November 16, 2020
Hello, dear readers of the KtoNaNovenkogo.ru blog. Our vocabulary contains a lot of borrowed words, the meaning of which is not always clear from the context. We have already discussed such terms earlier (for example, pragmatism, correlation, deviation).
Today we have a very interesting topic - stereotypes and stereotypical thinking. If you think that this certainly does not concern you, then most likely you are mistaken, because we acquire stereotyped thinking in childhood and without it it would be difficult for us to perceive reality.
So what are stereotypes? Is this good and bad? Why do they form in us and how can we get rid of them so that they do not interfere with our lives? All this will be discussed in this article. It will be interesting, I promise!
Story 2 – On the Road
When I lived in India, our friend, an astrologer and a Brahmin, asked me and my wife to appear in a video about him, to talk about his work from the point of view of foreigners. We, of course, agreed, but not with great desire. The journey from us to his village was more than two hours by train just one way, not to mention the journey to his house from the station. By that time, I was already fed up with all this traveling around India and I looked at the upcoming trip without much enthusiasm. “It would be better if I stayed home and worked,” I thought with annoyance. But suddenly, as in the previous story, I managed to grasp here a certain pattern of thinking, a stereotype of perception. I saw that, only out of habit, the road for me was associated exclusively with hassle and fatigue. “But why should I perceive it this way?” - I asked myself.
“If you think that the road is necessarily a tiring task and prepare yourself for it in advance, then you will definitely get tired. But if you treat it as an exciting journey and a place to relax, then you will relax and enjoy it.”
As a child, I perceived any trip as some kind of adventure and looked forward to it. Why can't I do this now? After all, everything depends on my perception!
Instead of perceiving it as a tedious task, I can view the road as an interesting journey, an opportunity to take a break from work, and a change of scenery. On the train I will read, listen to music, that is, do those things that I love, but do not do as often as I would like because there is always something more important. And the road is a great opportunity! This thought cheered me up. I armed myself with a player, a book and hit the road in a good mood.
On the train, I relaxed, listened to music and looked out the window at the lush vegetation passing by, the backwaters stretched along the railway tracks, Hindu temples and squat houses. I had already gotten used to the heat, and it did not cause me any discomfort. I rode in a cheerful mood, trying in every possible way to use the travel time to relax and have fun.
As a result, in one day we spent more than 6 hours on the road and managed to record a video for our friend. And when we returned home, I was still in a good mood. And, the most interesting thing is that I was not tired at all! It was an amazing discovery. I realized that not only our mood, but also physical fatigue depends on our attitudes!
If you think that the road is necessarily a tiring task and prepare yourself for it in advance, then you will definitely get tired. But if you treat it as an exciting journey and a place to relax, then you will relax and enjoy it.
Are prototypes needed?
Prototypes are generated automatically. This starts as early as 3 months of age. Actually, this is how we master categories such as “animals”, “letters”, “people”. Prototypes and stereotypes permeate our entire lives. So, for example, a prototype of an adult is formed in children. And the attitude of children towards all adults depends on how parents and other close relatives behave. Depending on personal experience, a child may unconditionally trust all adults or, on the contrary, fear them. Prototypes allow us to systematize and categorize the world around us.
This is good, because living in house, uncertainty and misunderstanding is not easy, moreover, dangerous. What's even better is that prototypes can be changed. This is largely determined by a person’s confidence in the correctness of his reactions, actions, feelings, and emotions. If uncertainty arises, a person begins to doubt the adequacy of the prototype, then an activity is launched to search for confirmations or refutations of the existing statement, a search for confirming or disproving signs in the surrounding world.
Thus, a prototype is an abstract image of traits similar to one group, collected by us in the process of socialization through knowledge and personal experience. Prototypes are stored in memory and help organize activities.
Story 3 – Muscovites don’t know how to wait
Returning from India to Moscow, I perceived my hometown and its inhabitants in a completely new way. What I previously took for granted has now become for me an absolute advantage of my city. For example, this is impeccable cleanliness on the streets, the absence of crowds of people (if you do not agree with this, then you have not seen crowds), good organization of transport and roads, the availability of quality entertainment, good service and fast, cheap Internet. But I also saw the downsides. And they were in Muscovites. I noticed that Muscovites do not know how to endure and wait at all.
