How to overcome the touch barrier. The language of touch

A psychological barrier is a specific state of a person that does not allow him to achieve what he wants or take an active position. Very often, when in a company, people cannot freely carry on a conversation, voice their thoughts, or do things that seem simple at first glance. The inability to step over yourself and do what you want due to inexplicable internal fears and experiences is a psychological barrier.

Every person has encountered one type of psychological barrier more than once in his life (we create them on a subconscious level). There is nothing wrong with this if everything is within reason and under control. The presence of such a problem cannot be ignored if a person is constantly in a stressed and constrained state, because limitations in movement and communication make him withdrawn, irritated and unhappy. Self-doubt, low self-esteem, internal fears and internal conflict with oneself are the main reasons for this problem, but not always.

There are several types of psychological barriers that have their own differences and characteristics.

Types of psychological barriers

  1. One of the most common options is “First Impression”. Almost every person has built a psychological barrier in front of themselves more than once without realizing it. It happens that when meeting for the first time (or visiting an unfamiliar place or company) people do not like their opponents. In this case, the behavior of an active and cheerful person becomes completely opposite. A silent position, reluctance to actively take part in games (dancing, discussions), complete immersion in one’s own thoughts and the desire to quickly end the acquaintance – this is precisely the “first impression” barrier.
  2. Conflict in thinking styles. Each of us is an individual with his own perception of life situations and the presence of his own opinion. Voicing your thoughts and entering into an argument with your interlocutor over whether they are right entails a conflict situation and an unpleasant aftertaste. Quite often, after loud and long discussions, everyone remains unconvinced, but tension and misperception arise between opponents (each builds a personal barrier regarding the other).
  3. Mismatch of temperaments is another type that leads to the emergence of a barrier. Quite often, a clash between a hot-tempered and overly active choleric person and a slow phlegmatic person can create a psychological barrier. Without even suspecting it, it is phlegmatic people who most often build a defense out of fear of an overly impulsive and gesticulating interlocutor. A similar situation exists between melancholics and sanguine people, optimists and pessimists. Of course, there are practically no pure temperaments. Depending on a person’s ability and desire to adapt and hear another, his feelings of comfort and the absence (or presence) of barriers in communication directly depend.
  4. The difference in goals is another reason that puts everything in its place. In the same situation, people can have completely different goals. Example: A family goes on vacation to the country. My husband strives to spend all his time fishing. The wife hopes to plant a vegetable garden and hopes for help from her husband and son. The child generally initially agreed to meet with friends. Despite the fact that everyone is heading to the same place, everyone has their own plans, and no one wants to give in. It is precisely because of the inability to listen to the interlocutor and compromise that a psychological barrier in communication arises.
  5. A moral barrier is another type that arises due to hostility to certain behavior of people (rudeness, arrogance, deceit, etc.). The presence of a psychological barrier is not always a negative phenomenon, but if it happens constantly, regardless of the situation and social circle, it is worth taking some measures to help solve the problem.

Barriers to understanding and perception

  • Aesthetic barrier – when an unfavorable external impression is formed;
  • Social barrier – with noticeable differences in social status;
  • barrier of negative emotions - awakens in a person feelings: fear, irritation, anger, suffering, resentment, shame and guilt, bitterness, disgust, contempt or disgust;
  • barrier of stereotypes - attitudes or previously formed negative thought forms in relation to an individual, organization or group are triggered;
  • self-defense barrier - manifests itself if a person is firmly confident in himself, but he has complexes, then he builds communication from a defensive position.

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Ways to overcome

  1. You should learn to understand yourself (feel at what exact moment a barrier begins to build) and others (see their behavior and recognize other people’s barriers).
  2. Try to create a comfortable atmosphere during communication. If you notice that a particular topic causes a clash of characters and opinions, it is better to switch to something more optimistic, light and relaxed.
  3. Active use of a sense of humor always helps to relax and promotes fun dialogue.
  4. Overly impulsive individuals should exercise some control over their loud speech and active gestures.
  5. Attending social and psychological trainings.

How to become a good speaker: five tips

Does your heart skip a beat when you think about public speaking? It comes naturally to all of us, but honing your public speaking skills is important for your career. After all, you are often in the public eye, speaking in front of people, be it investors, your employees or management. The one who has a good tongue always attracts attention. The ability to speak fluently will always be a powerful argument in your favor. The worst thing you can do is get caught off guard by getting caught up in your words. It is not enough to simply write out everything you want to say in advance. You must be fluent in what you are talking about, know the subject inside and out, and be able to answer any questions that may be asked of you. If you don't have in-depth knowledge of the topic, it will be very difficult for you to continue presenting if you stumble on something or forget some information. It is not enough to write what you are going to say in advance. Know your audience

You should also learn as much as possible in advance about the audience you will be speaking to. If you're talking to a small group of people from another company, it's worth finding out as much as you can about those people and their organization's activities. When you have information about which people are listening to you, you can insert words into your speech that will be better understood by these particular people. Before you begin your speech, take a moment to greet everyone. This will help reduce tension and draw attention to yourself at the same time.

