How to let go of the person you love: 3 steps

Breaking up is a great chance to improve your life, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. At the moment it can be painful, scary, it is unclear how to continue to live without a loved one. In a sense, close people literally grow into our personality and parting becomes akin to losing a part of ourselves. Common interests, memories, plans, ideas, deeds, hopes, perception of oneself in the context of another person - all this will have to be abandoned.

This part can be pulled out at once, it can be dissolved little by little - fortunately, there is plenty of advice on the Internet, but I want to talk to you a little about something else, which, in my opinion, is much more important than specific techniques, letters of gratitude, meditation and other popular advice from psychologists. About how to go through the difficult path of separation with dignity and emerge from history as a completely different person. Stronger, more attractive. A person who is able not to break down, not to get stuck alone, but to make his next romantic story better.

Therefore, since you find yourself in such a difficult situation, let’s figure out how to get out of it with minimal losses and maximum benefit for yourself in the future.

How to let go of love forever?

If you still do not dare to take the initial step, but hope to mend broken relationships, you should be aware that you are gradually destroying each other. Apart from severe grief and disappointed expectations, this relationship promises nothing. Don't fight if the relationship is heading towards an end. It's destined to happen, it happens. When your chosen one leaves your life, let him leave it, do not cling to him. Of course, at first it will be difficult to continue your journey without your loved one. However, it is not for nothing that they say that time heals various wounds.

How to let go of love? First of all, it is necessary to leave all expectations. Yes, you are convinced that you have the right to happiness with this chosen one, but it did not happen as you wanted. This is your mistake: the intention to receive from the chosen one what he is not able to give. You need to accept and realize that no one is obliged to fit these expectations. But because of unrealistic expectations, completely understandable grievances arise. Resentment is a destructive force. You should forgive for the sake of your healthy emotional and physical state.

Letting go of a loved one - what does it mean?

“You need to be able to let people go,” wise people will tell you and they will be right. The ability to let go is a very important skill in relationships, without it there is no way to learn to love and be loved. You need to be able to let go at any stage of a relationship, not only when everything is really bad. The person took a step back - it’s better not to interfere, not to stick, not to try to pull him back, to respect his desires and free will.

And the topic of respect is the first one I want to raise, because without respect for yourself and others, there is no relationship at all. Nothing good will ever come of this. For example, the phrase “let a person go” is good at first glance, but even in it there is disrespect.

You can't let anyone go.

Judge for yourself, how can you let someone go? A person doesn’t love you, your love is not mutual, he doesn’t belong to you at all and doesn’t want it, he doesn’t care, he lives his own life, minds his own business, how do you let him go? Only if in your fantasies.

And if your love is still mutual, nothing will come of it either. So you let a person go, but he didn’t want to leave. You broke off the love affair, but he remained attached. Has the right to. Of course, you can ask him to leave. Ask. But the choice is still his. If he doesn't respect you, he will remain attached against your will.

You can't let anyone go. You're not their owner, are you? Previously, slaves could be freed, and even then many still refused to leave, because their old life was familiar and safe. Now everyone is free people.

Letting go means stopping trying to get involved with a person who doesn’t need you.

The only person you can set free is yourself. Decide on your own and free yourself from relationships that cause much more pain than joy. From relationships in which being in them humiliates you simply because you are not loved in them or loved much less.

This nuance is critically important to see and understand very clearly. Because if you think that you can let someone go, then you are sure that you can keep the person, and this is a very, very big mistake. Fatal. But more about it below.

The only person you can let go of is yourself.

Letting go does not mean running away into the night, putting an end to it, immediately throwing the person out of your heart and completely forgetting about him. No. If you have a lot in common, you should not devalue your feelings or your loved one - this is harmful and unnecessary.

It doesn’t matter with your ex-partner, be it a man or a woman; you don’t need to do anything else at all. Completely stop all your activity in his direction. Letting go means stopping trying to get involved with a person who doesn’t need you. Detach your plans, deeds and ideas from him. Deciding that your life is no longer in someone else's orbit is not determined by the decisions of another person. From now on, she is only yours again. The steering wheel is in your hands, and only you can choose the direction in which to move next. It's a pleasant feeling, isn't it?

Letting people go is necessary

When letting go, you should draw conclusions from what happened. Without these decisions, life lessons will not be learned. You need to understand the importance of what happened and figure out what actions on your part were done incorrectly. This is necessary in order not to make the same mistakes in the next serious relationships. Once you have learned the lessons, you will be given the opportunity to forgive and let go emotionally. Although the excitable threads do not break quickly, it is important not to hang at any stage. As you let go of bitterness and intentions, remember that your love has no conditions. And this means that the situation has been released and worked through. For yourself, you decided not to expect anything from your chosen one.

The next stage is the absence of charges. This results in the disappearance of pain. Now you feel warmth, gratitude and can safely wish him good luck.

