I think many women will be interested in knowing what the signs of a narcissistic man in a relationship are, and how they can be identified in advance. After all, the very last type of guy you should meet and have a relationship with is a narcissist. But recognizing this type can really be difficult.
The term narcissism was coined in honor of Narcissus, a character in Greek mythology who fell in love with his own reflection in a swimming pool. For the most part, this is a selfish, vain and narcissistic person. Although, if you think about it, aren’t each of us a little selfish? However, many have moral limits and life principles that we do not cross. A normal person can sometimes cheat in order to look decent, unlike a narcissist who knows no limits in this. For him, his own self-esteem is above all else.
Circle two – Seduction
You will feel like you have finally found your soul mate. A narcissist is able to adapt to you, your views and values, and give you all the romance that is written about in books and shown in films. He will extol you like no one has ever done before. Taking advantage of the euphoria, he will fall in love with himself in a short time; one or two weeks - and you're already hooked
. At the same time, it doesn’t matter whether he spoke about love, you are already, due to a combination of factors, reinforced concretely convinced of reciprocity. Your “obsession” with thoughts about your partner, a strange state of mind and actions unusual for you only confirm the presence of a high, unearthly feeling.
Round three – Tests of the pen
This is where the first bells appear, telling you that everything is not as cloudless as it seemed before. Moreover, all these misunderstandings still look quite innocent, and you, of course, are in no way to blame for them. Only slightly. Well, or out of thoughtlessness. By organizing “uncomfortable” situations, violating agreements, controlling or criticizing you, the narcissist tests the strength of your boundaries and your reaction to their violation.
At the same stage, he will try to “earn your trust” and extort some information from you that can later be used against you. Unfortunately, we tend to brush aside obvious bad signs in the development of relationships, which takes us to the next stage of the narcissistic nightmare.
Circle four – Ice shower
This is the first direct act of aggression against you. Sudden, cruel, cynical and... unmotivated. The narcissist uses various techniques as an “ice shower”: sudden disappearance without explanation; causeless cooling; treason; total depreciation; disruption of any serious event or event, including a wedding; self-exposure (“leave me, I’m vicious to the core”), and possible physical violence. During the ice shower stage, the narcissist often uses gaslighting. –
making you doubt your own sanity when he denies what he said or did. Pinned to the wall by irrefutable evidence, he immediately “leaks the topic” and switches to analyzing your shortcomings.
In any case, the impression should be created that it is you and only you who are to blame for everything.
Often, an “icy shower” hits you immediately after a situation of special intimacy, sexual or simply emotional, as it seemed, complete mutual understanding. The “ice shower” is intended to scare the possible loss of a relationship and stimulate subsequent obedience.
When trying to stop this madness and break the connection, the narcissistic personality puts on a “sugar show” - asks for forgiveness, takes pity, for example, with health problems and vows not to do this again. It's just a manipulation that works well. They are simply incapable of sincere repentance, as you will see very soon.
A narcissistic man in a relationship with a woman: how to manage him?
A man is trying to protect himself from disappointment and pain.
A woman who lives with a narcissistic man should take into account the fact that such individuals are not capable of truly loving. They try to skillfully control their emotions and keep a certain distance.
Narcissists cause psychological dependence in their lovers. At the beginning of a relationship, they are ready to give the whole world to their beloved, they say beautiful words of love, and shower them with compliments.
This is a way of control and manipulation. The moment a girl begins to fall in love, she becomes uninteresting to a narcissistic man.
A feature of all narcissistic relationships is their short-term nature. It has been proven that feelings of happiness last 4 months. After this time, a sharp deterioration in relations and cooling occurs.
A man is trying to protect himself from disappointment and pain. The narcissist's lover feels a sense of devastation and anxiety. Her self-esteem drops and a depressive state begins to develop. The woman begins to panic and think about what is her fault. It’s worth thinking about whether this relationship is necessary and at such a price.
If a woman is firmly convinced that she wants to connect her life with a narcissist, then there are techniques that will help cope with her lover’s bad temper:
- Behave unpredictably for a manipulator . If a girl behaves like a victim and submits, then the narcissist will not notice all her efforts. It is important not to be afraid to show character, to show that a woman is also a self-sufficient person, with her own habits and outlook on life.
- Declare equal rights . Don't let them wipe your feet on you. In such a situation, the narcissist will either run away, unable to withstand the competition, or continue to admire himself, but without moral humiliation and insult to his other half.
- Say “No!” to criticism and negativity. It is important to be able to smooth out all the sharp corners. By criticizing and humiliating a man, a woman will achieve nothing but irritation, aggression and rage on his part. You need to watch your words and try to make fewer claims. You can try to study exercises on the ability to convince people. This knowledge will come in handy when dealing with a narcissist.
