Russian schoolchildren worry more about grades than their peers in the rest of the world

Adviсe

• How to calm down and stop being nervous about grades at school?
• How to stop being nervous before an exam?
• Interview. How to stop being nervous about anything?
• How to stop being nervous over “trifles”?
• A lesson in fighting anxiety from Charles Bukowski, or how to stop worrying and start living

Anxious 21st century. A person lives comfortably, but pays for it with nerve cells. People say that nerve cells don't regenerate, but that's not true. They are recovering, but slowly. Therefore, they should be protected. It is not without reason that the main problem of modern man is the question of how to stop being nervous. If you think about it, people these days live under constant stress. The experience begins at school (in kindergarten the child has no requirements to fulfill) and does not end until death. Sad? Still would. That's why it's so important to understand how to stop being nervous.

People are concerned (we move from early worries to the problems of adult, mature life):

School performance. Exams (entrance, session and graduation tests at the university). Fear of failing a job interview. “Trifles” (hypothetical problems).

These four points are represented in the existence of every person. True, there are people who do not strive to break social records and occupy official positions. They are content with little. But at least half of the fears on the list also apply to them.

How to calm down and stop being nervous about grades at school?

For every student, the question in the title is pressing and difficult.

The recommendation is suitable for schoolchildren who are worried about grades. But before becoming imbued with universal indifference to learning, let them do the following:

Will they understand which subjects excite them most and why? Will you think about what can be done to change the situation? They will achieve correction of the situation, or at least try in this direction. Calm down.

A child’s problems at school are a common problem for the family, and therefore they need to be solved together with the parents. To put it simply, conscientious parents delve into their child’s academic life and are aware of their worries, anxieties and successes. Psychologists say that those who do not receive any emotional response and warmth from their immediate ancestors learn worse than others in the class. In this case, the child desperately wants to attract the attention of his parents with bad grades.

Life practice shows that those who fail in subjects cope with difficulties in two ways.

Compensation. The child cries over “Algebra” and “Geometry”, but he has “Literature” and “Russian Language”. He abandons the exact sciences and studies the humanities, and over time turns into a philologist or writer. The main thing is not this, but the fact that he finds peace of mind and harmony. Overcompensation. The situation is the opposite: the boy is good at the humanities, but there is trouble with the exact sciences. He doesn't back down. Parents hire a tutor, and he brings him to the appropriate level. Peace and tranquility reign in the human soul.

The difference between compensation and overcompensation is that the first forces a person to develop his strengths, and the second corrects frankly weak aspects of the personality. A person chooses a way to resolve a conflict with reality unconsciously.

A child overcomes school problems by dealing with compensation or overcompensation, but when parents keep their finger on the pulse of his student life, the process of adaptation to the environment goes more smoothly and with less nervous loss.

When thinking about how to calm down and stop being nervous about grades, you must first think about what can be done practically with anxiety, how to change the situation?

How to stop being nervous before an exam?

Human social life is fraught with constant challenges. After school comes the turn of the university. It’s as if a person is being tested for strength. He worries and doesn't sleep at night. Is there anything that can be done? Yes, the recommendations are:

Serious preparation calms the inner trembling. Overexertion and constant cramming cause stupor during the exam itself. The psyche lacks resources. When preparing, you need to take breaks and be distracted, and closely monitor the state of your body. Writing cheat sheets helps to better assimilate the material. The student may not take them for the exam itself, but such exercises train the memory.

The answer to the question of how to stop being nervous before an exam comes down to a lapidary formula: work, work, work until 12 a sweat with a break for lunch and rest. A way to pass the exam without preparation has not yet been invented.

PRACTICAL TIPS ON HOW TO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE SESSION

The experience of excitement is a common human emotion in the modern world, and each of us experiences different versions of this feeling almost every day. Excitement in a healthy person is a vague feeling of an impending or very likely threat in the future, which is accompanied by palpitations, difficulty breathing, motor restlessness, dry mouth, etc. In many proverbs, metaphors and comparisons, excitement is described not so much as a mental, but as a bodily feeling (“the soul has sunk into the heels”, “trembles like an aspen leaf”, “everything inside is pounding”, etc.).

An emotion similar to excitement is fear. It differs in that it represents a reaction to a certain, close, immediate danger, when the nature of the danger is completely clear. Like excitement, fear accompanies many vegetative manifestations.

