Why doesn't anyone understand me? Learning to communicate effectively
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Nobody understands me - what should I do?
March 20, 2020 Igor Kovalenko Home page » Psychology
A lot of insecure people believe that no one understands them. For support, they turn to various authorities, such as psychological centers or social services. But if you need support in this article, then do not flatter yourself - there will be none, so for these purposes there is no point in reading it.
Its goal can be considered truth. The brutal truth, which most likely cannot please you. There will be dry analysis and solid facts here, so if you want emotional support, contact social services.
So, who is the first person to hear a complaint from that no one understands this person? Usually girls suffer from this. Why? Because the female sex is more susceptible to negative emotional influences. Of course, men also suffer from this, but not to the same extent as girls or women.
In what context is this complaint most often heard? Try to guess. You are very well done if you say this in the context of disrespect for yourself. And if you didn’t guess right, then you are still a good girl, since you decided to read further this article after the first paragraph.
Yes, it happens that there is one cultured, deep person who is surrounded by idiots who do not understand him, if only because they are not capable. But this cultured person will never lower himself to complaints. Moreover, not a single mentally mature person would lower himself to this level. Complaints are exclusively the prerogative of young children, so mothers can know what to do with their child.
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Adults live constantly in the position of the Author. They are active, responsible, self-sufficient, hardworking. Mature people do not have a victim position. Children ask, adults give. You need to understand that any complaint is emotional extortion. And it exhausts people. If something doesn’t work out, this is not a reason to be upset, some processes can last for years, but here a person is worried about a momentary problem.
Therefore, you need to remember one vital truth: any complaint has no connection with reality, it is a priori subjective. And if complaints worked with a bang in childhood, since this is the only way to survive during this period, then an adult should be self-sufficient and not deal with complaints, but act. Only then can you ensure a decent living for yourself, energize others and have the strength to raise complaining and extorting children, for whom this is still the norm.
Requests for help Write your story Hello, I'm 20 and I'm wildly insecure. I have always had problems in relationships with people, since school, since childhood. Two years ago, because of this, I was expelled from the university in my first year (I didn’t even make it to the session), I just didn’t want to go there anymore, I felt like I was out of place in the company of my classmates, who all became friends right away. I haven’t studied or worked anywhere for two years, now I’m going to enroll again, but I think history will repeat itself. I'm looking for a job. It was a failure with three places (they tried to cheat on one, but they didn’t take on the other two due to lack of communication and tightness). Now I’m generally afraid to call anywhere, because... I think that I am worthless and will not be able to work anywhere. And subsequent failures will only worsen my condition. No one supports me at home, my father doesn’t care, he drinks, and my mother doesn’t believe in me, doesn’t understand why I’m doing this (it seems to me that work could teach me discipline and teamwork, add self-confidence) she only wants me to studied at the university. I talked to her about my fears, she suggested a psychotherapist. I went to two people, they kept repeating the same thing: do something, don’t sit still, and everything will pass. Well, I’m trying, but I’m getting worse. I tried to play sports, find a hobby, read books, improve my mood and interest in life by any means, but when I wake up and hear swearing in the family again, when I walk home from the street and think that now I’m going to end up in this madhouse again, all I want is that - do leaves. For what? Who will appreciate this? Nobody cares about me. And most importantly: I UNDERSTAND that three unsuccessful attempts to get a job don’t mean anything, and I need to continue, I UNDERSTAND that everything seems to be fine with my brain, and I’m not stupid, but stupid thoughts about my own worthlessness are constantly in my head . The thought of suicide seems more and more attractive. I do not know what to do. Support the site:
Anonymous12, age: 20 / 05/18/2016
Responses:
Hello! You enroll in order to study, get a higher education, find a decent job, and not so that your classmates like it or don’t like it. It’s even better to go to a correspondence, evening, distance learning course, where you don’t need to communicate too much at all. And you can work calmly. Pray to St. Tryphon and your place will definitely be found!
