Inventing various stories and fables, passing them off as reality, is common to all young children. After all, due to this, imagination and fantasy develop. However, parents need to be careful, since the habit of making things up can become chronic, which means that innocent inventions will turn into the category of elementary lies.
In order to prevent the birth of a new pathological liar, you need to recognize in time the child’s inclinations to tell lies. At the same time, it is definitely worth finding out the true reason for children’s lies, what contributes to such behavior; it may be necessary to reconsider parenting methods.
Why do children start lying?
Telling lies is typical for many children, but there is a separate category that does this regularly. Let's try to figure out why this happens. Perhaps the starting point is self-doubt or low self-esteem. In certain situations, children lie to avoid punishment, and in similar situations they do the same again.
Children of primary preschool age love to invent various non-existent heroes and the world around them, full of exciting stories and superpowers. If parents pay enough attention to their children, this will soon pass.
Otherwise, the child plunges deeper into the world of lies and refers to virtual characters in all his troubles. This is unacceptable; we need to urgently take action and have a frank conversation.
Reasons for children's lies
In fact, telling lies is prompted by deep childhood experiences that cannot be ignored. Professionals in the field of child psychology believe that the main reasons for lying can be:
Fear of being punished for any misconduct or failure to comply with parental requirements. In this case, parents should be more attentive to their children and not make excessive demands, contributing to the generation of lies.
Low self-esteem. In order to look decent among their peers, children are able to embellish their advantages by inventing the existence of various expensive things in their possession or famous relatives. If this happens constantly, then you cannot turn a blind eye to it. Immediately find out all the circumstances that push the child to such actions.
Control and pressure from parents. As a rule, children aged 12-13 years begin to lie to their parents, protesting against their pressure, comprehensive control and interference in their personal space. In this case, it is worth letting go of the reins of control a little, giving the child more independence, but without losing control of the situation.
The desire to set your own boundaries. Teenagers do not like to talk about personal things, so they come up with various fables for their parents. Don’t put pressure on children, be patient, find a way to provoke a frank conversation or awaken a desire to open up first, share with a loved one, since the psychology of children’s lies is very subtle. It is important that your child trusts you.
Family problems. Children experience conflicts in the family very emotionally, so they resort to various methods (including lies) to draw attention to themselves.
In any case, the main provocateur of lies is fear. Parents can forbid playing on the computer, communicating with friends, leaving the house, they can resort to punishment, all this frightens the child and pushes him into a web of lies. Therefore, it is important to maintain a trusting relationship between parents and children.
Praise, scold, punish? Why children lie and what to do about it
The audio tag is not supported by your browser. Children are such dreamers that the best fairy tale writers would envy their stories. It’s simply impossible not to believe in children’s stories – how could it be otherwise, because they don’t know how to deceive for profit. Or do they know how?
No matter how sad it may sound, toddlers deceive adults much more often than one might imagine. Scientists have found that at three years old a child lies about once every two hours, and at six years old he tells lies two or even three times more often. What should Ulyanovsk parents who are faced with the problem of children's deception do?
Sources of lies
Lies for the sake of image. As a rule, such a lie “works” in front of peers, for whom, in fact, the embellished story is made up. For example, my sister moved to live in America, and my dad is a big businessman and earns a million a day. Such stories sound funny to an adult, but to a peer the story will seem believable.
Fear . In this case, the baby understands that he did wrong and thinks that if he tells the truth, he will be punished. A child may also lie because he is afraid of disappointing or upsetting his loved ones. In such situations, psychologists advise paying attention to relationships in the family, which have probably suffered serious cracks.
Mistaken growing up. The desire to grow up quickly often pushes a child to lie to his parents. Moreover, household members may not even suspect that they are setting a bad example. For example, a banal request from one of the family members to lie on the phone that he is not at home may stick in the child’s mind.
A way of maneuvering between dad and mom or other family members. This type of childish lie appears when unfriendly relationships develop in the family. Here's an example: a mother doesn't get along with her mother-in-law; they often argue in front of a child who doesn't understand anything. In order not to upset the mother, the child agrees with her opinion about the grandmother’s actions, and in order to remain among the grandmother’s favorites, the baby agrees with her in everything. And so that dad doesn’t get upset once again about the bad relationship between mom and grandma, he has to deceive him too.