Recently I went to a government hospital where I had to wait in line. The people around me had patience for no more than 10-15 minutes. And after this time they began to lament: “Why did it take so long? Where is this doctor? What country is it?"
In our hospitals, I’ll tell you, they work quickly. In India (where terrible bureaucracy reigns), even in paid hospitals, visitors sit in line for 2–3 hours. Moreover, they sit completely calm. They don’t even read books, they just stare patiently at the wall. Of course, Indians will always take the chance to jump the line. But if such a chance does not arise, they behave completely patiently and look with great surprise at the Europeans, who are always nervous, in a hurry and eager to download their rights. What's the hurry? And most importantly, why? Nervous swarming will not make the line go by any faster. Every Indian knows this. But not for a Muscovite.
We are accustomed to the fact that a queue is a time of languid, nervous waiting. (This stereotype is similar to the attitude towards the road.)
But if you look from the other side, the queue is a great opportunity to take a forced rest. Why forced? Because busy, business people don’t allow themselves much rest. Even in their free time they solve some business. And in line there is a chance to be a little alone with yourself. Think about your life, make an important decision.
Learn to look at life situations in a new way, in relation to which you have already developed persistent patterns of perception. You will look differently at the time when you need to wait, get bored and do something monotonous. Don’t rush to “kill” this time so that it passes as quickly as possible. After all, these minutes or hours represent priceless moments of your life that you can’t get back later!
Stop nervously turning in circles, fidgeting in your chair, running out to smoke while you are waiting for something.
Use this chance to reflect, dream, solve some internal problem...
If you learn this, then perhaps the next time you are waiting for your order at a restaurant, you will come across a decision that will change your life forever!
Story 4 - an incident in the Himalayas
In the spring I participated in a 10-day meditation course in the Indian Himalayas. Almost all this time we were silent (we were not allowed to talk), meditated and listened to lectures about Buddhism. Around the 7th day, we were taken for the first time for a walk (just like in a children's camp) along the surrounding mountain paths. I was very happy, since this was the first (and only) exit outside the walls of the meditation center during the course, and besides, I went to the center immediately upon arrival, so by that time I did not even have time to admire the local beauty. And then I had to do it!
That day I saw the Kangra Valley for the first time, the view of which opened from the dirt road along which we walked. I saw huge Himalayan cedars. This is the most common tree in that region. After two months of living there, at first all the trees in Moscow seemed miniature to me, almost dwarf.
We walked along a path framed by these majestic giants and eventually reached an unusual place. The path now went down. Having gone down it, we found ourselves on a flat area where stones were piled up everywhere. Apparently this was done for ritual purposes. Everywhere overhead, Tibetan flags fluttered on taut ropes in the wind. On one side the site went straight into a cliff and from there a wonderful view of the valley opened up. Everyone sat along the cliff. I also began to look at the steep green slopes and the Tibetan settlements located on them and think: “all this is so wonderful, unusual, amazing, probably now some kind of revelation will visit me, because I am sitting here in the Himalayas!”
But, to my disappointment, my consciousness was completely indifferent to my surroundings. The mind was thinking about some ordinary, everyday matters and was not at all in a sublime mood. I understood that the landscape was beautiful, but, contrary to my expectations, it was not breathtaking. In general, I felt absolutely normal and, as it seemed to me, out of place with the surroundings.
And I didn’t like this fact. I began to ask myself: “why, in such a place, do I not feel the way I “should” feel?” This thought made me feel dissatisfied, turning into despondency, until finally something inside me clicked.
Consciousness, which, thanks to meditation, acquired a very useful habit, like an internal anti-virus, of checking its own state for errors and hackneyed thinking patterns, reported that I had again fallen into the trap of a stereotype. Namely, the stereotype according to which in such an idyllic setting I should feel somehow special. But I couldn’t feel differently than I felt at that moment in time!
