Howler cow: why does a child often get offended and cry?

Children

October 31, 2020, 16:00

• Reasons for children's whining
• Crisis of negativism
• Sign of fatigue
• Conscious manipulation
• Temperament

• If the child is melancholic
• If the child is choleric

A constantly whining child makes life difficult for parents. He can throw a tantrum at home, in the supermarket, while walking. Any little thing becomes a reason for dissatisfaction: they put on the wrong dress, they gave the wrong candy, they didn’t kiss you before bed. To do without spanking, the mother must understand the reason for the next whim and respond correctly to whining .

Causes of hypersensitivity

The need for recognition is one of the basic human needs. We constantly need moral and physical “strokes” in order to feel more confidently afloat in the waves of the sea of ​​life.

Even a little baby needs attention and respect from adults and peers. But not all children know how to get the desired recognition, and try to get it using the method that once worked with one hundred percent accuracy.

For what reasons are children most often offended?

• Peers ignore them - they don’t take them into the game, don’t share secrets, don’t give them the role of leader;
• Children are offended by their parents or loved ones because they fail to get what they want from them - a gift, sweets, a treat;
• Peers tease, call you names, may push you, trip you up;
• It is not possible to match the level of achievements with peers, friends, brothers, sisters;
• Relatives are stingy with praise and do not notice achievements.

The baby's further behavior depends on the type of his temperament. Little philosophers are trying to solve everything peacefully, aggressive tough ones are rebelling actively and impressively, and our beeches with all their appearance demonstrate universal sadness, glancing with one eye at other children, whether it’s time for the offender to come to them with a guilty head.

What to do if your child is a whiner

Up to 7 years of age, it is easier to wean children from manipulating adults with the help of whining. At this age they do not understand cause and effect relationships. Verbal exhortations are not effective, so it is better for parents to reconsider their behavior:

• pay maximum attention when your son (daughter) behaves well;
• when whining, briefly console, but make it clear that an adult is in control of the situation .

A melancholic child is simply sad.
Children over 4-7 years old do not need to be reassured every time. At the same time, if you do not react sharply to whining and do not get irritated, then over time the child will understand that he starts and stops whining at his own request, and will begin to do it less often.

If the child is melancholic

A melancholic child constantly whines until he is 7-8 years old, then cries when overloaded, which is considered the norm. Parents cannot blame him or themselves for this. You need to react calmly to crying, create a favorable environment for your daughter or son in which they will certainly show their talents. Melancholic children are impressionable, sensitive, their crying is quiet, and whining is not manipulation.

If a melancholic person is prohibited from whining, he may develop somatic disorders

If the child is choleric

Until the nervous system is formed, it will not be possible to avoid hysterics, but an adult can help the baby, then the negative aspects will be short-lived. Children with a violent temperament need a daily routine, a calm, adequate reaction from parents to periodic tantrums, emotional and physical overload is contraindicated.

Why is he like this?!

There are several reasons why children become touchy and constantly take offense at others:

• An innate feature of the nervous system is a category of children who have increased sensitivity; often these reactions are inherited from one of the parents.
• Subconscious rejection of your child - there are parents whose love is conditioned by whether the child’s behavior corresponds to the ideal that they created. Criticism and reproaches, punishments and restrictions can cause either aggression or resentment.
• The surrounding reality constantly turns to the child in a way that is not its best - the parents adhere to an authoritarian parenting style, or lead an immoral lifestyle, a second child has appeared in the family, the parents have divorced. A huge burden on the psyche finds a way out in frequent grievances.
• Overprotection - parents who care too much about their child do not know what they are doing. The slightest difficulties encountered on his way will lead to the fact that his resentment towards the whole world will grow and strengthen.
• Permissiveness - fulfilling all the baby’s desires forms the belief that he is the center of his little universe. Sooner or later he will have to face a reality that will not live up to his expectations. In this case, the confused baby does not know how to react to this. Resentment is the emotion that is most familiar to him, the reaction is reinforced.

Very young children are not capable of being offended for a long time. At 3-4 years old, they get enough attention from others, they forget negative experiences, and do not remember grievances. Problems arise when a child seeks to confirm his importance, but does not know how best to do this. This happens, on average, at the age of 5, when children are already emotionally dependent on an adult’s assessments and try to get praise and approval from him.

Reasons for children's whining

Standard situation - mom and dad love the baby, buy expensive toys and clothes, but devote little time to him, because they are constantly busy with their own affairs. The baby, in order to attract attention, cries and throws hysterics. The baby learned that tears attract the attention of adults at an early age, when his crying was a signal of pain and discomfort.

Whining is often a sign of sadness. It stops as soon as the baby realizes that he is loved

Crisis of negativism

At the age of 2-3 years, many children are capricious. Some are stubborn, throw tantrums, do everything in defiance, others exhaust their parents with whining, constantly whine, and cling to their mothers. This is the form in which the first age crisis occurs—the “ crisis of negativism .”

Symptoms of an age crisis

Normally, active behavior that cannot be corrected is protest-rebellion, self-will, stubbornness, negativism. A sluggish crisis (whining) indicates a slow development of the volitional aspects of the personality. This scenario is typical for families in which the child is often punished, attempts at independence are ridiculed, and manifestations of independence are often limited.

