Parental SELFISHNESS is toxic. How parents DESTROY their children's families

As a person reaches his golden age, his behavior changes and he begins to demand more attention, time and effort. Sometimes the whims of an elderly person can be very whimsical and even selfish. In science, this behavior is usually called “senile egoism.”

First of all, it is worth noting that selfishness is inherent in every person, regardless of age, character, or worldview. This is the desire to obtain benefits for personal purposes from the world around us, people and situations. For example, it may manifest itself in an increased demand for attention from the stronger sex or in the desire to maintain freedom while in a relationship.

As for senile egoism, it often arises during a period of crisis - the loss of one’s own place in society, which often begins with retirement. A person realizes that he is no longer valuable and is not able to be useful, projecting all this onto his family. Subsequently, relatives and friends (those people who have the most contact with the elderly person) become the main catalysts of senile egoism.

Senile egoism - normal or pathological?

Among experts, opinions are divided regarding the nature of the origin of this pathology. Some believe that senile egoism is nothing more than a disease, others argue that such a condition is caused by a genetic predisposition. Indeed, senile egoism has signs similar to those of some mental diseases of the nervous system.

The main conditions of people suffering from this disease:

• Feeling of being unclaimed and helpless.
• The need for help from others.
• Attention deficit.
• Frequent feelings of loneliness.

Some behavioral features of older people, as a rule, do not indicate the manifestation of character traits, but the development of a serious pathology. In certain diseases characteristic of old age, senile egoism serves only as a symptom, behind which there are such mental disorders as dementia, dementia, atherosclerosis, Pick's disease, and Alzheimer's disease. In this case, it is important to contact a specialist in a timely manner and begin appropriate treatment.

Causes of senile egoism

The most common reason for the development of selfishness in older people is a degenerative change in brain cells. As we age, brain cells deplete, neural connections break down, and each part of the brain weakens. A number of factors contribute to the development of senile egoism:

• Diseases of the nervous system. One of the common causes of decreased memory and mental abilities are chronic diseases such as Alzheimer's disease, Pick's disease, dementia, dementia and other similar mental disorders that are not amenable to therapeutic treatment. In this case, immediate consultation with a psychiatrist is required, and in some situations, treatment in a hospital setting.
• Closed lifestyle. Often, older people do not want to communicate with others and loved ones. They are not interested in what is happening, and their range of interests is narrowed to watching TV.
• Lack of physical activity. Physical activity in old age is no less important than in youth. However, physical activity for older people should be moderate. To maintain physical fitness, daily walking and morning exercises are enough.
• Lack of attention. Close people do not always have the opportunity to devote time to their elderly relatives. In this case, older people feel even more unclaimed and, at every opportunity, blame their loved ones for the lack of attention and emotional support.

Also, one of the reasons for the development of the disease can be the abuse of bad habits. Even minor alcohol consumption and smoking adversely affect parts of the brain and further contribute to cognitive impairment.

Causes

Loneliness is one of the factors that provoke selfishness.
The aging process leads to the development and aggravation of existing diseases of a somatic and psychological nature. Selfishness in this case can be considered as one of the behavioral signs of worsening diseases, as a direct consequence of aging, therefore this condition is not curable and will progress.

After the end of work experience, as a rule, physical activity decreases, communication decreases, and the feeling of uselessness gradually increases. An elderly person tries to attract more attention to himself, and by any means, without ignoring the whims, importunity, delving into all the affairs and personal problems of the people around him.

Moreover, the old man cannot understand, due to a decrease in cognitive abilities, that all his efforts are not the norm, and this results in irritability and anger.

Older people do the following:

• they try to impose their, as it seems to them, correct opinion;
• make constant attempts to manipulate the opinions of loved ones;
• become overly intrusive and persistent;
• do not compromise;
• consider their opinion and view of things to be the basic correct opinion that cannot be disputed;
• manifestations of aggression, even causing harm to oneself or others;
• they react inadequately to arguments, become illogical in actions and thoughts, and so on.

Note. The brain of an old person begins to change, which makes it difficult to think adequately and clearly. All attempts to prove the old man wrong, to explain the groundlessness of his fears of being left alone, or to logically explain the severity of his obsession only irritate the pensioner. He is unable to correctly assess his behavior. The result is an insurmountable misunderstanding.

It is advisable not to attribute senile selfishness to natural aging, but to show the grandfather or grandmother to a specialist.