“I can’t let go of my loved one” means “I can’t complete an emotional connection.” And this is a mandatory rule for any person. People need this in order to become completely open to meeting a new chosen one. Any person leaving leaves room for a new person to appear in life. If you make an effort and do this, you will no longer have to look at your new partner through your old feelings. You will accept a person for who they really are, open your heart and trust without looking back.

How can I stop thinking about him?

Letting go of your thoughts is difficult, but it is possible. We offer you current tips that will help you get rid of obsessive thoughts about your loved one.

Find a hobby, a new hobby. Nothing helps to push various interfering thoughts out of your head like some interesting thing that captivates you completely. In your case, this could be a new hobby. Why won't the old help? If your thoughts after a breakup are occupied only with a man, it means that your hobby has not coped with the load and you need something else. Start doing what you have long dreamed of, but did not dare (were afraid) or did not have time. It is now that we need to address this. Have you wanted to go hiking along a mountain river? Go boldly. In the company of strangers with new sensations, you simply will not be able to often remember your past feelings and your ex-partner. Have you dreamed of playing the piano? Start studying with a music director. You will certainly be distracted, and perhaps it will take over you completely. Do you want to skydive? Forward. In the first three jumps you will grab so much adrenaline that it will simply “melt” your old thoughts. In general, go for it. Remember, the main thing is to start, to force yourself to decide for the first time.
Play sports. Exercise can do a lot. The fact is that at the moments when you begin to perform systematic movements, firstly, you focus on the exercises themselves, and not on your own thoughts. Secondly, during sports, oxygen enters the brain, enriching the cells. And this also changes the physiological state of a person, affects his thoughts and feelings. In addition, physical activity helps to throw out negative emotions, and excess adrenaline will bring a lot of positive things into your life. Feel free to go to the gym, for fitness, aerobics. Just run. Even if you start jogging 2 kilometers every day, your mood will already begin to improve. And fresh air is more conducive to joy than the atmosphere of your home, where many things remind you of your loved one.
If your thoughts become obsessive, consult a psychologist. Don't think about how it looks, how weak you are at such moments. The psychologist's advice on how to let go of a person from your thoughts and soul is mainly focused on the actions described. But if you already need qualified help, your apathy turns into depression, then you should resort to other options. And, if more than a year has passed, and you still cannot forget your ex-partner and you are not happy in life, most likely, it means that these actions did not bring results or you did not follow them clearly enough. And then the psychologist will help you cope with your trouble in other ways and techniques. The main thing is not to be afraid, but to boldly go to the appointment, trusting the person who is treating souls.

Psychologists explained how to truly forgive and let go

The best way to let go of any negative feelings is to forgive. However, forgiveness is something that many people struggle with, writes Wake Up Your Mind. Why is this so difficult?

“When we have been treated deeply unfairly, we must have the tools to fight it so that the consequences of that injustice do not harm us ourselves.” — Dr. Robert Enright

We all know what it's like to be hurt. We have all experienced severe heartache due to betrayal at least once in our lives. This is deception, neglect, betrayal, violated trust, ridicule... The list goes on... But in any case, all that remains is pain, which may take years to heal.

When we are worried, we behave differently. Some of us keep our pain quiet, some of us shout about it. But negative emotions over a long period of time can disrupt a person's psychological well-being. You need to get rid of them, and this requires real effort and time.

You must understand that forgiveness does not mean you just forget and move on. Forgiveness is liberation from the destructive effects of one's own resentment. You let go of the offender and deprive him of the opportunity to influence you. And this is undoubtedly the best choice!

Here are 10 tips from Dr. Robert Enright to help you through the process.

1. Understand that forgiveness is possible.

You cannot forgive if you think that forgiveness is impossible in principle. You must understand and accept the fact that the resolution of your problems and relief from pain occurs only through forgiveness.

2. Forgive easily.

You can't truly forgive someone if you force yourself to do so. The most important thing to forgive is that you willingly decide to do so.

Why is it so important to accept and realize

Lovers may not understand why they should let go of an unhappy love forever. They believe that through persistence and subtle manipulation, an unhappy union can be corrected. Disadvantages of such attempts:

Manipulation rarely leads to healthy relationships.
Fruitless efforts and wasted time are the cause of self-pity and dissatisfaction with life.
Obsession will irritate a man. He may start to disrespect the girl. This will lower her self-esteem.
Humiliation leads to depression and nervous breakdowns.
By devoting yourself to an indifferent person, you can lose interest in your destiny. Problems will arise (lack of work and friends).

Healthy relationships provide positive emotions, not destroy them. Everyone deserves mutual feelings.

Are there ways to painlessly get rid of unnecessary thoughts about a person?

Look, I asked a question about painless methods, are there any. So, I answer! NO! They do not exist and cannot exist. Otherwise, we neither live nor feel. It is common for a living person to look for someone close in spirit. We need to trust and love someone. And when we have entrusted the most valuable thing we have, our heart, how can we forget about it after parting? This is unrealistic. Then the question arises: how to survive the period after a breakup? What to do to take your mind off sad thoughts?