Do not apologize

Never apologize for anything, especially if you are worried. You should look confident, even if in reality you are not. If you let your audience know that you are nervous, your credibility will decrease. Don't show that something is wrong - and people who look at you won't understand that something is wrong.

Watch your body language Correct body language will help you impress the audience more and instill confidence in you. Stand straight, watch your posture, don't slouch. Smile! A smile on your face will do wonders in establishing trust with your audience. The look is also very important. Don't look at the wall behind people or at the floor - this will only cause you to lose eye contact; after a few minutes of such communication, people will begin to get distracted. Look into the eyes of one or another person, imagining that at this moment you are telling everything only to him. This tactic will also help get rid of the fear of a large audience.

Change your attitude

It is important to remember that the audience is on your side - people want to listen to what you have to say. They also understand that speaking in public is not easy. But you can't control what other people do or think. So all that remains is to hope for the support of the audience and do everything possible to win their favor. Start your speech with a positive attitude, have fun, and soon the fear of speaking in public will disappear.

Psychotechnologies for home use

If any situation, object or event irritates you (or even provokes anger), causes a bodily reaction (for example, something tightens in your stomach or your breathing quickens), then most likely you are dealing with an unconscious barrier that, on the one hand, it protects you, and on the other hand, it blocks potentially valuable information. You should also look for limiting beliefs there.

One of the simple ways to work in such situations is MHD psychotechnology (method of oculomotor desensitization), which is actively used in Sergei Kovalev’s integral neuroprogramming.

Sit in a comfortable, relaxed position, then, having identified this sensation in your body, ask yourself what it looks like? What color, shape, size, what does it look like? Imagine this image in front of you. This is the first step.

The second step is to ask someone to help you. Let this person, with two fingers (index and middle), placing them at the level of your eyes, between you and the image you have presented, perform the following sequence of movements:

  1. horizontal movements;
  2. inverted figure eight (infinity sign);
  3. circle - clockwise for you.

Your task is to keep your head still, follow with your eyes the movement of your partner’s fingers, mentally observing changes in the image in the background (the fingers will be in the foreground) and your own sensations. The image will change or disappear. Feelings will also change. The result of the work will pleasantly surprise you.

Another type of limiting factor that negatively affects the effectiveness of our use of information is called the state of problem hypnosis. This is when a person’s perception narrows so much that he sees nothing except the negative circumstances of what is happening. In this state, he is unable to think constructively and perceive valuable information to solve problems and achieve goals.

If you feel something like this, do the simple Panoramic Vision technique, which is also actively used in integral neuroprogramming.

  1. Stand up. Feel the source of the problem in your body, imagine it as an image in front of you. Pay attention also to its shape, color, volume. In most cases it will be something unpleasant, dark, etc.
  2. Temporarily remove the image. Extend your arms in front of you, palms facing each other.
  3. Looking at your left hand with your left eye and at your right hand with your right eye (trying to look like this), begin to spread your arms.
  4. When your hands reach the border of your vision, stop and, standing with your hands spread, return the image of the problem.
  5. The picture will either shrink, fade, or disappear altogether. Something will happen to her. After this, evaluate the results and test your ability to work with information in practice. If you did everything right, the situation will change for the better.

He just won't accept it

One example of such a defense is a psychological phenomenon called cognitive dissonance (Leon Festinger, 1957). A person is likely to be unable to process information if it conflicts with his or her ideas, values, beliefs, or emotional responses. He will either discredit the source of the information or simply ignore it.

Using the example of personal growth: suppose a person is an adherent of a certain spiritual practice and has been practicing it for many years. And then he meets another person who offers him more effective spiritual practice, demonstrating the results obtained, significantly superior to what our hero has achieved over many years. Most likely, the results will be discounted or ignored, and a representative of the other direction will be first politely and then persistently dismissed. And any reappearance of it will cause irritation and anger, because if he is right, then the person has spent a significant part of his life doing the wrong thing.

It is easier for the psyche of most people to solve this problem at the unconscious level, protecting its owner from unnecessary stress and unnecessary torment, protecting it from “dangerous” information. All this happens unconsciously; the person simply will not see the benefits shown to him.

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