinions;
- praise him, as sincerely as possible, as often as possible, without “buts” and unnecessary comments;
- create opportunities for your child to realize their potential - these can be not only clubs and sections, but also travel, photography, and other hobbies;
- just love your son or daughter, unconditionally, no matter how the child behaves, no matter what he is, and do not hesitate to talk about your love.
Important Additions
In addition, it is extremely important that the teenager feels that in any case he is worthy of love, care and attention (primarily parental). No matter what he does.
In addition, a good way for parents, in addition to being attentive to the teenager, his problems, and respect for his opinion, is also small surprise gifts.
Of course, we in no way urge you to shower your beloved teenager with gifts - they do not solve the problem of low self-esteem at all! But modest gifts (even without an obvious reason) will once again please, remind you of your love, and will be a confirmation of parental care!
Finally, the main advice to parents: do not blame the teenager for his failures, it is already very difficult for him.
If, despite all efforts, self-esteem remains dangerously low, this is a reason to consult a specialist. You will probably need: Eysenck tests, thorough diagnostics of mental conditions, personality correction, Rene Gilles’ technique and other professional techniques.