Irina, age: 28 / 05/18/2016
Hello, there is no need for any thoughts of suicide, everything will work out for you... You reminded me of yourself 30 years ago... He was a thin boy, he used to get beaten, his father also drank, but somewhere in 1985-87 I came across a book about bodybuilders and it was written there that everyone can become strong.. We had almost no underground rocking chairs in our city (and even more so), I hung a horizontal bar at home, asked a neighbor for a weight16 that was standing in the garden, instead of weights - bags of sand and started working out as it is written in the book.. Given the shortage of food at that time, I began to grow on potatoes and noodles (sometimes with meat) and milk!! I became stronger, and my self-esteem grew along with me.. A year later, I changed a lot.. The yard boys and I opened a rocking chair in the basement.. I made friends.. I told you this as an example.. What is my advice to you: Start swinging (there’s a ton of material about this on YouTube) “bite your lip” and in a year you won’t recognize yourself.. If you’re embarrassed to go to the gym, start at home.. And stop burying yourself.. Does your father drink? Oh well... You have your own path! Everything will work out
Igor, age: 45 / 05/23/2016
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Why don't they understand me?
Books about love of various genres
“Nobody understands me, And I must die in silence...” And S Pushkin.
Probably every person has encountered the problem of misunderstanding (or incorrect understanding). Although for some this is a problem, for others it is not.
This is a truly insoluble problem when there is a fear of being misunderstood in a person. Such people usually suffer from their indecision, and often achieve little in life.
How to overcome the fear of being misunderstood by other people?
How to deal with fear in general? How do we deal with other fears? Let's say with fear of an exam. We are afraid that we will forget something; that the answer, which we know well, will suddenly fly out of our heads; that they didn’t read exactly the ticket that came across. How do we combat this fear? But no way! We just go to the exam and pass it.
It's that simple. Simple - because it is inevitable!
If we know the answer to a question, we will pass the exam; if we don’t know, we will fail. And there is no escape from this.
However, there is also a third option: talk to the teacher, bombard him with general phrases, while making a smart face. But only self-confident people succeed in this.
The same should be done with the fear of being misunderstood.
Communicate. You will either be understood or not.
What if they don't understand? Maybe not communicate with other people at all?
Don’t go to work, don’t make friends with anyone, forget about marriage, live alone or alone with your beloved cat. Why isn't it heaven!?
Why with a cat? If you don't like cats, you can live with a dog, or a rat, or any other animal. After all, you are not afraid that your pet will misunderstand.
But a person... It’s more difficult with a person. Each person (even a loved one) has his own inner world, and it is different from yours.
The following experiment was carried out. Ten subjects were shown short stories on a monitor. Each of them had to quickly say the first thought that arose in their heads. The plots changed quickly, so there was no time to think.
Here is one example. Plot: A woman says: “I baked pies with potatoes”
Subjects' answers:
- I am hungry; - I want to learn; - why not with cabbage; - I love pies; - I am losing weight; - I need to tell my wife to bake it; — dough with potatoes is harmful; - this blouse doesn’t suit her; - I can’t stand pies; - pretty girl!
As you can see, each person has different associations with the same picture. But this is just one short story with a simple phrase. What can we say when we try to explain our vision of the world to another person!
He will see his picture anyway! No one person will ever fully, one hundred percent understand another!
No matter how detailed you tell, no matter how hard you try to explain, every word you say can be interpreted differently.
In order for one person to absolutely understand another, he must: be born in the same family with the same parents, on the same day and hour, live the same life as you... That is, it must be you!!! You and no one else.
Do you always understand yourself?
There can be only one conclusion here: being afraid that you won’t be understood is absolutely pointless! And harmful. Fear will not improve your health.
Therefore, live life to the fullest, communicate with people you like, be yourself, love yourself and bother yourself less with questions like: “what will happen if I am misunderstood?”
If you do not find mutual understanding with a loved one, sit with him in a cozy environment, on a full stomach, and try to find out what exactly he does not understand. After all, it often happens that when communicating, you use different words to describe the same phenomenon. Or, on the contrary, you give different meanings to the same words.
Be sincere, love, and everything will work out.
But if you look at it, for a woman to be happy, she needs to be understood by one person - her beloved.
Happiness and love to you!
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