And I realized that instead of being dissatisfied that my consciousness does not live up to my expectations, I should accept it as it is. I opened up to him, saying to myself: “if this is my state now, so be it.” And at that very moment I experienced a huge relief associated with the fact that I had let go of the tension that was generated by my rejection and all these questions “why” and “why”.
And when it was time to leave, I left with a feeling of satisfaction and some important acquisition. Still, my expectations were somehow justified: in that place I received something important. But I received it completely differently from what I expected.
I think many of you are familiar with such stereotypes. For example, the weather is good outside, you are walking down the street. Everything would be fine, but you just have to think something like: “why am I not as happy now as I should be in this weather,” and you immediately feel much worse than you were before you thought about it. You might have encountered the same habit of thinking somewhere on vacation, when a scarlet sunset over the blue waves did not bring the expected calm and inspiration. Therefore, instead of being sad because your expectations do not match reality, accept your condition as it is here and now. If you're sad, bored, or don't feel anything at all, so be it. When you allow these emotions to simply be, I assure you that you will be greatly relieved that you have stopped resisting the present moment in time. Try it!
Stereotype 5 – My city is ugly
It just so happens that we get used to the place we live in, ceasing to notice its beauty. And in this regard, a trip to India for a year did me good. I'm also used to Moscow. But after I returned to it after a year of absence, I was surprised to see how beautiful my hometown is! Despite its dense population, it seems almost empty. Walking in some areas, especially in my beloved and native North-West, you cannot even say that you are now in a city with a million inhabitants, one of the largest metropolises in the world, so everything around does not correspond to the image of such a place.
And I was able to begin to notice this only after I returned from a country where clean streets, well-kept city parks and silence are not a given. By the way, here's another stereotype. I’ll digress a little and tell you about it.
It seemed to me unconsciously that I absolutely had to fall in love with India. After all, I am a person interested in meditation and self-development, who does not like the bustle of the city and careerism. After all, all people, like me, are simply head over heels in love with this country, with its rich and ancient culture, with its non-obsession with the external and material.
“We are always drawn somewhere: new places, new experiences, while the familiar causes nothing but boredom and satiety.”
But no matter how hard I tried to love it, I couldn’t, which caused me secret dissatisfaction. But then, I still managed to accept that I was not constantly delighted with India, like many people I met there. I wasn’t inflamed with passion for her and that’s all!
Of course, I try not to take the position of those people who are too susceptible to first impressions about anything. Those who think: “Well, I don’t like this and that’s it!” I have always tried to understand why things are loved and why people love them, without rushing to follow my first judgments. This approach allowed me to discover many new and interesting things in life that I had never understood.
But here I took it too far. And I felt a huge weight fall from my shoulders when I honestly admitted to myself that I love my native place most of all, even if it does not smack of “antiquity” and “spirituality” so much. The collapse of stereotypes is always accompanied by such a pleasant feeling; internal energy is released, which was previously constrained by tension.
No, of course, I liked it in India, but not to the point of madness, fanaticism and passionate desire to return there as soon as possible. And I even returned to Moscow with some relief.
And then I saw the charm in my hometown again! We are always drawn somewhere: new places, new experiences, while the familiar causes nothing but boredom and satiety. But really, look around! It's amazing how much you can miss if you stop focusing on your stereotypes. In fact, routine, monotony and monotony are only in the head and nowhere else! Look around: something is constantly happening in the world, something is changing. Even on a familiar route that you repeat every day, you can see something new.
The change of seasons has always been something I take for granted. But, having lived closer to the equator, where seasonality is practically not expressed, I was very happy about the onset of autumn in Moscow!
It's so amazing. Yes, it is very trivial to say that the foliage turns golden. Everyone can see it. But have you noticed that the Sun shines differently? Due to the rotation of the earth's axis, the rays begin to fall at a sharper angle and, as a result, the colors become more contrasting. The sky turns bright blue, and the foliage takes on a richer golden hue. It wouldn't be the same color if the leaves turned yellow in the summer. But closer to the equator, the Sun always shines at almost the same angle and does not provide such differences in color contrast from season to season.
What is the air like in autumn? It smells of dampness, wet soil, dry fallen leaves, it acquires freshness. Have you noticed all this? This is the 29th autumn of my life, but I noticed all this only now.
