08/24/201602/6/2017 Nadezhda Plotnikova
You can meet the girl of your life anywhere: at university, on the street, on a social network, in transport. However, many young people, for fear of being rejected, simply pass by without even starting a conversation. What if the young lady doesn’t want to communicate or leaves a message addressed to her on VKontakte without an answer?
All these fears will significantly decrease or even disappear altogether if the guy knows how to start a conversation with a girl and continue the conversation in the future.
Where does fear come from?
Fear of dialogue with a stranger is a common human reaction to an unfamiliar situation. This doesn't just apply to meeting women.
A person may feel anxious in any conversation every time they start communicating with a stranger. The brain does not know what the person will answer, how he will react to the appeal - and turns on the “Danger” mode in advance. So that, if something happens, you can quickly get away.
Many people pass their stops, afraid to talk to the driver. Or, God forbid, ask for something in front of all the passengers.
You may also experience fear when communicating with people you know. For example, a conversation with a boss about a salary increase: everyone wants it, but is afraid to ask for fear of refusal. But this does not mean that the person did not deserve a bonus for his work.
Or maybe you have an unpleasant conversation with a neighbor whom you suspect of stealing?
A person always encounters similar situations and feelings when he expects a positive outcome in communication, and this positive outcome is important to him.
In this article, I described four basic tactics that will help you understand how to start a conversation with a girl and not get rejected.
Basically, the thoughts in my head always show self-doubt: “What if she rejects me in front of everyone?”, “What if I’m not good enough for this position?”, “She’s too good for me, I’m definitely not in.” her taste!
It is fear that forces us to think ahead about our actions and make plans to achieve our desired goals.
On the one hand, this is good when it comes to salary increases. Here it is important to clearly justify your request to your boss.
But with women you need to behave differently.
When meeting young ladies, every second matters. There is no time for plans and assumptions. Usually, you have a couple of minutes to approach your chosen one and start talking to her. If the man fails to do this on time, the right moment will be lost and the young lady will leave.
So, if you are experiencing some difficulties about how to start a conversation with a girl, then the techniques given below will be very useful to you.
Possible mistakes
A man who dreams of winning a girl on the Internet should know what not to talk about with the person he likes on VK, so as not to scare her away. Examples:
- It is better not to mention former lovers. When communication becomes more confidential, then the guy can share his experience.
- Do not start a topic about your health status. An unfamiliar girl does not need to know about all the chronic diseases of her future partner. Otherwise she will find him too problematic.
- Do not mention men's hobbies: football, hockey, hunting, fishing, cars. But if a girl is interested in cars or has a favorite football team, then a man can safely discuss common passions with her.
- Complaints are not welcome. The man shows that he is unable to cope with his problems, and women want to see a strong, confident man next to them. Therefore, putting pressure on pity is futile.
- Talk less about sex and try not to joke about it. Otherwise, the girl will think that the guy just wants to drag her into bed, and he doesn’t need a serious relationship.
If a man avoids controversial topics, then a woman will be more happy to communicate with him through a social network. Correspondence will probably lead to the next stage of the relationship.
No loss
This is one of the simplest and most effective methods that can be used when communicating with a young lady. I call it "no loss".
First, you need to choose two goals: the main one and the backup one. Moreover, their significance is not related to the name.
The main goal should be one that is easily achieved, but the secondary goal should be one that may arise if the approach is successful.
I will give an example for better understanding.
Let's say you come to a club and plan to meet a girl. Ideally, you should strive to meet a young lady and spend the night with her . Although you can plan a relationship more than once, you are looking for a girl for a relationship. In general, your acquaintance should have a continuation, and which one is up to you to decide. Otherwise, why even learn how to start a conversation with a girl when you meet if you don’t plan to go further than communication? I think we all want to impress beautiful strangers for more than just words.
Many guys set themselves the goal “Today I will sleep with a woman in the same bed.” But as soon as their mood weakens and they see other men around them, fear and terrible self-doubt appear. In most cases, these guys just stand at the bar and just watch as others take their girls.
It is precisely because you do not control women’s decisions that the goal of “spending the night with her” cannot be the main one. If this idea is a priority, then the man risks being disappointed in himself if he fails. Therefore, I advise you to keep this goal as a backup.
Thus, the main target will be one that can be controlled. For example, “Today I will approach 20 strangers and try to determine what phrase is best to start a conversation with a girl.” Only you decide how many young ladies to talk to.