I would like to note right away that there are many ways, as many as there are people. And one moment! It is better to act in different directions to achieve complete relief from boredom of a person.

Here are some ways that psychologists talk about:

Let yourself cry. But limit yourself in time. Most often, a week is enough. But use this time correctly: constantly talk to a true friend, talk it out, cry, open your soul to him.
Don’t look for a meeting or an opportunity to tell, give or show him something. Cut off the ends! And in your mind, and in your heart, and in life.
Don't be alone. Chat with friends and make new friends.
Keep yourself busy. Start going to fitness, swimming, cooking classes. The main thing is to occupy the free time and thoughts in your head with something else, something interesting to you.
Write a letter saying goodbye to him. Write everything! And end with gratitude for everything that happened between you.
Take care of yourself. Swap. Hairstyle, clothing style, dreams.
Find your new future! Give yourself pleasant moments and things.
Take the figurative scissors and cut off everything connected to it! Separate yourself from the person, put him aside and look at him as an outsider.
Don't give yourself even a minute to allow yourself to suffer. Plan your day so that there is no time for self-pity.

Wondering how to clear your head of unnecessary thoughts? How to determine what is needed and what is not needed? What to throw away? Find out 7 WAYS TO CLEAN OUT JUSTICE IN YOUR HEAD

And most importantly, remove lyrics from life: sentimental poems, films, music. Don't poison your soul! Read HOW TO LEARN TO THINK POSITIVELY, EVEN IF EVERYTHING IS BAD

I tried to fully cover the issue. It only remains to add that this article will become even more practical only with your stories, conclusions and your ways of getting out of depression after a breakup. Share, leave comments. Check back for new articles. And so as not to miss them, subscribe. Bring your friends, we will all look for ways out of different life situations together! Well, that's all for today! Bye! And see you again!

Cleansing the subconscious with meditation

People are afraid to go through the pain of a breakup again, so they try to overcome any passions within themselves. Without feelings, fate will be boring. It is worth doing meditation, which will eliminate the fear of new love:

Sit comfortably in a quiet room.
Concentrate, close your eyes. Mentally they search for where the capacity for romantic feelings is located.
After finding this point, they fixate on it.
Imagine how light emanates from it. Direct it to your favorite animal or loved one.
There will be a desire to perform noble deeds and help loved ones.

By doing the exercise daily, you will notice that, instead of resentment, love for people grows in your soul.

Mind games or programming our consciousness

How did you like the subtitle theme? But let's talk about the situation from the very beginning in order to understand at what stage, and most importantly, how our brain begins to play with us.

Let's say we notice someone's interested gaze, we get to know each other, start making friends, fall in love... then events can develop in different ways. For example, we fall in love, meet... and again there is a “threshold” from which the situation can again develop according to its own scenario: we get married. But there is an end to this story. And whatever the ending may be: we fall in love, date or get married, but, unfortunately, there is a “point”. It turns out to be separation.

This is where the fun begins. How difficult it is to get the one you truly love out of your head! It seems that this is impossible! It seems that everything inside is screaming: “I don’t want and I can’t!” And we unfold the scene again and again, line up the heroes and play out all the incidents that happened to us. We remember looks, gestures, words and actions. We give them special meaning and meaning.

Each such scrolling of scenes gives us new food for thought and longing that everything has changed so much for the worse. We either blame ourselves for saying or doing something wrong, or another person for his cruelty. Whatever the result of such reflections, one thing is clearly clear: man has firmly settled in our heads. He has taken a leading position in our thoughts and it will not be easy to evict him from our hearts.

Did I describe everything correctly? Of course, with adjustments and amendments to our personal characteristics and memories. Do you know what's really happening? Our mind is playing a game with us. He always brings us back to thoughts about who, in fact, is no longer part of our lives. And the brain keeps reminding and reminding of him. He keeps us in a time when we were not alone. We cannot move on; our thoughts keep us firmly stuck in the past. And this makes us unhappy. That is why thoughts about a person do not let go - the brain does not let it go, it plays with our consciousness, evokes, like a medium, already dead memories, revives them, our mind involves the heart and affection.

Do you know what's worst? After all, the one who left had some reason for this! And the point is not that someone is good and someone is bad. Think! Maybe he smiled like that at everyone, not just us. And we fell in love, mistaking a simple sign of greeting and sympathy for something more. We have allowed dreams and fantasies to embellish reality.

What if the breakup happened after attempts to get closer? You dated, but he decided to end the relationship. Our brain sees the picture from its own angle. He inspires us that we are unworthy, or that a person did not appreciate the happiness that befell him. Although the reality is so simple: we are not suitable for each other. And the man understood this, appreciated his strength and chose to follow a path parallel to us. He may have even tried to explain his actions. But we didn’t hear, because our brain played either a suspicious intelligence officer or a desperate lover...

How to get out of this game and not allow our consciousness, heart and even life to be further manipulated?