Therefore, right today, go outside, breathe in the air, pay attention to the lighting, to all the changes that have occurred in nature just because of the change in the position of the Earth relative to the Sun. How amazing and unusual all this is. And such a holiday happens every year!
(But please don’t fall into the stereotype that you “must” like the environment around you. Just observe and be prepared to accept any emotions that arise.)
Learn to notice it, learn to observe. Break the dull routine in your mind. Wander along new routes or notice something new in old and well-known ones. Look around: there are so many interesting things around. Explore new, interesting places in your hometown. Go into courtyards, back alleys and try to see the hidden charm of such places, which previously escaped your attention. Get rid of the stereotype according to which new experiences can only be given to you by places where you are not. It's good where we are!
What are stereotypes?
The purpose of the stories I have outlined above is not simply to describe some cases. This is an attempt to provoke you to find stereotypes in your life that prevent you from living fully and enjoying life. Have you encountered anything similar to what I encountered? Or maybe your experience of meeting perception patterns is very different from mine? What other stereotypes of thinking and behavior do you know that could be related to the topic of this article? I will be glad to participate in the discussion with you in the comments.
Here I described stereotypes that manifested themselves only in some isolated cases, which I was able to resolve almost immediately after I discovered them. However, there are even more fundamental stereotypes that can greatly poison our lives. This is, for example, the stereotype that personality cannot be developed or that bad emotions should be avoided. Such stereotypes are bars in a cage of suffering and dissatisfaction. They seriously prevent a person from developing and being happy.
It is important to understand that a stereotype is not an absolute concept. For example, it cannot be said that a person who, for example, loves India does so due to a stereotype. It is quite possible that he is doing this sincerely. A stereotype is a certain mental construct, a set of our expectations embodied in a certain thesis, and not our feelings as such. Now, if I think that I “should” love India, then this is a stereotype. For example, there is a stereotype that a person should get a stable hired job and work hard until retirement. However, there are people who are completely satisfied with such a life. And it cannot be said that they fell under the influence of a thinking pattern.
But if such a person constantly thinks that he must definitely run away from such a job in order to do what he “likes” and not work “for his uncle,” there is a possibility that he is precisely under the influence of the stereotype that that every person must find his “calling” in work and work for himself in order to be happy. No, I do not deny that perhaps such a person will be happier in a new field. It's just not a fact.
My attitude to the issue of vocation is simple (I wrote about this in the article “how to find your calling”). I think a lot of the questions about finding a “calling” are partly a big cultural stereotype. I remember the words I heard at one business training. “If I did what I liked at work, I would get paid to watch hockey and drink beer.”
I know what suffering all these thoughts can bring to a person: “It seems to me that I am not doing what my calling is. What does it consist of? How can I realize myself? How do I figure out what I want? How can I find something that I will consistently enjoy?”
But this does not mean that you should not strive for better working conditions and find a profession that is more suitable for yourself. It just shouldn't turn into an eternal quest with no end in sight that leaves you dissatisfied with what you have here and now.
I am writing this to show that a stereotype can be any judgment, one or the exact opposite of it. It all depends on the person. If such a person has incorrect expectations that prevent him from accepting reality as it is, then we can say that he is subject to a stereotype. Breaking free from stereotypes is closely related to acceptance.
About individuality
In modern society it is very important not to lose yourself. Especially when the people around you tend to think stereotypically. Sooner or later, a person with a developed and unlost individuality begins to notice that he does not seem to fit the image of the “ideal” person that has developed in society. Those around him do not agree with his views, convince him that he is wrong, one might even say that they are dissatisfied with him.
A vulnerable and sensitive person who really wants to be liked by everyone, as a result of this, begins to lose confidence in himself and his abilities. Complexes may develop, self-dislike, and self-esteem may fall. Many people stop accepting themselves for who they are.
More persistent individuals do not pay attention to the opinions of others. And some even have inflated self-esteem, because they are able to think broadly, while others are limited. Thus, he himself encourages his individuality. People who are unable to do this begin to live as others expect of them, receiving approval in return, but losing their uniqueness.
