Can a “normal” man not want to work?

There has long been an opinion that the financial support of the family lies on the shoulders of the man, and the woman is engaged in establishing household life. Today, some representatives of the stronger sex are in no hurry to make a career, showing an extreme degree of laziness and immaturity. They are quite comfortable lying on the couch or working a couple of hours a day at the minimum wage. How to force your husband to work and earn money in order to stabilize the financial situation of the family? Many wives are ready to take extreme measures, wanting to force their husband to find a decent and well-paid job.

Advice from psychologists!

You need to give up team habits, not nag or scold your husband. Yes, it happened, no one is insured against such a situation, perhaps they were laid off from work or were paid negligibly little.

In general, you should not shout and give your husband commands, but try to look for a job together with him, look through vacancies, and lovingly accompany your husband to every interview. This tactic will lead you to the desired goal.

You should always be happy with the money your husband earns, even if it is a small investment in the family. Regularly arrange small dinners by candlelight, thank your husband and support him in his endeavors.

Next to every millionaire stands a competent, loving and understanding wife; they all once lived from pennie to pittance, but through joint efforts they achieved the desired results.

Expert opinion

How to get your husband to work will be suggested by the advice of a psychologist. The influence of women on men's aspirations and abilities can be easily enhanced using simple recommendations.

1. Believe in the success of your loved one. Seeing that his wife is a reliable support and support, the gentleman himself will want to fully provide for her.
2. Don't expect overnight success. If a man doesn’t want to work, the psychologist’s main advice is to be patient. Give your husband time to mentally prepare for employment.
3. Do not criticize, but emphasize strengths, especially when they relate to professional abilities.
4. Talk about your dreams and plans, preferably voicing the approximate amount of money for their implementation. A man should have an incentive to earn money.
5. Don't demand, but convince. There is no need to constantly reproach your husband for lack of money; it is better to describe in bright colors how your life will change when additional finances flow into the family budget.

If no amount of persuasion has yielded results, you need to think about whether you really need such an infantile and irresponsible male keeper? A lazy father is a harmful example for children, so you should think carefully about the meaning of maintaining a family with a careless and unpromising individual.

You may be interested in: Women's mistakes in relationships with men Crisis of living together: solving family problems Unrequited love for a man: how to survive

How to make your husband earn money?

There are two types of men, some will sit in front of the TV, waiting for brighter times, and others will run after mammoths in search of prey. How can you make sure that your husband rises to the occasion and finds himself a decent, well-paid salary?

1. There is no need to force anyone, violence breeds anger and hatred, sometimes a man does not want to go to a laudatory interview, but only because his wife forces him to do so.
2. You shouldn’t give up a good life; if you show that you are ready to live for pennies and you are satisfied with everything, then you are thus demonstrating your willingness to tolerate low earnings.
3. You shouldn’t nag your husband all the time, you need to motivate him to make persistent and responsible decisions. What’s the point of talking about low earnings or lack of work every time. He knows this perfectly well even without you!
4. Become a muse for him, believe in your man, tell him that he is smart and talented, then he will get a second wind and very soon he will find a decent job.
5. It is necessary to increase a man’s confidence, even if he was fired from his previous job, this does not mean that he will not be able to handle the next one. We need to convince him that he is strong, promising, and has golden hands.
6. Good motivation will help in this matter, which will push your husband to new actions, which will lead to an improvement in your financial situation. You can invite friends to your house who work and, by their example, will show your husband that you can’t lie on the couch and idle!

What to do if a man is unemployed

To get a man to work, you first need to understand why the husband does not want to work. Further actions depend on this.

Objective reasons

If the husband cannot find a job, but really wants it, then the woman should help him. She needs to morally support her husband if he is left without work, and do not skimp on praise. You can go to special trainings to increase your self-esteem.

The algorithm of actions is as follows:

1. The wife should first consider whether she can help her husband find a job.
2. Then the spouses need to talk frankly, find out what the man is going to do when he plans to start working. If he wants to undergo retraining, then he needs to be supported.
3. If a woman has the opportunity to contribute to her husband’s employment, then, after consulting with him, she must take advantage of this.
4. You should not neglect to look at vacancies together with your husband, choosing from them those that will help his talents reveal themselves.
5. You can create a resume together and send it to employers.
6. It is necessary to encourage your husband to find a part-time job for a while, this will bring income and help him feel needed.