Your doctor will help you determine if this behavior is a symptom of one of the following age-specific diseases:

• mental disorders;
• cerebral atherosclerosis;
• dementia;
• dementia;
• Alzheimer's disease and others.

It is especially important to consult a doctor if older people throw hysterics, overly dramatize what is happening, fall into prolonged depression, and so on.

Important. Providing qualified psychological and therapeutic assistance will help slow down the course of the disease and reduce its negative manifestations.

Signs of senile selfishness

There are no clear characteristic signs of senile egoism, since relatives mistake some changes in the behavior of an elderly person either for age-related changes occurring in the nervous system, or for the development of diseases of the nervous system. You can suspect the presence of this pathology based on the following signs:

• Conservative. An elderly person is afraid of any changes, refuses to accept them and demands that everything be left as it is. Everything new scares him because he feels unprotected.
• Pickiness. An elderly person, subject to manifestations of senile egoism, constantly sorts out relationships with others and deliberately looks for reasons for a quarrel.
• Moodiness. In this case, the person behaves like a capricious child: he refuses to follow the rules of hygiene, wear warm clothes in the cold, eat healthy food, etc.
• Desire for moral teaching. A person with manifestations of selfishness bothers his close people and those around him with endless lectures, which often turn into quarrels and even scandals.
• Intractability. An elderly person does not want to know the opinions of others; he insists on his point of view, even realizing that he is wrong.

These signs are often aggravated by depression, loss of self-control and awareness of one’s own helplessness. In this case, consultation with a specialist is required who will prescribe effective conservative treatment.

What is the reason for this condition?

Senile egoism is a rather controversial phenomenon. Some are inclined to consider it a disease, others argue that this condition is natural. What is the age-related change in behavior?

Here are several main conditions of elderly people suffering from senile egoism:

• awareness of one’s own helplessness, the need for constant care and concern;
• the emergence of a feeling of uselessness to the world, family, friends;
• the appearance of a feeling of loneliness, lack of attention from people;
• feeling of rejection by society;
• understanding of the inability to influence the world around us and to be useful.

Elderly people are prone to lectures in a commanding tone, interference in the personal lives of children without taking into account their interests, and scandals over trifles. In this way they try to attract attention to themselves.

Anger often manifests itself at everyone: children who do not spend enough time with them, friends with whom they have not communicated for a long time, young colleagues who “replaced” them at work.

Consequently, we can talk about mental disorders, which often lead to depressive states and the emergence of more serious pathologies on this basis.

Treatment

Senile egoism is a psychological disease, therefore there are no medicines that can completely cure it. Rehabilitation of an elderly person suffering from this illness consists in his awareness of his condition and in the creation by loved ones of conditions that are comfortable for living.

The only thing that will help alleviate the manifestations of this pathology is attention, care and concern. To do this, the relatives of the elderly must reconsider their behavior, be patient and stop blaming him for this condition. Most often, older people do not realize the full extent of their behavior, which is why they are offended by their loved ones. A consultation with an experienced psychologist will help to establish communication with a sick person. To do this, you can invite a specialist to your home - then the elderly person will feel protected and will be able to calmly talk about their condition. If a person has been developing senile egoism for a long time, the advice of a psychologist will help alleviate his condition and improve relationships with others.

A specialist is also required if the behavior of an elderly person has the following manifestations:

• Unreasonable aggressiveness.
• Partial memory loss.
• Suicidal thoughts.
• Excessive moodiness or selfishness.
• Sleep disturbance.
• Untidy appearance.

In addition, you can notice that the patient in his thinking becomes like a child. These signs may indicate the development of dementia. A person with such manifestations should not be left unattended for a long time, as this can lead to negative consequences.

Mother+son = friendship

Julia Jumm, psychologist: Sveta went through a divorce at the age of twenty-five, and, apparently, she took it very painfully. In any case, after a divorce, even a seemingly easy one, a person is left with anxiety in his soul: “If I fall in love with someone again, what if the new relationship goes the same way? What if they abandon me, betray me? Maybe there’s something wrong with me?” The heroine of this story was so anxious that she immediately gave up looking for another man. She chose, from her point of view, a more reliable path: to give all her love to the child. After all, the child belongs to her, he will not abandon her or betray her, as men do. Sveta became simply obsessed with her son! And this obsession was a means of protection. In this way, the young woman defended herself from her own fears and complexes, and from the condemnation of others.

