I'm tired of living like this, what should I do?
I am 24 years old, I live with my parents in a rural area, I study part-time, I work, I am single. Over the last 2 years, my parents and my work and home have become increasingly annoying to me. Father, because all his life he doesn’t drink often, but he drinks and starts throwing concerts, saying that he is better than everyone else, while everyone else is stupid, he humiliates us and curses us in every possible way. My mother and I have a higher salary than his, so he also makes up for it (we think that we are doing nothing, lining our pockets, and he works like a wolf. Our salary is 15 thousand), he has about 10 thousand.
He constantly blames me for being a moron who doesn’t know how to do anything. At the same time, he says that he himself is to blame and did not teach me anything because before he was constantly on the move, working.
Therefore, my self-esteem has dropped very much; I have already come to terms with his words because he constantly humiliates me. Although when he’s sober he won’t say anything bad, but usually remains silent, like me.
In general, I have been a closed person since childhood, and complexes appeared precisely against this background. When I was still little, he also did all sorts of things, even in front of me he almost hanged himself. I have a dear sister who is now studying in the city, he humiliates her in the same way when he’s drunk and says that we are all stupid morons, in swear words.
In recent years, I haven’t really communicated with my parents at all, or we communicate at the question-and-answer level. In general, we have such a family, we don’t talk too much with each other, I have never even in my life brought up any of my problems for discussion, I always solve them myself. I also have hatred for my mother, but not the same as for my father, my mother infuriates me more with all her stupid habits, but I know that in my heart I love, but still she infuriates me, asks stupid questions, and in general I think our mother is very stupid, the most Her main mistake was that she once married my drunkard father, and I don’t even consider her a father, it’s just as if some person lives, and all our lives we haven’t really communicated..
In general, my parents infuriate me, at work the same thing infuriates my team, sometimes I clench my teeth and clench my hands into a fist, I just can’t bear it, they piss me off with stupid people, my team is mostly female.
I want to leave here, I hate everything from my village, although I had previously planned to stay here, because of my low self-esteem I haven’t had a girlfriend for a long time, I’ve already forgotten what feelings are..
My dream is to leave here for another locality, but so that no one knows where I am, I want to live so that I don’t see all the familiar faces every day, but just live for one year or two, I’m just tired of everything, at work I seem like a cheerful person and at home I take off my mask and become gloomy, I’m tired of living like this, constant hassle at home, what should I do? how to get away from my hatred of people... I want to live normally without the constant thought in my head that I’m some kind of loser and a moron, I just want to live...
I don't want to live, what should I do? (3 answers)
Dead or just tired: 15 stupid questions about depression
What is depression?
Unfortunately, recently this term is often (including in the media) used incorrectly: to describe almost any decrease in mood.
But this is not entirely true. Depression is a mental disorder of a person, which is characterized by specific symptoms: bad mood, slowdown or decrease in work or physical activity. Depression is often accompanied by loss of appetite or weight loss. There are also other symptoms, such as anxiety.
What events can cause depression?
In general, there is a certain category of people with a predisposition to depression. The reason for this is the peculiarities of their biochemistry and functioning.
Everyone’s life consists of a mass of certain psychological, stressful and traumatic events - they are the ones that can provoke the appearance of depression in a person. Unhappy love, divorce, job loss, illness of a loved one - all this at the initial stage provokes a decrease in mood. And then, when a person can no longer cope with the situation, such events lead to depression.
How to distinguish depression from fatigue or sadness?
The fact is that ordinary fatigue goes away if a person rests. Yes, he worked a lot, overworked himself - he needs to rest on Saturday and Sunday or even take a short vacation, and after that everything will fall into place. If we are talking about sadness, then it must be preceded by some sad event. Then the person identifies this sadness, lives it, shares it, and finally cries. Over time, it decreases and then disappears altogether.
When we talk about depression, neither sadness nor fatigue disappear, but only intensify, expand, and acquire new manifestations. But depression can occur without a traumatic event—this should not be forgotten either.
An online test diagnosed me with depression. Should we believe him?
