Causes of stress during communication
Difficulties in interacting with another person are often caused by errors in upbringing and development. Factors that predispose you to fear of communicating with people are:
- Difficulties in relationships with peers in childhood . If a child was teased by other children and did not want to play, the likelihood of developing communication difficulties in adulthood increases.
- Uncertainty, the presence of complexes associated with improper upbringing . A critical mother and father, stingy with praise and compliments addressed to their own child, provoke the formation of a complex personality.
- Parents' divorce . The child subconsciously draws conclusions that he is not worthy of love, and uncertainty is formed.
- The situation is traumatic in adulthood when a person has been exposed in an unpleasant light.
- The predisposition is hereditary . Experts agree: it is influenced by genetic predisposition and the life model of the parents.
Stress from interacting with people does not necessarily contain fear. Negative emotions from the conversation are possible: a person experiences hostility, irritability, anger, and a desire to end the conversation as soon as possible. This condition is quite easy to overcome on your own, with the help of a specialist.
Fear of communication reasons
Treatment options for the disorder
If the phobia is an isolated disorder, then drug therapy is not required. Psychotherapy is the best option in the fight against lalophobia. Often the manifestation of the disorder can be corrected during group therapy or individual work. Specific methods of dealing with the fear of speaking:
- Physiological methods: various breathing practices, as well as speech therapy massage. These measures are aimed at training a person to keep the muscles of the mouth and neck relaxed (it is tension that causes stuttering, distorting and inhibiting speech).
- Group work to hone your speaking and rhetoric skills, as well as visiting a speech therapist or rhetorician if required.
- Auto-training, which is necessary in order to learn to feel your speech apparatus. The task of such classes is the ability to suppress negative experiences and failures that are associated with performance while concentrating on the oral muscles.
- A variety of affirmations that are necessary in order to maintain calm and acceptance of responsibility for one’s position.
Today, fear of speaking is a very common pathology. It is imperative that a person suffering from such a disorder seek help from specialists. If the situation is neglected, worries can provoke the emergence of serious health problems.
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What is fear of communicating with people?
Fear of contact with a person is more difficult to experience than simply irritability and anger. Fear is accompanied by increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, and increased anxiety. In severe cases, such fear can occur in the form of panic attacks, when the patient may be bothered by the following symptoms:
- attack of expressed fear;
- feeling of lack of air;
- tightness in the chest;
- stiffness in the body;
- tingling sensation throughout the body;
- speech disorder;
- sweating;
- nausea;
- tremor.
In a specific case, the fear of talking with a person may be accompanied by individual manifestations.
Experts identify types of fear of contact - this is important from the point of view of choosing subsequent therapy.
Fear of communicating with superiors and high-ranking people
Stress in business communication is not uncommon. When communicating with colleagues and partners, disagreements often arise that require a lot of strength to overcome. Provided that solving a problem consumes a lot of energy and emotions, repeated contact with a given partner often causes negative experiences. The fear of talking with superiors is more common, this is due to the following:
- a person in a high position can afford to speak disrespectfully;
- a conversation with the director can be instructive, negative, accusatory;
- The result of a conversation with management may be deprivation of bonuses and additional workload.
The prevention of stress in business communication will be the timely fulfillment of one’s own obligations. When talking with your superiors, it is important to promptly stop attempts to raise your voice and use a disrespectful tone. This will reduce subsequent attacks of anger on the part of superiors.
Fear of contact with the opposite sex
The condition, characteristic of people of adolescence, may be associated with an unsuccessful attempt to build relationships. Subsequently, as a rule, adolescents learn to interact with the opposite sex. But sometimes the problem requires the intervention of a psychotherapist. Otherwise, a person may carry the phobia throughout his life, without being able to find a family.
Fear of telephone conversations
Having a large number of gadgets for communication has become the norm these days. Fear of talking on the phone is less common. As a rule, fear is associated with the need to talk with a stranger.
Fear of speaking in front of an audience
Everyone has some degree of fear of public speaking. With expressed fear of an audience, a person may become paralyzed and unable to utter a word. Numerous examples show that difficulties can and should be dealt with. History knows of cases when a person experiencing an animal fear of an audience subsequently became a wonderful speaker.
Fear of public speaking
How to Eliminate Everyday Social Stress
In mild cases, solving the problem yourself is possible. Experts recommend that if you experience stress from communicating with another person, you should take a number of measures.
Controlling your intonation
Experts say that an insecure person speaks uncertainly, quietly, and stumbling. Fortunately, the rule works well in the opposite direction. If a person imagines himself as a confident and strong person, portrays the voice and intonation of a strong person, such behavior will increase self-confidence!
Eliminating harmful people from your life
If a certain person regularly provokes an outburst of negative emotions, such a person must be excluded from the social circle. Of course, this rule will not apply to relatives.
Changing your reactions
If the connection with certain people cannot be stopped, it is worth changing the reaction to the behavior of such individuals. For example, a person comes to you with negative emotions and speaks in a raised voice. In this case, it is worth warning that you will talk to him when he calms down.