Sign of fatigue

For preschool children, it is tiring to go shopping for a long time, or to be with their mother at work. It’s difficult for him to describe his condition in words, so he whines:

• wants to eat or drink;
• he urgently needs to go to the toilet;
• sometimes he is very cold, sometimes he is hot;
• shoes pinch or clothes irritate.

Manipulates dad
This behavior is explained by the child’s physiological and psychological discomfort; he is not a despot, but a victim of inattentive parents.

Conscious manipulation

If at 2-3 years old the parents of a whiner do not take any measures, then the daughter or son whines even at 9 years old. If in early childhood, with the help of crying, the baby begged for toys, then, having matured, he manipulates the feelings of mom and dad to satisfy growing needs:

• wants a smartphone model like a classmate’s;
• begs for a cool scooter;
• sheds tears when she wants to take a longer walk;
• doesn't want to clean the apartment.

In adolescence, increased tearfulness may be a symptom of depression.

If the parents' behavior is not consistent, the little manipulator understands this and skillfully uses it to his advantage. Usually communication proceeds according to the classical scheme:

• request;
• parental refusal;
• prolonged whining;
• parents' irritation;
• prolonged whining;
• parental consent.

I just didn’t sleep enough and was tired.
If this scheme works at least once, then this behavior is reinforced; psychologists call it a “bad habit.”

Temperament

Children with a passive type of temperament (melancholic) are emotional and very sensitive by nature, they have a weak nervous system, they can be sad and cry for no reason. This is their peculiarity.

At 2-3 years old, choleric children often cry; up to 5 years old they have increased nervous excitability. Already at an early age (3-4 years) they get used to using hysterics to achieve the desired result, they like to make scenes in front of strangers.

What to do and what to think about for parents of little crybabies

Of course, before you do anything, you should think about the situation and answer some questions for yourself.

1. When did the baby become such a crybaby and howler? Did he always cry or did he start being capricious only when he went to kindergarten?
2. What most often causes a child to cry:

• something doesn’t work out for him;
• he doesn’t want to go to kindergarten or he cries in the garden, missing his mother;
• various troubles (spilled soup, tore clothes, got into a fight with someone, lost a mitten);
• a ban on gadgets, on watching cartoons, or after parents refuse to buy him something;
• causeless tantrums;
• does not want to stay alone in the room, go to bed or eat any food;
• reading a sad fairy tale or watching a good cartoon;
• bad mood, fatigue.

1. How does a child react to words of consolation or to an attempt to have a heart-to-heart talk with him:

• gets angry and breaks out;
• can’t calm down;
• tries to cuddle, hug;
• trying to cope with crying on his own.

And only after the answers to all the questions allow you to understand the reason for the baby’s behavior, get ready to seriously work on yourself and on eliminating children’s tearfulness. Although in some cases crying is a good indicator that a child is growing up kind and sympathetic, excessive impressionability will still prevent him from correctly perceiving our far from ideal reality. Therefore, it is worth paying some attention to this and following the advice of an experienced nanny.

1. Never start a serious conversation with your baby at the moment when he is crying inconsolably. Wait until he has cried his heart out, and only after that ask him a question about the reason for his “Saratov suffering.” Do this in a humorous manner so that the child understands that his crying did not cause dissatisfaction with his parents.
2. If the hysteria does not stop for a long time, do not get angry or despair. Just sit next to him and start telling an interesting story in an even voice. Do not address the baby specifically at this time, but simply talk. A calm voice and intonation will arouse curiosity in the baby, and willy-nilly he will begin to calm down and listen to the story. You can simply sing a song or pick up his favorite book and read it out loud. But not loudly.
3. After the baby calms down and is washed with water and given juice, begin to find out the circumstances of the crying. The child will not always be able to explain the reason for the tears, but if you ask leading questions, he himself will gradually tell his version of the story that upset him. Even if it does not coincide with reality, do not rush to convict your child of dishonesty. Perhaps he simply does not want to upset his parents or is afraid of the consequences.
4. Try to approach the situation that prompted the child to cry from his point of view and try to explain to him that you do not want him to be upset over a trifle or afraid that he will not be understood. Invite him to play a game where he will be a brave knight who is not afraid of anything and will conquer all his sorrows, grievances and failures like a three-headed serpent - with the help of the sword of truth and a shield of wise advice. And his loving mother will give them to him in case of need. Any boy will agree to be the conqueror of his fears. Well, the girls should tell a fairy tale about Princess Nesmeyan, who became so unattractive from her tears that even Emelya did not want to make her laugh in order to get her as his wife. So she was left alone and out of frustration, went into the dense forest, grew old there and became the harmful and evil Baba Yaga. I don't think the little princess will like this prospect.

Fairy tales are very helpful in difficult cases, when you need to explain something to your child or talk about good or bad deeds. If I didn’t know what to do or what to do, I always made up a fairy tale for the children that suited the situation and told it as an example of how to act. So now I suggest that parents read to their baby girl “The Tale of Prince Crybaby,” which will certainly help not only the baby, but also the parents themselves to cope with the problem of frequent children’s tears.