Subjective reasons

If the husband does not want to work consciously, without explaining why, then a lot of effort will have to be made so that he decides to get a job.

1. You should start by thinking about the situation, remembering when the man began to be lazy at work. If this happened recently, then there is a chance to improve the situation.
2. A frank conversation with your husband is necessary. If he is in no hurry to voice why he doesn’t have a job, then you should unobtrusively tell him about the necessary family expenses.
3. If the spouse is not influenced by verbal persuasion, he does not seek to get a job, the best way out is to limit him in money, buy him only the essentials.
4. When a woman, due to lack of finances, is forced to work for two, she has every right to shift some of the household responsibilities to her husband.

An unemployed man must take on housework

How to influence your husband and restore his desire to work?

In some cases, the lack of desire to earn money develops into a habit, and this happens for several reasons:

• the man is used to receiving everything on demand;
• gigolo;
• a brilliant person, not needed by society;
• momma's boy;
• slacker.

To correct the situation, you need to act differently. A demanding tyrant needs to be rebuffed, a flirtatious gigolo needs to be given restrictions on wasting his finances, a future genius needs to be given up on his usual whims, a mother’s son needs to be given the carrot and stick method, and a slacker needs to be opposed.

Husbands who have lost the habit of working need to cut their financial rations, say that they don’t pay enough at work, and therefore I can’t spend money on your whims. The husband will eventually come to his senses and go to work, because, according to him, his wife could not provide for the family.

Let the man always feel like the main breadwinner, and don’t show your cards to him. Any determined, intelligent woman is capable of growing wings behind her husband’s back; give up the reins of power, and he will definitely pick them up!

Husband doesn't want to work: common reasons

When a wife sees a hopeless future, she begins to ask quite pertinent questions: for what reason does the husband not want to work and how long can this last? Such conversations more often end in scandals - the husband remains silent or responds with standard phrases, the wife starts up half a turn, and as a result, the topic of work is postponed for an indefinite period...

The most common reason that a husband does not want to work is... no, not laziness. Woman! A woman drives a car, picks up a screwdriver, goes to work in non-female areas of activity, and changes the plumbing herself. Representatives of the fair sex cease to be princesses who need to be looked after, increasingly becoming the very woman who will stop a horse and enter a burning hut. In other words, it is HER activity that generates HIS inaction.

From the practice of a psychologist:

“I work 2 jobs, my husband sits on my neck. To clean up or wash the dishes, you definitely need to point this out to him. Here is our neighbor - a completely helpless lady: she sits at home, and still cannot do basic things. If her light bulb burns out, she will never bother to change it herself, but will wait for her husband to come home from work! The result is that she is carried in her arms, but I feel like a draft horse that everyone uses at their own discretion! What am I doing wrong?"

Where did the woman go wrong? The wife shows her husband that she does not need him, that wealth is present even without his participation. The husband gets used to this state of affairs, and with each month (year) the desire to work arises less and less. Why doesn't a man feel dissatisfied? This is the second question; first of all, the psychologist’s work will be carried out with the “draft horse”.

In addition to women’s excessive initiative, there are a number of other reasons why husbands do not want to work:

1. Unsuccessful previous work experience. There are many variations here - the boss devalued the efforts/humiliated/ignored/overwhelmed with work/demoted, as a result of which the man lost faith in himself. Or they cheated with money at a previous job.
2. Laziness. There are pathological cases when a husband likes to live on the couch (in the garage, in front of the TV, while fishing). He is comfortable, so he is not going to change anything in his life. Lazy people usually pretend that they are looking for a job (to avoid a family scandal), but the real search is systematically postponed indefinitely.
3. The wrong woman is nearby. This is exactly the case when a man is strong in mind, and his hands grow from where they need to, but he doesn’t want to strain himself, to work for the sake of the one who is now nearby. If there had been another one, he would have broken into pieces, but he would have ensured her financial well-being. If you feel like you are in a temporary situation, end this meaningless relationship right now.
4. Temporary crisis. It happens that a husband loses his job for reasons beyond his control: he became seriously ill, the company went bankrupt, it was time to retire, etc. In this case, the man simply needs to come to his senses and recover from the shock in order to gather new strength.
5. Waiting for the finest hour. Such attacks often “sick” creative people who are ready to spend years waiting for some suitable opportunity (which, of course, may not come). A writer who does not want to find real income spends years writing a masterpiece novel, a musician who does not want to waste his talent in poor taverns and music schools, an actor who is waiting for an invitation from a famous director, etc.
6. There is no suitable vacancy available. There is a significant difference here from the previous point: such men really assess their capabilities, so they simply do not want to waste time and effort now. Such people are immediately focused on the desired position and know exactly their needs.
7. The family doesn't need money. It happens that husbands simply do not need to work, since the financial issue has been completely resolved. For example, the husband is the scion of a wealthy dynasty, or has developed himself in business to the point where he can already afford to stay at home, or has successfully sold a luxurious inheritance.