- Talk heart to heart, praise. Sincere conversations with a man when he is in a good mood, provided that his other half only praises his other half for actual successes, will help strengthen the relationship. It's important not to overdo it. Narcissists immediately sense false flattery and do not accept it, although they themselves tend to lie often.
Interesting! Narcissists deny they have problems until age 40. After this milestone, a man understands that many troubles in life are connected with his outlook on life and behavior. In adulthood, it is much easier to cope with manifestations of narcissism.
Circle Five – Tightening the Nuts
This stage is an alternation of “ice showers” and thaws, which become shorter and shorter each time. The aggressor subjects you to more and more humiliation, showing verbal, emotional, and then physical, including sexual, violence. You are trying to “become better”, fulfill and anticipate his wishes, “reach out” to him in order to understand what and where went wrong, and how it can be corrected. At the same time, your narcissist, on the contrary, neglects your desires or does the opposite. “Withholding” applies to you –
a ban on expressing emotions, especially anger.
They don’t listen to you, they interrupt you, they turn everything into a joke, they devalue your feelings and your condition.
You develop strange illnesses, incomprehensible pains, problems with sleep and appetite, nervous tics, panic attacks, dermatological problems. By translating your state of mind into psychosomatic language, your body is trying to convey to you the truth about your relationship. Your general nervous exhaustion is also facilitated by the beginning of exploitation, the use of your knowledge, skills and resources in favor of the narcissist, which will acquire even greater scope in the next stage of communication.
Final Thoughts
I hope you are reading this before getting into a serious relationship with a narcissist. Therefore, pay close attention to the signs of a narcissistic man in a relationship, which I outlined above. And if it’s too late, and you realize that this is the kind of person next to you, then it’s best to break off relations with him before it’s too late. Because every minute of an unhealthy relationship is simply preventing you from being happy as a person.
You should also never feel guilty about what happened. You should be glad that you realized what kind of person he is. So don't look for answers and don't blame yourself. Be happy that you can be free again, and you will definitely find new love.
What is the worst trait of a narcissist?
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Want to know how to achieve your life goal? This blog will help you learn how to apply psychology to your relationships, health and well-being. My goal is to teach my readers how to maximize their effectiveness in life.
Circle Six – Juicer
If you are still in the relationship despite the obvious destruction of your personality and health that occurred in the previous stage, then you move on to a new level of merciless abuse. The “juicer” will finally transform you from a person into a thing, a set of necessary functions.
First of all, your health will become completely unusable, which can be caused by dietary restrictions, refusal to buy medications or necessary care, insistence on pregnancy or abortion, not to mention the lack of basic help in running the home and raising children. Such neglect of a loved one (“neglect”) can take different forms – from deprivation of sleep and rest, overfeeding or underfeeding, forced changes in appearance, including operations, to driving one crazy and being placed in a psychiatric clinic. It is also quite possible to drive the victim to suicide.
In parallel with undermining your health, your narcissist will create threats to your safety, interfere with your work or creativity, harm your projects, extort money, publicly ridicule, induce you to engage in sexual practices that are unacceptable to you or cheat on you, and simply force you to do anything or everything. instead of him, simultaneously spreading vile gossip about you and converting your friends and acquaintances to his side.
The goal of the aggressor is to achieve complete control, as well as your complete isolation, to deprive you of a circle of support and the opportunity to ask for help.
You are given the image of a clingy neurasthenic, a pathological jealous person, a brainless fool and other inadequate people. Violence is taking increasingly savage forms, including deliberate damage to what is dear to you, including cruel treatment or even killing of your pets. The narcissist may also threaten you with serious harm or suicide. At this stage, leaving requires a huge amount of mental and physical strength, the ability not to succumb to threats or exhortations that will certainly follow the announcement of your departure.
Narcissistic woman. How to recognize?
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When people hear the word “narcissist,” they usually think of men. We ask the Internet about how to spot a narcissist at the first meeting and how to break up with him while in a relationship. And we don’t take into account at all that it could be a representative of the fair sex - a mother, a friend, a leader. And she, just like a man, can pretty much ruin a life and cause psychological trauma. So, what alarm bells indicate that this woman is a narcissist?
Reduces every conversation to a story about yourself
There is nothing reprehensible in what someone says about themselves - this is the norm. Everyone from time to time shares with others events that happened to him, showing them as an example for some situation under discussion. However, a narcissistic woman will always divert attention to herself, her own emotions and experiences. Ask yourself when was the last time she was interested in how your day was, how you were doing, and the like. If the answer was “never” or “this week, but literally a moment later she switched to her beloved again,” then most likely she is a narcissist.