She thought: “I may not have succeeded as a wife, as a worker, but I am an excellent mother!” Kirill occupied in her mind not only the niche of a son, but also the niche of a husband and work. Sveta showered on him all her affection and care, which would have been enough for several family members, and all her labor, which was not in demand anywhere else.

And suddenly, to Sveta’s horror, Kirill began to grow up and move away from her! The feeling that she experienced when divorcing her husband reappeared in Sveta’s soul: “They are abandoning me, I am not needed!” This is both anxiety and pain from betrayal. Sveta began to really panic. She lost in Kirill not only a child, weak and helpless, whom she wanted to carry in her arms forever, she lost her only love and her job - all at once. With the departure of Kirill, Sveta would lose the meaning of life. And it is not surprising that she tried with all her might to keep the boy in childhood, to prevent him from becoming big. With her phrases “You can’t do anything, you’re nothing without me,” she wanted to make Kirill continue to depend on her. However, the more she tried to psychologically suppress her son, the more he wanted to free himself from her.

The time has come to radically rebuild the relationship between Kirill and Sveta. Maternal care for the child should be replaced by friendship of equal people. Sveta needs to get out of the role of a mother hen, who only teaches Kirill and limits his freedom, and become an interesting person for her son, so that he himself will be drawn to her. She must find an interesting job, meet new people, including men. We need to stop this obsession and one-sidedness!

As for Kirill, he should become even more decisive in his relationship with his mother. He should say:

“I need to learn to do everything myself, otherwise how will I become a grown man?”

And so that the mother does not get scared, you need to explain to her:

“I refuse your care, but I do not at all refuse you as a person.” You still remain my mother, and I want us to communicate on equal terms in the future, like adults. I am no longer a child and will never be a child, so you can’t return the past. Perhaps something will be returned with the advent of grandchildren. So let's move forward rather than backward!

Senile egoism: what to do?

Many who are faced with this situation do not know how to behave with a person suffering from this pathology. According to psychologists, in this case it is important not to show excessive care, since the patient will demand even more attention and manipulate loved ones.

In this case, experts recommend using several tips:

• Communicate with an older person in an extremely friendly manner, but at the same time remain true to your beliefs.
• Do not blame the patient for his state of mind.
• Discuss all decisions with an elderly relative, and ask for his opinion.
• Avoid topics in communication that may upset a person.

The desire to help loved ones in old age is understandable, but, as a rule, this task is impossible without the help of specialists. The way out in such a situation would be the help of a nurse or placing the patient in a specialized institution, where patients with pathologies of the nervous system are provided with qualified medical care.

How to behave with a patient: do not indulge whims

For many, living with an old man turns into a real challenge. The more care and attention you give, the more he requires. Of course, trying to please your loved one is the main thing that can be done in such a situation, but in no case should you indulge him. By manipulating you, demanding more and more, he does not realize that he is creating discomfort for you.

Some advice from psychologists:

• do not blame a person for his condition, because he has no power to influence it;
• in communication, show tenderness and care, while remaining firm;
• try to discuss important decisions and show interest in his opinion;
• find compromises in disputes that will satisfy the elderly, but not to your detriment;
• Do not bring up topics that are unpleasant for an elderly relative in conversations that may anger or upset him.

No matter how high the desire to help relatives in adulthood is, very often this task is impossible to accomplish on your own. For many, constant care, supervision, and communication comes at the expense of family, work, personal life and interests.

The boarding house for pensioners “Happiness” has created comfortable and friendly living conditions. The staff takes care of the condition of each guest and monitors the health and well-being of the elderly. Old people find company for communication, work with a psychologist and do art therapy every day.

Prevention of senile egoism

To prevent diseases of the nervous system, psychologists advise older people to visit centers created specifically for older people. Perhaps he will find new friends there with whom he will have common hobbies.

In addition, the following activities have a positive effect on the psyche of older people:

• Art therapy.
• Hobby.
• Listening to music.
• Solving crossword puzzles.
• Bibliotherapy.
• Visiting museums and exhibitions.
• Reading books.
• Watching interesting TV shows.
• Physical activity.
• Growing flowers.
• Pet care.

Today, many people, due to their busy lives, are not always able to devote sufficient time to communicating with elderly relatives. In this case, specialists from a boarding house for pensioners can help. They can be advised to register a sick person for permanent or temporary stay in such an institution. The well-being of each guest is monitored by qualified staff who provide the necessary medical and psychological assistance.