Of course, you can believe: a variety of online tests are available on the Internet, but their data is purely preliminary and indicative. Even if you answered all the questions and the result showed the presence of depressive symptoms, you should not worry right away.
It is always better to contact a specialist for a more precise consultation, which can also take place online, but with a live person.
Is it possible to get rid of depression without visiting a psychotherapist?
Yes. You don’t need to think that if you have depression, everyone should go to specialists in friendly ranks. It is important to understand that there are different disorders and their degrees of severity. If the depression is mild, initial, then a change of activity or environment may well help. Or the traumatic situation will resolve itself.
But problems mainly occur in people with moderate or severe disease. They, of course, cannot cope with their condition, depression increases, significantly worsens the quality of life and can lead to quite serious consequences.
What if I let depression take its course?
The consequences can be very different, including positive ones - in cases where depression goes away on its own. The worst thing is that most people with severe illness often experience suicidal thoughts, attempts and actions. And this is a threat to life.
Depression leads to the inability to fully live and work, perform basic usual duties, and maintain a normal form: family and sexual. All this together significantly worsens the quality of life. And among other things, the disorder aggravates most somatic disorders: for example, coronary heart disease or hypertension.
Who is more susceptible to depression: men or women?
Women are more likely to be diagnosed with depressive disorders. At a minimum, because men both in Russia and in the world are much less likely to seek psychological help. But this does not mean that men do not suffer from depression, they just have different ways of coping with the disease.
In Russia, for example, one of the tactics for getting rid of depression is alcohol. In our culture, a man experiencing anxiety is much more likely to go to a friend's house to drink a liter with him than to seek help from a psychotherapist. Some people who are subsequently diagnosed as addicts were initially troubled by a depressive disorder.
Characteristic signs
Fatigue is a natural reaction of the body. A person can get tired both from hard work and from rest. It's not surprising when people get tired of constant scandals in relationships, but they can also get tired of calm relationships in which everything is known in advance.
Let's look at what manifestations may indicate fatigue in a relationship.
- Communication has become predictable, you have no common interests, you don’t like spending time together. In such a situation, you know in advance what to expect from your partner. There is no intrigue or mystery in a relationship, and this is boring and tiring.
- Characterized by the presence of incessant quarrels that arise literally out of nowhere.
- Lack of trusting relationships. When partners cannot tell each other how they really feel.
- When one of the pair has progressed further than the other. So one person can develop himself, pump up his skills, while the second one stands still.
What is happening to me? I'm tired of depression...
Hello! It took me a long time to decide, and finally I decided to tell my story to a psychologist...
I am 16 years old. I'm in the 10th grade. I live in a village, I have no friends, I can tell all my secrets and so on only to my mother. I have been an excellent student since the 5th grade and have always loved studying. And in general, I am a perfectionist by nature, I adhere to, so to speak, “correct views,” and I really like to read, especially the classics. Since the 9th grade, I have been living the dream of entering the law faculty of Moscow State University. This, in fact, is the whole rub.. The fact is that I do everything wrong.. It’s very difficult to explain, especially since you don’t know me. I have always had very low self-esteem, I literally hate myself. I don’t know how to communicate, especially with strangers it’s very difficult for me to do this. My old friends betrayed me very cruelly three times, after which I stopped trusting people. I see that my father constantly drinks, does not want to work, mocks my mother, I see what a quagmire my sister has driven herself into, and what a useless, terrible life she leads. Classmates do nothing but act like hypocrites; they drink, smoke, and don’t study through one another. Everything around is so dirty, deceitful, disgusting. I hate my father. I even wish for his death, although I understand that this is a great sin. I try to live correctly, well. But lately things haven't been like that. Although I am an excellent student, I still have average knowledge of history and society. I have to take the Unified State Exam in these subjects. I feel that knowledge is terribly weak. Tests confirm this. I'm scared because I'm not doing anything! Since the beginning of 10th grade, I wanted to take up these subjects, I made plans, but now, it’s the end of the year, and I