Loyalty to your beliefs and needs
Stress often arises from the inability to refuse others’ requests, especially if this occurs to the detriment of oneself. As a result, a person becomes that same horse, carrying everything on his shoulders. Hence the stress. It is important to remember to prioritize your own needs. Psychologists recommend in such cases to perform the exercise: “If I loved myself.” It will be useful for people who do not know how to say “No.” Experts recommend asking yourself this question in every situation that has several development options. And act as if the person loved himself.
Recommendations
Clarification
I understand that this is quite difficult, but learn to test reality. This term in psychology means that it is necessary to check whether everything is really as it seems.
Suddenly your potential interlocutor frowns because he has a headache or finds himself without enough money to pay the bills. And you have already come up with the idea that it is your person who causes a storm of emotions in him.
How can you stop being afraid if you don’t change anything in your life? If you are more accustomed to simply avoiding contact and being alone with your experiences, then the time has come to do something about it, since you have realized how unbearable and dangerous it is.
Therefore, learn to ask questions that will clarify the situation. For example, you can ask: “How are you?” or “Are you doing well, otherwise it seemed to me that you were in no mood?” There is no need to come up with something supernatural, quite human simple questions that help you understand and notice other people. Instead of focusing only on your inner world.
Specialist help
If you understand that communication problems arose due to trauma in the past, contact a specialist for support. Because it is difficult to live deep processes alone and complete them without leaving some moments “open” or incomprehensible.
Relying on another person, there is a greater chance of “facing the truth” rather than running away and hiding out of habit.
If you are afraid to sign up for a consultation, even on the Internet, ask your loved ones for help. If this is not possible, you will have to take the first steps towards “recovery”, enduring a whole cocktail of experiences. But you will have a chance to change your life for the better. Restore trust in the world, at least in small steps, but under no circumstances stand still.
Exercise "Differences"
To answer the question, “Why am I afraid of a particular person or people?”, you will need to do an awareness exercise.
Think about the person you find most fearful about talking to. Which of your relatives or friends does he remind you of?
For example, the boss seems strict and it seems that he is always dissatisfied with you, no matter how well you do your job. This is exactly how my mother always behaved, wanting to motivate for achievements, she preferred only to condemn and devalue, without using praise at all.
So, take a piece of paper and write down at least five general characteristics. That is, what are the similarities between them. Then find the same number of points, only with differences.
Then, when you meet him and begin to feel fear again, remember each difference. This will allow you to see, even if the boss from the example is real, real.
This technique may seem simple, but it can sometimes open your eyes to very obvious things.
Restoring self-esteem
Take care of your self-esteem, because as long as you believe that you are worse than other people, you will present yourself to the world and, accordingly, allow you to be treated poorly.
Every time you experience injustice and cruelty, you will only become convinced of your own theory that it is safer not to contact anyone at all. This is the only way to avoid pain.
But in fact, no one will violate your boundaries if you recognize your right to them and, moreover, to defend them.
Analysis
It is necessary to disassemble the problem into its components - then it will not look so terrible. Analyze exactly at what moments you experience anxiety, confusion, shyness, etc.
Think about who exactly contact with does not cause such inconvenience and anxiety. Why? What are the similarities and differences between this person and the “dangerous” ones, in your opinion?
Perhaps by making this list, you will discover resources that will help you further. Logic and reflection return the “ground under your feet.” Emotions can be so intense that it is impossible to notice, hear, or understand anything. And only by shifting your focus a little and calming down, you have a chance to see something that will help.
Ranking and experiment
Write down situations that worry you at least a little. Rank them starting with the least scary. For example, meeting a girl on the street is much scarier than if you try to write a message on social networks.
Now start this individual training and skill development. Complete an item as many times as necessary to move on to a more complex task.
Sometimes a person lacks experience, he simply does not know what to do, because previously he managed to avoid tense situations, which is why he failed to develop communication skills.
Social phobia: signs, types
With pronounced manifestations of fear of communicating with others, experts speak of the presence of a pathological condition. It has its own name - social phobia. Here are the signs of this pathology:
- fear of communication - may be mild; contact with a person is accompanied by uncertainty;
- severe social phobia forces a person to stay at home, avoiding all contacts;
- fear of performing actions under the supervision of another person, fear of looks on the street, even to the point of horror;
- communication with people is accompanied by increased sweating, anxiety, a jump in blood pressure, tachycardia, a lump in the throat, stuttering, trembling of the voice, tremor;
- the development of pathology occurs up to 20 years;
- a social phobic is constantly concerned about how he looks and the impression he makes on others;
- If a patient makes a mistake or gets into a funny situation, he can replay the disturbing moment in his head for weeks and become seriously worried about this.
If you have social phobia, consultation with a psychotherapist is mandatory. To get rid of it, doctors practice cognitive behavioral psychotherapy.
Thus, the stress from communication can be overcome. Perhaps one of the most important recommendations from experts for overcoming it is: “Train!” At every opportunity you need to try to communicate: in line, with a passerby, with a fellow traveler. And the difficulties of interacting with people will disappear.