A way to attract the attention of adults. Due to lack of attention, the child experiences stress. The solution for him is to lie. Often this deception is revealed by the parents, and they punish the child. But he still feels a sense of satisfaction - they paid attention to him, and that’s exactly what he needed.
Protest. Reaching the most difficult age for parents - 12-13 years old, the child realizes that he no longer needs to tell mom and dad about everything. He considers himself old enough, so from now on he has the right to make decisions on his own. As a result, things don't always end up as planned, and this, of course, is not something mom and dad should know about.
What to do if a child constantly lies?
You cannot punish a child for lying - he will perceive this as a result of the fact that you have learned the truth. This can lead to the fact that the relationship “if they find out the truth means they will shout at me” becomes firmly entrenched in his subconscious, which, in fact, will push him to constantly lie. Try to calmly explain that lying is bad, because it is much better to be honest and open with your parents.
Forcing a child to tell the truth by frightening him with punishments, for example, a week without computer games, is not a solution. On pain of punishment, he is unlikely to confess anything to you; on the contrary, he may even close himself off from you.
There is no need to reduce education to constant prohibitions. If everything is prohibited, then the child will certainly find a loophole to what he wants through a lie.
Under no circumstances focus only on the baby’s positive emotions. Even if he expresses negative emotions for some reason (bad grade, quarrel with a friend), then they should also be perceived as the norm. If a child sees that his bad mood somehow upsets or even angers you, then he will hide it from you, much less tell the truth about what happened to him.
If your child begins to lie constantly, then perhaps you have chosen the wrong parenting method. Having a frank conversation at the right time will help you figure out what you're doing wrong.
Try to teach your child to eliminate the results of misconduct. Establish this rule with him: if you break or break something, you don’t need to lie about it, it’s better to put it away or fix it. In any situation, it is best to admit what you have done - you will not be scolded or punished if you tell the truth!
Always remain an authority and role model for your child. Teach your child to be honest: tell your loved ones at a family dinner about how your day went, often use the expression “I want to confess to you...” - this will help to clearly show that being honest with your family is wonderful.
Praise your child for his honesty. Agree, it’s better to tell him once again: “Well done for confessing honestly,” than to constantly punish him for his misdeeds.
And most importantly, realize that we all start lying not because we want to hide something. This skill is inherent in us by nature, and only we can “tame” it. But children, due to their young age, do not yet know how to do this, and without your proper upbringing and sensitive supervision, their naive fantasies will quickly develop into constant lies.
Olga Poteryailova, a social teacher at the OGAUSO TsSPPSiD, gave advice to residents of the Ulyanovsk region.
What to do if your child is lying
Honesty, sincerity and openness should reign in the relationship between parents and children, so that the child has a good example to follow.
If you notice that your tomboy has begun to lie a little, you shouldn’t rush at him with reproaches and accusations, approach finding out the reason loyally, and discuss the current situation together. In many cases, talking alone will not solve the problem, so adults need to be patient.
Sometimes, in order to avoid lies from a child of high school age, it is worth giving him more free personal space. Let him feel independent. Discuss this stage of a new relationship together, listen carefully to the child’s opinion and come to a common compromise.
Surround your child with attention and full communication so that he feels your love and support in any situation, without fear of being punished or humiliated. Create harmonious relationships within the family, because most problems arise against the background of family imbalance.
How to recognize children's lies
Few people manage to deceive and remain at ease. What can we say about children, because they are so sincere and spontaneous. Lying is not easy for them. What will tell you that a child is deceiving you? Facial expressions, gestures and behavior unusual for a child. You have reason to be wary if during a conversation your child:
- acts too emotionally;
- gesticulates excessively;
- sluggishly, hesitantly answers your questions, carefully selects words;
- tries to shift the conversation to another topic;
- reluctant to answer, avoids conversation;
- moves from foot to foot;
- twirls hair around finger;
- asks again;
- says something that surprises you;
- rubs forehead;
- covers his mouth with his hand;
- blinks frequently;
- often looks away;
- avoids eye contact;
- smiles insincerely;
- rubs eyes;
- nervously twirls something in his hands;
- spinning or rocking in a chair.
If you notice the described manifestations in the behavior of your daughter or son, try to humorously express your suspicion. In such cases, my mother squinted one eye, leaned towards me and with a slight smile on her face asked: “Are you by any chance a Fantane?” It was difficult to continue the game after this question. But on the other hand, this was a chance to stop in time and get out of the water dry. We also advise you to create escape routes for your children.