A man cannot control the reactions of the women he approaches. They can be cold towards him or, on the contrary, very accommodating. This is influenced by the guy’s luck and experience. But the result can never be predicted.
But the number of approaches always depends on you. Therefore, this goal should be the main one. And if there is a main one, then there should be a spare one, which will be responsible for successful approaches.
What we have:
Goal 1: Make 20 approaches to strangers . Regardless of the outcome of these conversations, the evening will be considered a success if the plan is carried out.
Goal 2: If at some point you realize that the young lady is ready to continue communicating with you in a more intimate setting, invite her to move to another place . In this case, the evening will also be considered successful, even without 20 approaches.
It follows from this that any evening you have will be a winner. You will learn how to start a conversation with a girl and gain invaluable experience, or find yourself a young lady who will agree to continue your communication.
This formula works because it forces you to take actions (with a certain number of approaches) that increase the chances of a successful meeting.
Important! You must be dedicated to your main goal. Don't give up everything halfway. If there aren't that many women in the bar, go looking for them. You can meet people not only in cafes, but also on the street, in public transport, libraries, etc.
Thanks to this method, your self-esteem will only increase , since no matter the outcome, you will achieve your goal. When your brain is not occupied with thoughts of fear, it will immediately tell you how to beautifully start a conversation with a girl and keep her attention throughout the conversation.
Eye contact
This technique will be appropriate when seducing young ladies. It is not suitable for work situations.
Quick and simple tactics. I have already mentioned it in previous articles. The point is to believe in your sexuality and show it to the girls around you.
It's much easier to approach when you have "Sex!" on your mind. By focusing on sex, you concentrate much less on your fears and anxieties.
All you have to do is look at her ass and thighs. Breasts are also good. Although the male brain has a built-in switch for sexual activation associated with viewing a woman's waist, hips and buttocks.
You can combine this tactic with others described in this article, which will help you quickly understand where to start a conversation with a girl and how to establish a connection between you.
First word phrase
It is very important that the beginning of correspondence with a girl is as correct as possible.
Why is that? The fact is that ladies, especially beautiful ones, receive many offers to meet each other every day and most of them are simply ignored
That is why you need to initially interest the girl and attract the necessary attention. So, the first word or phrase written in the message is important
The usual "Hello!" few will be surprised. You need to be creative with your first proposal. So, let's look at successful correspondence with girls. Examples of the first phrases will help you build communication with the fairer sex you like:
- "Hello! Tell me, what will happen to our planet if all the butterflies (cats, dogs) disappear?” That is, you need to ask about what the lady herself likes.
- “I wonder what can make such a beautiful girl happy?”
- "Hello! I’m asking a business question: tell me, what modeling agency do you work for? Do I want to send my little sister (niece) there?” This is how you can start a conversation with beautiful ladies.
Fast reaction
This tactic is very useful in cases where you are afraid that fear will overcome you and you will return home with nothing.
All you need to do is repeat the mantra “I must immediately talk to the girls around me.” After that, immediately start communicating with young ladies, without hesitation, plans or miscalculations. This will help drive negative thoughts out of your head.
When you talk to a few cute girls nearby, you will multiply your experience. Therefore, the next conversation will be easier and easier. This happens because you get used to communicating with strangers and the fear weakens, and ultimately disappears completely.
You can also start communicating using this tactic not only with women. If you are not ready yet and don’t know how to start a conversation with a girl, try practicing on men.
Nobody talks about seduction. This could be a friendly conversation, for example, with a neighbor. Before long, you won’t even notice how you’ll be chatting with a young lady who you might be able to take to your home that night.
Another rule for this tactic may be “no pauses for more than two minutes.” If you sit alone and don’t communicate with anyone, people will have the same impression of you. It's unlikely that anyone will want to talk to you after that. You'll be "that guy over there who doesn't talk to anyone." And this means that the person is strange.
When people see that a man is sociable, they also want to talk to him. Everyone gets the impression that this person is interesting and fun. Therefore, it is always easier for talkative guys to establish contact, because they already know what words to start a conversation with a girl with.
What to do if the guy is not yet ready to communicate, but you don’t want to seem strange? There is a simple and familiar way to get around this - look busy during the period when you are not talking to anyone. You can read and write something on your phone with a serious look. But you can’t overdo it either. People may think that you are only interested in your gadget.