What to do to get rid of stereotypes?
In this article I have given some recommendations for overcoming stereotypes. But again, you won't be able to track them until you train your mind to do so. A person can spend his whole life following some kind of stereotype, for example, that girls don’t like him, and never understand that this belief is just a mental construct and has no relation to reality. While we are inside the usual thinking pattern, we do not notice that such a thinking pattern exists at all. (Good examples of this are in an article I read recently and highly recommend you read).
We are under the influence of this scheme, living it as if automatically, completely involved in it, without even thinking about why we act this way. I have long ceased to be afraid of being a bore, since someone still has to be one. Therefore, let me remind you once again that various practices for developing awareness, such as meditation, will help you destroy stereotypes. Firstly, it will teach you to observe established patterns of thinking from the outside, without being involved in them. And, secondly, it will teach your consciousness to constantly check itself for emerging patterns and correct them in time. And thirdly, meditation is precisely that way of contemplating reality, which is freed from any mental constructs, habitual patterns of thinking, because it is bare observation without involvement in the processes of the mind.
It will also help you a lot if you think more often about the actions that you do automatically. Take a short break and ask yourself.
- “Why do I act this way and not otherwise? Are there any other ways to change the standard actions?
- “Why, having forgotten the keys at home, I return there in excitement and nervousness. What will change if I worry?”
- “Why, when I'm sad or scared, do I try to run away from these emotions? What happens if you try the other way around, accept them, soak in them?”
- “Why, when someone judges me or accuses me, do I engage in counter-criticism? Is it possible to act differently?
- “Why am I constantly offended? Is offense the most effective way to resolve conflict or internal contradictions?”
- “Why do I think that I should lead a certain way of life, should have some specific tastes. Who do I owe this to and why?
It was with the goal of destroying habitual thinking patterns that I formulated 100 questions long ago in my article “100 Questions to Know Yourself.”
Try to notice those actions or reactions that you have already begun to do automatically, only out of habit, without thinking. At least the very fact that you begin to think about this will already instill in you the habit of reflecting on your patterned actions and actions. And subsequently you will be able to find new, better and more effective ways to interact with reality.
FAST, CHEAP AND NO ALTERNATIVES
By filtering reality through stereotypes, we perform mental and emotional work - we confirm our knowledge about a certain object and at the same time give it our assessment. One of the first researchers of stereotypes, Walter Lippmann, described four properties of these phenomena: 1. stereotypes are always simpler than reality - they describe the most complex phenomena in two or three phrases (for example, the concept of “male polygamy, developed in the process of evolution for the widest possible distribution of genes” is shortened to “all men go to the left”); 2. stereotypes come into our heads from the outside (in childhood - from adults, then - from the media and from the immediate environment), and are not developed on the basis of our own life experience; by absorbing cultural stereotypes, we accept them as immutable truths without subjecting them to criticism or comprehension; 3. all stereotypes are false, since a specific person is assigned traits that he must possess due to his belonging to any group (“when talking about love, Indians switch to the language of music and dance”, “Americans only eat hamburgers”, “Old Believers wear beards” to the waist"); 4. in their persuasiveness, stereotypes are stronger than the reality unfolding before our eyes: having met a serious and businesslike Indian, we shake our heads and decide that he was the only Hindu in the world who does not dance or sing. As you already understand, stereotypes always relate to some group of phenomena, and not to a specific individual phenomenon. The classic formula of the stereotype can be formulated as follows: “All X have property Y” - “all Chinese are short” (despite the fact that the tallest NBA player Yao Ming, 2 m 29 cm tall, is Chinese), “rap is music for African Americans” (Marshall Bruce Mathers III, better known as Eminem, could not agree with this), “golf is a game for rich men” (32 golfers and 16 female golfers were admitted to the 19th Russian Golf Championship, two of whom play professionally abroad), etc. d. The basis for constructing a stereotype can be nationality (“Italians cannot be faithful”), race (“Asians will never be sincere with you”), gender (“women are fools”), age (“young people sit on their parents’ necks "), religion ("Islam = terror"), profession ("all politicians are liars"), etc.