WHY DO WE WORRY

In biological terms, anxiety is a type of stress that initially manifests itself at the neuroendocrine, then at the bodily, and then at the mental and behavioral level. We inherited this feeling from our ancestors and has biological value, since it warns a person about danger and mobilizes the body to perform certain actions in order to eliminate or reduce anxiety. Thus, it is completely “normal” for a student to be nervous before an exam, an athlete before a race, an artist before going on stage, etc. Any attempts to eliminate anxiety by any external means will only lead to a worsening of the result, but the results will also worsen if the level of even psychologically understandable anxiety becomes excessive. Anxiety can be a persistent character trait of a person, which, although it is reflected in his behavior, is in most cases the norm. Anxiety may arise due to:

• Genetic burden, when one of the parents was anxious, and this was inherited
• Psychological trauma, in which a sense of security is lost and a person begins to be afraid of everything
• Low self-esteem, that is, we are afraid that we will be perceived worse than we are
• I have a negative experience. If you once failed to do something well, in the future in similar situations you will experience anxiety and think that this situation will also be a failure.

IS IT HARMFUL TO WORRY OFTEN?

People with constant anxiety cannot enjoy life; the subject of their worries is constantly on their mind. Their brains begin to work poorly, their memory and attention are impaired, and they have a harder time coping with work and some everyday activities. The feeling of anxiety increases in two cases:

• If the situation drags on and is not resolved in any way, the efforts made will lead to nothing.
• There is no situation, but there is excitement. It seems to a person that something is wrong, something irreparable will happen, and he begins to worry out of nowhere
• It doesn’t matter which option occurs, the body’s response is the same. He works for wear and tear, as if burning himself out. But you need to keep in mind that anxiety has to do with the future, with the anticipation of what is about to happen. There is no point in worrying about events that have already happened; anxiety is associated with the expectation that the situation will worsen.

But why are we so worried about the future? Why do we try to understand from the smallest details what awaits us ahead? Because we want to control our lives. But the reality is that taking control of the future is impossible. The more we focus on what can happen next, the more energy we spend trying to lay straws without knowing where, the less energy remains for solving current problems. Ultimately, our quality of life will deteriorate.

One of the effective ways to cope with anxiety is to replay the situation in advance. Imagine it, talk it out, in this way you will live it, reduce the degree of worry when it arises directly. Don’t get hung up on the event, because there are other positive moments in life, there are close people who are significant to you. That is, you will shift your priorities towards more significant things. If you feel like you’re slipping into worries again, tell yourself, “Okay, let the excitement stay here, and I’ll think about pleasant things.”

HOW NOT TO WORRY ABOUT STUDYING You need to decide why you are studying. In order to learn something, or to prove something to someone? If you choose the second option, then the disease of failure and success appears. Those who follow the first path expand their horizons of knowledge. Most students are chasing grades, but you should try to pay attention to the quality of the knowledge acquired. A little more or less points does not play a special role; how much you have learned will have a much greater impact on your future destiny.

Still, there are a couple of tips on how to worry less while studying:

• Any subject will become more interesting if you find something educational in it for yourself. Knowledge broadens your horizons. To better assimilate the material, you need to study daily. Make a study plan for the subject and strictly follow it. Studying all your textbooks the night before taking a test is a bad idea. In a couple of days you will forget everything, and you will feel unfocused on the test.
• Attend lectures and classes. Teachers often deviate from the standard presentation of the material, provide additional information, and share their experience. Don't be afraid to ask questions, write notes. The better you understand the material, the less time you will need to prepare for the exam. In addition, there is always the opportunity to receive credit automatically for attendance.
• Create a homework preparation group. By actively participating, it will be easier for you to understand the material yourself.
• Participate in projects, conferences, scientific papers, and do not forget about industrial practice. This way, you will create a portfolio that is worth more than your diploma. You will also develop useful contacts, which will help you find a job in the future.
• Reward yourself for your achievements. Treat yourself to something delicious, go to your favorite place. You have worked hard and deserve a rest.

HOW TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE SESSION A session is stressful for a student. It happens that just the sight of tickets on the table makes you forget everything you’ve learned. It's always difficult to pass exams. Most students feel nervous, especially those who study in the budget department. If you fail, you can fly out of the university. Preparing for the session and passing it is a crucial period in the life of students. They have to mobilize all resources and also cope with psychological stress.