Canceling plans together is her habit.
If among your acquaintances there is someone who is chronically unable to follow agreements, it is possible that this hints at narcissism. She may even casually apologize, but her actions indicate that she doesn't really care about the impact of the failed plans on your life. Such a girl will not care what they did on that day, which they previously wanted to spend in her company. She is only truly interested in her freedom, to do what she pleases, when and with whom, and it does not matter at all how others will react to such swagger and freedom.
Low self-esteem in women: how to increase it?
Disdainful attitude towards other people
A narcissistic woman sincerely believes that she “sits” at the very top of the social pyramid, regardless of her actual position, while others have never even dreamed of her level. This position becomes clear when she talks about those around her, what they have achieved, and what kind of life they lead.
Is there a woman in her own social circle who loves to give everyone “compliments” - an idiot, an imbecile and mercilessly criticize the behavior and morality of her acquaintances (especially her friends)? A woman who constantly questions the intelligence of others, but always considers herself right in everything?
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This represents normal narcissistic behavior. People sometimes give an impartial assessment of the actions of their friends, but at the same time they do not classify them as fools and do not see them as worthless and pathetic individuals. It is worth noting that, unlike narcissists, others can admit that they have made a mistake. And this is a kind of “bridge” to the next sign.
Does not admit guilt
Without arriving at the meeting at the appointed time, she will not even have the thought of apologizing to her colleagues who had to wait for her. Instead, she will talk in detail about the traffic jams on the way to the office, will not forget to blame the taxi driver who, in her opinion, was driving too slowly and, of course, will point out to someone that, they say, she was told the wrong time for the meeting. The worldview of such people does not allow that problems arose because of them or that they did something wrong - the culprit of the “misadventures” will always be someone else or circumstances that the narcissist was not able to influence in any way.
Seven phrases that will inspire a woman
Narcissism does not make gender preferences. Both a man and a woman can be a narcissistic egoist. The difference is that a female narcissist behaves slightly differently than a male narcissist.
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Hello! This is a blog on psychology, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Skype About us/Make an appointment
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Circle Seven – Recycling
Not all victims reach this stage of a relationship with a narcissist; more often they leave earlier. Disposal overtakes those who are no longer able to escape, are completely devastated and are in an insurmountable dependence on the offender. In especially severe cases, the victim passes away either from a serious illness, or tired of suffering and committing suicide. Quite often, the aggressor leaves the victim in a difficult life situation, experiencing the death of a loved one, losing a job, or suffering from a serious illness. You are abandoned “forever”, leaving you in a state of severe depression, often between life and death.
At the same time, the narcissist will not hesitate to give you a farewell trick, for example, to grab all your savings.
What to do if you are already in a relationship with a narcissist?
If you are already in a relationship with a narcissist, there are a few things you need to understand. First of all, he will always love himself more than he loves you. You will have to get used to his bad habits or bad behavior towards you. A narcissist may lie a lot and act dishonestly. You must remember that a narcissist will defend their opinion without regard to the truth and how it affects others.
Promises on his part are usually meaningless. He may be constantly late and not value your time. So, if your partner makes excuses to go away on business even though you agreed to spend the evening together, then it is likely that you are in a relationship with a narcissistic man.
And if your relationship with such a guy is over, then don’t expect sympathy. What you can expect is complete disregard for your feelings. Depending on where you are in your life together, you could also be looking at drained bank accounts or credit card debt.
Circle eight – General cleaning
At this stage, the narcissistic personality restores his reputation, which could have been damaged during the Juice and Disposal period if you did not always agree to “wash dirty linen in public.” To discredit you, the narcissist will try to make you out to be hysterical, an alcoholic, or a psychopath.
He can quarrel with someone by starting baseless rumors, reveal your secrets that he forced you to reveal at one time, falsify something that presents you in an unfavorable light, declare you a tormentor and himself an unfortunate victim. Entering into open confrontation, unfortunately, is risky; you can suffer significant harm, even death.
Circle Nine – Dance on the Bones
Consumed by hatred, the narcissist seizes or orchestrates every opportunity to take revenge. He is capable of tripling the persecution, harassing you in any possible way: denunciations, calls, making your secrets public, endless visits while drunk or otherwise insane, acts of physical aggression. Persecution (“stalking”) is also common, in which alternating threats and cajoling are possible.
In especially serious cases, a destructive person who is “stuck” on you will prefer to destroy you than to lose you forever.