Once you understand the reasons for what is happening, it will become easier for you to understand your husband’s motives. Based on this, you can correctly help him find a job.

Help your husband find a job

This does not mean that you need to scroll through all the advertisements on your own, look for suitable ones and rub your husband’s nose in order for him to make a call. This approach is a failure in advance, because in this matter you need to be tactful and cunning.

This should be done, as it were, by the way, so that the husband makes decisions himself and does not consider the new vacancy a handout from his wife. Like, there’s a restaurant around the corner where the cook is paid $700, if only we had that kind of money, we could buy a new sofa...

What to do if the husband has already expressed his dissatisfaction?

Olga: What to do in a situation when he has already expressed his negative opinion, and doesn’t even want to listen to anything else about your extravagant ideas?

What to say and do in this case?

Maria:

You can try to figure out why. But again, it is important to conduct such conversations with respect. If the husband is unhappy, he has reasons for this. Ask yourself - what is he missing? And what would he like? Maybe he is afraid that you will come tired and you will not have the time and desire to be intimate with him? Maybe he would like you to spend more time with the children.

Perhaps in his “parental” family, the mother did not work at all and this is exactly how he sees the model of your family. Surely, consciously or unconsciously, he wants to be your breadwinner and protector, to be the MAIN in matters of earning money. Perhaps this is where his dissatisfaction lies. Although, of course, this situation does not always happen.

The husband of one of my clients (their baby was about a year old) insisted that she go to work on the night shift at. He considered this a “good decision” because... the child will not have to be handed over to the wrong hands (kindergarten, nanny). After all, at night he will be alone with the baby, and during the day the mother will be there. Can you imagine what will happen to this mother the next morning, after the night shift?

In general, the reasons for a husband’s dissatisfaction can be varied. You can guess about them, but I always “vote” for spouses to start talking, communicating openly about exciting topics. And they did it with respect and love for each other.

What to do when children “get mad”?

Olga: Sometimes children simply “drive you crazy” with their whims, hysterics and other strong emotions.

There is certainly no time for work and self-realization. What to do in such situations?

I understand that this is a very broad question, but maybe you have ready-made courses, trainings or webinars on this topic?

Maria: Yes , Olga, I have a webinar “Emotions of a child. Instructions for use"

.On it we talk about what is generally important for a parent to know about a child’s emotions, how to help children experience difficult feelings, how to deal with aggression and crying.

Olga: Maria, thank you very much for your answers!

Maria: And I thank you, Olga, for the invitation to your project! I wish our listeners easy conversations and happy family relationships! Remember it all starts with YOU!

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Author of the article

Olga Strugovshchikova (c) Psychologist helping mothers find a job they love

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If you want to find a job that you will like and bring the desired income, then take the audio course “How can a mother find a job she loves: 5 simple steps . To get free access to the course, enter your name and email in the form below.

Conclusion2

To summarize, it is worth saying that such a life situation, when a man sits at home, is not unpleasant for all women. Many people are accustomed to the fact that in the family they are responsible for the budget, and the man is responsible for cleaning and cooking. It’s easier for them, and no one makes a fuss about how a man who doesn’t work is terrible and shameful.

If this is unacceptable for you, then choose any of the tips described above and start implementing your plans. But keep in mind that your partner is no longer a little boy and is capable of providing for himself and, if necessary, his family. All the problems that arise in your couple can be easily overcome.

The main thing is not to put pressure and make less scandals. In this case, everything will work out for you, and your life together will become ideal again.