The most common fears during the session are:

1. Pull out a ticket with questions to which you don’t know the answer. In fact, if you were preparing for the exam, you already have the information and, in principle, can reason about the questions on the ticket.
2. Constantly scrolling through a negative scenario: either you pull out a bad ticket, or the teacher asks tricky questions... In itself, living through the situation mentally is not bad, but you need to think not about the fear itself, but about a way out of the situation.
3. When you study everything in the last days, you get the feeling of “mess in your head.” And anxiety prevents you from remembering the necessary information. What if I don’t remember anything during the exam? The main thing is to calm down, and not endlessly leaf through books in a state of worry. When stressed, the material is poorly absorbed.
4. Prepare worse than others. The important thing here is not to compare yourself to others. For some, reading a ton of literature will not be enough, but for you, memorizing a textbook is already a feat. So how can you deal with session anxiety?

Write to yourself 10 reasons why you will be able to pass the exam and read it 3 times a day, then your brain will be programmed for success.

Put a photo of your last significant achievement on the table. It should carry the message: “I got over it.” This will give you confidence and help you prepare for exams. A person’s expectation of the realization of the prophecy determines his actions, which provokes the fulfillment of the prophecy.

Stay away from worried students. Often before an exam, you can observe how students get together and discuss who did not have time to read what, and the possible outcomes of the session. At the same time, the degree of tension goes off scale. You should not get involved in a discussion, walk along the corridor, breathe, switch your attention. Discussing negative scenarios has never helped anyone.

One of the greats said: “A champion must take a blow, and then another good blow.” During the exam, you should be prepared for additional questions on the exam. To do this, study a little more than you covered in class, find additional information, interesting details and facts. Identify vulnerabilities - determine what you understand the worst and work on these points.

It's okay to accept criticism. Perhaps the teacher is skeptical towards you. Prove to him that you master the subject and he will change his point of view, or constructively explain where you are wrong. There is a rule of three “H”s, which stands for “Nothing is impossible.” Everyone has a chance to become a good student, get high grades, and do well in exams. If only you put in the proper effort. Don't look at others, compete with yourself, and you will succeed!

By Meg.

Interview. How to stop being nervous about anything?

Hiring for a job is an exciting experience, especially if it’s your first time. Ways to reduce anxiety:

Attend as many interviews as possible. If a person is shaking at the thought of going to his employer, then he needs to take the bull by the horns and make conversations with his superiors or their representatives a daily occurrence. Note: the skill is developed by itself if the applicant wanders from door to door for a long time. Maintain self-respect. Wherever a person goes to get a job, it is strictly forbidden to take the pose of a supplicant. Firstly, this is disgusting and humiliating, and secondly, the applicant shows spinelessness and weakness, and such people are not needed in the company. Prepare a structured and brief story about your professional pros and cons. As Abraham Lincoln said: “Honesty is the best policy.” A smart employer will appreciate the applicant's openness. If a future leader does not understand the benefits of honesty, then working under him will be hell. Subject-subject approach. Which, translated into Russian, means: the applicant does not sit like a statue on a chair, but shows his erudition and interest in the work. First, he impresses the potential boss with his encyclopedic knowledge of the company’s history, then demonstrates amazing awareness of its current affairs and identifies “pain points” in business development. If the applicant can handle it, he is hired. A portfolio and a rich resume are advantages when applying for a job. And if we are talking about yesterday’s student, then the latter relies on a lucky star.

You need to prepare for an interview, and not think about how to stop being nervous about any occasion during it.

How to learn not to be nervous about little things?

To get rid of excessive nervousness, you need to strengthen your nervous system and work on yourself. So, if you feel a wave of anxiety coming over you, and there is an important test ahead, take a few minutes to do breathing exercises that will restore your heart rate and put your thoughts in order. Feel the pulse on your wrist. Inhale for 4 beats, hold it for 2 beats, and exhale for 4 beats. Do the exercise for a few minutes and don’t think about anything. Let go of all thoughts and just listen to the rhythm of your heart. You need to breathe with your diaphragm, i.e. belly. Such gymnastics will relieve physiological signs of nervousness and restore heart rhythm.

To strengthen the nervous system and increase endurance, it is necessary to strictly observe the work and rest regime, eliminate unnecessary stress (keep the 3 most necessary ones out of 6 circles), eat a nutritious and balanced diet, spend more time in the fresh air, and play sports. Simple tips like these give excellent results. And of course, work on yourself. Meet the day with a smile, admire your reflection in the mirror, rejoice in victories and don’t worry about failure. Remember the motto of the legendary Scarlett O'Hara from the book "Gone with the Wind": "Tomorrow is a new day!"