haven’t moved a single step from the dead center, but, on the contrary, I’ve moved even further. It's hard for me. Thoughts oppress me. I do not have time for anything. I sit late with homework, but I don’t study history and society. I have nightmares all the time, and every now and then tears come to my eyes because I feel like I have lost my dream. It seems to me that now I will definitely not enter Moscow State University. I need high scores, but I don’t do anything, even though I really want to! It's like someone is holding me! I feel sick, my soul hurts, but everything around me is the same! Father, class, hateful life. Mom really wants me to leave this village and get admitted. But she knows that I’m doing everything wrong, but she remains silent. This makes it even worse. I feel so sorry for her. And myself. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I stopped going to the mirror because I hate even looking at myself. I'm nothing. I understand that I have no character and willpower, that I am not doing anything to change myself. At the same time, I can, and I succeed if I do! But as soon as I sit down for additional classes, I can’t remember anything, I cram, which is why I don’t even understand simple things! I haven't tried anything! And I kept a diary, but the to-do list just seems useless to me. And if before there was hope in me, now, after a number of unsuccessful attempts, I have lost it. My intuition tells me that I won’t go to Moscow State University. It’s too cold to even write about this... I feel terribly bad also because I realize with horror that I’m behaving like a father! I'm such a lazy person! On top of everything else, I consider myself ugly. And fat... I can’t get rid of the latter... I’m 166 cm tall, I weigh 50, but I’m still haunted by bad thoughts... I’m tired.. Exhausted.. Moreover, my classmates consider me the smartest.. It’s unclear what the teachers expect, as if I prodigy! You constantly need to keep the bar.. And the father, who makes you sick, and the mother too, but she thinks that she must “suffer to the end.”. God, it’s so disgusting.. And from herself, and from those around her, and from her insignificance.. I feel like I'm stuck in a swamp, but I can't get out. Why!! Why am I like this! What's going on! I realize with horror that time is short, and I have so much to learn! I do not have time! I’m doing everything wrong.. It’s like a vicious circle.. And eternal stagnation.. Help, please.. What should I do?.. It seems to me that I’ll soon decide to commit suicide.. Mom believes in me, but I don’t do anything.. Although I feel great potential in myself.. But I sit down to study, and bad thoughts begin to appear, mental decline sets in.. And the feeling that I will definitely not enroll in law school.. Especially at the Moscow State University. This makes it even worse... And I can’t abstract myself from all this...
What is happening to me and how to get rid of it? (2 answers)
Possible reasons
If a girl is tired of a relationship or a guy is tired of meeting his soulmate, this was probably preceded by one of the factors listed below.
- Frequent scandals and quarrels will definitely lead to the disappearance of any feelings. No matter how beautiful your partner is, no matter how much money he has, no matter how good you are together, the presence of quarrels is simply exhausting and leads to collapse. The reason for such scandals can be justified or groundless jealousy, selfishness, excessive suspiciousness and much more. It’s not uncommon for a man to be tired of a relationship because next to him is a hot-tempered, impulsive person who doesn’t mind throwing a tantrum.
- Time. At the beginning of the relationship, you were overwhelmed by a storm of emotions, a strong feeling inspired you, you were flying with happiness. Over time, the euphoria passes, it is replaced by everyday life, passion cools down, feelings become dull, attachment develops, which develops into a regular habit. Everything is still good with this partner, but the relationship, like a burden, drags you down and tires you.
- Violation of personal space, when there is too much of a significant other in your life, your partner can either be constantly nearby or bother you with his calls and SMS. For a healthy relationship, you need to give each other alone time. If you are forbidden to communicate with other people and are required to be constantly nearby, it is not surprising that you get tired of such relationships.
- Having unjustified expectations. A situation where, before creating a relationship, some points were discussed that were never translated into reality.
- Excessive control on the part of the other half. When one of the partners constantly monitors, checks the phone, and is jealous of everyone, this will certainly lead to fatigue in the relationship.
- Differences in temperaments and characters.
- Taking out your problems on your partner, constantly complaining about life. On the one hand, a person shares his experiences, on the other, he destroys his relationships. After all, in this way he abuses the attention of his loved one. Over time, the partner forms an association: my soulmate is a flow of negative information.