I advise you not to pretend and firmly follow your goal. In this case, do not take breaks between conversations for more than 2 minutes.
As soon as the countdown timer in your head starts to approach zero, the voice in your head should say, “Okay. It's time to talk to someone." Follow his words.
Rules for building dialogue on social networks
The Internet allows people to liberate themselves. Everyone creates a unique page, their own little world. In networks, anyone is whoever they want to be.
The conversation must be conducted tactfully. The guy enters the minefield of correspondence with the young lady. You cannot be rude or use abstruse phrases.
You should communicate with a woman as with a good friend to whom you have long been accustomed. The dialogue must be natural. If the interlocutor shows interest in the messages, then everything will work out in the right way.
There are a lot of articles on the Internet about how to communicate with a girl. Many offer template statements to start a conversation. They can be used, but it is better to choose the words yourself. People are individuals and each has their own communication style. If the interlocutor sees that they are communicating with her “according to the formula,” this will push her away and the guy will have to look for a new girlfriend.
Can't go home
This is a great tactic to force yourself to complete a mission. The idea is simple: choose a goal for your walk and stick to it. Then you won't be able to return home until you reach it.
If your mission is “Talk to 20 young ladies and try to find out how to start a conversation with a girl,” then you will not be able to go home until you do this and learn how to communicate with young ladies. Through trial and error, you will quickly understand what women like in conversations and what they don’t.
To avoid leaving home forever due to an unfulfilled goal, there are a few general rules to follow when using this tactic:
- The goal should not depend on someone else's reaction.
- The goal should not be too difficult, especially in the initial stages.
I have prepared examples of goals that do not depend on the reaction of another person: “make 20 approaches to young ladies and determine what question is best to start a conversation with a girl with,” “talk with 10 strangers for more than 5 minutes,” “invite 3 women to your home.” " In this case, it doesn’t matter whether they agree or not, because the main thing is to learn to overcome your fears.
As you become more experienced, you will be able to choose goals that depend on the other person's reaction. For example, “kiss a girl” or “go home with a woman.” It is better for beginners not to take risks, otherwise they may not return home for a long time, unless, of course, they strictly follow this tactic.
General Tips
Beyond these tactics, I'd like to share a few general tips.
- The location doesn't matter . I noticed that guys very often write queries “ how to start a conversation with a girl on the street ” in a search engine. For some reason they think that meeting, for example, in a park is somehow different from meeting in a cafe. This is wrong. You see a girl, you go up to her and talk. Your surroundings should not influence your conversation. If you are interested in communicating, then no one will pay attention to everything else.
- Be sure to introduce yourself . Excitement can play a cruel joke on you, and you will forget to tell the young lady your name. It's only in movies that mysterious strangers always find each other. This is not how things happen in life. A woman should know your name so that after the meeting she can try to find you on social networks and conduct her “little investigation.” If you don’t impress her at the first meeting, then after she calmly looks through your profile, there is a chance that the young lady will contact you.
- I am often asked what topic to start a conversation with a girl. I always advise you to first determine under what circumstances and where the guy met the stranger. For example, this is theater or cinema. Why not ask your beloved if she liked the film? The main thing is that the topics are simple and unobtrusive.
- Ask questions in such a way that they require detailed answers. This is how you can get your companion to talk .
- If you are in a cafe or club, buy the young lady a drink . This will help instill in her a feeling of gratitude, which will also be useful for communication.
- There is one win-win way to start a conversation with a girl when you are walking on the street. Ask her for help or advice. Young ladies love it when their opinion is valued.
- Try to be positive when interacting with women. There are enough problems in life. Become for your new friend the one who makes her laugh and makes her forget about the bad.
- Try to unobtrusively find out if the girl is available. It will be a shame if you waste your time on a young lady who has a husband. Because of such carelessness, you can get yourself into a lot of trouble.
- Listen to her . Don't turn your acquaintance into a continuous monologue. You will not be able to establish contact with a woman if you do not find common ground, something that unites you. And how can you find out if the guy doesn’t give her the opportunity to tell her something about herself? Do not forget about it.
- Always take care of your appearance . “They greet you by their clothes,” as we all know. It is unlikely that a woman will want to continue communication if her interlocutor is dressed in dirty clothes and has not been to the hairdresser for an eternity.