Best regards, Ksenia.

How to stop being nervous over “trifles”?

People ask themselves: “What if...?” The question is useful for writers (Stephen King, thanks to this phrase, writes novels and stories, fantasizing about one thing or another) and useless for ordinary citizens. If a person is tormented by thoughts about hypothetical health problems or is worried about the possibility of rejection of love, then action is more productive than doubts; you need to either confirm the latter or discard them forever.

Example. A person is concerned about the problem of whether he has diabetes or not. The algorithm is like this:

Go to the medical center. Undergo a comprehensive examination. Depending on the results of the analysis, you can either forget about diabetes or start treating it.

If a person likes someone, but he is at a loss about how the object of his sympathy relates to him, then in this case the action also acts as a liquidator of anxiety. Knowledge liberates. If the object reciprocates, the person enters the relationship-building phase. If the object does not want to have anything to do with him, then the person moves to another candidate.

The answer to the question of how to stop being nervous over “trifles” suggests one single recommendation: “Less thinking - more action.” The action destroys hypothetical options and leaves a person face to face with harsh reality. The truth liberates and gives a clear picture of what is happening, while lies limit and cloud the mind with illusions.

Set short deadlines

If you consistently miss deadlines because you lack the motivation to get things done, you might want to give yourself shorter deadlines.

In 2020, a study was conducted in which participants were required to complete a survey. One group was given a week to do this, and the other two.

Guess which group completed the task on time? That's right, the one with shorter deadlines.

Then the researchers conducted another experiment - the students were given a choice: complete a task in a short time and receive three chocolates, or complete a project with a longer deadline and receive five chocolates. Subjects mostly chose the first option, despite the improved reward.

Scientists have concluded that there is such a thing as the urgency effect. We are more determined to complete a short-term task than a long-term task, even if the reward is less.

Long deadlines can keep us from working because we associate them with a more difficult task. If we think work is difficult, we start to procrastinate. As a result, it is impossible to meet the deadline.

Photo: Unsplash

A lesson in fighting anxiety from Charles Bukowski, or how to stop worrying and start living

Buddhists teach that in order to avoid anxiety, suffering, deprivation and pain, you need to uproot their root from the soul - desires. If a person does not want anything, then he does not suffer, is not afraid and does not worry. People unfamiliar with Buddhist philosophy will think that the thesis about the elimination of desires from life is speculative and abstract. No, there are adherents of the teachings in the world who have succeeded in this. True, it is unlikely that their image will evoke positive associations among an honest worker.

It is difficult for a person immersed in a consumer society, in which desire is the basis of existence, to imagine life without ambition, worry and anxiety. And being is rooted in the global desire of living beings for something. A person thirsts, wants, and he moves towards the goal. Therefore, life still continues on planet Earth. If you think about how to stop being nervous and start living, then the result of your thoughts is this: moderate your ambitions, desires, and trust the flow of life. Worries are useless, they don't help. If you reinterpret the favorite phrase of Count L.N. Tolstoy, then it will come out: “Do what you can and be what will happen.” Action is a powerful weapon against anxiety and worry.

Why are we so nervous?

Sometimes deadlines are set by third parties - your boss or the project sponsor - and they do it thoughtlessly.
They don't take into account the amount of work that will need to be done to complete the project or whether you have other responsibilities. You look at the deadline looming over you and realize that you will not be able to meet the deadline or you will have to work overtime. Of course, all this causes stress. Self-imposed deadlines can also cause stress because we are often poor judges of our free time. We underestimate the number of hours we will need and set too ambitious deadlines - we end up feeling just as stressed as the unrealistic deadlines others give us.

Finally, deadlines can be stressful because all we know is the date the project must be completed. A single completion date for a major project can cause procrastination, either because we feel too overwhelmed by the scale of the task to get started, or because we underestimate how long it will take to complete it.

Dealing with the stress of a deadline that someone else has given you is almost impossible (unless you can try to explain why the deadline is unrealistic and ask for it to be changed). In other cases, much of the stress can be avoided.

If you learn to avoid overly stressful deadlines, you can use deadlines to motivate yourself and increase productivity. Here are five ways to do it.